Begin to Begin

by Brown,A. S.

  The ride is short and silent for the most part until Sonny breaks the silence.

  “When I find out who set this up, the motherfucker is dead.” He glares at me as if he knows.

  Good thing I turn my head as I smirk.

  ******

  We are shuffled into the station like cattle. I don’t know how many of these guys are from Orlando or how many are from Jacksonville. It doesn’t matter, though, there is only one officer I am looking for.

  I’m thrown on a bench against the wall for another thirty minutes before they lead me into an interrogation room.

  After that, I sit for what seems to be another hour. I am about to get up and start pacing when Detective Merritt walks in. He swiftly paces back and forth through the room, every so often stopping to look at me. I don’t interrupt him. I can tell he is trying to figure out everything.

  This goes on for a few minutes before he stops and sits down across from me.

  “Well, Dalton …” he pauses. “You upheld your end of the bargain.”

  I nod. “Yeah, I’m a man of my word.”

  “So you say.” He taps his fingers on the table between us. “I just have a couple questions.”

  “I wouldn’t expect you not to.” And that’s the truth. I wouldn’t. I mean, come on. Who walks in somewhere, helps them crack a case, and then gets let go no questions asked?

  “Why now?”

  “I’m sorry, what?”

  “Why now, Dalton? Why after all this time have you decided to come clean?”

  I take a deep breath, surprised that he hasn’t asked me this sooner. “Well, there are a few reasons. But the main one?” Her face is in the front of my mind. I don’t think it will ever not be there now. It’s burnt there in my memories and thoughts. “Marin.”

  He nods knowingly. “I had a feeling. Can I tell you a bit about Marin? What I know of her?”

  “Sure.” He won’t tell me anything that will change my mind or that will change the way I feel about her anyway.

  “I’ve never met a woman with so much passion. She is here on every month’s anniversary of that boy’s death wanting—needing—answers, and I never had them for her. She will go to the ends of the Earth to fight for who and what she loves and she would die trying to save them if it came to that.”

  “I know. It’s one of the many reasons I fell in love with her.” He startles a bit at my words. “Yeah, you heard me right. But I would have never thought in a million years that when I pulled that scum bag off of her all those weeks ago that I would fall in love with her.”

  We continue to stare at each other, each of us waiting for the other to speak.

  He finally breaks the tension after a few moments.

  “So if I decided to throw you in jail tonight, you would be OK with that because after all this, she’s getting the answers that she has been searching for all this time?”

  “I wouldn’t say I would be OK with it. But I would accept it. For her.” He smiles at my words.

  “That’s all I needed to hear, Dalton.” He pushes his chair back and stands up, grabbing the notebook he set down when he first walked in. “I’m not saying this is over yet. But you can go home tonight. Detective Henry is heading back tonight so you can hitch a ride with him.”

  I breathe out a sigh of relief and nod. “Thanks. I appreciate it.”

  “And Dalton?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I’m counting on you to tell her everything. If you don’t … I will.”

  He walks out of the room and shuts the door behind him.

  I let the silence consume me as I think about how to tell her.

  How do I tell the woman I love that I know who killed the man she was in love with and was going to marry?

  Not only do I know who killed him, but that I was there.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Marin

  I wake to the sound of birds chirping. I’m not sure of the time but I can see that the sun is peeking through my blinds, throwing gentle rays across my room. I have to get into the store in a couple hours to somehow discreetly put the finishing touches on Gwenn’s party that is tonight. Cole is coming in at three to relieve her so at least the last couple hours she will be gone. Before I call her back for her make believe “inventory”.

  But before I do any of that. There is someone I need to spend the morning with and talk to.

  ******

  I carry my coffee to the backyard with a blanket. I’m thankful to still be wrapped in my warm robe, because the air has quite a chill to it this morning.

  This tree may not look like anything special. But my Benji lives deep in its soil now. That may be morbid to most people, but he wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. I wish he would have had the opportunity to enjoy this backyard and tree that he loved so much.

  It’s almost as if nature knows I’m here to talk to him. Silence envelopes the yard. The normally active birds seem to have calmed their morning routine and rest peacefully in the branches of the tree and nearby bushes

  Spreading the blanket out in front of the tree I settle myself down comfortably on it, taking the next few minutes to enjoy the solitude.

  “Hey, Benj.” Pausing for a moment, waiting for him to say something back. I know he won’t but I keep hoping that maybe one day I will hear a whisper of his voice in the breeze.

  “I came out here this morning because I need to talk to you about something.” I take a sip of my coffee and place it on the blanket. “I’m lonely, Benj. So damn lonely. I have the store and Joey and Amelia, but it’s just not enough anymore.” I wipe away the few tears that have fallen. “I just miss you so much. Learning to go on without you is one of the hardest things I have ever done.” I look up into the tree and see a small blue bird making itself a nest. “I don’t know if I am ready for the intimacy that comes with a relationship yet but I think I want to be ready for it. I think I need it.” I pause again, but this time, because I’m afraid. I’m afraid to tell him that I found someone. I’m afraid to tell him that I think my heart now belongs to someone else.

  Before I start, I take a deep breath. “I’ve met someone, Benji. He’s nothing like you. Maybe that’s why I like him so much, because I couldn’t handle being with anyone that was anything like you. It would kill me. Although, he’s kind. That is the most common trait he has with you.” I stop talking long enough to hear a car in the distance and some of the neighborhood kids outside playing.

  “I think I’m falling for him. I feel like it’s wrong and that I’m betraying you. I just need you to tell me that it will all be OK, but you can’t. If you could that would mean you were here with me and of course it would all be OK. I’m so confused, Benji. So damn confused.”

  Lying back on the blanket I brought outside with me, I stare up at the beautiful sky. It doesn’t seem like that long before a beautiful, small blue bird flits above me. Almost as if to grab my attention. I sit up, watching it closely as it flies from branch to branch and then stops to look at me. A few seconds pass and I think it’s going to fly away but it doesn’t. It flies down to the blanket and perches itself on the edge of my coffee cup. It chirps softly while looking directly at me.

  “Benji?” I ask softly. It chirps again and hops from the cup to my knee and I jump softly as it touches me. My breath catches and it chirps one last time before it flies off. I watch its retreat up into the tree, watching over me.

  Tears are now streaming down my face. This bird gave me everything I came out here asking for. I know this bird isn’t Benji, but I can’t help but feel like this occurrence was some kind of sign that everything will be OK and that he’s always with me. A feeling of peace falls over me and I look back up into the clear blue sky. “Thanks, Benj.”

  ******

  I hurry into the bookstore, late. I’m never late.

  “Jesus, Marin. I wondered if you were ever showing up today,” Gwenn says from behind the counter. I glance up at the counter and see that it’s 11:30. Much later tha
n I wanted to be here, but I should still be able to get everything done. I need to make a few calls to put the finishing touches on the party and shuffle Gwen out of here so I can decorate.

  “Yeah, I’m sorry. I had an … interesting night and then I spent some time with Benji this morning.” She looks at me with concern in her eyes.

  “You OK?”

  “Yeah,” I answer honestly. “I think I am.”

  She smiles at my answer and looks relieved. “Good. You seem to be so much better lately, and I can’t help but think that it has something to do with the handsome savior, Dalton.”

  I laugh and roll my eyes. “Yeah. He probably has a little bit to do with it. But I had a really good talk this morning. I let a lot out and I feel a peace that I haven’t felt in a while.”

  Gwenn puts her pen down that she was tapping against the counter and walks around to me and wraps me into a big hug. “I love you, Marin. I’m gonna miss you so much when I’m gone. Promise me you will come visit me in New York.”

  “I promise, Gwenn. As soon as I get a chance, I’m coming to see you.”

  “I would totally be OK if you brought that piece of man candy with you as well,” she says with a wink.

  Laughing, I make my way back to the office. “I have a few things to take care of. Come get me if you need me.”

  “Sure thing!” I hear her yell in return. We really aren’t very professional around here when there are no customers in the store but I like it to feel like a family and being at home. It seems to make it a more comfortable environment for everyone.

  Settlingmyself in I start sorting through the paperwork that accumulated last night and this morning. Glancing at the corner of my desk, I cringe when I spot the folder labeled “resumes”. I dread going through them. Molly was an easy hire, a recommendation by Gwenn so I knew that she would fit the role perfect, but I need at least one more person and this time it’s not going to be as easy as it was with Molly.

  Just as I get ready to bite the bullet and grab the folder, my phone rings from the depths of my purse. I dig through it frantically because I really don’t want to hear “you never answer your damn phone, why even have it” from Amelia again.

  But it’s not Amelia

  It’s Dalton, and I’m sure he can hear the smile on my face when I answer.

  “Hello, handsome.” Where the hell did that come from? I’m usually not so forward.

  “Hey, um … hey,” he responds and I giggle.

  “What’s up?” I ask, not really expecting to hear from him until closer to this evening.

  He lets out a long sigh. “I just needed to hear your voice. It’s been a long night and morning.”

  His tone worries me. “Is everything OK, Dalton? Uncle Mel and Aunt Dot? Are they OK?

  “Yeah, they’re fine. It’s just … some shit from my past coming back to haunt me but I think it’s over now. But we will talk about it later. I promise we will talk about it later,” he reiterates.”

  “Sure, but … you don’t need to tell me anything that’s too personal if you aren’t comfortable with it.”

  “No, Marin, this is something you need to know. It’s something that …” he pauses. “We will talk later. Maybe after the party does that work?”

  His words put me on edge but I agree. “Sure. Whatever you want. So what time do you think you will be here?”

  “Depends on what time you want me there, sweetheart.”

  Sweetheart. The word sends a shiver down my spine, and with that word, I realize how much I do want him. I have been teetering between wanting him and wanting not to want him for so long now that all it takes is that one little word to send me over the edge of wanting him. I can’t pretend I don’t anymore.

  “Now would be nice.”

  “Hmm. I’m sure I could make that happen.” As much as I would love him here with me right now, I know that my concentration would go out the window.

  “As lovely as that sounds, I wouldn’t be any fun this afternoon. I have to finish up getting ready for the party and I need to go through these resumes and pick a few out to interview.”

  “Well, if you need me just call. But I will plan on meeting you there at around five if that works.”

  “That works perfect.”

  “OK, sweetheart. I can’t wait to see you.”

  There it is again. That simple term of endearment that makes me feel like a teenager.

  We say goodbye and hang up and I grab the folder to start perusing resumes. The busier I am, the quicker time will go before I get to see Dalton again.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Dalton

  My nerves are shot and the anxiety has me physically ill. I need to tell Marin the truth tonight. Three years ago, I was involved in illegal activity that often led to dangerous situations but I have never been as scared as I am tonight. I could lose her tonight. Lose the one person that changed it all for me.

  Liam should be coming upstairs any minute. He’s finishing up a car in the garage and then closing up for the day. He’s going to shower here and then we are heading into town. I’m dragging him along with me early so he can help set up.

  He busts into the door like a bull in a China store.

  “Jesus, Liam. Don’t you know how to knock?”

  He looks at me confused. “Umm, yeah, but why bother? You knew I was coming.”

  He pulls his shirt over his head and starts to unbutton his pants.

  “Dude!”

  “What?”

  “Bathroom. Please. I don’t need to see your naked ass in my kitchen. Hell, I don’t need to see it anywhere.”

  He laughs as he walks to the bathroom and purposely drops his pants right before he walks in the door.

  “Whatever, Dalton. You love my ass,” he yells out to me.

  Dude has some serious issues, and I feel bad for any woman that has to deal with him.

  When he emerges from the bathroom with a towel around his waist and another towel in his hands drying his hair, I roll my eyes.

  “Gee, Liam, just make yourself at home and use up all my towels.”

  “I did and … I did.” He smirks. “So, what’s your problem anyway? You’re in an unusually piss poor mood today. Worse than what is normal.” He throws the towel from his hair onto the floor in the corner of the bathroom and continues to talk to me while he gets dressed. I’m thankful he went back in there to do it and isn’t doing it out here. “I mean. Do you not want to go tonight? I can understand that I guess. You always were more of a player and I never thought you would settle for one—” I cut him off.

  “No, don’t say it. It’s not that. I can’t wait to see her. Hell, I just saw her yesterday and it feels like it’s been forever. I go crazy when I’m not around her, and I can’t imagine another woman in my life now that Marin is in it.”

  “OK. So then what’s the problem?” He comes out of the bathroom fully dressed. Finally.

  “I just. I just have a lot on my mind. I really can’t talk about it right now but after tonight, OK?”

  He looks over at me, and for the first time ever, he looks concerned about me. “Yeah. OK, Dalton.”

  He walks back into the bathroom to finish getting ready and I sit at the table and can’t help but be concerned too. But not about me.

  ******

  We pull into the parking lot, me in the Bronco and Liam in his beat-up old Buick. I know he can afford a new car but he loves that damn thing. He says it has sentimental value or some shit like that. As we start walking toward the bookstore, he stops and looks around.

  “What?” I ask him, thinking maybe he lost something.

  “So, this is where it happened. Where you met her?”

  I nod as the memories of that night come back. I don’t know if I will ever stop thinking about what that pig could have done to her.

  “They caught the guy though?”

  “Yeah. He’s in jail where he belongs. Thank god because I don’t doubt he would have done it again.” Se
veral new charges have been added to his original ones since his arrest. I doubt he will ever see freedom as he knows it again.

  He starts walking again and I follow behind him in silence.

  I take a deep breath as we approach the book store. I need to get my nerves under control. Marin doesn’t need any reason to worry tonight during Gwenn’s party. The last thing I want is for the party not to go well on top of telling her everything tonight.

  We stop in front of the book store and Liam looks up at it. “So this is the place your lady owns, huh?”

  I laugh. “Yeah, this is the place. Pretty impressive, don’t ya think?” A handmade “closed for private party” sign hangs in the window.

  “Yeah, it is. I might have to stock up my library while I’m here.”

  “Wait, what? Library?” I ask, completely clueless as to what he’s talking about. Liam doesn’t come off as the studious, reader type of guy, but I’ve been shocked by less.

  “I like to read, always have.”

  I shrug and motion for him to go inside. “Well then, knock yourself out. I’m sure Marin would be ecstatic to talk books with you.”

  I spot her as soon as we are in the door. It’s as if my eyes have an internal tracking mechanism when she’s in the same vicinity as me. She didn’t hear us enter. I silently watch as she moves with grace and accuracy, placing small bowls with floating candles around the room. I’m not sure if candles in a room full of bound paper is best idea but it will be beautiful, that’s for sure.

  Amelia and Joey bustle out of the back storage area and Amelia notices us almost immediately.

  “Geez, Dalton. Don’t just stand there. Grab some lights and help.” That’s when Marin turns her head and spots us and the smile that breaks across her face takes my breath away. I know it’s cliché to say that but there isn’t a more accurate term. Even Liam can’t help but comment.