Lost Star

by Rebecca Royce

  I cleared my throat. “I…I don’t really care if you curse. I’ve only ever seen the words written, and only then because a friend snuck them in and we read them secretly. So…hearing you guys say them is a little bit of a novelty.”

  Blaze turned, and he must have been looking down at me. I still hadn’t made any moves to get off Corbin, and the reality that this was an uncomfortable situation settled on me like I’d just been sprayed with water.

  I wiped my eyes and tried to pull off, but he held on. “Sorry, I’ve been forcing you to hold me.”

  “No one forces me to do anything.” Corbin readjusted me, but didn’t let go. “You should try to get some more sleep.”

  Just me? “Don’t you guys need to sleep? I know you said you don’t need much, but surely some.”

  “Tell you what.” Blaze patted my back. “Few things, actually. I have no intention of locking you in your room. I should not have said that I did. That was an overreaction. Trenton tells me I have a bad habit of slash and burning when smaller steps would be a more measured, helpful response. He’s been…instructive. My instinct is to make sure whatever might harm my men can’t go near them. But you’re not a harm. You’re an enigma.”

  I was an enigma. That shouldn’t have made me smile, except I totally was. “Thank you, Blaze.”

  “You’re welcome. Now go to sleep.”

  Groaning, I rolled toward him, Corbin’s grip loosening a little bit to let me do so. “I can’t just do that on command. Can you?”

  “Yes,” they both replied. It was Corbin who finished their response. “We have to be able to do just about everything on command.”

  That sounded horrendous. “Well, I can’t.”

  “I could get Wade to give you something.” Blaze sounded like he cracked his neck when he stretched it.

  “No thanks.” Dread filled me. “I think I have enough medicine going on right now.”

  Corbin slowly rubbed my back, and a second later, Blaze touched the top of my head. After a moment, Corbin readjusted himself so that I lay more on the bed between them and less on him. That had to be more comfortable for him. He scooted down.

  “I’m proud of you.”

  Surprise made me tilt my head. “Why?”

  “You got away from Devil. He trained me. Best of the best outside of Blaze.”

  His leader laughed, a low sound. “I’m not the best. You know that. I’m the leader, but there were better at what I did. That’s not modesty. I don’t know how to do that. No, that’s just factual.”

  Corbin was long in answering him. I wondered if he’d fallen asleep. But then, he spoke. “There was more to it than that. You kept us alive. Inside. Devil’s dead. He could have used you. His men…they died inside, too.”

  Blaze scooted down until all three of us were lying together. I didn’t know Devil outside of what he had done to me, and I wasn’t sure I remembered all of that. Still, I was fascinated to hear them talk. They’d been born in labs and raised to be lethal. Yet here they lay with me in the darkness because I’d had a nightmare. How was I to reconcile the two, and why didn’t they scare me at all?

  I let my guard down a little, which was always a relief. It took constant effort to keep them up. No rush of negative emotion hit me. In fact, both of them seemed calm, relaxed. Corbin was happier than he had been earlier. And Blaze seemed almost drowsy.

  “If that’s true,” he said as he stretched his arm over his head. “Then why did they leave? Canyon? Rohan? Sterling? They faked their deaths and fled to the other side of the universe.”

  Corbin snorted. “I don’t think they faked their deaths. I think Evander told you they died. And there were women to chase. For Sterling anyway. He told me about it during a lull in one of the battles. Diana was here, so this is where he had to go. They didn’t even know if she was alive.”

  Blaze nodded, and the bed moved when he did. “Sure. And Canyon and Rohan chased a possibility. Why not come to me and tell me they had doubts, if I’m so good? Why not tell me they’re going to go?”

  Corbin shrugged. “I don’t know why people do what they do or don’t do. I’m not good at people.”

  Oh I didn’t think that was true at all. Just the opposite. He seemed very attuned to everyone. “I don’t know them or you, but I never want to disappoint the people in charge of me. I hope they didn’t send me off to get rid of me. I hope that I don’t make their lives harder. I…I’m thinking maybe they didn’t want to let you down.”

  “Maybe.” He sighed. “Or they were afraid I’d kill them. I wouldn’t have, but they did have reason to think that could happen. Thanks to people like Devil. Who, like Corbin, I am deeply impressed you survived.”

  I leaned up on my elbow. This was cozy. I wouldn’t have thought I’d like it. Sleeping was a private thing. But I did like them here. I didn’t know why Blaze had decided to stay, but it was like I had two guards to protect me from my memories. Right now, I’d embrace the cowardice and take the protection from myself. Maybe tomorrow, I could be stronger.

  “How do you guys sleep at all? With your ability to hear everything? How do you manage to sleep?”

  Blaze tugged on my arm until I put my head on the pillow. It was gentle. It didn’t hurt. “First off, I am sorry I said to you that your people wanted to be rid of you. I don’t think that could be the case. I apologize for that, if that hurt you. Like Corbin, I don’t know what to say and not. Seems that was mean. I didn’t mean it to be, merely speculative. As for sleep? We concentrate on one sound and tune out the rest.”

  Like a white noise. One of my fellow trainees had to sleep with water running in her bathroom, or she couldn’t sleep at all. “I imagine the ship has lots of those. The engines. The…I don’t know. Mechanical things.”

  “Not for me.” Corbin put his hand on my hip. “If I start listening to those noises, they’ll make me nuts. Artemis…she’s a great ship. Great old lady. She just doesn’t want to comply with me.”

  So funny how he talked about her like she was alive. “Maybe you need to say please.”

  “I have. And lots of other things. I’ll get it.” He squeezed my hip. “That’s not what I’ve been listening to.”

  “Funny. Me, too. What have you been focused on?” Blaze put his hand on my back. I loved how they were touching me. Such a natural thing for me, and it meant I wouldn’t have to be strained doing it.

  Corbin sighed. “Her heartbeat. In the machine.”

  “Me too.”

  They’d both been listening to my heartbeat to go to sleep at night? I opened and closed my mouth. What was happening now? “I’m not sure I should apologize for waking up. I mean, that is weird. But it must be odd to lose your steady sound.”

  “It still worked. Earlier. For me.” Corbin snuggled down. “I can hear it. Nice and steady. Little faster right now, but it will slow again. When you close your eyes and try to go back to sleep.”

  And Blaze listened to it, too? “I’m glad it worked for you guys, I guess.”

  I had absolutely no idea what I should say right now.

  Blaze’s voice sounded amused as the same emotion flooded me from him. “People who aren’t us don’t get it. That’s okay. We do.”

  I supposed that made sense. I didn’t know how I’d explain what it felt like to zap someone. It was quiet in the room. I couldn’t hear their hearts or anything, but I could feel the way we moved through space. How fast were we going? I actually didn’t want to know. It would make this worse. I’d gone from never being around men to having two in the room with me in my bed. Corbin squeezed me again, and Blaze shifted until his hand was on my arm.

  They did seem to move together without having conversations, like they were reading each other’s signals. One of them rubbed, one of them touched. Were they on some kind of quest to get me to sleep?

  “How well can you see in the dark?”

  Blaze patted my arm. “Better than you.”

  I should remember that. And it begged the question—
were they coordinating how they soothed me with hand signals I couldn’t see in the dark?

  Would they tell me if I asked? Did I even want to know, or did I just want to go with the fact that I did feel better having both of them here and it was nice to have them care? How did they know how to do this anyway?

  “Is this standard for you two? Taking care of upset women in the dark?”

  Corbin snorted. “No. You’re the first woman I’ve spent any real time with. How about you, Blaze?”

  “No.”

  As before, I had no conscious thought that I was going to go to sleep. I just did. It was warm, and they were there to stand between me and any members of Evander who wanted to come and get me. That wasn’t right or nice of me to need this from them. They owed me nothing. By contrast, all of the thanks was from me to them and not the other way around. Still, for right then, I’d never felt safer.

  I woke up slowly. Like I’d been asleep a very long time. It was hard to know. There was no light coming from the window. The movement of the ship seemed less pronounced, but maybe I’d gotten used to it while I slept.

  It was the position that I found myself in that was the strangest for me. At some point, we must have all rearranged ourselves. My head was on Corbin’s chest. He lay sprawled on his back, his eyes still closed and his heart beating a steady, easy sound beneath my ear. Blaze had an arm thrown over me, embracing me to his body, which was pressed up against me from behind. The warm feel of his breath caressed the back of my neck in even, gentle movements. Corbin’s hand tangled in my hair, his face turned toward my body.

  Heat swept through me, and my nipples hardened. I sucked in a breath. Had this ever happened to me before? Not quite like this. We were kept away from men, so it was hard to have fantasies in the temple. But every once in a while, I’d see someone from a distance and think…yep, he’s handsome. Sometimes, I’d even wake up with a throbbing in my core like I needed something.

  I’d touched myself, but it was always a hollow completion, like I wasn’t getting what I needed from my own fingers.

  Lying between them and not in a panic, I was definitely as turned on as I’d ever been. Would they know? Could they tell? I winced at the thought. Privacy was obviously not something given in abundance around Super Soldiers. But how far did that extend? They could hear my heartbeat. What else could they tell?

  Blaze shifted slightly, letting out the slightest sigh in the back of his throat. He tugged me closer to him, but Corbin didn’t let go. It would have woken me if I hadn’t already been up. They didn’t sleep much, and they were both still out cold. Did that mean that it was still the middle of the night?

  I don’t know how I realized Blaze was awake. He didn’t make a sound, and I wasn’t turned to look at him. But I just knew…like the air in the room had shifted. He didn’t move, didn’t alter how he held me, but he was awake. As gently as I could to not disturb Corbin, I turned my head to regard him.

  His eyes had opened, and he stared at me. His voice was low. “You okay?” He smoothed his hand over my forehead.

  I nodded, answering in a whisper. “I don’t know what time it is.”

  “Early.” His voice was scratchy. “Thanks for letting me stay here. I haven’t slept this well…ever.”

  “And we could all still be sleeping if you two weren’t shouting.” Corbin laughed. “Or whisper-talking. Whatever.” He rolled over until his back was pressed to my stomach.

  I don’t know why that made me giggle, but it did. Blaze’s mouth twitched into a grin as Corbin groaned. “Seriously. Nothing happening on the ship that needs attention. Anders is fine piloting. He’s sort of dozing anyway, because there’s nothing happening out there. Trenton and Wade are actually asleep. Kellan is fiddling with the climate control, but hasn’t broken anything. We could actually just lie here and do nothing but sleep.”

  “He’s grumpy in the morning when he actually rests,” Blaze still whispered. “Always was. Should see him when he comes out of cryo. One time, he actually tore up a med room.”

  I squeezed Corbin’s hand. “Are you going to beat up my bedroom?”

  “I don’t have any memory of doing that. I maintain it didn’t happen.”

  Just then, my stomach growled. Blaze leaned up on his elbow. “You’re hungry.”

  I rubbed where the sound had come from. “I guess so. I think I remember where there was food. I’ll go find something to eat.”

  Blaze swung his legs over the bed. “Time for me to get moving. I’ve never spent a day or even a morning in bed. Wouldn’t know what to do with that.” He turned slightly toward me before he brushed my hair off my face. “Thanks for not throwing me out of the room.”

  That thought hadn’t occurred to me, even if maybe it should have. “Thanks for keeping my bad memories at bay.”

  “Devil is scary. If I was dreaming of him, I’d be screaming, too.” He nodded toward the door. “I’ll see you in the kitchen. Do you have anything to wear other than Corbin’s clothes?”

  I looked over my shoulder at Corbin, who now had the pillow over his head. “No, he gave me a bag of them. Very grateful to him.”

  I don’t know what he said, because it sounded more like a grumble from under the pillow. Whatever it was, Blaze grinned.

  “Here,” he pulled his shirt off and handed it to me, “wear mine.”

  Corbin threw his pillow aside. “Are you serious?”

  “Smells like you. I want her to smell like me for a minute.”

  Okay…they had to work this out. I wasn’t sure what to do with any of it. I had no clothes, so I was going to have to borrow until that changed. But I was leaving that to them. Deciding that my need to pee trumped whatever argument this was, I hustled myself into the bathroom. Closing the door, I brought Blaze’s shirt to my nose. Did it smell like him? I couldn’t really discern any scent on it, other than maybe laundry soap and just an overall general masculine scent. I pulled the shirt I had on off me and brought that to my nose. Did it smell different than the one I had on? The soap I’d used before I put it on was certainly evident, but could I detect anything really?

  If I ever found myself pressed up against them again, I was going to smell them. The heat inside of me intensified at the thought. I leaned against the door and tried to breathe. I might need a quick, intense, cold shower. Certainly, if they could hear everything, the last thing I wanted to do was to very disappointedly try to satisfy myself. They didn’t need to listen while I made an attempt at orgasm and so cruelly didn’t get one.

  I splashed cold water on my face, put Blaze’s shirt on, which I swam in because he hadn’t torn it down to fit me the way Corbin had, and managed to roll Corbin’s pants up to wear them. Coming out of the bathroom, I found the room empty.

  It was bigger without them in it, but also sadder. I’d forgotten to be overwhelmed when I woke up this morning, but now the rush of last night hit me once again. I was on a spaceship named Artemis that Corbin kept calling an old lady. We were going somewhere to drop me off so I could meet even more new people who would be responsible for me.

  I took a long deep breath. Okay. This was happening, and there wasn’t a thing I could do about it, except try to react in a way that would make this go in any semblance of smoothly. I had to do the next right thing.

  Whatever that was.

  Why did none of the tried and true things that made so much sense in the temple not work for me now?

  Standing here was going to do nothing to improve my hunger, so I forced myself out the door. The hallway was quiet, and fortunately, I did remember the way to where Trenton had fed me. There was a swishing noise always present on the ship, and it was louder out here than in the rooms. Why was that? Had they built her to be quieter in the sleep quarters? How many sleeping quarters were there? I should ask Blaze. It was his ship after all.

  Reaching out, I touched the wall. Peeling paint meant someone had to pay attention to the aesthetics here. Depending on how long I was going to be on this sh
ip, maybe I could do that. I’d done it at home.

  It would at least give me something to think about. Assuming they had things like paint on board.

  My bedmates were in the kitchen, both of them staring at the fridge. They looked up when I came in, and I didn’t miss how they gave me a once over. I’d worn both of their clothes. A strange compromise considering how strange an argument it had been to begin with.

  “Hi.” I nodded toward them. “Do you guys have to stop every so often to get groceries?”

  “That would be hard.” Blaze pulled out three things from the fridge. “We have some food like that. Trenton made you dinner with some supplies that didn’t have to be rehydrated, but mostly what we eat has been freeze dried and could last a long time if we needed it to.”

  Corbin grabbed plates. “On the few times we’ve been on a space station, we do buy food.”

  Anders came through the door. He held a tablet in his hand. “If you guys are making breakfast, count me in.” He shot them both a look I couldn’t interpret. “Everyone sleep well?”

  Blaze pulled out another packet. “Jealousy is such a waste of time.”

  My cheeks heated up. Yes, of course, Anders knew I’d slept between the two of them. Kellan probably did, too. My impropriety was absolutely not hidden on this ship.

  “I’m not jealous.” Anders touched my arm when he went by. “Just surprised. Corbin, yes. You, I wouldn’t have thought it.”

  I held up my hand. “Can we not do this? I…I’m embarrassed all of a sudden, and I’m too hungry to be this uncomfortable.”

  Anders nodded. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to do that. I didn’t realize what I said would.”

  The next few however many days we were all on this ship together was going to be a minefield of me trying to figure out what was going on.

  There was a beep, and Corbin pulled out something they were rehydrating. How did that even work?

  My stomach didn’t care. It chose that moment to grumble again.