by Mia Ford
“You’re with Doctor Foxx aren’t you?” she asks me knowingly. “I’ve heard he’s tough.”
Okay, so that might not be my real problem, but there doesn’t seem any point in disputing that point. I like Julia, I appreciate that she’s come to speak with me, but I don’t know if I can trust her yet. I don’t think I should start putting all my cards out on the table. Who knows, my feelings for Oliver could get me fired if they became public.
“Yeah, he is tough. He’s a good guy though,” I finish loyally. “But it’s a lot to take in.”
Julia pulls a pen from her pocket and she grabs my hand. “Here, I’ll write my cell phone number for you. Type it in your phone when you get it and text me whenever you need someone to talk to. Maybe we can even go out for a drink after work sometime when you’ve had a shitty day. Blow off some steam. I would certainly like that.”
Relief floods through me as Julia gives me a glimmer of hope. Maybe I won’t have to go through this alone after all. Maybe, with a friend by my side I won’t need to feel quite so crap about everything. And a dink after work… I would love that.
“Thanks, Julia.” I run my eyes over the number and smile. “That’s awesome. I’ll text you when I get my phone so you have my number too. I better get back to work.”
She rubs my arm gently. “Don’t you worry about it, you’ll be fine. You’re a smart girl. Don’t worry about Doctor Foxx. If he’s being hard on you it’s because he believes in you.”
I nod slowly and walk back to the office with a happier feeling in my chest. There isn’t any point in getting too worked up and worried over Oliver, he’s only a human who has his moods, I shouldn’t read too much into it. If I hadn’t had such an isolated life so far then maybe I’d be much more used to people and this wouldn’t be so much complicated.
Just get through the rest of the day without worrying, I tell myself firmly. It doesn’t matter, nothing does. I might even have a friend now so everything is awesome.
I push the door open slowly, quietly, trying my hardest not to be such a destructive force, but maybe the silence is a mistake. I certainly think so the moment that I see the utterly shocking sight inside, the one that makes my blood run icy cold and my limbs freeze in shock.
Doctor Foxx… and a patient.
They aren’t doing anything at the moment, but it’s obvious from the way that they’re hurriedly pulling their clothes back on that there has been something. They haven’t see me yet, but I know it won’t be long until they do. I need to slide out the room at the speed of light and come back again in a moment.
I do so, still just as silently I hope and I race into the bathroom where I clutch onto the sink and I pant desperately. My brain is reeling, I’m still trying my utmost to process what I’ve just seen, but it doesn’t make much sense. I thought Oliver was a good man, I assumed that he would stick to all the rules that doctors have to abide, I didn’t think he’d act in such a way…
But he did send me away. He told me to go to lunch without him, he told me not to be there for the appointment and now I know the reason. He didn’t want me to cock block him while he fucked someone that he’s supposed to be caring for. I don’t know what to do.
Should I tell someone? Blow his case wide open? But if I do I won’t have anyone to shadow. I’ll be left behind when I really want to be pushing forwards. Also, everyone might already know, and that’ll leave me being the snitch. No one likes me as it is, except potentially Julia, I don’t want to lose my only chance of having a friend. It might be a girlfriend anyway, maybe I’m mistaken…
I don’t think I can do anything yet, I think I just need to wait. Continue on as I am and see what happens. Hopefully things won’t be as bad as I think…
Chapter Five – Oliver
As the second week with Louise working with me comes to an end, I sense a very different atmosphere circling the air. It started a few days ago, after I abandoned her to go to lunch by her own so I could get her out of my system with Diane, another of my awesome patients, and it’s continued ever since. At first I thought that something bad must have happened during lunch time that I wasn’t there to protect her from, but the only new thing I can see is a new friendship with one of the receptionists… and not even one who worked here when I got myself in a mess.
“Are you okay, Louise?” I ask her cautiously as she furiously scribbles notes in her pad of paper, doing anything she can as to not look at me. “You seem a little tense today.”
“Mhmm, I’m fine,” she shoots back coldly. “Just busy. Trying to get everything down.”
I nod slowly and narrow my eyes at her. Since she’s refusing to look at me it gives me all the freedom in the world to watch her. Her shoulders are up around her ears, there’s an iciness surrounding her, her walls are up really high. She’s definitely trying to shut me out.
Maybe she has heard about my previous work hook up. Someone could have told her that story, and I suppose from a female point of view I don’t come off it so well, I don’t look good. All I wanted to do was keep things casual, I tried my hardest to make that much obvious, but it backfired. Maybe Louise now sees me as the scum bag like everyone else does. I don’t want that, I don’t want her thinking bad things of me. I don’t usually care about the opinions of others, but with Louise I do. I want her to like me… even if we can only be friends.
“You know, me and some of the other doctors are going out to a bar after work tonight.” I never invite any of the trainees to this, and I know that I’ll be slated for doing so, but somehow for her I don’t mind at all. I can take the teasing if it brings Louise back to me. “If you’d like to come it could be cool. A good way for you to get to know me and some of the other senior staff a little better.”
She drags her eyes off the notes and stares at me in shock. I can understand that, it’s massively out of the blue, but I need to do something. For some reason, I’m desperate to get things back to the way they were. Not only the flirty bits between us which I can surely live without, but the friendship that was slowly starting to develop. I like that to develop further.
“Oh, wow, th… thank you,” she stammers awkwardly. “That’s a really nice request, but actually I’m busy tonight. I’ve been invited to a house warming at Julia’s new apartment. She’s quite a new friend and I like her a lot, so I don’t want to let her down.”
“Right, of course.” I can tell by the detail that she’s just offered me that she’s telling the truth, but that doesn’t make it any easier to hear. The fact that she probably would have said yes if she didn’t have that on makes me cringe. “Maybe another time then, we do it a lot.”
“Sure. Another time.” She glances at the appointment list and see’s Diane’s name on there. To be fair this is someone who comes her way too often, I don’t know what excuse she gives her husband, but if she wants to pay to see me and usually fool around then I’m usually all for it.
“Right, well I’m going to head to the canteen to get us both a coffee.” As she stands, I wonder what she’s playing at. She doesn’t usually dip out of appointments like this. “I’ll be back once you’ve done this job. This woman is simple, isn’t she? Not someone I need to be here for.”
Louise doesn’t wait for me to answer, she swoops from the room in a heart beat and leaves me all alone in shock. I stare after her, wondering what all of that was about. Yes, admittedly I was a bit of a dick the last time that Diane came here, but she doesn’t know what happened afterwards… does she? Oh my God, does she? Did she somehow see me and Diane?
I slump into my seat with my head in my hands as I try to work things out. That is the exact moment that things went frosty between me and Louise, so it’s very possible. But she seems like the sort of woman who would say something about it if she did. She’s a rule follower, isn’t she? She isn’t the sort of person who’d carry a massive secret like that around with her. Is she? Maybe she is, I suppose I don’t know her as well as I’d like.
God, this is a
nightmare. My brain spins and I feel a little sick. What must she think of me?
“Well, hello there…” Diane’s sultry voice breaks through my shock barrier.
I drag my eyes up to see her standing up against the wall with her chest pushed out. “How are you, handsome?”
There’s a part of me that wants to be with her, to bury myself deeply into her and to just forget. Louise storming off has pretty much given me permission to do just that. If she knows, then she hasn’t said anything and she’s stepped out the way to give me the time I need to just enjoy myself, but now I don’t know if I want to. I think guilt might have the better of me and I want to just behave.
“Hop onto the bed, Diane,” I say wearily. “It’s going to just be an appointment today, I’m afraid. I’m really not in the right frame of mind for anything else.”
“Oh, poor baby.” Diane pouts out her bottom lip and she closes the gap between us. Her hand cups my groin and she strokes me gently. “What’s the matter with you? Are you sad today?”
“No, Diane.”
I try to push her away from me, but she doesn’t go anywhere. Instead she drops to her knees and she tries to prize my trousers apart. This is insane, she’s acting like a crazy, desperate person who is here to please me the other way around. “Please stop.”
“I’m not going to stop,” she gasps. “You need this even if you don’t realize you do.”
I glance down at her, wondering what sort of person I’m going to be right now. Am I going to carry on the path I’ve spent my whole life travelling, knowing that it’s even seedier now because someone that I actually like and respect might know about me, or am I going to use this as a lesson and a cue that I need to change? Maybe, at thirty nine years old, it’s finally time to grow up…
***
“Oi, Oliver.” Simon shoves me in the side, bringing me back to the present moment. “What the hell is up with you tonight? You’ve been quiet ever since you got here.”
I knock back the rest of the drink and I look at him square in the eye with a certain level of defiance. “I’m fine, mate. Just a long day, that’s all. I’m tired.”
“I bet. I’d be tired too if I had to work with that little rocket all day long.” One of the other doctors laughs at his silly joke. I don’t like the way it makes me squirm, it isn’t nice to hear him talk about Louise like that, like she’s a piece of meat without any feelings. “I’d be tired too.”
“No, not like that.” I roll my eyes. At least, it isn’t like that with her. Maybe I might be a bit tired with Diane, but that’s something I don’t want to divulge. I’m ashamed of myself for caving most of all, especially when Louse finally came back in the room and she gave me a disgusted look. It was as if she knew what had happened without me even needing to tell her. “Just work, you know.”
“Yeah, yeah sure.” Simon rolls his eyes and chuckles at me. “Just fantasizing over her all day long probably leaves you a damn mess. Your wrist must be shattered.”
I don’t know why all of this hurts so much, she’s just a friend, or she was. I might be attracted to her but that doesn’t mean I like her. I don’t like anyone properly, that’s not my thing at all. Any feelings I have are only physical, nothing more. And I’m only hooked on that, because it’s taboo.
“My wrist is fine, thank you very much.” I do my best to shut Simon down. “And it’ll be even better tonight when I find someone to take home with me.”
“Man, you’re appetite is crazy. I’ve never seen anything like that.” Simon shakes his head at me. “It’s like you’re on fire at the moment, ever since you hit thirty nine you’ve got even worse.”
His words echo what Rita said to me not so long ago. What neither of them know for sure is that age has nothing to do with it. I just need to keep on screwing around until I get Louise out of my system, that’s all. Once I’m over her completely, then I’ll go back to being as I was before.
“This isn’t a mid life crisis is it?” I give Simon a look, answering him with my expression rather than my words. “Well, I don’t want you to start making a fool of yourself. You’ll have a sports car in a moment… another one, and you’ll start wearing leathers.”
“Will you shut up?” His words are loud and echoing in my brain. I don’t need this right now, I need some space to forget all the issues I have. So far, I’ve learned that there’s only one way to do that, so that’s exactly what I’m going to do. This might be a work night out, but no one expects me to stay with the group… and I don’t care if they do. “I have work to do.”
I move from the table and scan my eyes around the room, like a bird of prey searching for something to eat. I check out all the women in the room, trying to find someone who will be perfect for the night. Not someone who’s going to even expect conversation, never mind anything more. Soon I find her, a blonde sitting with three friends, flicking her hair over her shoulders as she laughs loudly, trying to gain as much attention as possible. I know the type well, she has something that she wants to forget about just like me.
Now it’s time for me to act. I need to pull her away from the group, get her to go with me, then we can both forget all our life problems in a hot and sweaty way.
“Hey there.” I lean across her chair and smile at the whole group, getting to her fast. “How are you all tonight? Can I get you girls a drink?”
“Oh sure.” They giggle and glance at each other. “Thank you.”
All of them lean forwards and push their boobs in my direction while batting their eyelashes. I have them all eating out the palm of my hand with just a few short words. Why can’t it be that easy with Louise? Not that I’m thinking about Louise right now.
“Right, champagne all round. You lot really look like you need some fun tonight, am I right?”
They all squeal and gasp in excitement, showing knowing that I’m in there. This is going to be an awesome night after all…
Chapter Six – Louise
The music thuds so loudly I can hear it right in the center of my brain. I don’t even know what it is apart from a massive, horrible racket. I guess when I was invited by Julia to her house warming I expected it to be a small gathering where I could get to know some new people better, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. It’s loud and crazy, I’m shocked that none of the neighbors have complained yet. I keep thinking that things are going to get shut down, but they haven’t.
I don’t know why I’m here really, I haven’t seen much of Julia. I like where our friendship is going, and I thought that tonight would be an extension of that, but so far she’s spent most of the night with her tongue down some guy’s throat. I don’t blame her, she isn’t here for me, but it leaves me very much alone, a place where I’m far too comfortable I suppose. I don’t want to be, yet I am.
“Hey there.” A guy leans over my shoulder and gets right up in my face, invading my personal space in a way that’s only acceptable when drinking… which I have been solidly for the last hour. “You good? You don’t much look like you’re enjoying yourself here.”
“Oh no, it’s nice,” I reply loyally. “But I’m going home in a moment, after this drink.”
Actually, I had a bed waiting for me at Julia’s because she wants me to stay, but now I’m not going to. I need to be back at my tiny, grotty apartment. Usually I hate where I live, but tonight I’ll be glad to be back there in the quietness where I can actually sleep.
“Oh that’s a shame.” The stranger touches my arm in a gesture that’s far too sweet since I’m currently an emotional mess. “I was hoping to spend some time getting to know you.”
“You were?” I screw my nose up in confusion. “Why would you want to know me?”
“Are you kidding?” He extends his arms widely and grins. “You’re the most beautiful girl here. Of course I want to talk to you. You look really interesting as well. I bet you’ve got lots going on inside that big brain of yours.” He touches me again and I surprisingly like it. “So, what do you say?�
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I part my lips, trying to find the right words, but somehow there isn’t anything there. The only other person to compliment me recently is Oliver, but of course I can’t trust his words at all. Through the slight beer goggles that I have on, this guy is like a younger version of Oliver with his dark hair and warm brown eyes. It’s confusing and makes me feel closer to him than I am.
“Do you want another drink?” He shakes his bottle at me as he senses my confusion. “Do you think you could stay for a little while longer so I can speak to the best person here?”
I can’t stop myself from smiling, he’s just so charming. “Fine,” I concede with a nod. “Get me a drink. I’ll stay for a little while longer but I can’t promise you much more than that.”
He heads into the kitchen, pausing only to glance back at me with a cheeky grin on his face. It makes my heart skip a beat and I can instantly feel a whole load of barriers blurring together because of the alcohol. My feelings for Oliver that I’ve desperately been trying to push down come flooding to the surface and transfer onto this sexy, nice stranger who’s actually been sweet with me.
Oliver is bad news anyway, he isn’t the man for me. He’s older, more mature, and doesn’t care for the rules at all. Every time I close my eyes all I can picture is him fucking her over the examining table which makes me feel ill. It’s hard for me to even work with him anymore, never mind be a friend with him. I need to find a way to forget all of that, to distract myself, and maybe this guy is here to answer my prayers. Maybe, as mad as it is to think after one tiny conversation, this is the guy that I’ll actually end up with. He might be someone that I fall in love with, which will make me forget all about Oliver and his terrible behavior. If I don’t care about him anymore then it won’t matter to me what he does.