by Rae, Harloe
It only takes three turns off the highway for more clarity to sweep in. The outline of a Ferris wheel and a shitload of parked cars begin to take shape. My muscles strain and flex against the offense charging at me. I draw in a sharp breath, picturing a flood of people gathering in lines, pressing into me as they walk past. Fuck, that’s not a pretty sight. I rub my temples against the sudden pulsing.
“You’re taking me to a county fair?”
“Close,” Keegan sings.
“Can I tell him, Mama?” Excitement vibrates from Millie’s tone.
“Sure, sweetie. Go ahead.”
“We’re going to a rodeo,” she blurts. “There will be horses and cows and sheep and clowns. I might be able to get a pony ride. Isn’t that so cool?” Millie’s skinny legs are kicking in wild disarray when I glance at her over my shoulder.
The clump of spikes lodged in my chest disintegrates with her announcement. “Wow, Peep. That’s awesome. I can’t wait.”
“You’re so good with her,” Keegan murmurs. This isn’t the first time she’s mentioned something along those lines.
“Yeah? It just comes natural.”
“That’s not the case for everyone. Take the other adult in this car, for example.”
“Oh, please,” Josey scoffs. “I’m the best fake auntie ever.”
“It’s fun to rile her up.” Keegan winks at me.
I chuckle. “Yeah, things were getting a bit too serious for a minute there.”
“Oh, oh. Look! We’re here.” If she was a bit bigger, Millie would be shaking the entire vehicle with her bouncing.
I follow her erratic pointing to find a large fairground spanning across the concave valley in front of us. Most of the land is dominated by a massive arena, equipped with a variety of pens and corrals on each end. American pride is painted across every available surface. Banners and flags hang from light poles and fence posts. Even with the windows shut, I can hear country music blasting from the mounted speakers.
Keegan pulls into the designated gravel lot and finds an available space in the center row. We all pile out, heading for the open gates. She passes four tickets over to a man collecting stubs near the entrance.
I still her movements. “Let me pay.”
“Too late. Advance passes were cheaper. It’s already taken care of.”
“I’ll have to treat you next time.”
Her smile is a warm blast to my frosty armor. “You’ve got a deal.”
We stride through a canopy tent, entering our names in a drawing of some sort along the way. Fresh-cut grass and hay waft over with a lazy breeze. Moments from my past flicker in and out of my vision. This feels familiar, a comforting hug after spending too many cold nights alone. Aisles of vendors, fried food, and bleacher seats. All that’s missing is the roar of engines. The thundering of hooves is a decent substitute. I walk a little lighter with each forward step.
Millie gasps and begins flaying her arm toward a colorful booth. “Mama, can I get my face painted first? Please, please?”
Keegan glances at me. “Do you mind waiting for a couple of minutes? This usually doesn’t take long.”
I motion to the available artist. “By all means.”
Josey sidles up beside me. “Yeah, don’t worry about Ford. I’ll keep him company.”
“Oh, great,” Keegan groans and turns away. “I can hardly wait to hear what comes of that conversation.”
Josey chuffs me on the arm. “Welcome to the club. You’re one of the gals now, Ford.”
I let my brows dip. “Uh, thanks?”
She tilts her head back and belts out a laugh. “Just messing around. We all know you two can’t keep up this no-sex charade forever. I give it two weeks, at the max.”
I grunt. “If I’m lucky.”
“Care to place a wager?” She sticks out a palm in invitation.
“On sleeping with Keegan? That has disaster written all over it.”
“Eh, you’re right. Why bet on a sure thing.” She nudges me again. “But as an added favor, I’ll keep Millie occupied so Keegan can be all yours. Go get her, tiger.”
I blink at Josey, letting her words rattle in my thick skull, before busting out a chuckle of my own. “I appreciate you tipping the scale in my favor. You’re really something else.”
She polishes off her nails. “Glad you’re finally noticing. Make sure to pass that along to all of your single friends.”
“If I see any, I’ll be sure to let them know.”
Just as Josey opens her mouth to speak, Keegan and Millie join us along the main path. The little girl’s entire left cheek has been transformed into a sparkling dog that slightly resembles Elsa.
“Isn’t it so pretty?” She races up to me with the design front and center.
I tip her chin to get a better look. “Absolutely perfect.”
“Do you want them to paint your cheek?”
I do my best not to recoil. “Uh, well, I’m not so sure.”
“You could get a motorcycle or a bull. They can draw whatever you want.” Millie clasps her little hands in a pleading gesture.
Shit, am I really going to do this? I look to Keegan for assistance only to find her and Josey whispering at a rapid pace. When she notices me staring, Keegan’s skin takes on a splotchy red hue. Yeah, she’s totally busted. I lift my brows and wait.
Keegan struts over, shoulders rolled back and head held high. “I’m sure Ford would love a picture on his face, but we should get seats. All of the best spots fill up fast. Plus, you’ll want to get cotton candy and popcorn first.”
Millie ponders that for a moment. I’m holding my breath while wishing for a sliver of mercy. When the little girl smiles at me, all of the air rushes from my lungs. “Okay, let’s go. I’m hungry and wanna see the horses.”
The three of us follow close behind as she skips toward the food stand. We order way too many snacks and sodas to wash it all down. Weaving our way to the benches is a tad more challenging with our arms full. Crowds of people are growing in numbers by the minute and closing in on us. Keegan wasn’t lying about the seating situation. Over half of the bleachers are already full. We manage to score an empty row near the top and slide our asses onto the hard metal.
The view from this vantage point allows me to see all of the pregame acts and warmups. “Damn, this is quite a turnout.”
Keegan glances around. “It sure is for this location. Hayek isn’t considered a large rodeo. Sutton Bowen told me all about the inner circuits for this stuff. There are a ton of smaller regional events that qualify for the real money makers. Have you heard of Frontier Days?”
“Sounds familiar. Is that the huge festival in Cheyenne?”
“Yep, ten days of celebrating Wild West awesomeness. My parents took me every year while I was growing up.” A long sigh breezes past her lips.
“You don’t go with them anymore?”
Keegan’s features pinch. “No, it’s been years since we’ve been there. They, uh, died, when I was a senior in high school.”
I hiss, feeling her loss strike me with a direct hit to my stomach. “Shit, Kee. I’m so sorry. That’s awful.”
She’s nodding too fast, mostly likely teetering on the edge of losing her cool. “It happened so long ago. I can usually talk about them without going into hysterics, but yeah, it really sucks.”
I place a hand on her knee, giving her a gentle squeeze. “I can’t even imagine going through that. You don’t have any siblings?”
“Nope. I’m an only child. They left me all alone, but it wasn’t their fault.” Keegan draws in a shuddering breath. “My parents weren’t the vacationing type. They never splurged on fancy trips or extravagant destinations. But their twenty-fifth anniversary was a reason to go all-out. They flew to Hawaii for a week and stayed in an all-inclusive resort. All of the bells and whistles, with a cherry on top. I remember looking at pictures after they booked the hotel and being super jealous. That guilt still stings.”
Another shal
low exhale wheezes out of her. “After they’d been gone for three days, I got a call from the hospital out there. My parents had been in a boating accident. All of the passengers died on impact. Thankfully I was eighteen, or the situation would’ve been worse.”
I drag my fingers through my hair, tugging on the ends. “Damn, I don’t even know what to say. I’m just really fucking sorry.”
Keegan fans her face. “Ugh, sorry to rain on the fun. I didn’t mean to get all mopey.”
“Don’t apologize for that. You have every right to grieve.” I give her leg another reassuring squeeze.
She rubs at her red nose. “Thanks. It’s good for me to talk about sometimes.”
“That’s good because I have two ears and strong shoulders. You can lean on me all you want.”
Her humming agreement is more garbled than usual. “Be careful or I might get attached.”
I pause, waiting for a pool of dread to bubble in my gut. No signs of sludge or acid appear. In fact, her suggestion leaves me with a sense of calm that I only get after a long cruise down the freeway. My reaction steals the snarky remark I might’ve tossed back at her. Instead, I focus on the fast pace action in front of me. A quick glimpse over reveals that Josey and Millie are doing the same. As we all should be, apparently. Two men are riding on horseback, chasing a cow, with lassos spinning in large loops over their heads.
“Woo, okay.” Keegan wipes under her eyes. “I’m cleansed and all better. Let’s enjoy the show.”
Silence settles between us as a new event begins. Each participant is attempting to twist a steer’s neck in order to wrestle the beast on the ground. It seems fairly aggressive with a bunch of kids in the audience, but what the fuck do I know. “This almost reminds me of a bike rally, just with animals and country music.”
“Do you go to those often?” Keegan dips a fry in ketchup, biting the end off with vigor. Talk about being aggressive.
“Not anymore. Growing up, we went all the time. I swear, my mom loved going more than my brother and me. Those are good memories.”
“Did you lose interest, or what happened?” She chomps away on another fry, her eyes going wide. “Am I prying? Feel free to ignore me.”
Grant is a topic I prefer to avoid. I glare off into nothingness, seeing my brother as he was then versus now. Bringing those skeletons into the light of day is not what I want to do. But I suppose it’s only fair since she spilled about her loss. “My family is a sore subject, especially my brother. Grant was my best friend until he got into a bad wreck with his motorcycle. He ditched his bike and started working for my dad. I barely speak to him anymore.”
Keegan slaps a palm to her forehead. “Gah, I’m really stepping in the cow manure today. I seriously didn’t plan on turning this conversation into confessional.”
I chuckle at her creative non-swearing. “It’s fine. I’m having a good time.”
She quirks a brow. “For real?”
“Yeah, the rodeo is kickass.”
“Better than biker rallies?”
I think about that for a moment, an idea sprouting and taking root. “Maybe we can start the old traditions again. Make them our own.”
Keegan pushes her sunglasses up, staring at me with a ferocity that strikes down to my bones. “Don’t make promises to me, Ford.”
“I only will if I intend to keep them.”
“Think about what you’re saying.”
I gulp down a long swallow of soda. “That’s all I’ve been able to think about lately.”
“What does that mean exactly?”
“You, Millie, all of this. I wasn’t expecting much when I came up with this unconventional scheme, but it’s really working out for me.”
Keegan lets her gaze skitter off mine. “Please don’t break her heart.”
My pulse hammers a furious rhythm, nearly stealing my breath. “What about yours?”
“I’m not worried about me. Mine already has a few dents and dings. A couple more cracks won’t hurt.”
“Doesn’t seem right.” I want to cup her jaw, force her to look at me.
She keeps her eyes averted. “That’s the way it has to be.”
I want to correct her, confess to wanting…more. But what do I really have to offer? Warming one side of the bed for a few nights? This woman belongs with a man far better than me. Even so, I can’t leave her hanging. “Not sure I’ll ever agree with that.”
Keegan smiles, but the expression is forced. “By the way, thanks again for what you said about Millie.”
“Honestly, that was nothing. You deserve far more than a few simple words, Kee.”
“They sounded really complex to me.”
“I can do better.”
A brief pause almost opens the door for regret. Until Keegan peeks up at me from under her lowered lashes. “Sometimes you’re almost sweet.”
“Don’t go spreading that around.”
“Do you have a reputation to uphold?”
“Nah, not really. I’m a mystery to most folks. But if they think I’m a teddy bear, the town will probably burst into flames.”
“That’s a little extreme.”
“Same with you calling me sweet.”
“I said almost,” she corrects.
“Not sure it matters.”
“Just take the compliment, Ford.”
“All right, if that’ll make you happy.” I take a liberty, small as if might be. When I wipe specks of food from the corner of her mouth, Keegan gasps.
“I’d be tickled pink.”
Pretty sure she already is. “That’s an innuendo waiting to be discovered.”
“Not everything has to be dirty.”
I point to our surroundings, specifically the plums of dust clouds in every direction. “I can fake being a filthy country boy with the best of them.”
Her lips twitch. “Oh? Do you have a Stetson and some Wranglers stashed away?”
I dip down until my mouth caresses the pierced lobe of her ear. “Would it turn you on if I did?”
Since she ditched her shades, I can see the change in her vibrant green eyes. The idea definitely appeals to her. “Yes,” she whispers.
“How about asking Josey to watch Millie while we take our next…adventure?”
“What’re you suggesting?”
“Maybe some of those benefits you initially implied.”
Keegan tucks some golden hair behind her ear. “Thought we’d been there and done that?”
“Who’s to say we can’t circle back for another quick pass?”
“Just once?”
I shrug. “Maybe twice.”
She pulls the glossy pout of her bottom lip between her teeth. “I could probably get on board with that.”
“Is next Saturday good for you?”
She nods, her hair brushing across my neck. “Pretty sure I’m wide open.”
“Not yet, but you will be soon.”
Healing Hug #21: Two broken pieces sliding into place for a perfect fit.
The zipper on my knee-high boots glides up without a hitch. I straighten and dust imaginary lint off my clothes. Once again, I’m appraising my appearance for an evening of unknowns. I’ve ditched the sparkle explosion dress for ripped black jeans and a long-sleeved shirt. My wavy hair is knit in a messy braid. A light dusting of makeup highlights my best features. Simple and chic.
Crawford didn’t give me much guidance on what to wear, or our plan in general. It doesn’t take a genius to assume he’s picking me up on his bike. A quick downward glance confirms I’m prepared for the ride. On the surface, at least.
Mentally, I’m not a shining example of confidence. My mind is more conflicted than opposing sides in an epic battle. Warring thoughts aren’t my only problem. Twists the size of a jumbo pretzel are knotting my stomach—but not with hesitation. The thought of having Crawford’s rough hands all over my body, bending me into indecent positions, is enough to incinerate any uncertainty. These damn flutters speak the truth. The flapp
ing wings in my belly will be the end of me.
I check the clock and my heart spasms. All of my attempts at distraction were too successful. I’ve wasted over an hour contemplating the possible outcomes. Crawford will arrive any minute now. Specifics of our non-date might be questionable, but the broad goal is set in cement. Am I really going through with this? Again? Now or never. I slick another layer of gloss on my lips and pucker up, but the reflection in the mirror is deceiving all the same.
Just as I’m about to second guess everything for the fourth time, a catcall whistle comes from behind me. “You’re looking foxy.”
I turn to Josey with a smile. “Really?”
She bites the tip of her finger, giving me a lazy perusal any man should be jealous of. “I mean, heck yeah. You’re the epitome of dressed to impress a certain broody biker. But you know it’s like eighty degrees outside.”
“End of June or not, Crawford told me to cover up.” I tug at my pants.
Josey snorts. “That seems counterproductive.”
I shove her shoulder. “Oh, shush. This isn’t about sex.”
She bends over, cackling laughter shaking her frame. “That’s a good one. You’re hilarious.”
“Okay, fine. It’s a little about that.”
“At least you’re able to admit it.”
“Do I actually look okay?” I study my wardrobe once more.
Josey winks at me. “You’re smoking, babe. He won’t be able to resist. I hope he goes all macho alpha on you again.”
“Oh, that was hot.” A zing zips up my spine at the thought of Crawford’s reaction. Prickles skitter along my skin as if sensing him nearby. “Thanks again for watching Mills. I really appreciate it.”
“My pleasure, and yours.” She bounces her brows.
Millie shuffles into the hallway with a killer frown marring her beautiful face. “You look really pretty, Mama.”
I kneel down to her level, bumping our foreheads together. “Hey, don’t be sad. I won’t be gone long.”