Christmastime Cowboy

by Maisey Yates

  “Good morning.”

  She turned around and her eyes flew wide when she registered his appearance. And probably a little wider still when she realized he was naked.

  He gloried in the way her blue gaze drifted over him. As though she had never seen anything quite like him. And he realized that she hadn’t. Not really.

  That appealed to him more than it should.

  “Good morning,” she murmured. “Luckily I don’t have a whole raft of people over for breakfast. Or they would be getting a show along with their pancakes.”

  “Do you often throw breakfasts at your house?”

  “No,” she said, tilting her head to the side. “Although, Sabrina’s pancakes and all-male revue might have some legs.”

  “Hairy ones, anyway,” he said.

  She snorted. “How are you this morning?” she asked, picking up a mug of coffee and tapping the sides.

  “I would be better if you would take your hair down.”

  “I don’t take it down when I sleep, it gets snarled.”

  He leaned in, his nose touching hers. “I want to snarl it.”

  “Well, then you would have to de-snarl me,” she said, sounding huffy. “I don’t think you want that.”

  “I see I’ve got snarly Sabrina this morning. Well, I have to admit that I don’t really mind her. But then, I’ve met a few different Sabrinas, and I can’t say that I mind any of them.”

  “Stop that,” she said, scowling meanly and wrapping her hands around her mug like little claws. “Don’t be charming.”

  “Should I go back to being an asshole?”

  “I did find certain things easier when I didn’t like you.”

  “That’s...” He frowned. “Not very flattering.”

  “I’m not trying to flatter you.”

  “Mission accomplished.” He made his way over to the cabinet and pulled a mug down, and Sabrina continued to stare at him, looking wide-eyed and a little bit shell-shocked. “What?”

  “Sorry.” She took a sidestep out of his way. “I’m just not used to a naked man rushing past me in my kitchen on his quest for caffeine.”

  “Are naked men usually on quests for different things in your kitchen? Buried treasure. Truffles perhaps?”

  She lifted a brow. “I promise you, that has never happened either.”

  “Never?”

  “Never has a naked man rooted for truffles in my kitchen. Of the chocolate or fungal variety.”

  He chuckled. “Good to know. I have to say, I like that a whole lot more than I should.”

  “You like what more than you should?”

  “The fact that I’m the only naked man to have ever wandered around your kitchen.”

  “Possibly not ever.” She spread her hands wide, one still gripping her mug. “I don’t know who lived here before me and what they wore or didn’t wear in the kitchen. Certainly, I’ve dashed out to the kitchen in the buff before. That’s the perk to living way off the beaten path. You don’t exactly have to worry about the neighbors appearing in the windows.”

  “Except maybe raccoons.”

  “That’s fine,” she said. “The raccoons aren’t going to take any illicit footage and put it up on the internet.”

  “You don’t know that.” He poured himself a measure of coffee and took a sip. “Raccoons do have little hands. I bet they could operate a smartphone if they could get ahold of one.”

  “Well, then maybe I have some amateur porn floating around online. Slightly more explicit after last night.”

  He was firmly happy to be part of her more explicit moments.

  “I have to go to the winery this morning,” she said softly. “But later I might want to go to the shops and take a look at some decor. I think Rebecca West is going to have some things to really finish off the tasting room.”

  “I could join you for that. Although, I’m not sure what I’m going to offer on the decor front.”

  “It’s our project.”

  “That it is.”

  He surveyed her for a long moment, feeling a strange tightening in his chest that spread down to his gut, down to his groin. That lower tightening he understood. But the other stuff... He couldn’t put a name to that. Or maybe, he just didn’t want to.

  Either way, he wasn’t going to.

  “Why don’t I go up to the winery with you?” he asked, again, not quite sure of his motives.

  She hesitated. “Discretion...”

  “Lindy already knows. And it isn’t like Beatrix is always hanging around. Or that she would draw the right conclusions even if she were.”

  “True.”

  “Anyway, it would probably be good for me to be there, because I need to get some serious inventory taken, and all the cheese orders that I need to place with my brother and sister-in-law finalized. I have my computer in my truck.”

  “All right,” she said. “You win. We can ride together. Especially since we’re going down to town later.”

  “I promise to be conveniently out of the way.”

  “Great. You can use my office if you want. It’s not fancy. Little more than a coat closet, some might say.”

  “I can handle that,” he said.

  And if the idea of spending the whole day with her made his chest get even tighter, he was going to ignore that too.

  * * *

  SABRINA WAS FLUTTERY by the time she got her apron on and got herself situated in the dining area. She wasn’t expecting it to be a big crowd today. After all, the weather was getting colder and lunching at wineries tended to be a bit more of a summer activity. They were definitely busier in that high season, when the roads weren’t as frosty and treacherous, and when more people flooded both Gold Valley and Copper Ridge for tourism.

  Though, both towns commanded their share of tourists that came in for Christmas festivities, and that was one reason that getting a shop in town was a good idea. The rural drives got harrowing when the weather cooled off. Especially when the day didn’t manage to get above freezing at any point. Then it all just builds and builds. It hadn’t gotten that cold yet, but Sabrina could feel it in the air. That crisp edge to the pine that reminded her of Christmas. Snow, and bitter cold.

  She was working with Olivia in the dining area today, and was hoping that her transgressions were not written all over her face. It was a conversation she didn’t particularly care to have with the other woman.

  She needed Liam to stay in her office. She could not handle him parading around like a very pretty, tattooed ornament announcing her sins.

  But when Olivia did walk in she looked ashen, her face drawn and pale, her brown hair scraped back into a tighter bun than usual, one that was a little bit lopsided, which Olivia never was.

  She was always the picture of ladylike elegance, even working a fairly demanding job.

  “Olivia,” Sabrina asked. “Are you all right?”

  “I’m fine,” she said, sounding dull and listless.

  “You don’t look fine at all.”

  “Bennett and I had a fight,” she said finally. “We never fight. Ever. We get along so well people are always commenting on it. It’s like we’re made for each other. That’s what everyone says. His family is so wonderful, and he’s so wonderful... I don’t...”

  “Why did you fight?”

  “We fought because I want to get engaged. And he said he wants to wait. I was so thinking that he was going to propose this Christmas. But now that he’s not... I just...”

  “Olivia,” Sabrina said, her stomach twisting. “Has it ever occurred to you that maybe...maybe he’s not perfect for you?”

  “No!” She blinked rapidly, holding back tears. “No,” she said again, this time a bit more boldly. “He is. We’ve known each other since we were
kids. First I was just a kid to him. And he went away to school, and then so did I. When I got back it finally happened. We finally happened. It’s what was always supposed to happen.”

  “Except it’s not happening,” Sabrina said, as gently as she possibly could.

  Olivia narrowed her eyes. “You’re one to talk. You spent how long playing dramatic opera heroine over the same guy? One that wasn’t even here?”

  “You don’t know anything about Liam,” Sabrina said, knowing that wasn’t fair, because everybody within a two-mile radius of her had gotten a pretty definitive impression of what the deal was with her and Liam from the moment he had come back into town. All because of Sabrina’s own behavior. So the fact that Olivia was commenting on it now wasn’t totally out of left field, and it wasn’t unreasonable for her to think she had a bead on it.

  Sabrina had set herself up for that by performing the way that she had.

  Still, it made her mad.

  “Do you love Bennett?” Sabrina asked.

  “Of course I do. I’ve always loved him. I have loved him since I was in first grade and he was this tall, handsome, amazing older boy that was completely out of my league. I loved him all that time.”

  “What does it feel like when you imagine your life without him?” Sabrina asked.

  “I can’t imagine my life without him. If I try, it’s like a big blank nothing in front of my face. He’s what I’ve always wanted.”

  It was like a strange, idealistic version of how Sabrina had felt about Liam. Like he was this object that had at one point been meant to fulfill her fantasies. And then had destroyed them, and therefore ruined her. Thus symbolizing the realness and validity of her pain.

  “What does it feel like when he kisses you?”

  Unbidden she thought back to Liam. To last night. The way he had kissed her up against the door, and taken her down onto the floor. The utter desperation that had filled her. The need. It made her heart clench tight now even thinking about it. Her heart and...other things.

  “It’s nice,” Olivia said. “I like to kiss him.”

  “What will happen if you don’t?” Sabrina pressed.

  “What does that mean?” Olivia looked petulant and more than a little frustrated.

  “When he’s right there, and you want to kiss him... What does it feel like will happen if you can’t? If he doesn’t kiss you?”

  “I don’t understand. Nothing will happen. I’ll want a kiss, and not get one.”

  Sabrina put her hand on her chest unconsciously, rubbing at a strange sore spot that felt like it was expanding beneath her breastbone. “Does it feel like dying not to? And when he does... Is it like breathing?”

  “No,” Olivia said, her voice flat. “It’s like kissing.”

  Sabrina stared at her; she didn’t mean to, but she couldn’t help it.

  Olivia made an exasperated noise. “I know I’m supposed to be with him. I’ve known him forever. There’s no need to be desperate about it. I know some people have that craziness. That match and gasoline thing, but we have...something else. It’s that certainty.”

  “It doesn’t seem very certain today,” Sabrina pointed out.

  She wasn’t trying to be cruel, it was just that it seemed very much like the only thing holding Olivia to Bennett was the fact that she thought they were supposed to be together. Whatever that meant. And if she didn’t feel that certainty, that impending proposal, there was little else keeping her there.

  They had no passion, so the glue was that assurance.

  It was such a strange combination compared to her and Liam. The only certainty with them was that it would end. It was the attraction that kept them coming back together. In spite of the fact they made no sense.

  “What do you think would happen if you broke up with him?” she asked gently.

  “I don’t want to break up with him. I want to marry him.”

  “Well, the fact he’s been with you all this time indicates he probably wants to marry you too,” Sabrina said. “I’m not advocating for playing games. I just think you might need to show him what might happen if he doesn’t. Show him what life looks like without you. If he feels the same way about you that you do about him he’s not going to want that. It’s not blackmail, it’s just sometimes when you have something you need to lose it in order to appreciate it.” Or, as the case was in her experience with losing someone you cared about, feel like your entire heart had been ripped out through your throat.

  “I don’t think I’m brave enough to do that,” Olivia said, frowning.

  “Good morning.”

  Sabrina turned to see Clara Campbell walking into the room carrying a tray of many pies. “These are from Alison. She didn’t feel good enough to drive up and Lindy wanted to have them for guests today.”

  “All right,” Sabrina said. “Morning sickness?”

  Clara nodded. “It hit her with a vengeance. And Lane had to have the shop open, plus, the guys had to be out riding the range and all that cowboy stuff. So I volunteered.”

  “Very giving of you,” Sabrina said.

  “Oh, totally,” Clara countered, setting the pies on the counter. “Of course, I was offered a pie for my trouble. And the chance to come and visit a couple friends that I don’t see often enough.”

  She lifted her hand and her engagement ring sparkled, and Sabrina saw Olivia eyeball the diamond hungrily.

  “How are things?” Clara asked.

  Both she and Olivia made noncommittal grunting noises. Then Olivia turned away.

  “I need to go check on a few things. Get a couple bottles from one of the storage rooms. I’ll be back before you go,” she said.

  Clara waited until Olivia was gone. “What was that about?”

  Sabrina lifted a shoulder. “I think your engagement ring is giving her hives. Bennett still hasn’t proposed.”

  Clara sighed heavily. “I’m not sure Bennett is going to propose.”

  “That’s what I’m afraid of. She cares for him so much...”

  Clara twisted her engagement ring. “Does she? Or does she just care about the idea of him?”

  Again, that phrase struck Sabrina in a way that was a bit too relatable. She knew what it was like to hold the idea of someone up as the truth. Knew exactly what it was like to feel like you knew a person without actually knowing them.

  “I don’t know. It’s hard to tell with her. She’s a tough one to read.”

  “Speaking of people being tough to read,” Clara said, turning her blue eyes to Sabrina. “I want to know what happened with the condoms and Liam Donnelly.”

  “Really? It’s the condoms that you’re curious about? Not the Cheetos? Don’t you want to know what I did with those?”

  “To hell with your Cheetos, woman. I want real details.”

  Sabrina sighed heavily. “Fine. We had sex.”

  Clara’s eyes widened. “Are you going to be my sister-in-law?”

  Those words, though spoken with levity, felt like a knife straight through Sabrina’s heart. “No,” she said, rubbing at the sore spot again. It felt like it was growing at a far-too-rapid rate. “Liam and I are not going to... That’s not going to be a thing.”

  “Why not? He and Alex are so close...”

  The strange thing was, Sabrina felt like he and Alex weren’t all that close. She understood why Alex might think so. She even understood why Liam might think so. But Alex didn’t know anything about what Liam had been through. Not really. Liam had kept it from him. She had to wonder if Liam was actually close to anyone.

  Or if all the things that he held back about himself kept him at a very safe distance from the world.

  “Yeah, sorry. I can’t get married to him just to become your sister-in-law. As convenient as it would be. Because you know I love you
dearly.”

  “But you don’t love him?”

  The denial hovered on the edge of her lips, but she found she couldn’t quite say the words. So instead she just shrugged. “We’re just taking care of unfinished business. It was a long time coming. The fact of the matter is we are going to be living in the same town for the foreseeable future, and we need to be able to be around each other without sniping. Plus, we are working on a project together.”

  “And somehow having sex is going to make it seem like you guys are less awkward around each other?”

  “Well, I don’t know about that, but we’re not fighting every time we get near each other. So, I guess that’s a thing.”

  “Sure.”

  Silence settled awkwardly between them and Sabrina reached around for a topic that was not Liam, or her uncertain feelings about him. “Your bison are good?”

  Clara shook her head. “You always talk about bison when you’re uncomfortable.”

  “Only with you. It’s not exactly my go-to topic with anyone else.” Sabrina smiled. “Since you’re the only bison rancher I know.”

  “More people should do it,” Clara said. “It’s fun.”

  “Fun. I’m not sure most people would consider bison fun.”

  “Well, then those people shouldn’t have bison.”

  To Clara’s credit, she didn’t press for any more details about Liam. Olivia reappeared a while later as promised, but it served the purpose of keeping the socialization brief. And Clara did not ask about Bennett.

  When they left, Sabrina felt oddly heavy. Because Clara had asked her a whole bunch of questions she didn’t know the answer to. Or rather, a whole bunch of questions she didn’t want to think about.

  How she felt about Liam being the first one. There were feelings. There had always been feelings. If there weren’t, then him coming back would have made her feel nothing more complicated than a pulse between her thighs.

  But it had always been more than that. It had always been deeper. Much to her chagrin.

  She and Olivia worked steadily over the lunch rush, which was more a steady trickle of people than it was a true rush. Then at the end of her shift she wandered back into her office, not really conscious of what she was doing until she opened the door and saw Liam sitting there, his shirtsleeves pushed up to his elbows, revealing muscular forearms and those fascinating tattoos. The ones that she wanted to hear an entire biography on. His hair was messed up, as though he had run his fingers through it a few times. He looked rough and masculine, too big for the space, and almost comical sitting in front of the slim, silver computer.