the Dance

by Alison G. Bailey

  Bryson, he didn’t deny your theory.

  The mind and emotions are tricky beasts. Often they’re at odds with each other. One screaming at you to wake up and look at the facts of a situation. The other playing on your weakness, your soft spot, your heart. During my life with Will there were times when my mind tried to shake some sense into me but I allowed my emotions to drown it all out. This past year my emotions worked hard to narrow down the cause of our problems to one singular thing. I fooled myself into believing that our downfall was due to Will’s online world and all the lies that accompanied it. But the reality was that every red flag that had been raised over the ten years was only a small symptom. The reason Will and I will never see a future together was because there was never a Will and I.

  Beads of sweat appeared along his forehead and upper lip. “I’ll give up all the online stuff if it’s so damn important to you.”

  I’d known for months Will didn’t want to give up the cyber world he’d created. Up until this moment I thought he was just being stubborn and bratty. But seeing his physical reaction showed me that he relied on that world a lot.

  With tears pooling in my eyes, I wrapped my arms around myself, hiding my trembling hands. “I’ll pack my things today and stay with Sophie while we figure out the details.”

  “Don’t do this to us, Bryson.”

  I looked at Will through blurry eyes. “It’s already been done.”

  Balling his hand into a fist, Will pounded it hard against the granite countertop. He spun around and stormed out of the room. Seconds later the walls and windows vibrated in anger with the slamming of the front door. The sound of screeching tires echoed in my ears as Will peeled out of the driveway and down the street.

  I was proud of myself for holding it together for as long as I did. For the first time in my life I was listening to what my gut was telling me. The divorce needed to happen. I was terrified to be on my own, embarrassed that my marriage was now a statistic, and sad that a person who’d been a huge part of my life would be gone.

  Without warning my knees buckled, sending me crashing to the floor. A sharp pain pierced the pit of my stomach followed by a gush of sobs. Relief mixed with doubts swirled around my head as my new reality forced its way into my life. Determined not to wallow in self-pity, I allowed only five minutes to pass before peeling myself off the floor.

  Feeling the need for a little reassurance, I picked up the house phone and called Joanne.

  “Hello, Joanne Foster’s office. This is Morgan. How may I help you?” I already felt better hearing the sweet voice of Joanne’s assistant.

  Clearing my throat, I said, “Hey, Morgan, this is Bryson Forsyth.”

  “Hi, how are you?”

  “I’ve been better.” My voice sounded froggy from the sobs. “I was wondering if Joanne had an opening today.”

  “I’m going to put you on hold while I check.”

  “Thank you.”

  There was a click followed by sleep-inducing jazz music. My eyelids were just about to close when Morgan came back on the line.

  “Bryson, we had a cancellation. If you can be here in a half hour, it’s yours.”

  “I’ll be there. Thank you.” I hung up the phone and headed upstairs.

  There was no time for a shower, so I ended up just splashing water on my face. I had to multi-task if I were going to make the appointment on time. As I brushed my teeth, I swept blush over my cheeks. Applied a light coat of mascara to my lashes while gliding pale pink gloss over my lips. Rummaging through the closet, I grabbed my dark red leggings and long black boyfriend shirt. While redoing my side ponytail, I stepped into my black flats.

  I glanced at the clock and saw I had a couple of minutes before I needed to leave. As I was slipping a few bangles around my wrist my cellphone rang. I wondered if Joanne wasn’t able to see me after all. A string of missed calls covered the screen. There were several from an unknown number. Then my mom’s name popped up, followed by Sophie’s, and Will’s mom. All had left voicemails.

  I clicked on Sophie’s first.

  “Bryson, pick up.” Her words were clipped.

  I clicked my mom’s message.

  “Sweetheart, you need to call me back as soon as possible. I love you.” Mom’s voice was shaky.

  The first thought that popped into my head was that something had happened to Daddy. My chest tightened, trapping air in my lungs. I didn’t even bother checking the other messages. I was gripping the phone so tightly my fingertips had turned white. Sophie sounded the calmest so I chose to get my information from her. I pressed the Call Back button. She answered before the end of the first ring.

  “Bryson, thank god you got my message.”

  “What’s going on? Is my dad okay?” I choked back a sob.

  “Are you at home?” She blurted out.

  “Yes, but what’s . . .”

  “I’m coming to get you now.”

  “Sophie?!”

  “When no one was able to reach you, your mom called me.” She paused taking in a shaky breath. “I didn’t want to tell you over the phone.”

  “Tell me what?”

  “Will’s been in a car accident.”

  I didn’t know if the phone slipped from my hand or I gently placed it down. All I remembered was the sound of Sophie’s fading voice as the blood drained from my body.

  I swung the door open before Sophie brought the car to a complete stop in front of the emergency room entrance. I had laser focus. Adrenaline propelled me forward as I rushed past the parked ambulances and medics, and through the crowded waiting area to the nurse’s station.

  Gasping for air, I said, “My husband was in a car accident.”

  The gray-haired older woman looked up at me with sympathetic eyes. “What’s the name, dear?”

  “Forsyth. Will Forsyth.”

  “Bryson!” Mom’s voice shot across the waiting area.

  The expression on my parents’ faces as they walked toward me caused my lungs to deflate. Mom reached me first, wrapping her arms around me in a comforting hug.

  “Have they told you anything?” Dad asked.

  I shook my head. “No, not yet. The nurse is checking now.”

  The air around me filled with sobs from Will’s mom as she and his dad appeared out of nowhere behind me.

  “Thank God someone finally got in touch with you, Bryson.” Mrs. Forsyth choked out.

  As I turned to face her, she enveloped me in a hug.

  Pulling away, I said, “How did everyone find out before me?”

  Will’s father looked unable to speak at the moment, so Dad explained. “The accident happened in front of the construction offices.”

  Out the corner of my eye I saw Mr. Forsyth step away from our little crowd followed by his wife.

  “Jonathan saw the moment of impact, Bryson.” Dad’s green eyes were full of fear and sadness. The kind only another parent whose child was in pain could comprehend.

  “Oh my god,” I whispered.

  I was trying like hell to keep my composure. Up until I talked with Sophie, I still felt the aftermath of the argument I’d had with Will. Images of our last moments flashed through my mind. Remembering the screeching tires as he tore out of the driveway, I wondered if the anger he felt was responsible for the accident. The anger caused by my words.

  “Mrs. Forsyth,” the older nurse said, tearing me from my thoughts.

  “Where’s my husband? Is he okay?”

  “Doctor Bernard will be out in just a few seconds to update you on your husband’s condition.”

  “How can he update me when I don’t know anything in the first place? Why can’t you at least tell me if he’s alive or de . . .” I choked back the word.

  I couldn’t allow myself to go to that place. Guilt already had a tight grip around my throat. If Will didn’t make a full recovery, it would suffocate me.

  As the nurse promised, the doctor appeared seconds later.

  “Mrs. Forsyth?” He w
as tall, thin, and looked to be not that much older than Will and I.

  Both sets of parents, Sophie, and I crowded around the doctor. I was so caught up in trying to find out information I hadn’t even noticed Sophie had joined us.

  “I’m Doctor Bernard.” He extended his hand to me and we shook.

  “How’s W . . . ill?” My voice cracked on his name.

  “Let’s go over to this corner where we can sit and talk.”

  Doctor Bernard gently touched my elbow, guiding me over to an empty corner of the emergency room.

  “Please tell me Will is going to be alright.”

  The doctor sat next to me as my family and Sophie stood off to the side, close enough to hear.

  “Mr. Forsyth . . .”

  “Will. His name is Will,” I said, tightening my grip on the edge of the arm rest.

  “Will has a torn ACL on his right leg.” Pursing my lips, my eyes narrowed. “That’s the anterior cruciate ligament. He’ll need surgery to repair it. He has a mild concussion and multiple contusions as well as cuts on his face, chest, and arms. But no internal injuries.”

  “He’s going to be okay?”

  The doctor gave me a smile and nodded. “Will’s a lucky man.”

  A chorus of audible sighs rang out in our corner.

  “He’ll have some serious rehab ahead of him. But with his age and his good physical condition, I see no reason why he wouldn’t make a full recovery.”

  The flood gates opened and tears of relief rolled out of me. “Can I see him?”

  “You’ll need to sign consent forms before the surgery, then I’ll have the nurse take you back. We have him sedated to make him comfortable until an OR opens up.”

  Doctor Bernard made his way through the barrage of thank you’s as he walked back up to the nurse’s station. A moment later a lady dressed in scrubs appeared with a fistful of papers for me to fill out. I probably should have read each form first. I could have been signing my life away for all I knew. It didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was seeing Will and letting him know we were all here for him. The second I signed the last form I jumped out of the chair and took them to the desk where the nurse in scrubs was waiting.

  “All set?” She asked, taking the stack of papers from me.

  I nodded.

  “I’m Lisa, by the way.”

  “I’m Bryson. Nice to meet you.”

  Extending her arm, Lisa pointed me in the direction of two large swinging double doors. “Too bad it’s not under better circumstances.”

  “Tell Will I love him very much, Bryson.” Mrs. Forsyth called after me as I followed the nurse to the back.

  Lisa escorted me into one huge room that was divided into sections. Lining one wall was different types of medical equipment and another nurse’s station. The other wall was a series of curtained-off cubbies with patients waiting to be taken back for surgery.

  Stopping at the fourth cubby, Lisa pulled back the curtain. Doctor Bernard said Will was banged up pretty severely and he wasn’t exaggerating. My head had been in such a tailspin from the moment Sophie called to the moment the doctor said Will would be okay, I hadn’t had a chance to think about my reaction once I saw him for the first time.

  A slight gasp escaped me when I saw Will lying on the stretcher, flat on his back draped in a white sheet and blanket. I was thankful he was so out of it from the medicines they’d already pumped into him. A large bruise covered almost the entire left side of his face. From the temple to his jaw was a mixture of deep purples and shades of red. The right side of his face was almost untouched, only a reddish patch above his eye was visible along with a cut at the corner of his mouth. Bruises and scrapes ran along both arms. IV lines as well as various cables ran to monitors he was hooked up to.

  My vision blurred as my body swayed bumping into Lisa.

  She grabbed my arm and kept me from falling. “Are you okay?”

  I straightened. “Yeah. I think everything hit me all at once. I’ll be fine.”

  Lisa looked at me with concern. “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah, I’m sure. Thank you.”

  Once I felt stable enough, I walked up beside Will and gently brushed the dark brown hair off his forehead. He didn’t resemble the man I’d been married to or the one I’d asked for a divorce from this morning. He looked like the boy I’d fallen for all those years ago at Garrison High. Back then with Will by my side I always felt safe and protected. We were going to walk hand-in-hand into a future full of hope and promise. I just didn’t know back then that it was all a big show.

  Will turned his head slightly in my direction as his eyelids flickered opened. Dark brown eyes met green watery ones. I gave him a small smile.

  “Bry . . . s . . . on,” he said groggily.

  “Hey.”

  “I’m so . . .”

  “Don’t try to talk right now. You need to rest. You’re in the hospital. You were in a car accident. They have to do surgery but you’re going to be as good as new before you know it.”

  Even though his eyes were glazed over I could tell he understood. Will turned his left hand over so his palm was facing up on the bed. Glancing down, I saw he still had his wedding ring on. His fingers wiggled and I knew instinctively he wanted me to remove the ring for safe keeping. I slid the ring from his finger and held it in my palm. Placing my hand on top of his, I gave it a reassuring squeeze. No matter how much hurt and disappointment had passed between us, I didn’t want any harm to come to Will. I wanted each of us to achieve our dreams even if they weren’t together anymore.

  The anesthesiologist came into the area and pushed another drug into the IV line that knocked Will out completely. They rolled him away while I returned to the waiting room to update Sophie and the family. As I walked up I was surprised to see a police officer had joined them. All the men stood as I approached.

  “Bryson, this is officer Dickson,” Dad said.

  I took the officer’s extended hand and shook it. “I’d say it’s nice to meet you but . . .”

  The officer chuckled. “I completely understand. I hear your husband is going to make a full recovery.”

  “Yes, it looks that way. Thank, God.”

  “I know it’s been a rough day but do you mind if I ask you a few questions about the accident?”

  “That’s fine but I’m not sure what I can tell you.”

  “I just have some routine questions. Your father-in-law told me pretty much everything I needed to know about the moment it occurred.”

  “Would you like to fill me in? I haven’t had a chance to hear the whole story,” I said.

  Officer Dickson flipped open his notepad. “Mr. Forsyth was coming out of the offices of his construction company. He heard screeching tires, which made him look up. He saw your husband’s car careening around the corner at a speed well over the limit. It then spun out of control and smashed into the side of the brick building across the street. Fortunately, no one else was hurt.”

  The knot that had been lodged in my stomach all morning twisted even tighter.

  “Did your husband ingest any drugs or alcohol before he got in the car?”

  “No, it was early in the morning.” There was a hint of defensiveness in my tone that I hadn’t intended.

  “It’s routine, ma’am.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound . . . it’s been stressful.”

  “I understand.”

  “Barring any mechanical malfunction with the car, can you think of any reason why your husband would be traveling at such an accelerated speed?”

  Shaking my head, I answered. “No. Will wasn’t a speed junkie.”

  “Could he have been upset or worried about something causing him to be distracted?”

  I glanced over at both sets of parents. Everyone but Sophie was in the dark about mine and Will’s marital problems. This wasn’t the time or the place to let that cat out of the bag. The idea that the argument could have been the reason for the accident
made me nauseous.

  “No. It was a normal morning for us. There was nothing out of the ordinary.

  “Well, that’s all I needed to know. I’m glad your husband will be alright. He’s a lucky man to have made it out of that crash and to have so many people care about him.” Officer Dickson stood. “Take care.”

  I gave him an appreciative smile. “Thank you.”

  He shook the hands of each member of our little group before heading out the door.

  Four hours passed before I got word that Will was out of surgery. Doctor Bernard assured me that all went well and he expected a full recovery. Although our relationship was over, I was legally Will’s wife so any medical decision making fell on me. Other than running home to shower and change clothes, I was by Will’s side. Even for the first few days when he was in and out of sleep and didn’t know I was there. But I wasn’t going to turn my back on him regardless of how things were between us.

  Obviously we hadn’t discussed the cause of the accident. The guilt of responsibility was like a dull headache that wouldn’t go away. I needed some relief.

  By hospital day four, Will’s medication fog lifted and he was more coherent and clearheaded. He was flipping through the channels on the TV while I sat quietly in the corner flipping through a cooking magazine. The sound of sheets rustling caused me to glance up. Will was looking at me.

  He cleared his throat and said, “I’ve been meaning to thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “For being here. I know you’re ready to end this.” He weakly motioned with his hand, pointing between us.

  “It’s not just me.”

  Will’s gaze dropped briefly and then bounced back up to mine. “Um . . . I need a favor. Two actually.” He paused. “Could we hold off on the separation until I’m back on my feet?”

  I closed the magazine as I ran my tongue over my suddenly dry lips. “I don’t see a reason to prolong things.”

  “Christ, Bryson, all I’m asking is for you to stay with me until I’m well. It’s the least you could do, don’t you think?”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “The morning you asked me for the divorce . . . I couldn’t think straight.”