‘Vincenzo...’
‘Do you still want to go ahead and have this baby?’
They both spoke and both stopped. Lowri bit her lip when he turned and she saw the anguish on his face. Although this might be difficult for her, it was no easier for him and that was something she hadn’t taken account of. Not once had she considered how hard it must be for him to agree to such a major undertaking.
‘Yes. But if you’ve changed your mind then there’s nothing I can do, is there?’ she said hollowly.
‘I haven’t. If anything, I’m more committed to the idea than I ever was.’
His tone was flat yet she could see the gleam of real emotion in his eyes and knew he was merely feigning indifference. Why? Because he was afraid to admit to his feelings? Afraid to acknowledge that he possessed any?
Her heart overflowed with compassion. Maybe he appeared to have everything anyone could wish for—wealth and prestige in both his private and his professional life. But how awful must it be to have to constantly hide his feelings, to pretend that he didn’t feel anything?
The thought was so overwhelming that Lowri acted on instinct. Getting up, she went and put her arms around him, like she would have done to Megan if the little girl was afraid. He felt so tense and she drew him closer, hoping that the contact with another human being would help. That was all she wanted to do, to help him, to make this easier for him, and yet the minute she had her arms around him, everything changed. Feeling the solid strength of his body pressed against hers set off a response she had never anticipated.
Lowri sucked in her breath when she felt a shaft of awareness strike her like a bolt of lightning. All of a sudden she was conscious of every noise, each smell, each and every touch. She flinched when she felt his shirt brush against her cheek, held her breath as she inhaled the scent of his skin, tried her best to fill her mind with white noise that would block out the sound of his breathing, but it was hopeless. She seemed to be drowning in sensations, soaking them up like a sponge, absorbing them into her very being; becoming part of him as he was becoming part of her.
‘Lowri.’
Her name was the softest whisper yet she shuddered. When she felt his hand lift her chin, she closed her eyes. She was too afraid of what she might see on his face and what he might see on hers to open them.
‘Lowri, look at me, cara.’
His tone was so gentle that she couldn’t resist. Lowri opened her eyes and gazed up at him, knowing that he must see how she was feeling, each doubt, every fear, every little temptation.
He uttered something rough under his breath, not words but something far less structured. Bending, he placed his mouth over hers and kissed her. Lowri just had a moment to draw breath, a mere instant to decide what to do, whether to push him away or respond, and then the moment was lost. How could she push him away when she needed his kiss so badly?
Her arms fastened around his neck while she drew his head down so she could deepen the kiss, her heart pounding when she felt his tongue slide between her lips. There was no hesitation, no fumbling, no attempt to hold back on his part or on hers. If she needed this kiss then he did too!
They were both breathing hard when he raised his head, both feeling stunned, she suspected, by the speed of their passion, but she didn’t regret it and prayed he didn’t either. Desire like this shouldn’t warrant apologies. It should be celebrated.
‘I’ve never felt like this before,’ he murmured, resting his forehead against her hair.
‘Me neither,’ she whispered, because she couldn’t lie. She felt the shudder that ran through him at her words, felt him tense after it had passed, and knew that he didn’t believe her. He still didn’t trust her or, worse still, didn’t trust himself. He was afraid to rely on his instincts and believe they were genuine.
She cupped his face between her hands and looked into his eyes, praying that she could convince him. ‘I’ve never felt this way with anyone except you, Vincenzo. It was the same when we first met. You...well, you made me feel things that I’d never felt for anyone before.’
‘I find that very hard to believe,’ he began roughly, but she stopped him the most expedient way she knew. Pressing her mouth to his, she kissed him, stopping the words even if she couldn’t allay his doubts. He responded immediately, pulling her to him and kissing her with a hunger that made her heart soar. Maybe he wasn’t convinced but he would be. In time and with patience.
When he let her go and took hold of her hand, Lowri knew what was coming next. She also knew that it was what she wanted for many reasons. She wanted to help Megan—that was a given. But she wanted this for herself as well, wanted to make love with him and feel like she had done five years ago in Milan.
Her breath caught because she had never allowed herself to think about how much she had benefited from what had happened then. Once she had realised she was pregnant, that had taken precedence. But now she could see how much she had gained from those weeks they had spent together. She had rediscovered herself during that time, changed from being the victim of a cruel trick to a woman who could cope with whatever life threw at her. Vincenzo had given her so much as well as her precious daughter. He had given her back her self-esteem.
* * *
Moonlight bathed the room with a silvery glow, lending a dreamlike quality to the familiar scene. Vincenzo held Lowri’s hand as he closed the door and led her to the bed. It was the first time he had brought a woman to the villa since his divorce. And even when he had been married, Carla had spent very little time here. Carla had preferred the more hectic pace of city life so he had tended to visit the villa by himself. It had become a place to escape to, a place of respite from work and other pressures. It was the perfect place for him and Lowri to make love.
His heart jolted so hard that it felt as though it was going to leap right out of his chest. He took a deep breath as he sat her down on the bed and knelt in front of her. Now that the moment had arrived for them to make love, he was filled with fresh uncertainties. What if he failed to meet her expectations? What if she was disappointed by his lovemaking? He had never given any thought to his abilities as a lover before and yet all of a sudden he was afraid that he might not be able to satisfy her. He couldn’t bear to think that she might look back on this night with revulsion.
‘Don’t.’ Her voice was low, filled with understanding, and he sighed. There was no point trying to lie, no point at all trying to save face.
‘I want tonight to be special, Lowri, but what if it isn’t? What if you discover that you can’t bear me touching you?’
‘That isn’t going to happen.’ She bent and kissed him on the forehead, and her eyes were filled with all sorts of emotions, most of which he couldn’t put a name to. The only one he did recognise was desire. He pulled her to him, not needing to see anything else. He wanted her and she wanted him—that was enough!
His heart was racing as he ran his hands down her back, urging her closer so that their bodies were melded together from throat to hip. He could feel the firm swell of her breasts pressing against him and groaned. Although he had slept with other women since he had slept with her, he didn’t remember them. Even though the encounters had been pleasant enough, they had faded from his mind. However, he remembered how it had been with Lowri, remembered her softness, her womanliness; remembered how she had felt and how she had made him feel too.
All of a sudden it all came flooding back, their passion, her response, his need to give every tiny bit of himself and not hold anything back. He had never made love with anyone the way he had made love with her.
The thought shocked him, stunned him, made him see just how profound this moment really was. He would be making love to the only woman who had ever unlocked his emotions. His hands were shaking as he set her away from him. When he tried to unzip her dress, he discovered that he simply couldn’t do it. His eyes rose to her face and he saw her smile, saw the tenderness that lit her eyes from within.
‘Let me.’
Reaching behind her back, she slid the zipper down, the soft rasp of metal sounding so loud in the silence that Vincenzo jumped. He took a steadying breath, afraid that if he didn’t get a grip he might lose it completely and that would never do. He needed this night, needed her in his arms, needed to hold her, love her, needed to feel like he had done all those years ago.
The thought unlocked all his inhibitions. Reaching out, he drew the straps of her dress off her shoulders and let it fall to her waist. She was wearing a pale pink bra beneath, the lacy cups doing little to conceal her breasts, and he sucked in another breath when he saw her nipples pushing proudly against the delicate fabric.
‘You are so beautiful, cara. So very, very beautiful.’
The words tailed off because it was too hard to speak when he needed to absorb the picture she made, sitting here on his bed. He raised his hand, tracing the warm swell of her breasts with his fingertips, and heard her sigh. Bending, he placed his mouth over her nipple and drew it between his lips, his heart pounding when he heard her moan. He knew then that his fears were groundless, that whatever happened tonight would be even better than what had gone on before. Lowri wanted him. He wanted her. And it made no difference what their reasons were for making love because it was going to be magical. Special. Unforgettable. For him and for her.
* * *
Lowri could feel the blood drumming through her veins as Vincenzo stripped off her dress then laid her down on the bed. All she had on now were her bra and panties and they were soon dispensed with. She watched as he shed his own clothes, dropping them in a careless heap on the floor. His body was lean and fit, the muscles in his arms and chest flexing as he lay down beside her. When she felt his hand start to explore her body, she kept her eyes open, wanting to see his face.
Did he remember how she had felt? she wondered. Remember the dips and hollows, the texture of her skin? She’d had a baby since then, so there were bound to be changes, but did she feel familiar to him? Could he recall their lovemaking in perfect, exquisite detail, as she could? She hoped so, she really did. If he remembered how it had been that night then it must have meant something to him.
The thought settled in her mind, stayed there as his hand moved from her throat to her breasts and then to her waist. It was the very lightest of touches, no more than a ripple of skin floating across skin, and yet she could feel her desire building. When he finally reached the very core of her femininity, she was holding her breath, waiting for the moment when he would explore there too. She had never felt this need before, never felt it with anyone apart from Vincenzo...
The sound of a phone ringing sliced through the silence and she jumped. Vincenzo’s hand stilled, his eyes flying to the heap of clothing on the floor.
‘I don’t believe this,’ he muttered, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. Dragging his trousers from the pile, he found his phone and pressed it to his ear. ‘Sì?’
Lowri lay quite still, her heart aching and racing at the same time. Vincenzo was speaking on the phone and even though she couldn’t understand what he was saying, it sounded urgent. She closed her eyes, stifling her disappointment because she had a bad feeling where this was leading.
‘Sì. Sì. Subito!’
He ended the call and tossed the phone onto the bed. Lowri opened her eyes and looked at him in silence. He sighed as he scooped up his clothes and tossed them onto the bed as well.
‘I have to leave. The condition of a patient I operated on this afternoon has deteriorated and I need to see him.’ He zipped up his trousers then dragged his shirt over his head. ‘It’s a child—a young boy not much older than Megan. He is gravely ill, I’m afraid.’
‘I understand.’
Lowri tried to speak calmly, tried her best not to let him see how she really felt, but knew she’d failed. He sat down on the bed and pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly against him.
‘I am sorry, cara. I know how much this meant to you.’
‘Do you?’
‘Of course.’ He tipped up her face and looked into her eyes. ‘The sooner we can conceive this child, the better it will be for Megan. Sì?’
‘Yes,’ she agreed hollowly. Was that really all tonight had meant to him? Had he wanted to make love to her purely because of Megan? She didn’t want to believe it was the only reason but she wasn’t confident enough to dispute it.
‘If it is at all possible then I shall come back later.’ He frowned when she didn’t reply. ‘If that is what you want.’
‘I don’t want to put any pressure on you, Vincenzo,’ she said flatly. She slid out of his arms, turning her back to him as she picked up her dress and slipped it over her head. ‘I understand that your patient has to come first.’
‘Do you?’ He gave a small shrug as he picked up his shoes. ‘Of course you do. You’re a nurse and you must have found yourself in similar situations, I imagine.’
Not really, Lowri thought wryly, although it seemed easier to agree. ‘Naturally. Don’t worry if you can’t make it back tonight. There will be other nights, I expect.’
‘I expect there will.’ His tone was cool. If he was disappointed that their plans had been scuppered, it certainly wasn’t apparent.
Lowri’s heart was heavy as she followed him from the room. She paused on the landing, knowing that she couldn’t bear to go downstairs and see him off. Maybe it was of little consequence to him that they had been interrupted but she found it very hard to accept that tonight hadn’t been special for him and that any other night would be equally as good.
‘I’ll check on Megan,’ she told him, praying that he couldn’t tell how her heart was aching. ‘I hope it goes well, Vincenzo. For your patient, I mean.’
‘Grazie.’
He gave her a quick smile then ran down the stairs. Lowri heard the front door open and a moment later the sound of a car starting up. She made her way to Megan’s room, her hand shaking as she reached for the doorhandle. If the phone hadn’t rung, she and Vincenzo would be making love this very minute. Would they have conceived a child tonight? She had no idea. There were no guarantees after all, nothing to say that it would have happened tonight or any other night. She would have to wait and see, although one thing was certain: when they did make love, it would be because of Megan and not for any other reason. Vincenzo had made that perfectly clear.
* * *
Vincenzo did his best, employing every scrap of the skill he had gained over the years, but it still wasn’t enough. Little Giorgio died on the operating table and all that was left for him to do was to break the news to his parents.
They were heartbroken, their grief so palpable that Vincenzo felt moved almost beyond bearing. It wasn’t the first time he’d had to break bad news to relatives and it wouldn’t be the last time either, he knew. However, the child’s death had affected him far more than he had expected. He couldn’t help thinking about Megan and how he would feel if some doctor came and gave him equally terrible news. The thought brought tears to his eyes and he was hard pressed to contain them.
‘I am so very sorry,’ he repeated. ‘If there was anything more I could have done...’
He broke off, knowing how pointless it was telling them that. It wouldn’t change the outcome and that was all they cared about. He excused himself and left them clinging together for comfort, feeling more downhearted than he had felt in his entire life. He would have given anything to change the outcome but it simply wasn’t possible.
‘Are you OK?’ Jack Wallace had been with him in Theatre and had gone with him to speak to Giorgio’s parents. Vincenzo saw the look Jack gave him and sighed. Obviously, it was a shock for his registrar to discover that he felt anything for his patients.
‘Losing a patient is always difficult,’ he said neutrally.
He punched the button for the lift, willing it to come. The last thing he needed was an in-depth examination of his feelings tonight of all nights. His heart jolted painfully as he recalled the bleakness
on Lowri’s face when he had left her. Why hadn’t he made it clear that he regretted what had happened, that he wished with all his heart they hadn’t been interrupted? All it would have taken were a few words of reassurance yet he had found himself unable to say anything. He’d felt too upset, too vulnerable, too damned everything to admit how devastated he had been! He slammed his hand against the button again in a fit of impatience and heard Jack sigh.
‘It’s rotten when something like this happens. It always makes me feel as though I should have done something more but it isn’t always possible. The kid was in such a bad way when he was admitted that it’s a wonder he survived so long. I sometimes wonder if it would be kinder all round if we didn’t attempt the impossible.’
Vincenzo knew it was true, knew that every word his registrar said was correct, but it didn’t help. He rounded on the younger man, his eyes blazing. ‘If that’s what you think then I pity your patients,’ he snarled. ‘We’re here to save lives, not to stand aside and let people die.’
‘That wasn’t what I meant,’ Jack protested. ‘I firmly believe that we should do all we can, but sometimes—like in this instance—you know it isn’t going to work. It just seems wrong to raise the parents’ hopes like that.’
‘Maybe. But if it was your child then you would feel very differently, I assure you. You’d want to be sure that everything possible was done for your child.’ His voice caught because he couldn’t help thinking about Megan and what he would want for her, what he would do for her, in fact. He would happily give up his own life if it meant she would survive.
The thought was just too profound. Vincenzo knew that he couldn’t deal with it and carry on a conversation. Swinging round, he headed for the stairs, uncaring what the younger man thought. What did it matter what anyone thought about him? It was Megan who mattered; her health was the most important thing of all. He was her father. He had helped to bring her into this world and it was his duty to protect her. No matter what it took, no matter how hard it was for him, he was going to do that!
Saving His Little Miracle (Mills & Boon Medical) Page 11