The Jacqueline Wilson Christmas Cracker

by Jacqueline Wilson

  ‘Of course you are. I thought it would be fun if we decorated the tree together,’ said Cam. ‘Look in that big carrier bag. There’s all the decorations.’

  ‘Oh, fantastic! We don’t have a proper tree at the Dumping Ground because the little kids are so dopey they might mistake the glass balls for apples and the big kids are so rowdy they might knock it all over. I’ve always wanted to decorate a tree!’

  ‘Then be my guest. I’ll go and sort out what we might be having for Christmas dinner. I know you don’t go a bundle on turkey and I’m mostly veggie nowadays . . . I could do a sort of tofu and vegetable casserole?’

  ‘That sounds absolutely temptingly delicious – not!’ I said.

  ‘I rather thought that would be your response. I don’t fancy faffing around in the kitchen for hours anyway. How about egg and chips?’

  ‘Now you’re talking! With lots of tomato sauce?’

  ‘You can dollop it all over your plate, Tracy. It’s Christmas. Ah! What else do you get at Christmas? We’ve got a Christmas tree. We’ll have our Christmas dinner. But there’s something else you have at Christmas. Um. What could it be? Oh yes! Presents!’

  She opened up a cupboard and pulled out three parcels in jolly Santa wrapping paper tied with red ribbon.

  ‘Oh, Cam! Are they for me?’

  ‘Well, they’ve all got Tracy Beaker on the labels, so if that’s your name I’d say it was a safe bet they’re all for you.’

  I felt really really really great. Cam had bought me loads of lovely presents.

  I felt really really really bad. I hadn’t got Cam anything.

  ‘Oh dear, why the saddo face? Did you hope there might be more?’ Cam teased.

  ‘You haven’t got any presents, Cam!’ I wailed.

  ‘Yes I have. I’ve opened mine already. I got a silk headscarf from my mum – as if I’d ever wear it! Plus a posh credit-card holder when I’m so overdrawn I can’t use my blooming cards anyway. I got lovely presents from my friends though. Jane gave me my woolly hat and scarf and mittens and Liz gave me a big box of chocs and a book token.’

  ‘What’s a book token?’

  ‘It’s a little card for a certain amount of money and when you take it to a shop you can change it for any book you fancy.’

  ‘Oh, I get it.’ I nodded. ‘Good idea!’

  ‘Come on then, open your presents from me.’

  I opened the heaviest first. It was ten children’s paperbacks. They were all a bit dogeared and tattered.

  ‘I’m afraid they’re second-hand,’ said Cam. ‘I searched in all the charity shops. A lot of them were ten-pence bargains!’

  I eyed them suspiciously. ‘They’re classics,’ I said. ‘Aren’t they, like, boring?’

  ‘Is A Christmas Carol boring? No! These were all my favourites when I was your age. Cam Lawson’s Top Ten Super Reads for kids your age. If you don’t want them I’ll have a great time re-reading them. Little Women is about this family of sisters and they like acting too, and reading Charles Dickens. You’ll especially like Jo, who’s a tomboy and wants to be a writer.

  ‘Then there’s Black Beauty. It’s a wonderful story, and there’s a very sad bit about a horse called Ginger which always makes me cry, but it’s lovely all the same. What Katy Did is about a big family – Katy’s the eldest, and she’s always in heaps of trouble but then she falls off a swing and can’t walk for ages. She’s got a very saintly cousin who irritates a bit, but it’s a great story, truly.

  ‘The Wind in the Willows is about a mole and a rat who are great chums and they have this pal Toad who’s a terrible show-off, and there are some very funny bits. Five Children and It is also funny – it’s about these kids who meet a sand fairy and all their wishes come true, but they always go wrong.’

  ‘Chance would be a fine thing,’ I said, sniffing.

  ‘There’s also Mary Poppins. The book’s much better than the film. I loved Tom Sawyer because he’s very badly behaved and always in trouble, and you might give Anne of Green Gables a go. It’s all about this little orphan girl who won’t ever stop talking. You’ll identify big-time with those two.

  ‘I’m sure you’ll like The Secret Garden because Mary is wondrously grouchy and rude to everyone and has to live in a house with a hundred rooms on the Yorkshire Moors. And Ballet Shoes is a perfect book for you, because these three sisters go to a stage school and perform in lots of plays, and I think that’s maybe what you might end up doing, Tracy.’

  ‘OK, OK. I’ll give them a go,’ I said. ‘I can always share them with some of the other kids, eh? Peter might like the Mole and Rat and Toad book.’

  I tried the next parcel, the biggest. It had a big drawing book, a big pail of felt tips and a giant tub of modelling clay, all different colours. These were all brand new!

  ‘I thought it was about time you had your own art supplies instead of raiding poor Elaine’s art cupboard,’ said Cam.

  ‘Oh wow! I’m not going to share these!’

  Finally I picked up the tiniest parcel. I unwrapped it and found a little black box. I opened it up – and there was a silver star pin badge.

  ‘It’s for you, Tracy Beaker Superstar,’ said Cam, pinning it on me.

  I gave her a big big big hug. Then I decorated the tree, carefully dangling each glass ball and twirly glass icicle, while Cam wound the fairy lights round and round. When we switched them on the tree looked totally magical.

  Then I helped Cam cook the lunch. She got me peeling potatoes. I had no idea that was the real way to make chips. Ours come in giant packets at the Dumping Ground, already peeled and sliced. I started peeling pounds of potatoes, whistling as I whittled.

  ‘Steady on, girl. There’s just the two of us,’ said Cam.

  ‘I never get quite enough chips at the Dumping Ground,’ I said.

  ‘OK. It’s Christmas. Today you can eat until you burst,’ said Cam.

  She wouldn’t let me fry them in the big chocolate Santa and little bird and sizzling chip pan, but she did let me fry our eggs and that was great fun. We both had enormous piles of golden chips on our plates, with a fried egg on top like snow on a mountain peak. I squirted mine liberally with scarlet sauce and then we started eating. I ate and ate and ate. My meal was delicious.

  ‘I make the most excellent egg and chips ever,’ I said, licking my lips. ‘Maybe I’m going to be a famous chef as well as a brilliant writer and a superstar actress.’

  Cam ate her chips valiantly but had to give up halfway through. We had clementines for pudding, then Cam opened up her big box of chocolates from Liz and we snaffled some of those.

  Then Cam undid her jeans and lay on the sofa, groaning, while I got my new art stuff and started creating. Cam rubbed her tummy, reached for a book and started reading me the first Christmassy chapter of Little Women. It was quite good in an old-fashioned sort of way. Meg was a bit of a goody-goody and Beth was a bit wet and Amy was too pert and girly but I loved Jo.

  Cam’s voice tailed away after a while and she dozed off. I carried on and on and on creating. Then, when she started yawning and stretching and opening her eyes, I went and made her a cup of tea. No one has ever shown me how to do it but I’m not a total moron.

  ‘Thank you, Tracy!’ said Cam. She took a sip. ‘Delicious!’

  (I spotted her fishing several of the teabags out of her cup and spooning out a few of the still melting sugar lumps, but neither of us mentioned this.)

  ‘I’ve got you some Christmas presents after all,’ I said. ‘Look on your coffee table.’ I pointed proudly.

  Cam nearly spilled her tea. ‘Oh my lord! Multiple Tracy Beakers!’ she said.

  ‘Aren’t they great!’ I said. ‘I made them with my modelling clay. The pink face was fine, and the red jumper and the blue skirt, but making my black curls all squiggly took ages.’

  ‘Are all six for me?’ said Cam.

  ‘No, no. You have this one. She’s the best, with the biggest smile. And I’ve got one for Peter and one fo
r Jenny and one for Mike, and I suppose I ought to give one to Elaine and I thought I’d give one to Miss Simpkins when I go back to school.’

  ‘That’s a lovely idea. Well, I shall treasure my Tracy Beaker model. I’ll put her on my desk. She can keep me company when I’m writing.’

  ‘Don’t crumple her up by mistake if you get stuck!’ I said. ‘Look, you’ve got another present.’

  I handed her a folded piece of paper with a picture of me on the front.

  ‘Oh, a card. How lovely!’ said Cam.

  ‘It’s not a card. It’s a Tracy token,’ I said. ‘You know, like a book token. But you don’t get books with this token, you get me. Look inside.’

  I’d written:

  Cam read it through, sniffling. ‘Oh, Tracy,’ she said. ‘This is the best Christmas present I’ve ever had. And of course you’ll be the best foster daughter ever. You’re Tracy Beaker.’

  Yes I am. Tracy Beaker Superstar.

  When I went to bed that night back at the Dumping Ground I gave Mum’s photo a kiss.

  ‘I hope you had a Happy Christmas, Mum,’ I whispered. ‘Maybe see you next year, yeah?’

  Then I lay back in bed and sang a little Christmas carol to myself.

  ‘Silent night, holy night,

  Tracy is calm, Tracy is bright.

  Mum didn’t come but I had a good time,

  I love Mum but I’m glad Cam is mine.

  Now I’ll sleep in heavenly peace,

  S-l-e-e-p in heav-en-ly peeeace.’

  PRESENT WRAPPING TIPS

  • When you’re choosing your wrapping paper, why not pick a different colour for each friend or family member, so their gifts are personalised? Or, if you’re going to use the same wrapping paper for each person, try a different coloured ribbon for them all.

  • If you don’t like brightly coloured or glittery paper, plain brown paper and white string looks really elegant – and you can add a touch of colour with a holly leaf stuck on top.

  • If you don’t have any wrapping paper at all, see if you have any plain white drawing paper, and design your own Christmas pattern with coloured pencils, felt tips, glitter, and anything else you can find. Red and green are the most Christmassy colours, but you could try a multi-coloured rainbow theme too!

  • Try personalising your gift tags for each person with a joke or poem. You could even write a line from a song that makes you think of that person. Or you could decorate the tag with pictures of things that remind you of them, like their favourite foods, or symbols to represent their hobbies.

  • Before you get started, make sure you have scissors and enough sticky tape for all the presents you’re going to wrap – you don’t want to run out halfway through! Cut off your bits of sticky tape and rest them loosely on the edge of the roll of tape, so you can grab them easily when you need them.

  • Roll your wrapping paper out flat. Lay each present on it to check how much paper you need to cover it, before you start to cut. Remember the ends of the paper should overlap by a couple of centimetres, so that none of your present is left uncovered or sticking out!

  • If you have several presents of different sizes for one person, try stacking them in a pile, biggest at the bottom and smallest at the top, in a sort of pyramid shape. Then use a long, wide ribbon to tie them all together, and tie a big bow at the top.

  • If you have any wrapping paper left over, don’t throw it away, even if you only have a few small scraps! Rip it up into tiny pieces and use it to stuff gift boxes or gift bags.

  PRESENTS AND PUZZLES

  How much do you know about Christmas? Take this festive quiz to find out, and test your friends too. You’ll find the answers on here.

  1. It’s traditional to exchange a Christmas kiss under which plant?

  2. In the poem ‘The Night Before Christmas’, what sweet treats are the children dreaming of?

  3. What item of a traditional Christmas dinner is set alight before being eaten?

  4. Which saint is now known as Santa Claus or Father Christmas?

  5. Who makes a special speech every Christmas, which was first broadcast over the radio, and is now shown on television too?

  6. What must happen for it to be a ‘white Christmas’?

  7. Mince pies are now filled with fruit, but what did they used to contain?

  8. Which of these is not one of Santa’s reindeer: Comet, Prancer, Klaxon, Blitzen?

  9. What item is hidden inside a Christmas pudding and is said to bring good luck to whoever finds it in their piece?

  10. In The Little Match Girl, the main character has a vision of a beautiful Christmas tree. Which author wrote this story?

  11. Charles Dickens wrote the famous novel A Christmas Carol. What is the name of the main character in that book?

  12. How many sides does a snowflake have?

  13. On the second day of Christmas, what did my true love give to me?

  14. People usually place one of two things at the top of their Christmas tree. One is an angel; what is the other?

  15. What date is it traditional to take your Christmas tree down, otherwise known as Twelfth Night?

  16. In the seventeenth century, who banned Christmas in England for several years?

  17. The tallest snowman in the world was built in which country?

  18. What two plants are often used as decorations at Christmas, are the title of a famous Christmas carol, and are also girls’ names?

  19. Name the three Wise Men.

  20. Which famous novel starts with the line, ‘Christmas won’t be Christmas without any presents’? (Here’s a clue – it’s one of Jacqueline’s favourites!)

  How many words can you make out of these letters in three minutes? Find a piece of paper to write them down. Time yourself and then challenge your friends!

  D I N G D O N G M E R R I L Y O N H I G H

  For every two-letter word, give yourself two points. For every three-letter word, give yourself three points, and so on. Here’s one to start you off:

  nod

  QUIZ ANSWERS

  1. Mistletoe

  2. Sugar plums

  3. Christmas pudding

  4. Saint Nicholas

  5. The Queen

  6. It has to snow!

  7. Meat, usually beef

  8. Klaxon

  9. A coin

  10. Hans Christian Andersen

  11. Ebenezer Scrooge

  12. Six

  13. Two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree

  14. A star

  15. 6th January

  16. Oliver Cromwell

  17. The United States

  18. Holly and Ivy

  19. Melchior, Balthazar and Caspar

  20. Little Women

  I THOUGHT IT was going to be the best Christmas ever. I woke up very very early and sat up as slowly as I could, trying not to shake the bed. I didn’t want to wake Vita or Maxie. I wanted to have this moment all to myself.

  I wriggled down to the end of the bed, carefully edging round Vita. She always curled up like a little monkey, knees right under her pointed chin, so the hump that was her stopped halfway down the duvet. It was so dark I couldn’t see at all, but I could feel.

  My hand stroked three little woolly socks stretched to bursting point. They were tiny stripy socks, too small even for Vita. The joke was to see how many weeny presents could be stuffed inside.

  Vita and Maxie appreciated Santa’s sense of humour and left him a minute mince pie on a doll’s tea-set plate and a thimbleful of wine, and wrote him teeny thank-you letters on pieces of paper no bigger than a postage stamp. Well, Vita couldn’t fit her shaky pencil printing on such a tiny scrap but she wrote ‘Dear Santa I love you and pleese leeve me lots and lots of little pressents from your speshal frend Vita’ on a big piece of paper and then folded it up again and again. Maxie simply wrote a letter ‘M’ and a lot of wonky kisses.

  I wrote a letter too, even though I was only pretending for Vita and Maxie
’s sake. I knew who filled the Christmas socks. I thought he was much more magical than any bearded old gent in a red gown.

  I felt past the socks to the space underneath. My hand brushed three parcels wrapped in crackly paper and tied with silk ribbon. I felt their shapes, wondering which one was for me. There was a very small square hard parcel, a flat oblong package and a large unwieldy squashy one, very wide at one end. I hung further out of bed, trying to work out the peculiar shape. I wriggled a little too far and went scooting right over the end, landing on my head.

  Maxie woke up and started shrieking.

  ‘Ssh! Shut up, Maxie! It’s OK, don’t cry,’ I said, crawling past the presents to Maxie’s little mattress.

  He doesn’t want to sleep in a proper bed. He likes to set up a camp with lots of blankets and cushions and all his cuddly toys. Sometimes it’s hard to spot Maxie himself under all his droopy old teddies.

  I wrestled my way through a lot of fur and found Maxie, quivering in his going-to-bed jersey and underpants. That’s another weird thing about Maxie, he hates pyjamas. There are a lot of weird things about my little brother.

  I crawled onto his mattress and cuddled him close. ‘It’s me, silly.’

  ‘I thought you were a Wild Thing coming to get me,’ Maxie sobbed.

  Where the Wild Things Are was Dad’s favourite book. The little boy in it is called Max, and he tames all these Wild Thing monsters. That’s where our Maxie got his name. Reading the book to him was a big mistake. Our Maxie couldn’t ever tame Wild Thing scary monsters. He wouldn’t be up to taming wild fluffy baby bunnies.

  ‘The Wild Things are all shut up in their book, Maxie,’ I whispered. ‘Stop crying, you’ll make my nightie all wet. Cheer up, it’s Christmas!’

  ‘Is Father Christmas here?’ Vita shouted, jumping out from under the duvet.