An Angel's Touch

by Susan D. Kalior

  I soared over the surface, clueless to what realm I was in. Things were different out here. Soaring closer, I viewed crystalline ice structures and glacial mountains. I sucked the energy of the call into my being and used it to crack the glittering ground with red laser light, and electrify the blue-white atmosphere with red lightning. I exploded crystal mountains and hailed firestorms upon the luminescent beings that flew about in a frenzy. I hissed tunnels of flame through bountiful rows of ice dwellings, melting them to waters that flooded the land.

  I kept destroying until I’d touched every corner of that world. I loosened the essence of much life from the forms that held them. I sucked in the biggest meal I’d had in so long, and though I did not eat any of their forms, too porous for my constitution, I somehow felt full. That must be what it is like to be a Dragon. My being expanded, replete with nourishment. Survivors could rebuild or perish. Their fate did not concern me.

  I floated away from that sphere by the same strange current that brought me to it. I drifted through space on my back, hands clasped behind my neck like a lazy cat stuffed with all its favorite foods. I felt utterly sated. Ah, this was the life.

  My father hovered horizontally over me.

  Damn.

  He said, “You are progressing nicely, Juan.”

  I turned upright in slow motion, not comfortable being under Diego. I said, “Explain.”

  He turned upright with me. “You tapped level nine Dragon wisdom from the Dragon Worlds. Soon you will attain level nine. We rewarded you by turning you lose in the virgin world, Chelt. A small world, but a treat none the less.”

  “I thought only a level ten Tazmark could do what I did.”

  “With the Dragon’s insulating and guiding you, you can do much that would be impossible without their help. If you were level ten, as I, you’d not need their help, just some experience.”

  I said, “You are still Tazmark, so what is your status with the Dragons?” From the corner of my eye I saw the comet, this time it seemed closer, (or maybe I was closer) and the colors had changed. It had a white center edged in yellow, and a fiery orange tale that sparked blue. Something ignited inside me, and I had a great compulsion to meld with the comet. I wanted to hitch a ride and see the wonders along its path.

  “Juan?” Diego said, to regain my wandering attention.

  “Oh, yes.” I narrowed an eye. “Your status with the Dragons?”

  “I am one of them. The only difference is my appearance when not in the Dragon Worlds. In the Dragon Worlds, level ten Tazmarks appear as Dragons—a vibration thing. However, I am working on a way to shed this Tazmark body, maybe once earth is destroyed.”

  “Aruka’s claim is true then?”

  “Yes. Earth calls for annihilation.”

  My heart sank a little. Jen, what about Jen? “So, it is not the Tazmark battle that will end earth. It is the Dragons.”

  “And we have you to thank. You sucked up so much humanity in your exploits that the earth has no recourse but to falter.”

  “It is no thanks to me. They called. I answered.”

  “Even so, you did answer. It takes great power to throw nations into turmoil, and to make molten lava create massive earthquakes and volcanic eruptions. You had the power. You have the power.”

  “I was under the impression that you believed yourself to be more powerful than me.”

  “I am. However, after I retired from earth, you were the master of dispensing chaos for centuries. Even as the population grew, you were able to manipulate that profusion, and never become overwhelmed. Your talents are needed, Juan. We want you back.”

  “Back? Does that have something to do with Quen-tan calling me Ixion?”

  “You will know, if you obey me. Disobey? Well, that’s another story.”

  I was about to say, fuck you, but remembering what happened the last time I did, I refrained.

  His brow came down like a consternating father. “You’re a wild one. You’ve done things your own way far too long. I guess I’ve spoiled you.”

  “Well don’t fucking reward me anymore. I can pave my path without you.”

  “We want you to train your Shen. We have need of her.”

  I eyed him suspiciously. “To what purpose?”

  “We won’t reveal that at this time. But this we can say, we know you are fond of her. We know you guard her—interests, but you will soon understand that your allegiance must be first and foremost to Quen-tan. It was he who allowed you to exist on earth. The council had a far worse fate in mind. And it is he who has allowed you to journey from it to destroy Chelt. It has been long Juan, since you’ve had such a journey, such a treat.”

  I asked, “What happened in the Dragon World that brought me—”

  He vanished and I got sucked into that tube again. And again I was somehow insulated. Shooting out of the tube, I started falling to the earth like a return capsule from a space shuttle. The g-force almost did me in, until I gained control and started flying. I returned to Jen, already probing for solutions to save the earth, maybe involving Jen’s power somehow.

  I landed in the cottage, eager to see her again. Poor thing. She was moaning in bed. The swell of her protruding abdomen rose and fell with her breath under her orange robe, and her feet looked cozy in orange woolen socks. Fire crackled in the hearth. I’d wanted to magically heat the place, but Jen loved the flames and smell of burning wood. Even with her illness, she kept it burning constantly with the logs I kept stacked against the wall.

  Despite Diego’s disconcerting news, I felt charged more than I ever had been on earth. I wanted to share my energy with her. Maybe it would make her feel better. I knelt by the bedside, placing my hands on her stomach.

  She jumped. “Ouch.”

  Her robe . . . it was on fire.

  She sat straight up, shrieking, with a fist-sized fire over her stomach.

  I could start fires supernaturally, but not stop them. I extinguished the flaming material by smothering it with a blanket the old-fashion way.

  She gaped at me with terror. “You set me on fire!”

  “I’m sorry,” I said, “I didn’t mean to.” I looked at my fingers. The tips glowed red. Even I was shocked.

  I concentrated on coolness. My red skin turned to its normal cinnamon color.

  “johnny? Why were your fingers on fire?”

  I started to speak, but no words emerged. I didn’t know what to tell her. And I didn’t want to tell her what I knew. What I knew was taking a turn toward ugly, even for me. The ugly part was that I didn’t know how much longer I could remain loyal to her.

  Diego’s threat wasn’t the problem. I was the problem. No. Jen was the problem. If only she could cross over into my world for more than a moment, I would bring her to full power and we could fight Diego and Aruka, and maybe even the Dragons. But she would never fight them—not them. And it seemed I needed her help.

  She stared hard at me, awaiting an answer. Not getting one, she rubbed her hands over her temples, and groaned. “Fine. Don’t tell me. I’m too tired to get the truth from you. I have no energy.” Little tears wet the corners of her eyes. “I don’t know what to do about all those people that keep coming around waiting for me to heal them. I’m drained.”

  I crawled onto the bed and sat next to her, shoulder to shoulder, placing my hand on her knee. Her belly protruded, accentuating the fist-size burn on the orange cloth. “I know. It’s as I once told you. You must be spontaneous in your giving and permit no one to take your power, or con you out of it. It is not uncommon for a Shen to wilt and die for giving too much. Too many people offer no return, or the return does not replenish you.”

  “I feel guilty not helping them.”

  “That is your folly, and perhaps your doom. Depleted, you can’t help them anyway. Besides—” I paused, “France is nice this time of year.”

  Her brows creased. She slid her eyes my way. “What are you up to?”

  She knew me too well. I needed to dump
her with great Granny for a while so I could sort things out.

  Then a tap came upon the cottage door. I knew it was the High Lama Khandro.

  “Enter,” I said.

  The door opened. And too late I remembered Jen still wore the burned robe.

  In waltzed the High Lama Khandro. Maroon material billowed around his short square body. He scuffled up to me with some strange walk that Lamas sometimes did. His bald head barely reached my chin, but his deep-set eyes twinkled like stars, making him taller than life. He nodded, acknowledging me, and went straight to Jen.

  He glanced at the robe burn over her belly. He turned his head to me and raised a brow almost comically, not really concerned.

  Then he turned back to Jen. “You must learn to conserve energy.”

  “Yes,” she said, “that’s what johnny said too.”

  He looked at me. “I’m surprised you care for her. She is your antithesis, is she not?”

  He knew?

  I narrowed an eye. “More so as time passes.”

  Jen huffed, “What do you mean by that!”

  The High Lama Khandro said to me, “An impasse is merely a clouded perception.”

  He’d read me, my frustration, my inability to draw her into unconditional love.

  “Yeah,” I nodded, looking at Jen, wanting her to remember that statement.

  He approached Jen. She just sat there, opened mouth, stunned by the High Lama Khandro’s awareness of what I was. He knew who I was, and he saw no reason to fight me. He knew who I was and that was all right. If he could respect me, Jen must possess the same capacity. Why did I have to fall in love with such an immature Shen? Well, I knew why, but how could she, who was so ignorant, once have been so great?

  The High Lama Khandro rested his energy charged hand on the top of her head, as if assessing her condition. I observed him with weighted eyes. At first I didn’t toy with him because he was a good role model for Jen, but then I didn’t do it because his seeming acceptance of me was quite gratifying. I did not feel compelled, or even mildly stirred to make him my victim. He was a highly balanced Shen.

  The High Lama Khandro withdrew his hand and said to her, “I think it best you leave India. The people will not stop coming to you, and you are not able to serve without growing weak.”

  “You might be right,” she affirmed.

  He said, “Lay back child.” He helped her lay flat, propping the pillow under her head in a fatherly manner. He rested one palm over her forehead and the other over her belly. A strange long tone came out of his mouth, filling the room with power. Then he withdrew his hands and said, “You feel ill no longer.”

  “I,” Jen stuttered, “I . . . I . . . do feel better! Jen sat up awkwardly, smiling. How did you do that?”

  “Much of your illness was a result of drained energy. I opened in you the gateway to pure energy and it filled you.”

  Jen sat up, smiling. “Thank you. Can you teach me how to do that?”

  “One day, I shall.” He slipped a gold amber ring off his ring finger. The amber was oval, thick like maple syrup with solid dancing veins that bespoke the wisdom harbored in the ancient resin of the trees. He slipped the ring on her forefinger. “Wear this child. One day, you will be ready to rise above the small self. Summon me then, through the ring. If I’ve heard you, the ring will glow. If it does, know I am coming.”

  Jen cocked her head, trying to understand the implicit meaning of his words. And though I don’t think she truly understood, she smiled faintly. “Thank you.” She stared at the stone for a long admiring moment, almost going into a trance.

  “Jen,” I said, not wanting her to draw its power.

  Before she looked up, the High Lama Khandro was out the door.

  I closed the door magically behind him. The liaison between Jen and the High Lama Khandro mustn’t get far. I didn’t want one day to have two full-powered Shens in alliance, with the future so uncertain.

  I moved into Jen’s mind. “Close your eyes.” Her lids sank over her azure orbs, though her body remained sitting. “You are having a restful nap. You dreamed the High Lama Khandro paid you a visit and gave you a ring. But he did not.” She was easily entranced, more connected to the unconscious world than the concrete world that had such a hold on her.

  I walked over to her as she sat in her trance and slipped the ring off her finger to examine it. The amber seemed alive. Its power throbbed in my fingers. I teleported it to my New York City apartment, which I was suddenly in the mood to visit. France could wait a day.

  “Wake up.”

  She shook her head and looked at me brightly. “I am no longer ill. I’m so relieved.”

  “Great, then you’re ready to travel.”

  “Yes, but let me tell you about this dream.”

  “Let’s go to New York City.”

  “I dislike New York City. What happened to France? I thought you wanted to go there. And don’t you want to hear my dream?”

  “Yes, but later. You can visit Randa in New York.”

  “Why are you in such a rush to leave here?”

  Just thinking of the High Lama Khandro uniting forces with Jen made my skin burn. A role model for her was one thing, peer alliance—another. “Do you want to remain?”

  “No, but—”

  “You’ll be delivering soon.”

  “Four more months.”

  I raised my brows. For the sake of diversion, I’d reveal the truth. “One.”

  She stiffened.

  I was playing dirty, but deflecting her from the ring ‘dream’ was essential. If she dwelled in the event, dream or not, it would more deeply crystallize as truth, no matter what her conscious mind told her. I had to sweep away the residue while it was fresh.

  “One?”

  I nodded.

  “One?” She jumped off the bed, standing in front of me, eyes blazing. “One! Why one?”

  Mission accomplished. Diversion complete. “I hopped on the bed, pushing the pillow aside. I leaned my back against the wall, sitting with clasped hands behind my head. But then it occurred to me that I probably appeared insensitive, so I dropped my hands, got off the bed, and went to her. “Because—” I put my hands on her shoulders, and warmed my eyes to melt her glare. Then I brushed my finger across her cheek. Nice touch, I thought. Okay, so I was feigning affection. A Tazmark had to do that once in a while just to keep his wits.

  Her face softened. “Why only one month left, johnny? I’ve only been pregnant since August.”

  “It’s been five months,” I said. “Six months is the gestation for a Tazmarkian child. By the size of you, I’d say you are breeding my kind, that, and the fact that—” I was actually nervous to tell her. A nervous almost level nine Tazmark. Now that was a laugh, “—there are two of them in there.”

  She became statue-still. Then, she gulped and began breathing fast, eyes darting about the room, viewing everything but me. Scared, cornered rabbit; scared, cornered Jen. I felt an empathy though, a kind of quiet calm—a knowing that the time would soon come when she’d either drift away from me, leaving me alone—or make it with me and keep us together. Either way, I’d be spared her future hysteria.

  Her panting made her lightheaded. She dropped to her knees, eyes squeezed shut, palms smashing temples, panting still. “You never cease to shock me . . . perpetually—endlessly. I . . . can’t . . . take it . . . any . . . more.”

  I squatted in front of her and touched her shoulder.

  She jerked it away from me. You’d have thought I’d set her on fire again. She stood up and paced the room, hugging her stomach hard just above the protrusion of her belly, making her orange robe hike up a bit. “I used to be normal. I lived a normal life. Everything was the same. I woke up in the same bed, the same house, with the same feelings, and same thoughts. Now I’m in love with a self-professed—”she scrunched her brow hard at me and emphasized “—demon.” Then she turned away and continued pacing, arms clasped in a self hug. Her sentences flew out n
ervously as if talking to herself, “A demon who ever guides me into greater and greater powers that I’m not sure I want, endorsing me to heal the earth he destroys. And now I’m having his babies! Little Tazmarks. Two of them! Oh, Blessed Saints. Oh dear Savior!” She sank to her knees; her upper body fell forward, landing her hands on the wood floor, her brow landing gently between them. She sobbed. “I want to be normal again.”

  Religious words. Grrr. But I held my tongue. She had come so far from her bound way of thinking—now she was back on it again. I walked over to her and looked down at the back of her head hunched over to the ground. Submissive, little Jen. Would she never assimilate my world? “Don’t call for normal, Jen. There are creatures who will meet your every request, but what you want is never the same once you get it. And what you don’t want, is usually the thing you need. Feel your need, Jen.”

  I lowered myself on one knee, facing her side. I pulled her shoulders back gently until she was upright, sitting on her knees. I placed one hand on her abdomen, the other on her back, and said hypnotically, “Feel what you need.”

  She quieted, seemingly concentrating. Tears dripped from her closed eyes. “I want to be free of this earth. I want to shine rays of love throughout the galaxies. I want to touch my million ailing children. I want to bring the tired ones home for a rest.” She clutched her head. “johnny! I’m going crazy. I feel large and powerful, beyond the boundaries of Shen.”

  I swooped in front of her and sat, curling one bent leg flat on the floor, bending the other upward as a rest for my elbow. “Jen, your words come from the memory of what you once were—a goddess of worlds. A goddess of love.”

  “johnny!” Her eyes snapped open. She leaned toward me, grabbed my shoulders and shook. “Doesn’t any of this startle you! Don’t you ever panic or get hysterical? Why can’t you cry, or shriek, or worry! Why do you have to love chaos so . . . damn . . . much?”

  She’d cursed, and that was rare. That meant she was over-the-edge upset.

  She shoved my chest lightly. “I need you to act a little more human.”

  With forceful affection, I pulled her into my lap, her shoulder against my chest, my arms wrapped firmly around her.