Poison & Pie

by Beth Byers

  “Am I suspect?” I asked as we all sat down. Az and Zee snorted in unison in reply.

  Lyle and his friends were lingering, so I did was I did best. I rose and started helping the diner patrons get their food and check them out. We’d be empty before long and then we could focus on what happened.

  As the last table started to clear out, Az made me waffles. I sat down in front of them, leaned over and breathed them in. Waffles were magical especially when you over-slathered them in butter. I topped it with the apple blueberry crumble and maple syrup as well, because dang it, this was comfort food, and I wasn’t sure you could overtop a waffle.

  “You should try Waffle Window the next time you go,” Lyle told me as he watched me moan over my waffle. “There’s one on Alberta in Portland.”

  I couldn’t focus on small talk. I was having a comfort food here, and I needed comfort. I kept blinking and seeing Murphy Jesse’s staring, dead eyes. I shivered at the thought of it and took that first perfect bite of my waffles.

  “We all are suspects,” Zee said as she sat down, finally answering the question I’d asked 45 minutes ago. “All of the contestants, I’d say. Plus anyone else he was messing with around here. And anyone else he messed with recently.”

  “So the list is long,” I said.

  “Can’t be that long,” Zee countered. “He probably ate whatever killed him at the Lion’s Club. I’m having some thoughts on that actually. Regardless, it won’t be too hard to start ruling people out.”

  I took a too large bite of my waffles, so I didn’t have to reply to Zee. I didn’t want to investigate a murder, and I’d promised Simon I wouldn’t mess with his cases anymore. I’d said we’d be a team. Him and I. I didn’t want to go back on that, but the look on Zee’s face, she was dragging me along whether I liked it or not.

  I shook my head and she grinned at me. I tried again, but she just shrugged. The look on her face said she’d make me help her though. I frowned and realized she’d probably win. She always did against me. You couldn’t win against someone who was utterly ruthless.

  Lyle and his friends were openly eavesdropping and the rest of us didn’t even care. Shouldn’t I care? Why had we let them in again? Because Lyle liked Silver Falls too? I sighed and ignored them for my waffle instead.

  “Why would they think you killed him?” Lyle finally asked.

  I’d been waiting for the question.

  “He was trying to make us pay for a review,” I said. “And positive votes in the pie contest.”

  “As if we would,” Zee snarled. “I’d sooner skin him alive than give him a single red cent.”

  The rest of us stared at her waiting for her to acknowledge she wouldn’t really murder him, but she said, “What? Too soon? I don’t care he died. He was a nasty little troll. Well…he wasn’t very small. I’m not a fat-shamer, but it’s just a fact. He was a large man. He was a nasty large troll.”

  “Geez Zee,” I muttered. I ate again to stifle my reaction until I was sure of it. But…did I disagree? I’d spent too much time thinking about this man and what he did to people. What if I were Martha Sloane and potentially going to lose my business from what he did?

  “What? I’m not going to apologize for not liking the man. He was horrible.” Zee said it innocently which was a giant red flag that she was messing around since normal Zee voice is mean.

  I glanced at Lyle and his friends and then back at Zee and tried to tell her to shut up silently.

  “Like I care that someone overhead me. I’d tell Carver himself. We’re suspects, but that doesn’t mean we have to pretend to like the troll. So that means…Simon won’t be showing up here to interview you. His boss will. Because his boss saw Simon kiss you before you left. Carver knows his officers well enough to know exactly that Simon shouldn’t be the one investigating you.”

  “It would go like this,” Az said with his deep accent, “I know you didn’t kill him, Rose baby. Right?”

  Maddie added, making my voice high-pitched, “And then you’d say, of course not. How could you ask me that?”

  Az took up the story again saying, “Which is when he’d apologize and beg for plain cake or something else boring. Something like that chocolate cake you made today.”

  “He doesn’t call me Rose baby,” I objected. “You’re the one with all the pet names. Except for Zee. She hasn’t earned any.”

  “Az is afraid of me,” Zee said over her coffee cup. She took a deep breath of it and then a sip.

  “Anyhow,” Az said wincing a little bit.

  “Shut up,” I said. Simon had mentioned chocolate cake that morning. With cream cheese frosting. I’d made it before we left for the pie contest. Normal, boring cake. I narrowed my eyes at Az wondering if he’d talked to Simon about it, or if Az was just a mind reader.

  “No lavender,” Zee teased. “No cinnamon. No chili. Plain cake for your simple cop.”

  I narrowed my eyes at them, but they didn’t care.

  “Oh those all sound good,” Lyle interjected. “I would eat those in a second.”

  “Not Simon,” Az, Zee, and Maddie said in unison.

  “He wouldn’t want any of them,” Maddie finished, laughing. She checked her watch, fluffed her hair, and grinned at me.

  “Until Rose brings the weird stuff out on a plate,” Zee muttered, “She flutters her lashes and hands over something she knows he’ll hate. And he eats it.”

  “Does it just to watch him squirm,” Az said. “You wouldn’t think Rosie Luv was so mean, but she is.”

  “I’m nice and kind and sweet and lovely,” I said, crossing my hands over my chest and then remembering my waffle which was, after all, amazing and I should be eating it rather than being harassed by these jerks. “And he might like lavender chocolate cake if he just tried it.”

  “He tries everything you throw at him,” Maddie said. “And smiles and then tells you sweet lies.”

  I grinned. I couldn’t help it. It was his creative compliments that made it so fun. And the way he drank extra milk to wash the flavor away.

  “Get back to the murder,” I snapped even though I wasn’t angry. Maybe they’d turn on each other and leave me alone if I could distract them.

  “I just so happen to already have a list of everyone around here who had been…bothered by this Murphy Jesse,” Zee said. “We’ll start there.”

  “Start what there?” Lyle asked. His friends wide gazes asked the same questions.

  “Zee, Simon…geez…gah!” I said. I didn’t want to tell Simon I was getting involved in another murder case. I shoved my waffles aside and told Az, “They were good. Zee is ruining them. I don’t want to help.” The last was said to Zee and it was a pure whine.

  “She’ll never let you get away with not helping,” Az told me. Maddie cackled and when I looked her way, she took a bite of her own waffles with an innocent expression.

  “But I don’t want to,” I tried.

  “You take these ones,” Zee said handing me a list of people who might want to kill Murphy Jesse. I sighed, knowing I would be sucked into the madness. Zee handed another list to Maddie, but she didn’t even try to get out of it.

  Lyle and his friends glanced at us and back at Zee. My list included things like…Kyle Georgia, La Costa or Heather Jones, Bella Coffee.

  I sighed and texted a confession to Simon. I started with Bella Coffee. They’d be open.

  Everyone watched as I said, “Hey, it’s Rose over at The 2nd Chance Diner. I was in earlier today…” I spun a tale about a good employee and got them to name everyone who had been there from opening through the pie contest. Heather Jones had been working alongside her employee, Melanie for the entirety of the day. I crossed out the name and moved on.

  Lyle watched opened mouthed while Zee and I narrowed the list down. His friends left, but he stayed. We didn’t stop moving through the list that Zee had created until Simon and his boss, Carver were at the door of the diner. The cops had arrived.

  “Here we go,�
�� I told Zee. “Maybe don’t confess to murder.”

  Zee snorted and then glanced at Maddie. She’d stayed. Az had prepped what needed to be done for the next day, did the baking so we didn’t have to, and then left. He didn’t like to get too involved with our machinations given that he was helping to hide his illegal alien brother.

  “Did you kill that guy?” Lyle asked, mouth hanging open as Zee went to let in the cops.

  EIGHT

  “Nah,” I said for Zee, “she wouldn’t do that. She’d probably kill someone, but it’d be pure rage.”

  Maddie laughed and said, “Like a knife in the gullet.”

  “Or being strangled to death,” I added. “Is that called garroting? I feel like it is. Maybe though she’d just kill someone by locking them in her house with all those cats.”

  Maddie’s giggles burst out when I raised my voice to make sure Zee and Carver heard me and her nasty look told me I had been successful. I wasn’t sure how she felt about being the crazy cat lady. It was a fate no 20-year-old wanted, but I wasn’t sure what you thought when you were in your 50s and as certain of yourself as Zee. “They’d eat the flesh from your bones while you’re still breathing. They’ll get Zee one of these days. Probably tomorrow.”

  Zee snarled and I laughed. Lyle was laughing so hard, I had to wonder if he had a few too many cats. Why was he still here? I wondered what he did in Portland. Had he been…could he be around because of Murphy Jesse? It was Lyle who mentioned that he’d heard about Murphy Jesse. It was weird that Lyle was still here. Even his friends had left him behind to keep on with their own plans. What if he was here because of Murphy Jesse?

  “Hello Sheriff Carver,” I said as he sat down, feeling the chill of concern as I considered further what it would mean if Lyle were the killer. He knew we were looking for him. Would that mean that we’d endangered ourselves? I had let him hang around because he seemed to have the same…need for a life reset. A second chance of his own.

  Carver sat down next to Zee and eyed her, catching my attention for a moment. At first, I was just glad he was here in case Lyle was the killer, but then I saw something I didn’t expect. “Would you like some coffee or a pastry? We’ve shut down the grill, but I could make you a cold sandwich?”

  He grinned and asked for a tuna sandwich. I crossed to the kitchen area, making the sandwich for him and cold cut trio for Simon. Meat, cheese, tomato, lettuce, mayonnaise. No fun dressings. No seedy breads. White bread. That was my Simon, and it drove me crazy.

  I watched as Carver talked to Zee. Did she see the way he was giving her the side eye? It wasn’t a suspicious side eye, it was a lascivious one. My lips twitched as I worked and I wondered if anyone else noticed.

  Simon was watching Carver and Zee and I gasped. He knew. I wondered if they’d talked about her in the car over. Maybe Carver checking to see if Zee was seeing anyone. She dated pretty frequently. At first I’d been surprised. I hadn’t expected it of her. I guess I’d imagined she was a grandma, so she must spend her time watching Wheel of Fortune and sipping coffee, but not Zee with her muscle car and too many cats. She was too full of life to be anything but intoxicating to anyone who bothered to look.

  Speaking of…I pulled out my phone and created a group message about Lyle to Maddie, Zee, and Simon. We needed to rule him out too. He’d been there in the building when Murphy died. We’d all seen him. He was here now, which was weird. So we needed to, at the minimum, ensure he wasn’t a killer before we started hanging out with him.

  I watched as Maddie and Simon read my message. Zee doesn’t bother with her phone while Carver is talking to her. Is that because she’s intoxicated back? He was attractive. Maddie’s lips pursed, but Simon’s face evened out into a smooth mask. I made Simon a sandwich just as he liked, because I loved him. And because I was going to be doing stuff he didn’t love.

  I loved feeding him. There was just something about taking care of the people you cared for that made the simple act of making a sandwich something more. Even making him something like the cheddar apple pie I made over and over again was filled with that affection. Just the mischievous kind.

  Simon tapped his phone and then turned and re-introduced himself to Lyle, getting his last name and where he was from in the process. Simon was so smooth about it, I don’t think that Lyle even realized he was being interrogated. I grinned as did Maddie.

  I placed the plates in front of Carver and Simon and sat down next to Simon, pulling out my phone. I texted Maddie, pointing out how Carver was eyeing Zee and then watched as Maddie read it. Her eyes widened, and she choked before she stood up and ran to the bathroom.

  “What was all that about?” Zee demanded. Her voice was vicious and her eyes were narrowed.

  “I don’t know,” I lied. Zee’s gaze narrowed further. She knew me well enough to tell when I was lying and I grinned unrepentantly at her. “Maybe it was about the new batch of kittens at the shelter. I might have mentioned getting you one.”

  Zee’s gaze narrowed further until mere slits of fury were filleting me. She knew that was a lie too. She stood, ignoring Carver to reach for my phone, but I jerked it away. I’d just updated my password, but she was sneaky, and I couldn’t be sure she hadn’t already figured it out. The last time she’d gotten ahold of it, she’d sent a slew of … interesting messages to Simon.

  “Could we focus?” Simon suggested earning Zee’s angry look instead. I grinned and winked behind her back and then sliced him and Carver cake. Carver was like me—he liked to try new things, so I bought him over the spice cake with browned butter icing. Simon got chocolate cake and milk.

  “That is the cake of children, boy,” Carver told Simon. “Grow up.”

  “I always knew you were my favorite,” I told Carver. Simon grabbed my hand and pulled me down next to him, sliding his arm around my shoulders as he took a bite of my chocolate cake.

  “You’re my favorite,” Simon said. I glanced into his lap where his phone was running a search on Lyle Morris, Portland Oregon. My eyes widened as I saw a picture of Lyle in front of a funky little food truck painted like the Mystery Machine from Scooby Doo. Three links down on the google search was an article on Oregon Foodie about that truck. I didn’t need to read it to see it had been scathing.

  I hadn’t wanted Lyle to be a suspect, but he was now my main one. Given the way Simon’s jaw was flexing, Lyle wasn’t just my number one suspect.

  NINE

  “You don’t think it was Lyle, do you?” I hissed the question when we went into the kitchen to make more coffee. I didn’t want the answer to be yes, but I suspected it was.

  Zee surprised me by saying, “There are just so many options. He is suspicious as you could be though. I’d be more concerned if you didn’t like him.”

  “Like him?”

  I wasn’t sure what she meant by that. Did she mean the grade school version of like him, like him. Or just that friendship version? He was younger than me. I didn’t like him, like him at all. And the fact that I was using that phrase in my head was making me twitchy. I liked that he liked the rain and Silver Falls and The 2nd Chance Diner. That was all. If he were the killer, I’d be sad for him but not devastated.

  “You know it’s just…like…friends, right?”

  Zee snorted as she loaded a tray with coffee cups, creamer, and sugar.

  “You’re head over heels for your cop, Rose. We all know it. Simon included. You aren’t a terrible judge of character though and Lyle seems ok.”

  I frowned and then said, “You’re a suspect too. With that stunt you pulled, anyone who wasn’t already our friends would have put you on the top of the list. You’re at the top of Carver’s list.” I said it in a way to ensure she knew he was interested in her.

  Oh…my…did Zee blush?

  “Shut the front door,” I choked out in a low hiss, and she slapped a hand over my mouth.

  “I don’t want to hear one thing from you!” Zee snarled. Her eyes were blazing with the intensity of the o
rder.

  I nodded behind the hand over my mouth.

  “I mean it,” Zee hissed, and I nodded again. She waited a moment longer and then pulled her hand away. I followed her with the coffee pots while she carried the tray of mugs and items.

  “Tell me about the blackmail letters,” Carver said as we started pouring the drinks. Zee recapped what happened first and then I sat down and watched Carver watch Zee while Simon kept a steady eye on Lyle.

  “We were handling them,” I said. “We had been making a plan to counteract what he was doing here. I thought…”

  “She thought if we worked as a team. The merchant around here, and we had a big event, we could counteract what that troll was planning for Silver Falls.”

  Carver leaned back and said, “Tell me more.”

  I described the music festival and scavenger hunt I was planning. With a counter article to what Murphy was going to write about our part of the Oregon coast. Carver’s brows raised as we talked about it, and I got excited about the plan again. How much found would that be? I realized I still wanted to do it. Martha Sloane still had a struggling B&B, and it would be fun.

  We explained our plan to both challenge Murphy’s shady reviews and help the local merchants recover and then added that neither of us had any intention of paying.

  “It wasn’t fair anyway,” Zee said. “Not with Mayor Roberta as a judge. Since she hates you.”

  Simon shifted at that but said nothing. Carver and Maddie, on the other hand, broke into shouts of laughter while Lyle looked on confused.