A Portrait of Pain

by Jane Washington

But he was just as aware of who he was dealing with. He could attack me and come out on top, but he wouldn’t last very long before the Klovoda agents swarmed him like bees. They were becoming even more protective of their Voda than ever before—and that extended to Silas, Cabe, myself and surprisingly, even Seraph. They should have been terrified of her—maybe they still were—but they were also prowling around Le Chateau day and night. They were pulling out of their civil servant jobs against the wishes of Jack and closing ranks, amassing in the spare housing on the grounds of Le Chateau. Things wouldn’t return to normal until Miro resumed his position as head of the society, and that wouldn’t happen until Seraph woke up.

  “She still hasn’t woken up,” Andre finally supplied, growing tired of waiting for me to finish my sentence.

  I gripped either side of the doorway, widening my stance. He definitely wasn’t winning himself any favours.

  He might have been solidly loyal to the Voda—another thing his file had expanded upon—but part of that loyalty required him to retain his position. It was a position of power, and positions of power were not often encouraged by the Klovoda. The only reason Andre had been asked to accept promotion after promotion was because he had proven himself to be excessively hard-hearted. He wouldn’t hesitate to do things that went against his society in the short term, as long as he was able to serve a larger picture. That meant that he would drag Seraph out of this cottage and hand her over on a silver platter, because it would solidify an alliance between the Zevs and the humans that was sorely needed. It didn’t matter to him that they would dictate her life from that point on. That they would use her. If it would help the Zevs, he would do it.

  The problem?

  He would have to get through me first.

  “I’ll be back tomorrow,” he finally decided, stepping back from the door. “We’re going to have to bring her in for questioning soon, you can’t deny us that. Just keep in mind … the longer you wait, the worse it’s going to get for her.”

  In answer, I slammed the door in his face.

  I had no idea who had allowed Poison and Clarin into the cottage, but once the metaphorical gates were open, the people just swarmed in. Eventually, Noah got sick of everyone hovering and kicked most of them out, but certain people wouldn’t budge. Poison and Clarin had claimed either side of Seraph on the bed, and Tariq was sitting at the end of the mattress, holding his sister’s feet. He looked like he was trying not to cry. It hurt to watch him, so I was glad when Sophia finally walked up behind him, pulling her arm around his neck and hugging him from over the end of the bed. Jack sat next to him, one hand on his shoulder, the other on Seraph’s calf.

  I had no idea that Tariq had grown so close to Jack and his pair, but it was now glaringly obvious. I was glad that he had someone to lean on, because the rest of us were too broken up inside. Noah was standing against the wall glaring at everyone, Miro and Silas were both upstairs, presumably hiding, and I was just walking from one end of the room to the other.

  A week.

  A whole week, and no change whatsoever.

  Until today, that was. Today, the valcrick had finally spluttered out. That was why everyone had been allowed into the apartment. Just in case the time came and they needed to say goodbye—although we all pretended that we just needed them to watch her while we had some time to ourselves.

  Something crashed on the landing above us, and I flinched, glancing over at Noah. He wasn’t even listening, his eyes riveted to the glass wall. The crash above was followed by the smashing of glass, and I put my hand out as Jack got up, heading toward the stairs. I went instead, taking the stairs three at a time. Noah must have finally snapped out of his stupor, because he reached the top of the stairs only a few seconds after me.

  I had no idea who had thrown what, but there was splintered wood and shattered glass all over the kitchen. Miro and Silas were just standing there, staring at each other.

  I opened my mouth to say something, but the words wouldn’t come.

  If she didn’t wake up soon, we would all break apart.

  It wasn’t the bond that kept us all together. It was her.

  When I woke up, it was dark.

  For just a moment, my life was a blank canvas. I didn’t know where I was, I didn’t know who I was. I had no recollection of the event that had sent me into sleep, and I had no idea of what had brought me back.

  It didn’t last long.

  Within seconds, the memories had blasted back into me. I gasped, my body arching, remembered trauma ricocheting through me in blinding flashes of pain.

  “Seph?” a voice grumbled, before sharpening, sounding more alert. “Holy shit! Seph?”

  Hands gripped me, and there was movement all around me. The room flooded with light as curses filled the air, and then two faces appeared above mine. I laughed at the looks of utter astonishment that Noah and Cabe were both wearing, but the sound was a little strange. I felt … off. I reached out and pulled them both to me, my arms weak and shaky. We became a tangle of limbs, trying to press against each other as much as possible in a hug that was going in too many directions.

  “Where are the others?” I asked, when they both lifted off me, allowing me to see the darkened glass of my bedroom wall back at home. It was night time.

  “They had to go with Jack to speak to the agency on your behalf,” Noah answered.

  “What agency?” I questioned, holding out my arms before me. My skin was a different colour—much paler, with a silvery sheen to it. Another attack of memory hit me, and I winced, trying to concentrate on Noah’s answer.

  “The agency that the human government has tasked to deal with people like us.” He emphasised the last part with a roll of his eyes. “They were a day away from knocking down your door, so Silas and Miro finally agreed to go and meet with them. They drove back to Seattle this morning.”

  “When are they coming back?”

  “Tonight.”

  I nodded, pulling to my feet. I swayed at first, but they stood on either side of me, keeping me upright. I noticed a table of medical equipment by the bed, along with a catheter hanging down from a bag of fluids hooked up to a stand.

  “How long was I out?” I asked as I stared at the setup.

  They followed my eyes, and I watched as darkness descended over both of them and pain crashed into my chest, hitting me from two different directions. I cursed, rubbing the spot, and they both seemed to snap out of it.

  “Eight days,” Cabe finally replied, his tone brisk. “The valcrick stopped sustaining you yesterday and we were about to start drip-feeding you today. You must feel like death. Do you want a bath?”

  I nodded, casting one look to the medical equipment before allowing them to help me toward the stairs. We descended to the lower level, and they sat me on the edge of the bath. I was wearing fresh pyjamas, so one of them had obviously been taking care of me. I blinked when they started almost methodically taking care of me. One of them handed me a toothbrush while the other started tugging a comb through my hair. I was just sitting there on the edge of the bathtub, reflexively brushing my teeth while the non-existent knots were worked from my hair. Just the fact that my hair wasn’t even tangled was enough of a hint that this was a routine of sorts for them. Noah handed me a cup to wash out my mouth before taking the toothbrush back to the sink, and then they were hopping into the tub. They started undressing me, still donning the same oddly clinical manner. They knelt by my feet, peeling off a sock each; Noah handed one to Cabe, who folded them both up against the side of the bath. Noah then started on the buttons of my pyjama top.

  “Do this often?” I finally spoke up, the shock beginning to wear off.

  They both paused, and then jerked back as though I had burnt them. Burning brown eyes and churning blue eyes fixed to mine, and the change in them was instant. They slumped down into the bath, laughter echoing around the room. I smiled, but it wasn’t amused laughter that they were sharing. It was the kind of laughter that came out i
nstead of tears. I waited for them to stop.

  “I can’t believe you’re alive,” Cabe finally admitted, staring at me. “Say something.”

  “What do you want me to say?” I toyed with the buttons of my top, trying to decide whether I wanted to undress or not. I was still weak, and I knew my guys well enough to know that it would start something. They were emotionally on edge, a desperate kind of wildness lurking in their movements.

  For a moment, I wondered if I would be too weak to do anything physical, but then I pushed away the concern. I needed them. I needed to feel alive again. I stood and made quick work of the buttons before drawing the top off. Neither of them answered me; it seemed to finally click that I was undressing in front of them. That we were in the bath again. That we were alone.

  That I wasn’t dead.

  “Stop,” Noah rasped.

  I tossed my pyjama top outside the bath, standing there in just my pants. They were both staring at me, heat slowly creeping over the pain, transforming their faces into expressions that felt more familiar to me. Almost immediately, I relaxed. They stood, both pulling their shirts off at the same time. Noah reached me first, capturing my hand and planting it low on his stomach so that my fingers were brushing his pants.

  There was an unspoken question there, but I wasn’t sure how to answer it until Cabe caught my face in his hands, drawing my mouth to his. He tried to be gentle, his lips soft and coaxing, but the kiss quickly turned hard, the desperation leaking through. My fingers curled into the waistband of Noah’s pants almost reflexively. I realised that he had been asking if they should undress, too—but now my fingers were beneath his waistband and I was touching him, discovering the shape of him.

  “Jesus,” he growled, grabbing my wrist. For a moment, he pressed himself into my hand, but then he was pulling my arm up and Cabe and him were both stepping back.

  I hooked my fingers into my own pants and flicked them down, stepping unsteadily out of them and tossing them to the side with my top. One of them released a small groan, but they copied my movement, stepping out of their remaining clothing and tossing it all aside. The tension inside the bathroom was so thick as we drank each other in—it increased my weakness until my knees buckled, but they both shot forward to catch me, lowering me easily to one of the seats. Cabe switched on the taps as I finally pulled my eyes away from them, the images now burned into my mind forever. My stomach was clenched tightly with bubbly heat, tension leaking from the air into my bones. They were both perfection in their own ways: Noah was ridged in muscle, painted in porcelain with broad shoulders and eyes that made me feel like I was flying; but Cabe was the opposite, darkly handsome with a more streamlined strength, his gaze a melting force of heat. Individually, they didn’t suit their appearances at all; but together, they made up two perfect parts of a whole. The darkness and the light, the ice and the fire.

  The water started to fill around my ankles, and I could tell that they were trying to restrain themselves. I had scared them, almost fainting. They claimed either side of me on the seat, Noah draping an arm across my thighs, holding onto my outer right leg, his grip tight. Cabe had his arm hooked around my neck, his fingers brushing my collarbone. They didn’t want to release me, but it wasn’t enough. I needed to merge us all together somehow, I needed to revel in the bond—in them—to feel grounded again.

  “I’m not going to pass out—”

  The words were barely out of my throat before Noah cut me off, gripping my jaw and turning my face to his.

  “Thank fuck for that,” he stated plainly, before he was kissing me. He didn’t bother to start off gentle like Cabe. He licked into my mouth and claimed me immediately, a growl of possessiveness emanating from him.

  He dragged me onto his lap, but he seemed to have forgotten that we were both naked because he hissed out a breath, his hands tightening on my hips. He gently pushed me off, setting me on my knees on the floor of the bath. The water was up around my thighs now, and slowly inching higher. He turned me around, and that was the only warning I got before Cabe was moving against my front, his hands shaping to my back and his lips on mine. My head started to swim with memories; memories of the last time we were in this bath, memories of the secret little rock pool that they had taken me to the year before when I was straining.

  “My turn,” Noah muttered, causing Cabe to break away from me.

  Noah’s hand slipped around my neck from behind, pulling my head around. I turned as he leaned down, and I got caught up in his kiss again with Cabe still pressed to my front. I started to move against Cabe; small movements born from a natural instinct that couldn’t be held back any longer. I could feel him against my stomach, heavy and hard, his hands slipping from my back to my hips, and then around to my ass. He grabbed me, nudging my legs apart with his knees. When he shifted me up, my knees lifted from the bottom of the bath and I pulled them up around his hips, locking my feet behind his waist. Noah took a step closer, pressing me solidly between the two of them. All three of us groaned, and I broke the kiss. I could feel them both now, and I wasn’t sure how it was going to work.

  “Have you ever—” I started, but Cabe cut me off.

  “No,” he answered, knowing my question before I asked it. “We don’t usually do this sort of thing together. Only with you. But we’re not going to have sex with you tonight.”

  He must have seen the confusion written all over my face because he smiled at me, loosening the grip of my legs from around his waist and pulling away slightly. He flicked his eyes to Noah and then to the edge of the bath, which Noah took as some kind of message, pulling me back to the seat.

  “Remember when you danced for me, little ghost?” Cabe was beside us, his hand slipping up my spine, his fingers tracing up the back of my neck.

  I nodded at him, a shiver running down the length of my body. It seemed to be a loaded question, containing some kind of command. I glanced at Noah, and then crawled up into his lap, my knees on either side of his hips. This time he didn’t displace me, but allowed me to sit there, his jaw drawing tight.

  “That’s it.” Cabe’s voice deepened, his fingers dropping back down the curve of my spine, pushing against a spot right above my tailbone.

  It forced my hips forward, and Noah made a strangled sound as I rubbed against him.

  “It’s not so different,” Cabe whispered to me, drawing closer, his lips taking mine again.

  The wildness had leaked away, soothed by our constant contact. It had been replaced with a strange mix of softness and strength. He didn’t allow me any shyness, coaxing every response from my body as I started to move against Noah. Hands found my hips, Noah’s fingers digging in with a pressure that changed my movements, altering them enough to ripple pleasure up my spine. I groaned against Cabe’s mouth, and the kiss deepened, his tongue growing demanding.

  In a matter of minutes, my body was clenching up, shuddering on Noah’s lap. I cried out, but Cabe quickly swallowed the sounds before pulling his mouth away. He sat back, his eyes hooded, his body tense. Noah held me against his chest as the gentle aftermath still rocked through me, but I could still feel him between us. It was the third time one of them had taken care of me without expecting anything in return, but I could see that Noah was on edge. I reached down between us and he sucked in a pained breath when my fingers brushed him.

  “Why?” I asked, my fingers curling around him. I was finally dredging up the courage to question Cabe’s earlier statement: we’re not going to have sex with you tonight.

  His head dropped forward onto my shoulder. “We can’t.” He seemed to understand the question I was asking him. “You just came back from the dead, and it almost killed us. When they come and see you they’re going to be too on edge. We don’t need to heap on the fact that you lost your virginity too.”

  “That’s a pretty good point,” I muttered, my hand stroking him.

  He turned his head, his teeth biting into the skin at the base of my neck. The gesture was sharp and
painful, but I only reached across to Cabe, gripping him in the same way.

  The bathroom filled with the sound of mixed groans, and I ended up half spread over both of their laps, my lips passed between them, gaining a few marks and bites against my shoulders and the tops of my breasts with each passing minute. When they released, it was at the same time, crushing my body between them and dislodging my grip of them—one of them driving into the base of my spine and the other pressing into my belly.

  “Welcome back to the world of the living,” Cabe whispered against my mouth.

  “We missed you,” Noah added, his words pressed into the back of my neck.

  “Love you too,” I replied, almost flippantly.

  They tightened around me for a moment, and then they started to chuckle. Somehow, that melted into laughter, and for just a moment, the world was blindingly bright, filled with so much love and hope that it hurt. We stayed in the bath for a while longer, but as I dried off and dressed again, reality started to creep back in. I was gaining strength by the second, and by the time we made it upstairs and I had managed to swallow back half of the sandwich that Cabe had made for me, I was almost back to normal.

  And full of questions.

  The initial urge to get as close to Noah and Cabe as possible had finally passed, calming the rioting connection inside me that was still reeling after having almost been torn from the world. I forced them to fill me in on everything that had transpired, and then I told them—as gently as I could—that I needed to go up and see the others. Jack was apparently with Miro and Silas, but the others were all up in the mansion. I knew, somehow, that they wouldn’t like sharing me so soon, so the look they passed to each other didn’t come as a surprise to me. They drew closer, their hands capturing mine. They were holding themselves back from dragging me downstairs and forcing me to forget about everyone else, but they only struggled with it for a moment before nodding.

  “Let’s go,” Cabe announced. We cleaned up the kitchen and headed outside, walking the short distance up the hill. The doors were open, as usual, inviting the cool night breeze into the hallway.