Fake It

by Mia Ford

  I don’t get much of a chance to look around the room even though I wouldn’t mind getting to know it all a lot better, because in a heart beat Logan’s mouth is back on mine again, making me feel sexy and safe all at once. When he touched me on the shoulder it confirmed what I already knew. I like Logan touching me and I can’t stand that from anyone else. It’s because I love him, and now I’m going to get to express that love in a physical fashion. This feels right, I’m so glad that I’m here.

  Nerves give way to excitement, and I roll my hips back into him once more. Fuck, this is something that I definitely want, I don’t know what was holding me back before. There isn’t anyone else in the world that I could lose my virginity to. It could only ever be him, the man who’s helped me so much, I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him. I don’t want anymore, only Logan.

  Logan walks me back towards the bed as we kiss until my calves hit the bed frame then he stops. I think he’s waiting for me to make the next choice, but it’s already been made. Now that we’re here, I want him to throw me back onto the sheets and I want him to send me to Heaven and back.

  “Logan,” I whisper into his mouth while sliding my hands off of him. “I want this.”

  My words are magic, he lifts me from my feet and flings me back onto the bed. I bounce a little which makes me giggle playfully. I feel wild and carefree, no longer am I consumed by self-doubt and anxiety. Logan has stripped that from me completely. He knows me so well, he understands me inside and out, and I love that he does. He thinks I’m important, which makes it so.

  Logan looms above me for a few seconds, looking down at me with a smile, but then he climbs over me on all fours, joining me on the bed. Once his head is level with mine, he rests his forehead against mine and he stares into my eyes with such a lovely look it makes me melt all over. I take the look as love, it makes me feel like he loves me just as I do him. Maybe this is complicated, but if we’re in love with one another then we’ll find a way to make it work somehow.

  This is the start of the rest of my life, I’m sure of it. Me and Logan, we will be together.

  As Logan leans down to kiss me gently and softly, my heart explodes like fireworks. One of his hands moves gently up my body, caressing my side as he goes, sending sparkles and fizzles all the way to my core. I can’t help myself, I shiver lightly. All of this feels much more real than in my fantasies. Of course, it would because this is real, but it’s better too. Much more everything that I ever could have imagined. My naïve brain didn’t do Logan justice at all. This is utterly incredible.

  “Oh, Logan,” I moan freely as his mouth moves off mine and to my cheeks. His lips slide over my face, my neck, down to my collar bone, which makes my hands fist into the sheets. I need something to hold me to the Earth or I might just fall apart. “Oh my God, Logan.”

  I love how saying his name in the heat of passion makes me feel, it’s different, it’s new, I want to keep doing it forever more. I know that none of this is as new to him as it is me, but that doesn’t matter. I want to be with him because I love him, and I’m sure his experience will only help. If we were both as inexperienced as me then nothing would happen because we wouldn’t know where to begin. Instincts can only get a person so far. It would’ve been a mess, not romantic and sexy at all.

  “Does this feel good?” Logan asks as his hand cups over my breast. I nod but it isn’t enough. I want him to pull my breast free, I want him to fiddle with my nipples, I want everything from him. “Can I take your top off?” He’s being so kind and considerate. It’s nice, but not all that I want.

  I place one flat palm on his chest and I push him back so I can sit up slightly. Then I tuck my fingers under the hemline of my top before I pull it up and off. My skin shines with perspiration but Logan seems to like that. His eyes widen in shock and surprise, so I grab the strap of my bra and I unhook that too, dragging the material off of me at the speed of light. It flutters to the ground far away from me. Maybe it should feel strange to be so exposed, but it doesn’t, it feels good. Especially when he’s looking at me like I’m the most desirable woman on the whole damn planet.

  “Oh wow, Pru, you look… you have no idea how you look… you’re just too much.”

  I like the stammering, I love having this effect on him, it gives me more self-confidence than any stupid breathing technique ever could. I feel gorgeous, like a goddess. Like I never thought I would.

  Then Logan pushes me back against the bed and his mouth wraps around my nipples. It’s a warm, wet sensation that sends me wild. I didn’t think I’d like it, but I do. It’s awesome… even more so when Logan scrapes his teeth lightly along them. It’s a shock, but a great one, it makes the pulsing in my panties even more intense, I’m out of control. This is even worse than when I touched myself.

  I grab onto his head and rub my fingers into his hair. I tug lightly but he doesn’t complain. He simply slides his head further and further down my body, kissing me as he goes. His lips brush over my stomach, over my navel, all the way towards my thighs where the skin has become incredibly hypersensitive. I feel like I’m being electrocuted all over my body. Everywhere he touches, it’s worse. It’s almost overwhelming, I don’t know if it’s too much or not.

  “Stop,” I plead because I need a moment to catch my breath. “Wait, just wait.”

  “Are you okay?” Logan looks panicked now. “Do you want me to stop? We can just stop this…”

  “No, no that isn’t it.” As my breath catches up with me the deep craving in the pit of my stomach sparks back up again. I do want this, I’m absolutely certain of it. “I just needed a minute. This is…” Should I tell him? I’m sure he already knows anyway but I feel like I need to clarify. “This is my very first time and… well, I don’t really know what I’m doing.”

  I hang my head low, not sure if he’ll want me now. Maybe it’ll turn him off completely to think of me as this young, inexperienced girl who isn’t like a damn adult at all. My head spins, I feel dizzy… but then Logan’s arms wrap tighter around me and he holds me close to his chest.

  “That’s why I’m here,” he whispers seductively into my ear. “To teach you.”

  The idea of Logan teaching me anything sends a powerful shiver racing up and down my spine. That’s exactly what I want, I want to learn from him, to grow with him like I have been doing.

  “Then teach me,” I beg desperately, getting fired up even more. “Teach me everything.”

  His fingers curl around the waistline of my panties and he drags them down with his eyes fixed on me the entire time. I can tell that he’s searching me, trying to work out how I feel about all of this, but there’s also a deep, dark hooded desire there too. God that look alone is enough to send me spiraling over the edge. It makes my whole body buzz and vibrate, I need to cling to him needily.

  Then, all of a sudden, I don’t even really know when it happens, his mouth is all over me. His tongue plunges in and out of me, tasting me in a very intimate way. That feels better than anything I’ve ever experienced before… or so I think until he pulls his tongue out and he flicks it over the part of me that felt amazing before. The bit of me that I now know is my clitoris. He traces patterns over it, it feels like he might be spelling out words, but I can’t work it out because I’m flying.

  “Oh fuck… oh shit… Logan… this is…” There are so many things that I want to tell him but my brain is off on some other planet making it impossible for me to string together a coherent thought.

  I squeeze my thighs around his head, fixing him in place while he makes me body heat up all over. There’ a pool of pleasure forming, deep in the pit of my stomach, and it could burst free at any given moment. It’s even more intense that the orgasm I gave myself, this is on another level…

  Then all of a sudden, without any warning, Logan whips his head away leaving me cold and exposed, all by myself. I prop up onto my elbows, about to protest, but I stop myself when I see…

  Ah, he’s getting a con
dom! I think with a deep thrill in my chest. This is really happening then.

  He watches my reaction as he undoes his trousers and he pulls his erection free. I can’t help it, my eyes bug. I haven’t ever seen a penis before but I didn’t know it was going to be this big. I don’t even know what the hell I can do with that… or what it’ll do to me.

  “Don’t worry,” Logan reassures me. “I’ll be gentle.”

  He moves back to me, teasing me with his tip. My pulse rate speeds and hammers the closer he gets. I can feel him now, begging for entrance, and my God I want to give it to him. I might be nervous, but I need to experience every inch of him, I want to feel him everywhere.

  “Go on,” I plead while pushing myself onto him, getting more of him into me. “Just do it. I want you now, I want to do this with you. Please let me do this with you.”

  Chapter Twenty One – Logan

  I can’t get her out of my head, however hard I try, and my God I’m trying. The last thing I want while I’m at work is to be thinking about Pru and that sweet little squeal that she made when I slid inside of her for the first time last night because it riles me up all over again. It makes me feel sweaty and needy, like I need to go home and do it again, which doesn’t help me disguise things at all!

  I didn’t know what it was going to be like, having sex with a virgin because it’s an experience that I’ve never had before. Not even when I lost my own, it was with a college girl while I was still in high school and she certainly knew what she was doing, but with Pru it was lovely. A really nice, loving experience. I don’t think it hurt her too much, she certainly didn’t complain, and much as I kept trying to take things slowly and gently, she bucked hard against me, demanding more.

  And that was just the first time. The second and third time she was like a crazed horny animal that couldn’t get enough satisfaction. I loved every damn second of it, but it only fed into my addiction more, and now my cravings for her are stronger than ever. I definitely failed in any mission I had to get her out of my system. Now I need more, more, more. I need all of her, all over me.

  “Are you okay?” Hank asks me, interrupting my inappropriate trail of thoughts.

  “Huh?” I give him a curious look, wondering why he wants to speak with me now. “What?”

  “Well, you’re gripping onto that coffee mug really tightly and I don’t think there’s even anything in it. Am I right?” He peers into the mug, invading my personal space as he does. “Yep, empty, just as I suspected. So, is something going on, man? I know that we don’t talk much but if you need someone to shoot the shit with, or to go for a beer with, or whatever, I’m here.”

  My heart stops in my chest, it’s what I was wanting not so long ago but it feels like the offer has come at completely the wrong time. This is a guy that I work with, so I can’t confide in him about all this madness with Pru, and I also don’t think I can invite him in while I’m going through it. He’ll think I’m strange and that I’m keeping things from him, which isn’t the best basis for a friendship.

  Then again, I don’t want to totally blow him off either, because there’s a big chance that when all of this inevitably blows up in my face – which it will, I have no doubt about that – then friendship is going to be a big part of what I need. Hank seems like he could be an okay guy anyway, so why not start with him? He’s the only person who has expressed an interest in befriending me!

  “That’s really nice, Hank, thank you.” I give him the brightest smile I can muster. “I’m okay at the moment, just tired and stressed out. But the beer sounds awesome one night.”

  “I’m actually going out with some of the kitchen staff tonight, if you want to?”

  In all honesty that sounds amazing. I feel like I could use a break from all this madness to have a normal night doing really normal things. Maybe with some guy time I could get my head together and decide what I want to do for sure. Me and Pru have complicated things by sleeping together, there’s no denying that, so whatever we do next will be a really delicate situation. I need to do it right, which is why this might be perfect… but I don’t want to fully commit to it, just in case.

  “Yeah, maybe I will,” I say happily. “I’ll see how things go here today and let you know.”

  “Oh well here’s my cell phone number, so give me a call or a text if you decide to.”

  I watch as he pulls a pad of paper out from his jacket pocket and he writes his number down. I feel really glad that he’s reached out to me and he’s given me an option. Hank might not know it, but this couldn’t have come at a better time. My head hasn’t ever been this messed up before and while I can’t talk about it, it’s always nice to know that I’m not completely alone.

  “You know, when I first saw you a minute ago, I assumed that it had to be women trouble.” Hank smiles innocently as his says this heavy statement to me. He clearly doesn’t know anything, he’s just trying to be kind. “But then again, isn’t it always? Women bring nothing but trouble.”

  For a moment, I don’t know what to say, then I realize I can confide without actually giving myself away. I can’t get one hundred percent bullet proof advice from him, but I can offload just a little bit which is probably what I need more than anything else, just to talk. The secret is killing me.

  “Yeah, well it is,” I admit. “I’m sort of… into someone that I shouldn’t be.”

  “Ah, a friends’ ex?” he asks knowingly. I don’t see any reason to correct him, that’s as good an excuse as any. “We’ve all been there. It’s all well and good saying bros before hos, but what about when there’s a real sexual chemistry there? Sometimes it’s too hard to resist.”

  Thank God, it isn’t just me who’s made a mistake! Other people have given in to that very carnal human need as well. “Yeah, I know what you mean. It’s a nightmare, isn’t it?”

  Hank gives me a look. “Isn’t it just? But sometimes you have to work out if it’s worth it.”

  With that he leaves to get back to work leaving me with his number and the option to go out tonight if I want to. I don’t know how I’ll communicate that message to Pru because she doesn’t yet have a cell phone, but I suppose that doesn’t matter. I don’t have to, it isn’t like I’m her boyfriend and I have to let her know of my whereabouts all the time, she has a key to get in and she’s been at my home for long enough to feel at home… but it would be shitty to have sex with her one day then just not come home until late the next, all drunk and stupid. We haven’t really talked about what happened at all and I don’t think it’s a good idea for our first conversation to be a fight.

  Still, right now I need to get to work, so it’s something I can figure out later on…

  ***

  But Of course I can’t, not really. It doesn’t matter what I’m doing all day long, she’s on my brain the entire time. When no one is in the room with me I’m recalling snippets of that magical, sexual night that we just shared, and when other people are in the room all I’m wondering is why I can’t let her go when I know how much it’s a risk. I want to know why I can’t just fall for someone I can have properly, someone that I can just be with without having to worry about it.

  But there has to be something in this, I wouldn’t be willing to put everything on the line if there wasn’t. My feelings for her must be too damn near to the L word for me to do all of this. I haven’t ever thought of any of the people from the center in this way before, I wouldn’t, I’m not that type of person at all. I’ve always been incredibly respectful of my job… but with Pru, it’s different.

  “Are you even listening to me?” Leah’s course voice grabs my attention. “Mr. Banker?”

  “Sorry, Leah.” I don’t see any point in lying to her, when it’s completely obvious how distracted I am. She’s not dumb, even if she’s loud and brash at times. “I don’t feel so good today.”

  “That isn’t it at all.” She folds her arms defensively across her chest. “You’ve been this way for ages now. Ever since Pruden
ce left actually.” Hearing her mention Pru, in regards to myself as well, makes my heart stop dead in my chest. I have to really reel myself in so I don’t say something dumb and blow my cover without even trying. “I think you miss her and we’re all suffering because of it.”

  My heart thunders against my rib cage, I grip tightly to the edge of my seat, I do what I can to keep my breathing at as normal a pace as I can physically manage. Leah doesn’t know, she can’t, she would be first one to blurt it out if she did. I need to act normally to avoid raising suspicion.

  “Prudence Evans has been gone for a while now,” I say in a grave voice. “I’m sure that we all miss her, but that doesn’t affect me or anyone else particularly, nor will it impact our work.”

  “I don’t miss her,” Leah spits out spitefully. “I thought that she was really annoying.”

  I slam my notebook closed, not wanting to get into any sort of conversation about Pru right now. “Right, well I think we’re done for the day here. It’s almost time for me to go home so I will go back and make myself feel better. We will pick this up next time I’m here, okay?”