Bound by Ravage

by Ryan Michele

  Jace brushes my arm and I lose eye contact with Jared. “And these are their girls. Joey is Jared’s and Ella is Alex’s.” The irritation on the women’s faces does not go unnoticed, but as soon as Jace looks at them, they school their features and put on a one hundred percent faking-it smile. All my flags wave like crazy. I will definitely be keeping an eye on these two.

  Ella is pretty in the girl-next-door-never-get-a-tattoo-to-mar-her-body sort of way. Her flawless skin and light brown hair are styled to perfection. Joey, on the other hand, is layered in fake, fake nails, fake boobs, and fake eyelashes. Her eyes are gleaming with hate and disdain, why, I can’t puzzle together quite yet. Their eyes dart up and down on both Bella and myself.

  I inadvertently straighten my shoulders. This woman definitely has an issue and I’ll be damned if she even thinks of starting shit with me. I’m not just protecting myself, but my baby as well.

  “Please sit. What can I get you to drink?” Jace asks pulling the chairs away from the table.

  “Sprite for me.” I say looking at Bella, who eyes me, but doesn’t confront. I’ve been reading all of these baby magazines online and learned that I’m not supposed to have caffeine, which blows. But I will do anything for my peanut.

  “Beer. Draft, please.” Jace nods heading off to the bar to get the drinks, quickly returning.

  “So, Casey what’s your story?” Joey asks snidely. I ignore it and it baffles me that no one at the table catches it besides Bella.

  “Not much to tell.” I tell them where I’m from and my major. We even discuss how Jace and I met, very idle chit chat. I continue to sip on my Sprite as Bella does a quick recap of her life.

  “So what about your family, Casey?” Ella asks, her question seems genuine. I don’t feel the snideness I did from Joey. I flex my fingers and move my knuckles back and forth. Bella handled my family life just fine, but I’m not sure about telling all of them about it all.

  “I don’t have any. My dad died a few years ago and now it’s just me.” And my baby.

  Jace turns to me shocked. “You have no one else?”

  “Don’t let her fool ya. She has a whole club that looks after her.” I turn to Bella my mouth gaping. What the hell?

  Jace’s head snaps to mine, his eyebrow raised. “What club?”

  I breathe out a deep. “My dad, Bam, was part of Ravage Motorcycle Club. My best friend Harlow is an ol’ lady in the club, but I’m not part of it.”

  “What in the hell is an ol’ lady and why the hell would someone want to be called that?” Joey clips and Ella nods her head, both Alex and Jared sit quietly and listen. I really did not want to have this discussion. It seems that anytime I explain it, people get this notion that it’s a horrible thing, that being someone’s property is against all moral code in the world. But for me, I would have given anything to be G.T.’s. I sigh shaking my thoughts.

  “An ol’ lady is a sign of respect. It’s the highest form for a woman in the club. It is not a derogatory name nor is there any negativity associated with it. It is an honor to be an ol’ lady. It has the same weight and commitment as being a man’s wife.”

  “Have you ever been an ol’ lady?” Ella asks.

  “No. Never. If I were an ol’ lady, my man would be right by my side and every single person in this club would know exactly who I belong to.” The thought makes my stomach clench. If only.

  “You probably just go around fucking all the guys and be their bitch.” Joey laughs, but to my amazement the entire table turns to her and glares.

  “What the hell is wrong with you Joey?” Jace chastises.

  What the table does not realize is this is exactly the shit I’ve had to deal with my whole life. It is one of the reasons I never wanted to become a club momma. “She’s just not educated in the club life. It’s alright.” I wave my hand and look directly at Joey.

  “I did not go around fucking all the guys in the club. Number one, I’m a club member’s daughter and was raised in the life. I have seen and know better than to ever do that shit. Two, what you’re referring to is a club momma. Those are the women who come in and hop in different guys’ beds each and every night. They enjoy it.”

  “Who in the hell would want to do that?” I think back to G.T. The only reason I was ever in his bed was because I loved him. Nothing more.

  “They all have their reasons. I wouldn’t know them what each is, but it can range from just wanting to have a good time to craving to be an ol’ lady and thinking this is the way to get there.”

  “So is this like a motorcycle gang?” I roll my eyes.

  “Not a gang. It’s a club.” Over the years, the term gang has been thrown around relentlessly. The brothers always get pissed at the word because first and foremost Ravage is a club of bikers who love to ride.

  “So…”

  Jace cut off Joey’s words. “Enough about the club. She’s squirming in her seat. She doesn’t want to talk about it.”

  The realization hit that I am, in fact, moving my hips and I immediately stop.

  “I think you need a break. Wanna dance?” Jace asks. Suddenly cold shivers flow through my body and I’m in desperate need of a drink. I grip the straw between my lips and begin to suck, the liquid coating my throat. “It’s just a dance. No big deal.”

  Bella nudges my arm and I want to elbow her, but refrain. I slide slowly out of the seat. “Sure.”

  Jace grabs my hand pulling me to the dance floor. A very slow beat engulfs the room. Jace wraps his arms around my waist linking his fingertips behind my back. Not wanting to pull him too close, I rest my hands on his shoulders.

  Why do I get the sudden feeling that we are in high school at a damn dance? Not that I ever went to one.

  “Sorry about all that.” I look at Jace’s face. His forehead is wrinkled and his eyebrows press together.

  “It’s okay.” My voice is soft compared to the blaring music.

  “I am glad that I got to know a little about ya.” He smiles.

  My eyes dart away searching for what I have no clue, but my eyes keep jumping from person to person in the room.

  “Hey.” He says tilting my chin. I meet his gaze. “I want to get to know you. I like you Casey. There is something about you.”

  I remove my head from his grasp. “I can only be friends with you.”

  “I can still get to know you.” He chuckles and all I want to do is leave, get away from this man. For some reason, he’s making my insides tangle up and I’m not ready for this. I’m not ready to take a step with someone, anyone right now and leading him to believe I do is plain out shitty of me. On top of that, if he knew about the baby, he’d be high tailing it as far as he could away from me.

  I pull away from him. “I really think that Bella and I should get going. Thanks a lot for inviting us out.”

  Jace reaches up and grips my arm, not hard, but firm. “Please don’t go.”

  “It’s for the best.” I turn away from him and spot Bella at the bar. I quickly walk up to her.

  “I need to leave now. If you don’t want to come, you’ll need to find a ride.”

  “What’s wrong?” She says her eyes widening in panic.

  “Nothing’s wrong. I just need to get out of here.”

  “It wouldn’t have anything to do with the man coming up behind us would it?” Shit.

  “I just need to go. Are you coming or not?”

  “Let’s go.”

  I turn just as Jace approaches. “Thank you so much for everything. We’re going to head out.”

  “Casey. I’m sorry. You don’t need to leave.”

  “Yes. I do. Thank you.”

  I grab Bella’s arm pulling her out of the club and to the car. She doesn’t say a word until the door’s closed.

  “What the hell was that?” She turns in the seat facing me.

  “Bella, I get he likes me. I do. But I don’t feel the same way and it will be totally shitty of me to let him think otherwise.”

  �
��I get it. I do. You like him, but there is something else going on here. What is it?” She eyes me and I want to spill it. I want to tell her everything, just so I have someone to talk to besides the doctor I saw just once. But I don’t.

  “Nothing. Just tired.” It’s not a full lie because I am; I’m just not admitting anything, not yet.

  One Week Five Days Later

  Taking the drive down to Sumner, a sense of calm comes over me. And I know it’s for one reason and one reason only. Pulling up to the large field lined with stones from one end to the other, I park my car in the vacant spot under the big oak tree.

  Walking through the maze, my eyes peer down at the one I’m searching for. Bam Alexander—Father and Brother. I sit on the grass facing the tombstone of my father and reach out placing my hand on the cool stone. Closing my eyes, I let go.

  “Hi Daddy. You’re gonna be a grandpa.” I smile. “I know. You’re not too happy about it, but Daddy, I am. I love this little peanut inside of me. Every day I wonder what he or she will look like and what type of personality it will have. I read to the baby every night Daddy, just like you tried to do every night for me. I actually just started it this past week, but I’m trying.” I let out a deep breath. “I don’t want you to be disappointed in me. I’m scared that you are. I didn’t have any intention of getting knocked up, and I should have known better. I haven’t told G.T. yet Dad.” I don’t stop the tears from falling down my face, there is really no point.

  “I want to wait to find out if it’s a boy or a girl before I tell him.” I pause. “Well, that’s not entirely true. I do want to do that, but I also want to know I can do this on my own. Because that is what it is Dad. I will be a single mom, just like you were a single dad. Funny how things go around in life.”

  I pull up blades of grass from the ground and begin shredding them slowly feeling their smoothness between my fingers. “I’m going to school Daddy, just like you wanted. I haven’t figured out how I’m going to be able to go to class and take care of the baby, but I’ve been thinking about it. I have a good friend Bella, you’d really like her Dad, and I was thinking of asking her to help out. I’m still working out the whole job thing, but I have some time.” I feel a bit scatterbrained with all my rambling, but I need to tell him. I need to tell someone.

  “I’m about eleven weeks now and the last time I went to the doctor she said everything looked really good. I’m due to go back in a couple of weeks.” I breathe in the warm Georgia air, the humidity clinging to my skin. “I wish you were here to give me advice on how to tell G.T. I know he’s going to be pissed at me. One for getting pregnant, even though he had as much to do with it as I did, and two for not telling him right away.” I sigh. “Daddy. I’ve been working really hard since I left here to get my head screwed on straight. And I think I’m almost there. But when it comes to him, I’m still that same love struck kid and I hate it Dad. Hate it.”

  “I haven’t told anyone about the baby but you. Not even Harlow. I want to so bad Dad. But she has a new life right now that she’s dealing with and I don’t want to add to it. I need her so desperately. Even when we talk on the phone, it’s mostly her talking and me listening. I’m sure she doesn’t intend for it, but it’s there. And I’m okay with it.”

  “I will do you proud Daddy. I will be the best possible mom I can be. I will tell him or her all about you. I know I can do this because you did. I love you Daddy.”

  I sit for a long while just enjoying the silence.

  I did not tell Harlow I was coming into town, because if I did she would have for sure insisted I came to see her and I can’t. I can’t look her in the eye and not tell her about the baby. Each time I talk to her, it gets harder and harder to keep my mouth shut.

  During the ride back to Cherry Vale, I gather myself back together. I always love talking to my Dad as it gives me relief, but pulling myself together is always the hardest part.

  Winding up to my apartment, Jace is standing by the front door. I swear part of me wonders if he has me pegged or something. He always seems to know where I will be. Since seeing him at the bar, he has said hi to me dozens of times and made the idlest of chit chats. He even brought me dinner a couple of times.

  Damn if the man wasn’t growing on me.

  Climbing out of the car, I head to the door. “Hey. How’s it going?”

  “Good. Just got back from a run. Where you been off to?”

  The innocent question doesn’t take me aback as it would have a few weeks ago. “I went to talk to my Dad. Now I have to go study. Fun times.” I smirk.

  “You need some help?”

  “Nah. But thanks.”

  One Week Later

  I have a huge test tomorrow. Huge and in the one subject that I do not freaking get, stupid Western Civ. What is the point of this class? I know some people probably love it, but it is not my thing. After three hours of looking over notes and reading this book, I’m ready to throw the damn thing. Only bits and pieces are sinking in and I need a break.

  Opening the fridge, I kick myself for not getting to the grocery store. With school and work, I haven’t had much time and looking in the fridge moldy cheese isn’t going to cut it. Bella and I have been doing mad dash runs to eat together, which has been really our only time together. We both need to keep our grades up and have been focusing on that solely.

  My stomach aches and cramps. I curse myself. I should know better than to not eat especially with the baby growing inside. I take my vitamins religiously, but when I’m studying, all thoughts of eating fly out the window.

  Grabbing my cash and keys, I head to the corner deli grabbing a turkey sandwich on wheat and eat it on the way back to my apartment. The day is beautiful and sunny, the warmth caressing me like a second skin.

  Images of me walking with my little one flash through my head and excitement and happiness fill me. “Hey, what’s got you smiling?” Jace’s voice comes from the side of me making me jump a bit. He is in his running gear and slicked in sweat. His breathing is coming out in small pants as he pulls his head phones out of his ears.

  “Just a beautiful day.” I reply taking another bite and swallowing.

  “Yes it is. I needed to get out and run. Can’t let a beautiful day like this go to waste. You mind if I walk with ya back?” He asks panting.

  “Not at all.”

  As we walk, I continue eating, trying to ease the ache in my stomach. Jace talks about his classes and asks with interest about mine. Our conversation is casual and easy flowing. One thing that I’ve really grown to like about Jace is how easy it is to talk with him.

  I yawn, “I’m really tired all of the sudden. I think it’s all the studying.” I smile softly.

  “No problem. I gotta get in the shower and clean up.” He smirks walking off to his place.

  Entering my apartment a huge wave of exhaustion overtakes me. I crawl into my bed feeling the cool sheets hug my body and fall fast asleep.

  Hurt. Pain. Hurt. My body tosses and turns on its own accord not being able to get comfortable. My bed feels like a layer of rocks instead of its normal softness. I try to wake up from this horrible dream, from this horrible pain. But can’t.

  I move from side to side trying to get comfortable, but it’s impossible. My eyes shoot open quickly and I immediately know the pain is not a dream. It is full out cramping in my stomach, my hands moving to clutch it. I quickly move the covers, but see nothing amiss. My gut is telling me something is wrong, very wrong.

  I slowly get up each movement adding to the already agonizing pain inside. Add to that the frantic fear and I’m lucky I can even move to the bathroom. Pulling down my pants, my underwear is covered in blood. “What the hell!” I scream and panic overtakes me. My baby.

  As quick as I can, I throw the pants and underwear off of me and search for my phone. I need to find Bella. She can help me. I dial her number and it instantly goes into voice mail. A cramp hits so powerfully, I drop the phone and hear it clatter to the groun
d. I double over for a few minutes grabbing on to the counter top so I don’t fall until the pain slightly subsides.

  I slowly put on new underwear and pants, trying to figure out how to get to the hospital. Jace. Reaching down for my phone, I scream as the pain slices again through me, the pain bringing me to my knees on the floor as the crash to the tile. I reach for my phone and dial Jace’s number. He answers on the first ring. Thank you.

  “This is a nice surprise. See aren’t you glad I gave you my number?” I do not have time for his smooth talking and cut him off abruptly.

  “I need you to get over here now and get me to the hospital. I’m pregnant, about 12-13 weeks. I’m bleeding and in a lot of pain. Please hurry.” I beg him, tears begin rolling down my face at the realization of what may be happening right now. Before I even get the last words out, loud banging echoes through the apartment.

  “I’m coming. It’s taking me a bit to get to the door.” I say grabbing every bit of strength to get up off the floor. I grip my stomach and trying to walk as fast as I can, yet not nearly fast enough each step sending shooting pains through my body.

  “Take your time and breathe. I’ll get you to the hospital.” His voice is calm and sure as he speaks to me through the door. I feel anything but.

  I twist the locks on the door and open it wide. “Shit.” He mutters, his eyes grow wide with panic as they trail up and down my body. “Come here.” He picks me up in his arms, holds me close to his body on the elevator ride down and places me into his car. “Breathe. I’ll get you there.”

  I bite my lip trying not to scream, but the pain is so intense, like nothing I’ve ever felt before, take cramping times a thousand. I close my eyes and rest my head on the seat biting back as much of the pain as I can. Jace doesn’t say a word, he just drives… Fast, but everything is a blur to me.

  Entering the ER, I tell the doctors and nurses in a rush as much as I can and they begin checking me from head to toe. They place me on a bed with wheels and move me here and there all the while my hands gripping my stomach tightly. The room they put me in is white and cold and IV’s are placed in my arms and big machines that make lots of noises are brought in. They make Jace wait outside the room and I am utterly alone.