by Rae, Harloe
I’m grinding against him, seeking the friction he readily gives. “More, please. I need you deeper.”
He rams his fingers into me, crooking them up in search of my hidden detonator. The instant he finds that secret spot, my toes curl and everything goes still. For a split second, as I hover on that edge between pure pleasure and desperation, nothing exists except clawing need. I struggle to draw in enough air. All of my energy is centered on what this man’s mouth is doing to me, sending me higher, further yet, until a burst of stars explodes across the blue sky.
With a final swipe, I’m shoved over the cliff and tumbling. Or gliding. I can’t tell what’s up and down, only able to ride out the quaking tremble radiating throughout every molecule inside of me. I’m suspended in a state of spine-numbing euphoria as seconds blend into minutes. The tide rolls over me, ripples of shockwaves tingling my hands.
When I regain control of my muscles, I prop up on a shaky elbow. My vision swims when I glance down at him still kneeling in front of me. His glistening mouth twitches with the beginnings of a smirk. He has every right to be cocky after that award-winning demonstration.
“Good?” Crawford straightens while wiping a sloppy palm over his lips.
I give him a crooked smile of my own. “Best yet.”
“Careful, you might inflate my ego.”
I hook my ankle around the bend of his knee, reeling him in. “Oh, I plan to do a lot more than that.”
Healing Hug #22: The instant before realization strikes and all is calm.
Two fantasy-inducing weeks have flown by since I brought Keegan to my landing in the prairie. Since then, we’ve managed to crank the sexual creativity scale to hotter than a July afternoon. My body is depleted, yet wholly satisfied. The constant throbbing in my veins is a welcome reprieve from the bitter dullness I’d grown accustomed to. I can’t stay away from her for more than a couple of days. By some miracle, or rare stroke of luck, the woman sitting on my left seems to share the same potent desire for me.
This is how I find myself once again being chauffeured to a secret location by the irresistible blonde behind the wheel. Almost an hour has ticked by. My skin is starting to itch, but I keep the pissy agitation on lockdown. It’s not that I mind being a passenger in Keegan’s ride, but there are far better ways for us to pass the time.
A peek behind me reveals a sight that will soften the hardest man. Millie is snoozing in her seat with Elsa’s head resting on her lap. The little girl’s fingers are curled in the dog’s thick fur. Patch is sprawling out on the floorboards without a care in the world. I can’t even lie. A burst of warmth spreads through my chest just considering I’m privy to witnessing this moment. Fuck, these women are turning me into a sap. I wait for the gut-churning nausea to kick in, but there’s nothing but the pleasant heat washing over me. I’m sinking into lost-cause territory with zero plans of return. Who would’ve thought? Definitely not me.
Keegan must notice me looking at the dozing trio. A toasty smile lifts her already rosy features. “It’s been quite a while since she zonked out in the car, but she used to do it every time. She gets that from me. Fully alert one second, then bam. Zapped out like a blown fuse.”
Her turns of phrase are a tad wonky, but I get the picture. More than that, a spark flickers in the back of my mind. What she said prods at my already burning curiosity. I swipe along the brim of my hat, collecting the fragments of courage to solve a gaping hole. “Can I ask you something?”
Keegan peeks at me from the corner of her eye. “Of course.”
“You can tell me to screw off. It’s not really any of my business.”
She taps her thumb to a silent beat on the steering wheel. “I feel as though we’re past the point of pussy-footing around one another. Don’t you agree?”
“Uh, sure.” She might change her tune once I pry into personal details.
“Just spit it out, Ford.” Her green eyes roll faster than spinning tires.
“Where’s Millie’s dad?”
Her breathing falters, just for a moment. If I hadn’t been paying close attention, her reaction would’ve been a mere blip. “That’s a good question.”
“Thank you?” I scratch my temple.
She hikes a single shoulder. “I honestly have no clue. Haven’t seen that spineless sperm donor since I told him the news.”
I almost swallow my tongue. “Uh, what?”
She waves off my evident shock. “Not literally. I didn’t go to a bank and get knocked up at nineteen on purpose.”
“That’s good, I guess.” My palms begin to sweat, along with the rest of me. I’m wading into very unfamiliar waters without any hope of staying afloat.
Keegan chomps on her bottom lip. “It’s kinda an embarrassing story. I prefer to leave that part of my past in Cheyenne.”
“It’s all right. Forget I asked.”
Her cheeks puff up with a lungful of air, blowing the stream out in one long exhale. “Just rip off the bandage, right? Gah, okay. So, Joel was such a cocky jerk. Big douchebag on campus. I can’t for the life of me remember why we slept together. Too much alcohol, probably. The worst kind of peer pressure. That entire night is a blur. It was a piss-poor decision from all angles. Nonetheless, six weeks later, I was pregnant. I’m sick to my stomach just thinking about that day. He deserved to know, of course. Too bad he couldn’t care less. The asshole even laughed at me.”
Her grip on the wheel turns white-knuckle. “I paid for the paternity test for my own peace of mind. When Joel got the results, all hell broke loose. He threatened to take me to court for using a fake test. His posse of assholes ridiculed me. Only Josey took my side. Everyone else became a bully. It’s crazy how much power popularity can give. At every turn, I was made to feel like the bad guy. I contemplated taking him to court, but money was already stretched thin. My parents had just died the year before. It was a really dark time for me. I could’ve stayed and held my ground, let their hate roll off me. But in the end, I didn’t want them to ruin this beautiful experience for me. I was going to have a baby. A little miracle of my own. Eff Joel and his cronies for trying to drag me down to their level. All of them are cruel monsters.”
A humming sigh escapes her pinched lips. “I transferred schools the following month. The university I chose had excellent financial support, especially for single parents. Their specialty programs made graduating with a degree possible. Even though it was a struggle, I managed alone. Joel knows about Millie, but wants nothing to do with her. Again, I could’ve forced him to be involved and pay child support. Maybe I should’ve, because she deserves every opportunity, and there are some I haven’t been able to give. But him having any power over us made me queasy. He officially signed all parental rights away when she was eight months old. It’s her choice if she ever wants to try contacting him. I’d rather forget about him, but Millie can make the decision when she’s ready.”
Blistering rage bubbles under my skin. A turbine of wind thrashes in my ears while I try to control the brewing hurricane inside of me. Keegan doesn’t need me to act like a rabid bear at this moment. What she needs is support. “Does Millie know about him?”
“Yeah, somewhat. I’ve given her a very glossy version. She rarely mentions having a dad, especially in the last few years. It breaks my heart that she doesn’t have everything a little girl deserves. I feel guilty, even though it’s not my fault or what I wanted.” She throws me a quick glance, a slight wince tightening her expression.
“You shouldn’t, Kee. You did what was best for Millie.” My heart is thundering too fast. Could I possibly find a permanent place in their puzzle?
“But am I being selfish? Or weak?”
If I ever cross paths with this Joel tool, he’s not walking away unscathed. “I think you’re brave, and a survivor. When faced with shitty circumstances, you made the best of it.”
Keegan begins nibbling on her lips again. “What if Millie resents me when she’s older?”
I slash through the space between
us. “That’s not possible. I bet she understands already that having one of you is better than two parents. She’s better off without him, Kee. I can speak from experience.”
“Oh?” The way her voice lifts is enough for me to delve into the shark-infested ocean of my past.
“My father isn’t a kind man. I can count on one hand the decent memories we have together. He gets some sick satisfaction by cutting others down. My brother and I were his biggest targets. Now that Grant joined forces with him, I’m the lucky recipient of his spite.”
I lift my hat and shove it back on. An edgy tremble starts in my fingers. “Growing up, I wished my dad was never around. I was practically raised by a single mom. When my father showed up, everything was tense and distant. I can only hope you never have the displeasure of meeting him.”
“Well, okay then.” Her throat works with a thick gulp. “We all have piles of our own stuff to deal with, huh?”
“No truer words.”
“Are your parents still together?”
I bark out a brittle laugh. “Absolutely not. My mom made sure of that. Her methods were a tad unconventional, and most definitely frowned upon, but she escaped him.”
“Good for her. I don’t know the situation, but your dad sounds awful. Your mom was smart to get out of Dodge.”
“That’s exactly what I tell her, while continuing to rub it in my father’s face. Not my finest moments, but he deserves worse.”
Keegan grins at me. “Thanks for sharing that.”
“To be fair, you started it.”
“Only because you brought it up,” she murmurs.
I skim a finger down the length of her bare arm. A trail of goosebumps rise in the wake of my touch. Millie’s convenient nap allows me to take liberties with Keegan that I wouldn’t allow myself. We’ve been resorting to stolen moments of heated passion when the moon is our only witness. Filthy whispers. Lingering glances. Teasing touches. “I’m really glad we’re doing this.”
She dips her chin, but there’s no missing the flush racing up her neck. “So am I.”
“You’re still holding back.”
“Aren’t you?”
I suppose that’s true, just for different reasons. Keegan is the one with a daughter and larger priorities. The stakes are higher for her, and it isn’t fair for me to wedge my way in if she’s not ready. I give her a slow nod. “I’m not sure what to expect.”
“And that’s fine. I don’t need you to plan for our future or anything. We’ll just see how things go.”
I narrow my eyes at her. “I can give you more than that.”
She lifts her chin, a slight tremble wobbling her jaw. “I can’t do this again.”
“Do what?”
“Fall for the wrong man.”
“Who’s to say I’m wrong?”
“Every single sign since we met.”
Moisture collects on her lashes, webbing the long hairs into spears. The last thing I want is to make her cry. “How do I fix this?”
“We don’t start in the first place.”
I rub at the ache searing through my chest. “Anything but that, Kee. Ask anything else of me.”
When she shakes her head, blonde hair fans out into the space between us. “That’s all I can do to protect myself. And Millie. She doesn’t need another reason to feel abandoned.”
I narrow my eyes. “I would never hurt that little girl, accidentally or intentional. You have my word.”
Keegan scoffs. “And how good is that? Until the next worthy conquest comes along?”
“Damn, babe. Cut me deep.” But I can’t blame her. She’s been through more than enough shit when it comes to men. “You’re still holding a grudge over that?”
She peers out the window, trying to avoid me even though it’s impossible. “Maybe.”
“Listen to me, Kee.” I grab her hand and flatten our palms together. “I’m not a relationship guy and never pretended to be. Hell, being around people in general is a challenge. Commitment hasn’t been on my radar. I wouldn’t know the first thing about being a good boyfriend. But what you’ve already given me surpasses any shallow encounter I’ve had by a long shot. If I just wanted sex, I’d go out and get some. I can’t picture anything better than a day trip with you and Millie.”
Keegan glances down at our entwined fingers. “I want to believe you, Ford. But my lack of faith and trust issues, combined with our track record, doesn’t bode well for us.”
Panic should be cramping my stomach. This is too much, way faster than we should be moving. I’m obliterating every line we’ve slapped down. But fuck it—those walls were built to topple. I lean toward her, crossing over the center console. “Let me prove it to you.”
She squeezes my hand. “I’m not the only one you have to worry about.”
“Millie likes having me around.” A backward glance proves the little girl is lost in dreamland.
“She’s seven. Her heart hasn’t learned to protect itself yet. Not that I’m giving you permission to change that.”
“Do you think so little of me?”
Her brief pause that follows shoves my heart into a vice. The clamp adds pressure until taking a breath is painful. Keegan finally shakes her head. “No, just the opposite. Not sure how foolish that makes me.”
I loop a section of her blonde hair around my finger, giving the strands a gentle tug. Her gasp shoots straight south and I nearly groan. “I won’t take you for granted. Ever.”
“You better not.”
When her gaze slams into mine, a brick of explosives detonates. The car almost shakes from the impact. Our conversation tapers off with a mutual sigh. This time, the silence between us is comfortable. I want to drag her onto my lap and prove our connection is solid. The conditions are not on our side. We’re still on the freeway, but Keegan merges into the exit lane.
“Is it just me or do we spend a lot of time in the car together?”
“Are you complaining?”
“Just the opposite. I miss taking road trips.”
Keegan winks. “Stick with me and we’ll take all the adventures.”
“Maybe I could take a turn driving.” As if proving a point, I accidentally slam my knee into the dashboard. A string of expletives bursts out of me.
“Does it bother you to sit bitch?”
A silent grumble escapes me. “I’m man enough to handle it.”
She gives me a lazy once-over. “You certainly are.”
“Better watch yourself when the possibility of execution is zippo.”
“Pretty sure that’s in my benefit.”
“For now. You’ll pay extra later.”
“Promises, promises.”
Before I get myself into real trouble, I wrench my eyes off her. I catch sight of a billboard and whip my head back toward Keegan. “No way. You’re taking me to Holiday Twin?”
She grins. “Maybe.”
I might’ve noticed we were entering Fort Collins if I’d been paying closer attention. “Shit, I haven’t been to a drive-in movie since…well, I can’t even remember.”
“They’re pretty rare nowadays. Wyoming only has one left standing, but it’s over six hours away. This drive isn’t nearly as bad.”
“Damn, Kee. This is a kickass choice.”
“Well, thank you. I was inspired by National Drive-In Movie Day. We’re just a month late.”
“Eh, I’ve always preferred belated celebrations. Drags the festivities out longer.”
“We should definitely be honoring these traditions more often.”
We’re interrupted by a drawn-out yawn coming from the backseat. When I turn, Millie is stretching as the dogs rouse from their slumbers.
“Hey, sleepyhead.” Keegan smiles at her daughter in the rearview mirror.
“Did I miss the movies?” The pout in her drowsy voice is covered by another yawn.
Keegan turns into the gravel lot. Only a few other vehicles dot the open space. “Nope, you’re awake just in time. We’
re here.”
Millie flings upright, suddenly more alert than a caffeine junkie. “Yes! I can’t wait to sit on the hood. Can I be pickle in the middle again?”
Keegan quirks a brow at me. “Do you mind?”
New traditions are forming, patterns and habits I didn’t expect to be part of again. A reflexive grin tips my lips at the possibilities. I feel the hint of a dimple pop in my cheek. “I couldn’t think of a better spot for you to be, Peep.”
The little girl squeaks. “This is going to be awesome. Elsa and Patch can watch from the front seats.”
“You’ve got it all planned out, baby girl.” Keegan parks in the front row, dead center, with the best view of the enormous screen.
“Uh-huh, yep. I’ve been picturing this since we watched the fireworks on the Fourth of July.”
I give Keegan a soft nudge. “I’m thinking we can have a repeat of the grand finale.”
She scoffs, peering behind us to find Millie distracted with Elsa and Patch. “You better try harder than that to get a sleepover invite.”
“Remember what happened last time you wanted me to—”
She claps a hand over my mouth. “A reminder isn’t appropriate, or necessary.”
I chuckle against her palm, adding a little tongue for fun.
“Are you two done flirting yet?”
We simultaneously turn toward Millie. Keegan is the one to speak. “Uh, we’re just talking.”
The little girl huffs, looking so much like her mother. “I’m seven, not blind.”
Keegan blinks at her. A few beats pass before she busts into giggles. Millie follows close behind. “All right, diva princess. Cut the sass.”
“I just want to watch the movies.”
“And we will. Let’s go.” Keegan makes a shooing motion.
We pile out in a rush, getting the pups situated on the way. With our stacks of blankets and pillows, we get settled on the car. The metal creaks under our weight and I cringe, ready to volunteer to sit on the ground. Keegan laughs as I attempt to prop myself up without causing any permanent damage.
“I’m getting this dinosaur replaced soon. Don’t worry about a few dents.”