by Rita Hestand
He laughed out loud. "I couldn't chance having you in my arms again so soon. I still wanted you so badly. Ached for you. Besides, it is not permitted. Indians don't dance with white women. I was a fool for leaving you there. I too wrestled with what we'd done. What we have done, we have done for love. Nevertheless, once you cross a line, you cannot cross it back. It doesn't work. You consumed my thoughts, my hopes and my dreams."
"Kiss me, make love to me. I want you inside me again." She murmured against his ear. "I want you to spill your seed inside of me, fill me, my love. I want to have your children Hawk."
He smiled, "I'm glad you are not shy about our love making…and it warms me that you want my children."
"Perhaps I should be shy, but I'm not ashamed with you. To know that there is so much more to love than what my husband offered…" She mumbled against his skin, as she nipped his skin between her teeth and waited. "From the moment you kissed me, I knew it would be good between us. The way you took you time to kiss me, to make me want you. I never wanted a man before. Then I feared you might never touch me again…I thought myself too bold, too willing. I was ashamed."
"That is a white man's game. When an Indian looks at a woman, he looks with his heart also."
He suddenly kissed her from her nipples, to her belly button, and then went lower, until he was moving her legs apart and wrapping them around his head and kissing the center of her womanhood, manipulating his tongue in a slow drag across her there. She moaned softly. Her body reacted in ripples of awareness and tingling sensations danced across her belly. She nearly fainted from the sheer pleasure he gave.
"Oh," she relaxed and closed her eyes and closing her legs around his head. "Such pleasures you give me. I don't deserve such a heaven." The sensation he created with his tongue sent hot desire spearing through her. She jerked and pushed herself up so he could reach her easier, thrusting her hips against his loving mouth. Never had she imagined such a wonder. Wanting more of him. This was what dreams were made of. How could love be so simple, so sweet, and so satisfying? Suddenly she clutched his hair and yanked it as she reached a climax that shattered through her like a million beautiful stars. He kept laving and she kept climaxing until she shivered so hard she collapsed on top of him. Weak she tried to recover but craved his touches too. Her legs clung to him, quivering as he continued the lapping. It was torture in the most pleasurable way. She tried to relax, but he continued to build once more. Her body moved in an erotic dance at his touch. Tender she pulled away some so that his touch was light and still priming her for his entry. She moved against his mouth, and he continued to lave. Then his lips captured her core and he suckled her there gently. Unraveled she climbed his body, wanting more, seeking him, needing him to complete what he started. "You are…magnificent. So much a man…words fail me." She whispered.
She settled against the dirt and panted.
"My God is this what love is?" She spoke the words like a prayer, as he moved toward her with a purpose. Their lips mingled, tasted and mingled again. "Did God mean man and woman to be this one with each other?"
"Yes my sweet, this is what love is…" he smiled against her breast as he took the sweet dusty rose nipple into his mouth. He gently flicked his tongue against it in small little thrusts that had her yearning for more.
"Every kiss, every touch, sends a fire through me. You must squelch this fire before it consumes me…"
He feasted there for long pleasurable moments. Her fingernails dug into his back, clawing and moaning the pleasures he evoked in her.
She moaned softly and moved toward him with white-hot desire. "I want you in me…" She cried. "I want to be one with you again. Make me yours."
He smiled again and moved inside her with one stroke of his manhood. His aim was perfect, without the slightest effort. She was more than ready to receive him, wet and hot, she climbed him. The fire between them consumed him as he pushed himself deeper. Her muscles worked to hold him there, clutching him with her sweet warm moistness. He held her bottom in his hands, kneading her there as they began a rhythm. His touch was gentle, caressing her, as though every part of her pleased him. Every move he made enticed a bigger climax than before. As they reached the highest of peaks, he kissed her, his tongue moving inside her mouth, waltzing with hers, as the moment through them over the edge.
Exhaustion claimed them and they rested in each other's arms. A light sleep rested them.
When they woke, they lay entwined for a long time again, talking, kissing, and feeling each other. It was a happy feeling, a feeling of being loved, and nurturing that love.
"I've wanted your touch for days…" She cried. "I've dreamt about it, thought about it, and prayed about it. I felt sinful, wanting you so much and so often."
She reared up over him to look into his eyes. "That day at the camp, when you took me. You could have plunged yourself inside me and been done with it. Why didn't you? Why did you make love with me that first time?"
He almost laughed.
"For two long years I have waited for you, wanting you, feeling your sorrows, your pains, and knowing beyond doubt that something powerful was growing between us. I fought being in love with you. It was obvious the obstacles we might create by doing so. I fought the feelings down so many times, but every time, they came back, only stronger. I felt it, and I somehow knew you did too. I even tried to leave you several times, but each time I was drawn back. When it came time to take you, when I had to take you, to save you, I wanted it to be memorable. I would never rape your body and leave you! Never!"
They sat on the banks, just talking for a while. Admiring each other, touching and talking. "Oh," she cried aloud. "I will carry your babies, I know I will…."
"Have I hurt you?" He gazed into her eyes.
"No," she kissed his chin, she gently squeezed his nipple. "I've never felt this wonderful in my entire life."
"There is only one way we can always be together. Only one."
"Tell me! For I have worried that you wouldn't stay with me."
"Never worry of that!" He smiled and kissed her hard. He raised his head and looked at her. "I could never leave you now!" He declared. "I would have stayed even if you hadn't wanted me. But now I know we must marry…"
"You want to marry me?" Her voice was filled with such wonder as she stared at him.
"It is the only way. We are already one. We must, to love like this, forever, marriage is the only way. I want to make us a family. For I love you and the children. Our love is not dirty or sinful, but pure, marriage is the only way, and with my people is the only place that we may live in any kind of peace. But we must be together, always. No matter the problems. We must face them together. For apart we are nothing."
"And your people, what will they think of us, of me."
"It might be difficult at first, but by marrying, no one can object. You might have to act like my white slave to be accepted at first, but as they see you do my bidding, they will begin to accept you. When you bear my children, they will welcome you."
"I'll do any bidding you like, as long as we can be together, like this…"
"I love you Eve Dawson…and we will be together like this, many, many times."
She smiled. "Oh yes, yes my darling. I will marry you. I never dreamed we could have so much together."
"It means leaving here…can you do that? Can you leave this behind?"
She looked seriously at him. "My babies, my unborn babies, they aren't in that ground. I know that. They are in heaven now, at peace. And one day I will join them. But now, I will do anything it takes to marry you. Yes, I can! You are worth everything to me. I never thought I'd say that, but what we have, is so powerful, even I can't deny it..."
He grabbed her and kissed her hard. "You will be my wife?"
"Yes…"
He bowed his head. "It will not be easy at times. Your people will scorn you. The people, the white people will call you names and disrespect you for it. You must know that. I will protect you all I can. But it w
ill happen, you must know this."
"As long as you love me, I don't care…" She cried.
"And I will love you always, my love…" He kissed her hard. "The hardships will only make our love stronger."
Then he picked her up and took her back into the water and they scrubbed each other clean, his hands massaging her as he cleansed her.
"We must face the fact that we will have many obstacles to overcome to be happy with our love. In the village, my people will resent you at first. They will give you a hard time. But you must remember, that my love for you is true. I will not take an Indian wife; you are mine, and all I need."
"Are you sure you don't want an Indian wife?" She asked looking at him. "Because, I could not bare to share you with another. I want you to know that. I can't share you."
"All I need or want is you. And you…do you want another white husband?" He asked staring into her sparkling eyes.
"You are all I'll ever need or want. You must know that."
He kissed her hotly again, but pulled away before it went too far.
"When we encounter white people, how shall we handle that? They certainly won't understand you being with me."
"I must think on that, for there will be much trouble. Your people would never accept it."
"No, I'm sorry to say they wouldn't. If they saw us, they might hunt us down and try to kill us."
"We do not need or even seek their approval. I will not let you go!" He promised. "You are my woman. I will fight for you to the end."
"Nor I you, you are my one and only love." She smiled and kissed his lips.
He kissed her hard and stared into her shining eyes, "They will call you names, hiss at you, even try to rape you because they will consider you trash."
She nodded, solemnly.
"Remember you are none of those things, you are simply mine, and I yours."
"Yes, yes, my darling." She cried.
The children were still sound asleep when they went back, and so he curled her into his arms and they slept together. His lips were on her forehead, his hands underneath her shirt on her breast. She sighed happily in his arms.
When Jane Ann woke up first, Hawk took her in his arms and whirled her around high into the air until she giggled.
It woke Matthew up and he watched. They were quickly becoming a family now. Contentment settled over Matthew.
Eve would never forget this day as long as she lived. The day Hawk asked her to marry, and they sealed their promises with their love.
Chapter Twelve
"So where do we go from here?" Eve asked as they ate their breakfast.
"North, to Indian territory. We will live there." He announced.
Matthew looked puzzled. "Indian Territory, isn't that dangerous? I thought we were staying here."
"We cannot stay here and live." Hawk told him firmly. "Your mother and I have discussed it; we will go north to my people. There is something you both must know now."
The look on Matthew's face screwed up for a moment, "Why? What must we know?"
Hawk gathered the children, his arm around Matthew, and Jane Ann in his lap.
Hawk smiled at him and Jane Ann. "Your mother and I will be married there, and we will all live as a family. The four of us, until there are more."
Matthew's mouth hung open. "You're getting married?"
"Yes, isn't it wonderful?" Eve chuckled.
"Can you marry an Indian?" Matthew asked.
"There we can be married. Our people may never accept it, Matthew. But it is what I want for all of us. Yes. We want to be a family, don't we?"
Matthew nodded, and then broke into a rare smile. "A real family?"
"A real family." Hawk promised.
He nodded now, and hugged his mother, and then he hugged Hawk awkwardly.
"You must know, your people will never accept it. And even mine will reject you at first. I love you, you are my family. And I will protect you with my life. All of you!"
Matthew smiled now. He seemed to really study on the idea. "I’m glad…We were never really a family before…were we Ma?"
"No Matthew, I'm sorry to say, we weren't." Eve admitted.
"It wasn't your fault." Matthew looked at her sadly.
She gathered him to her. "I'm sorry honey. Hawk and I will make a good family for all of us. I promise you that."
Jane Ann clapped and Eve stared with a warm smile. It was a commitment and it would be hard to keep, but one well worth it.
They would begin their journey north tomorrow. Today they would celebrate being a family.
Matthew and Hawk went off in the woods a while and were gone over an hour.
That gave Eve a chance to see how her food supply in the cellar would hold out. They didn't say what they were up to, but Eve thought it was good that they did things together. Matthew had wanted to do things with his real dad, but that never happened. Her husband had no time for children, that was her job, he told her. Therefore, when Hawk was eager to show Matthew things and teach him how to fend for himself, Eve was very proud.
They came back with a wild turkey. Hawk made a spit and they cooked it slow over the fire for several hours. Hawk had let Matthew kill it, and he was so proud, he was smiling ear to ear. "With one shot, Ma."
Eve smiled, "You are getting to be quite a young man, Matthew. I tried to teach him how to shoot, but I was never that good at it."
Hawk looked at Matthew proudly, "I will teach him what he needs to know. He is a good hunter and he knows how to fish too. I will teach him to track, and how to fend for himself in the woods. He must know the dangers of the woods. There is much he must learn, but I will proudly teach him."
Matthew nodded with a smile to Hawk.
Eve and Jane Ann made biscuits and potatoes. Eve had found a tow sack full of potatoes in the cellar; most of them were still good, mainly because Eve went through them regularly culling out the bad ones. Her supply of canned goods was lengthy too. She had canned her entire garden every year until it was completely full.
Eve checked the cellar again for more food she might pack and take with them on the trip. The fire hadn't hurt the cellar and what she had down there was enough to feed them for some time.
Just before they ate, Matthew and Hawk went out in the forest for a while. When they came back, they were leading another horse.
"Where did you find that?" She asked with a chuckle.
"It was running wild. We caught it."
"Then it's wild?"
"Hawk settled him down. He's a good horse. There was a whole pack of them. Hawk knew just where to find them. You should have seen him catch him. I thought he was a goner, the way that horse drug him about, but he managed to mount him and had the horse settling down in no time at all."
"Were you hurt?" She asked looking at him
"Skinned a little."
"I'll doctor you after we eat." She told him.
He nodded.
"Since we only have horses, we will walk them part way, using one to carry food supplies. If one of the children needs to ride, they can." Hawk told her. "For it will be a long journey."
She nodded. "It is good you found him. We had two horses in the barn, but the Indians took them."
"They would never leave horses." Hawk chuckled. "That reminds me, I will also teach you many of the customs of my people, so you will not be a stranger when we get there. You will learn much from both worlds and be all the smarter for it."
They ate then Jane Ann curled up in Hawk's lap and went to sleep. Hawk didn't balk or seem uncomfortable. He kissed her brow and smiled at Eve.
"Want me to put her down?" Eve asked.
"Not yet, I enjoy holding her." Hawk smiled at her. "I can hardly wait to have more."
Rubbing her stomach, she smiled. "It might be sooner than you think, at the rate we are going."
He smiled at her.
"She has really taken to you and Matthew too!"
"I am glad. We will make a fine family."
; "I'm so happy Hawk. Not just for us, but the kids too. They really haven't had much of a family and this will be so good for them. The fact that you include them in everything makes me so happy. I cannot tell you how much."
Hawk frowned at her as Matthew went to get some worms for fishing.
"Why do you frown, aren't you happy?"
"More than I can say," He tried to smile. "But I worry how long we will be happy when everyone shames us and shuns us. For that will happen many times. By the whites and the Indians."
"Don't worry so much, it will only makes us stronger."
"You are right…it will!"
"If we come across white people, maybe you should hide?" She suggested.
"Hide, as though I am ashamed?"
"No, so they don't try to kill you. For I can't hide my feelings for you. Every woman in that camp knew how I felt about you, back there…The old woman told all of them. But Sootka said she saw it in my eyes when we talked. I didn't know it was there. I only knew that something had changed in me."
"It's hard to hide something that powerful." He smiled.
He nodded with an understanding smile. "You must learn to not show your feelings so much. You must practice looking at me with a frown, as though you don't want me to make love to you."
She smiled warmly at him. "That seems impossible, especially after last night, Hawk. This is all so new to me. Yet what I feel is good and pure and I will not be ashamed of loving you. No matter what. I love you with all my heart. How can I not show it?"
"And I you, but we must learn how to get along with others too. When we get to my camp, I don't know how they will feel toward you. My feelings won't have changed, but…they…Besides that, they will not totally accept me either. But to show up after all this time with a white woman and her children, they might not be too happy to see us."
She gathered the tin plates and started to go to the creek to wash them. "It doesn't matter, as long as they marry us, that's what is important, to me."
He nodded, "And me."
"I know, it will take time for people to accept us. But isn't it worth it to be married?"
He stretched his hand to her, "Yes!"