A Portrait of Pain

by Jane Washington

  He didn’t answer this time, either. Probably because I’d already put it in my pocket. I was starting to wonder why I even bothered vocalising things anymore. Poison pulled up to the parking gallery and I jumped out, racing through the hallways and up the staircases around the back side of the building so that I wouldn’t have to use the elevator. When I finally reached Tariq’s room, I barged in without knocking, probably overreacting a little bit after the bad feeling I had gotten before getting into Poison’s car.

  He was in the sitting area, writing materials and textbooks spread around him, while an older man stood off to the side, whatever he had been reading from the book in his hands dying off. I cleared my throat awkwardly, having completely forgotten about Tariq’s tutoring sessions.

  “Sorry,” I muttered. “Could I please borrow my brother for a moment?”

  Tariq jumped up. “I’ll just be a second,” he said hastily, cutting off whatever the tutor had been about to say and herding me back into the hallway. “What’s up?” he asked, frowning at my expression.

  “Here.” I pressed the phone into his hand. “I have a bad feeling about today. This is just in case I don’t come back.”

  He stuffed the phone into his pocket and pulled me into a hug, squeezing me tightly. “You need to do whatever’s going to keep you the safest,” he ordered. “I’ll keep an eye on things here.”

  “I wanted to talk to you about that …” I glanced down at my feet, but forced my eyes back up again. I couldn’t feel ashamed about asking him for help. The time for that had long passed.

  “What do you need?” he asked.

  “I’ll be leaving everyone behind. You’re more … observant than Clarin and Poison …”

  “I’ve been looking out for them ever since they moved in here.” Tariq squeezed my arms, his words both surprising to me, and yet … not.

  “I won’t stay in contact with them. It’ll just get them into trouble,” I told him. “The human government, or the media, or Danny—whoever comes looking for me—need to know, somehow, that I ran away and didn’t tell anyone where I was going. They need to know that I’m not communicating with any of you. I know you’ll be careful, Tariq. More careful than any of the others. I need to you hide that phone where nobody will ever find it. You’ll be the only line of communication between our groups until we can come back.”

  “Don’t worry.” He pulled me into another hug. “I can look after myself, and I can hold down the fort here. Jack lets me into most of the Klovoda meetings now, so I’ll pass on any information that might be relevant. If you have anything you need to relay, I’ll make sure Jack hears it, and nobody else. Not that we can’t trust the other agents, but the less people that know—”

  “The better.” I nodded, pulling away. “I really have to go now. Stay safe, little brother.”

  “Everything’s going to be fine, Seph. This’ll be over soon.”

  I smiled at him, trying to make it look like I agreed, and then I was running back toward the elevator again. I almost considered taking the back stairs again so that I wouldn’t run into anybody, but I was changing direction before I’d even had a chance to properly think it through. I found myself in front of the wing that Jack and the Sophies had claimed. They wouldn’t be inside, because they would have started work hours ago. It didn’t matter; I didn’t need to actually speak to them.

  I swung the backpack off my shoulders, pulling it open and extracting the notepad and the pencil, quickly scribbling down what I needed to say.

  Jack, Sophia and Sophie,

  I hope I make it back today, but I have a bad feeling. If I don’t—you should know that we prepared for this. Don’t waste your time looking for us or trying to get into contact with us. Someone will give you a sign at some point, to let you know that we are safe. I won’t name them, just in case this note reaches the wrong hands.

  I’ll only ask one thing of you.

  Look after Tariq. Please.

  He needs a family. Friends. People he can trust—somewhere he can belong. Give him that, and I’ll bring your Voda back to you.

  -S

  I thought about adding that they should burn the note as soon as they read it, but then shook my head. I didn’t need to point that out—these were seasoned Zev agents. I folded the note and slipped it under the door before turning and smacking into a wall that definitely hadn’t been there a second ago.

  “Traditionally, bodyguards are supposed to be at least a little bit observant,” a voice drawled, right above my head.

  I stared at the broad chest right in front of my face. I didn’t even have to look up to know that it was Silas, but I dragged my eyes up anyway, following the barely discernible muscles outlined by his dark shirt, up over his neck and to his lips. I got caught there, for a moment, my attention snagging on the scar that cut into the corner of his lip, and then my eyes were slamming into his.

  “Please don’t tell me you’ve been following me this whole time?” I asked, managing to make my voice come out normally.

  His lips twitched. Almost a smile. I groaned in frustration, grabbing my backpack and pushing past him. I didn’t hear him behind me as I hurried back down the corridor, but now that I was paying attention, I could feel him there. I thought about going the long way again and taking the fire stairs, but changed my mind at the last second, stopping in front of the elevator and punching the button. Silas stayed behind me, out of my eyesight. I had no idea why he was hiding himself, but it made me nervous. For some inexplicable reason, I kept thinking about what he had said after discovering the way I had ruined the cottage’s new floor.

  I’m a forgiving kind of guy.

  Yeah, right. He had stripped me naked and left me alone inside my closet. That wasn’t ‘forgiving’ behaviour. That was some kind of game, and if Silas was playing any kind of game, then at least one of the players was going to end up in pain, and it wasn’t going to be him. In our case, that only left one possible victim. I stepped into the elevator when the doors opened, turning and planting my back against the wall so that Silas couldn’t hover behind me. His face was wiped of expression, but his lips were still holding that infinitesimal curve. That almost smile. As though he was laughing at me. He pressed the button for the ground floor, and I crossed my arms over my chest, a frown tugging at my mouth.

  “What is it, angel?” he asked, even though he had his back turned to me, and couldn’t even see my face.

  My frown grew even deeper. He was definitely playing games with me. I reached around him, hitting the emergency stop button. He made a sound that was suspiciously close to a low laugh.

  “What exactly does ‘twice over’ really mean?” I demanded. It seemed like a good question to ask, because the anxiety of his unpredictability was making me speak without thinking.

  He spun, and my back was against the wall in an instant. His hands were on my hips, pressing me there, and his eyes were hot on mine. “It means I’m keeping track.” He voiced it like a threat—the same way he voiced most things. “And as soon as this shit is over, as soon as you’re in a good place, as soon as we all figure out exactly what the hell we’re doing, I’ll be collecting.”

  I blinked. He was … he was waiting? Waiting for the right … time? I couldn’t stop the laugh before it spilled out of me, and then I was slumping forward, my head against his chest as my whole body shook with astonished mirth.

  “That’s so … sweet,” I managed.

  He froze for a moment, probably in disbelief, and then he growled, pushing me back. “Ah … fuck this.”

  His lips cut off my laugh in a brutal kiss, causing my emotions to switch so rapidly that my head began to spin. Too many things were circling around in my mind, I wasn’t even sure if I was kissing him back or not, but then his hand was in my hair, pulling sharply, and liquid fire shot through me. It burned a path through my bloodstream, driving all thoughts from my head. He kissed me until I was gasping and then he pulled back, turning away from me.

 
I realised why, when I heard the sound of a phone ringing. It sounded like it was coming over the elevator speakers. Silas reached over to the elevator panel, hitting one of the buttons, and Jack’s voice filled the space, crackled and amused.

  “Try not to give the security team something to blog about. They’re trying to build up a following.”

  I glanced up to the roof of the elevator automatically, seeking the camera in the corner.

  “Oops.” My voice came out a croak.

  Silas reached up to the camera, gripped it in one hand, and yanked down on it hard. The mount snapped, and he smashed the front of the camera against the elevator wall.

  “That was unnecessary,” Jack’s voice remarked dryly.

  Silas turned to me, and I swallowed, because his expression was dark, his eyes burning. He took a step toward me.

  I pointed to the elevator panel. The crackling sound had clicked off, but that didn’t mean that someone wasn’t still listening.

  Silas followed my finger, but he barely spared the panel a glance before his eyes were drilling back into me. “They can’t hear us unless you press the button to turn on the microphone,” he informed me, a rough tenor riding his voice.

  “Okay.” I swallowed again, painfully this time, because my throat had gone dry.

  He took another step toward me, and something came over me. Something snapped inside of me. I had thought that it would be possible to love my pairs from some secret place inside my heart. That I would be capable of standing back and watching as they lived their lives—either with me, or without me. The only problem was … they didn’t seem to care about living their separate lives. They were hooking their claws into me and strengthening the bond with every passing moment, with every heated kiss.

  It was time to make a decision.

  It was time to claim what was mine.

  I ran at Silas, my hands winding around his shoulders as I jumped into his arms. He caught me effortlessly, his lips already falling on mine again, before I had the chance to kiss him first. One of his hands cupped the back of my neck, his thumb slipping around the front and pressing up beneath my chin, tilting my head back so that he could deepen the kiss. His forearm was beneath my thighs, holding me up as I twined my legs around his waist. His tongue forced its way into my mouth, and I melted into the hardness of his body, trying to push closer, trying to merge us into one.

  Someone groaned—I didn’t even know who—and then my back was against the wall again, miscellaneous pieces of the security camera crunching beneath Silas’s boots. He anchored his hips against mine, pressing into me solidly. His hips were now holding me up, freeing his hand to slide up beneath my shirt. He pulled back from the kiss, his fingers flexing on my ribcage as his head dropped into the crook of my neck. A gravelly sound rumbled from his chest, and I tried to figure out why he had stopped again before the ringing sound in the elevator broke through into my consciousness.

  Jack was calling.

  Again.

  “We don’t have time for this.” Silas set me back onto my feet and released the emergency stop, lurching the elevator back into motion. One of his hands was still anchored beneath my shirt, and he turned back to me, sliding his grip around to the small of my back and pulling me against him. I blinked as he pressed my face to his chest, realising that he was hugging me. I wrapped my arms around his torso, leaning into him, but the hug only lasted a fraction of a second before he released a curse.

  I tilted my head up, searching for his eyes.

  “Silas?”

  His hands clenched, his body tensing against mine. He didn’t speak, but I could see the wildness in his gaze. It slammed through me, causing apprehension to rise in response, lodging tightly in the back of my throat. Silas’s ‘beast’ had been absent for months—pushed back by his control, smothered by his determination to change. But it hadn’t disappeared completely, and now I could see it, clawing out of him. The doors opened behind him and he pulled away from me, spinning on his heel and striding away. He stopped halfway down the hall, and though he didn’t turn around or say anything, it was clear that he was waiting for me to get myself together and catch up to him.

  I hurried to his side, and he started walking again.

  “I like you in those clothes,” he muttered, as I attempted to match his strides—I had to take two for every one of his.

  I really needed him to stop shocking me. I needed him to pick a damn personality and stick with it. It was hard enough to deal with four boyfriends, but if I included all of Silas’s alter-egos, that kicked the number up to ten. I had ten boyfriends, and seven of them were insane.

  “Do you like them because you picked them and stuck them in my closet?” I asked, looking down at myself as we made it outside.

  “No.” He opened the back door of Poison’s car and pushed gently on my spine until I climbed in. He shut the door on my inquisitive expression and rounded the other side of the car, sliding wordlessly into his seat.

  Well okay then.

  “That took a while.” Clarin was twisted in his seat, searching us with a look. “You two weren’t sneaking off for alone time without the others, were you?”

  Poison started up the car, a snort sounding from her seat as she began to turn around. Silas was on his phone again, ignoring everyone else.

  “No.” I focussed my attention on the window. I needed this line of questioning to end; the sooner the better.

  “Because I’m not cool with that,” Clarin continued. “I’m team Noah and Cabe.”

  Silas looked up from his phone, fixing Clarin with a murderous look.

  “Just kidding.” Clarin visibly paled, turning back around to face the front. “Poison, distract the Dark Lord with music please.”

  Poison punched on the radio, cranking the noise up too loud for conversation, and I wound down my window as we passed Noah and Cabe, who were lining up behind us to turn around in the parking gallery. Noah—who was driving— tilted his head out of the window and mouthed something that looked like what’s going on?

  Help! I mouthed back.

  He grinned, shaking his head. I was starting to realise that Noah took pleasure in very few things, but seeing me uncomfortable was one of them. Although, that only seemed to be the case if at least one of his brothers was around. If there wasn’t anyone within our ‘group’ there to back me up, he tended to put his angry face on.

  “Can you guys turn it down?” I shouted over the music.

  “Can’t hear you!” Poison shouted back.

  Silas reached over me and thumped the back of Poison’s chair. A second later, the volume ebbed.

  “Full-time job keeping you children in line,” Silas snapped.

  “I’m glad you brought that up,” Clarin returned. “I was wondering when we were going to address the obvious.”

  “What?” Silas’s brow furrowed. It was rare to see him confused.

  “The age gap,” Clarin clarified. I couldn’t actually see his face, but I could hear the smirk in his voice. “Between you and Seph, I mean. What is it? Ten years? Twenty years?”

  Poison must have turned the radio off completely, because the car was suddenly silent.

  “Seven,” I quickly supplied, afraid that Silas would actually cripple Clarin in some way if he kept asking questions.

  “Twenty-seven?” Clarin fake-gasped.

  “That’s what she said,” Poison confirmed.

  “Can I hurt them?” Silas asked.

  I glanced at him, thinking that he was asking me … but he was on the phone. He listened to whoever was on the other line, and then he hung up, his eyes settling on mine. “I’m not allowed to hurt them. Apparently, that defeats the purpose of my guarding them. They need to stop talking. Now.”

  “Who turned the radio off?” I asked, needing to raise my voice over Poison’s muffled laughter. “I really liked that song. You should blast my eardrums with it again.”

  “They think they’re on the same team because they’re dressed
the same,” Poison told Clarin, turning the volume back up.

  The pricking unease began to skitter over my skin the second I stepped out of the car, and it stayed with me as I followed Clarin and Poison to their first class. Cabe and Noah trailed us, since they had all been moved to the same schedule. The professors were all obviously aware of the situation, because they didn’t even bat an eye at the way our small contingent moved from class to class. I thought it was overkill, just a little bit—until I noticed that there were several other agents scattered throughout the college. Some of them sat among the students in the lectures, while others tailed the professors, and still more were situated to guard certain rooms and offices.

  The whole college was under watch.

  Of course … Danny had already demonstrated that the college was a great location to stage a disaster, so nobody wanted to take any chances anymore. It made me think that Danny would be pretty stupid to try and attack anyone there. He was powerful and intelligent—and insane enough not to care about the repercussions—but he wasn’t hidden anymore. He wasn’t anonymous, living in the shadow of the Klovoda. That made all the difference. He no longer had the resources.

  I already knew what his next big move was going to be, and for the first time since this whole mess had begun, I was ready.

  “Oh, hey guys!” Charles—Clarin’s roommate—edged his way into the row of seats that Poison, Clarin, Noah and Cabe had claimed, sitting down next to Poison. They all stared at him, because the other students had been avoiding us all day, choosing to steer clear of our group.

  “Hey,” Clarin finally answered, leaning around Poison to deliver the greeting.

  Poison seemed to be leaning slightly away from Charles, and despite our whole situation, I found myself smiling.

  “What?” Charles stared at her, basically ignoring Clarin’s greeting. “You’re too cool to talk to me now that you have a few bodyguards?” He stuck his chin up, looking kind of adorable with his fake anger.

  Fake anger which Poison didn’t seem to realise was fake.

  She visibly bristled. “Why do you always have to sit next to me in this stupid class? I don’t want to be your damn friend!”