by Alex Rosa
My body peaks and I bring him as close to me as possible. He pushes his body into mine as hard as he can, deeper and deeper as we both come at the same time, trying to muffle our moans with our lips as we work through our body-trembling orgasm.
Blake collapses onto my chest, resting his cheek against my tank top as we wait for our breathing to calm. I could fall asleep right now if I wanted to. Utterly satiated, and beyond pleased at the turn of events.
Fear is quick to appear, and I worry I will pay for this in the morning.
Blake sits up on his knees, flinging the blanket to the side, allowing our hot bodies to cool. He tucks back into his jeans and buttons himself up before grabbing for my shorts. He smiles, and that dimple I missed appears in the shadows. My heart flutters as I watch him signal to me to put my legs into each hole as he dresses me like a child.
I giggle, covering my mouth while I watch him.
He climbs off me, and I worry that this is when he sends me up to my room, defining those friends-with-benefits boundaries yet again, and my heart constricts in fear. However, something happens that I don’t expect: I watch him extend his hand to me, and I take it almost too willingly. He tugs me in the direction of his bedroom as I stand.
“What are we doing?”
He stops and turns around, and I notice that his glazed look is faint, but that boyish, almost innocent charm seems to be there.
“Come fall asleep with me. I haven’t slept in days.”
I let him pull me toward his room without needing me to answer.
I step into Blake’s bedroom and watch him strip his clothes down to his briefs before he climbs into bed. He leans back into his pillows, and I notice, among the shadows of his bedroom, several unfamiliar lines crease the edges of his eyes. He does look dead tired. As I look at him, I’m tempted to speak about what happened days ago, or about how I feel about our arrangement. Nothing has been solved. Just another illicit tryst.
With the uncanny ability to read my mind, he interrupts my chaotic thoughts as if bargaining with my voice of reason. “Just fall asleep with me, Skyler; that’s all I ask. Nothing else. Everything will be fine in the morning.”
I throw the idea back and forth, and though his solemn tone is kind of heart-wrenchingly sweet, it confirms what we are—nothing. I appreciate every word he’s said tonight, every sincere gesture. One more night before we have to face reality doesn’t sound too bad.
I climb over his bed and into his open arms. He turns off the light and wraps his arms around me. I rest my head on his chest, and I think this is the quickest I have ever fallen asleep.
***
Sunshine peeks through the clouds and shines into the window above my head, hinting at dawn. I blink my eyes open and realize that Blake is fast asleep next me with his arm draped over me.
I’m thankful and I wonder if everything will go back to how it was before.
I peer up at his strong jaw, his lips hanging partially open as he lies there sleeping, hinting that the vulnerable side is still there somewhere.
The question Tucker asked me days ago rings in my head.
Am I emotionally attached?
I think back on last night, and a part of me is so sure that Blake made love to me out there in the living room; but then again, part of me is screaming that he was drunk and I was an easy lay.
I didn’t know I would feel like this when I woke up. I wish so badly I could stay in bed with Blake, but the truth is, I can’t. I have to sit and think about this. I have to think more deeply about Tucker’s question after waking up and feeling like this. I don’t know what last night meant, I don’t know what the future holds or what I want, but I know what I need to do right now because of it all.
I slip from Blake’s grasp, and lucky for me, he doesn’t wake. I’m tempted to lean in and place a kiss on his lips, but I decide against it. I can’t deny my wide grin as I walk away, though. For now, I can bask in the fact Blake is mine, and that what we shared last night at least meant something to me. I can cherish that, can’t I?
I tiptoe to his bedroom door and slip out, shutting it behind me. I pad down the hallway and bump into another person whose shriek matches my own.
“Vanessa? What are you doing here?” I whisper.
Her wide eyes peer down at her clothes. She’s wearing a pair of my brother’s boxers and one of his shirts hangs loosely over her petite frame.
“I-I-I, oh, this is embarrassing! I’m sorry, Skye. I needed to use the bathroom!” she whispers with an equally frantic tone. Then something happens. She pauses her jittering to look behind me at the door I just emerged from, and if it were possible, her eyes go wider in shock as she asks, “Did you just come from Blake’s room?”
Fuck.
Chapter 31
My jaw goes slack as my mind tries to get around the question. What is the appropriate answer here?
Vanessa raises her brow in disbelief. I try a different tactic and point at her clothes.
“So now you’re sleeping over?”
She purses her lips, and I think it’s to hold back a smile.
“Skyler,” she whispers, leaning into me after shooting a quick glance behind her at Josh’s closed bedroom door. “Don’t do this to me. We’ve been friends long enough for me to be able to know when you’re avoiding the question, and it’s an obvious answer.”
She’s grinning now.
My body is tense. “Vanessa, you can’t tell Josh.”
We both hear stirring, and in the silence of the morning, we can’t tell if it’s coming from behind her or me.
After holding our breaths, she looks beyond confused. “What? Why? All he ever talks about is you getting a boyfriend and being happy.”
Dread spreads anew in my core and I’m tempted to pull my hair out. “It’s not what you think. He wants me with Rich. Plus, I’m not dating Blake.”
She raises that proud brow. “But you’re sleeping with him?”
We hear another noise, making us both jump. Then the sound of a door opening.
My heart leaps into my throat, but it’s just Blake emerging from his bedroom behind me. Clad only in his boxers and showing off his glorious physique, he takes a few steps toward me, rubbing at his eyes.
“You left?” he asks.
I shake my head, and he locks eyes with Vanessa, who is openly appraising him.
“Of course I left, Blake.” His face tenses, but I make it a point for him to hear my next words too as I turn back to Vanessa. “You can’t tell Josh. He’ll kill Blake and kick me out. Seriously, he will go thermo-nuclear on this house.”
Blake joins the conversation as he absorbs the severity of what’s happening. “Do not tell Josh. He will beat the shit out of me. His sister is his world, and I’m some no-good punk.”
Vanessa fiddles with the bottom of her oversized T-shirt as she looks at Blake, wide-eyed.
“But you’re his best friend,” she whines, as if that’s enough of a reason for Josh to be okay with this.
He shakes his head, his face strained. “You’d think that, but it isn’t the case. I don’t have the best track record in the lady department.”
“You mean your immense track record of ladies?” I joke.
He turns to me, his look flat and not amused.
“It doesn’t matter, Vanessa. Blake and I aren’t together.”
I peer at Blake, who makes it a point to look away. My stomach knots, but I try my best to keep my grip on the situation.
“I have a lot of explaining to do.” I pause and twist my face to feign annoyance as I point at her. “And so do you, for that matter.”
She sighs, doing one last check on the door behind her. “We both do. We obviously need to talk.”
I nod, thinking that maybe a girl’s perspective might be useful. Tucker is all fine and dandy with the logical side, but sometimes I fear getting all gooey-girl and telling him how I might feel about Blake.
“We do,” I confirm.
“I won’t sa
y anything, but you have to come out with Jennifer and me tonight. We’re going to a club in West Hollywood for a girls’ night.”
With Blake standing next to me, we’re all sure that the next rustling sound we hear is most definitely my brother.
Blake tugs for my hand, fearing the same thing as me.
Vanessa chews her bright pink lip. “Go get out of here, you guys. Your brother is going to come looking for me any moment.” She tries shooing Blake and me away.
Her tone sparks my interest. “What do you mean?” I ask.
She turns scarlet. “We were going to shower before work.”
My face widens in shock as I nearly make it to Blake’s bedroom. He hushes me as more sounds are heard, his voice low and husky. “Skye, c’mon.”
I turn to Vanessa. “Shower?” I question, to amplify its meaning. “So now you’re really dating my brother?”
Back when all three of us—Jennifer, Vanessa, and I—were having our slew of relationship issues, we made this silly pact on a drunken night about showers being the fine line of a relationship, and hearing the semi-confirmation of her relationship status with my brother, I’m floored.
She offers another shrug. “I guess.”
Blake pulls me into his bedroom and shuts the door, practically in unison with my brother opening his.
Blake tugs me back to his bed, but I resist, pulling him toward me. “Skyler, it’s going to be okay. I guess I know where that shower thing came from now.”
I find immediate comfort in Blake’s regained confidence. Last night feels like a blur, and the days before are clouded with discomfort. I missed Blake, his charm and his confidence. He takes a deliberate step toward me, cupping my face, angling it upward to look at him as he runs his thumb over my pouting bottom lip.
“Just breathe. You trust Vanessa, don’t you?”
I am quick to answer, “Yeah, but—”
“Then it’s good enough for me.” He examines my features before leaning in for a kiss.
As if he’s oxygen itself, Blake’s lips against mine feel like a breath of fresh air, and his soft, sensual kiss turns into a passionate one as his lips coax mine open. His tongue tangles and teases me, and my arms wrap around his neck, bringing him closer, aligning our bodies perfectly.
His body, his lips, his touch all swallow me whole, and I cherish it and pretend he loves me.
The sound of the shower beyond his bedroom walls reminds me that I should be leaving. My eyes fly open, and I pull away.
The moment we disconnect, his brows furrow in concern. “Skye, what’s wrong?”
I can’t tell him what I’m thinking. Hell, I don’t even know what I’m thinking. My fervent head nod has him trying to calm me, but I take a step toward the door.
“Blake, hear me out for a moment, okay?”
He exhales, and his large jade-green eyes are spilling with apprehensive fear. “Are you running from me?”
It feels like such a direct question since I recently realized that honesty has not been our best policy. I gulp at the thought, still trying to fathom the feelings that are burning and fluttering inside me.
“I’m not running,” I utter, as if eating each word. “I just need to think.”
His face tells me he’s trying to understand. I take a moment to devour Blake’s nearly naked form with my eyes, committing it to memory. Only because I fear the future, late-night drunken admissions aside. My eyes drag down the sinews of his sculpted torso to my favorite part of his body. I haven’t taken enough time to enjoy him during our many trysts. Dammit.
“Thinking is good,” he says slowly.
I nod as I take another step toward the door.
“I’ll see you later, yeah?” he asks.
“Yes. Don’t wait up for me.” I try to make my words playful, and end them with a hint of a smile. He rewards me with one of his own, and I thank heaven that I can witness that dimple before departing—that sight salvaging the mood.
I grab for the doorknob, but I can’t take my eyes off him. His eyes intensify and burn as they watch me, as if challenging me to back down.
I shake my head again, breaking the trance his stare induces, and make my quick escape. I leave him standing there in his adorable, bemused hotness, shut the door behind me, and scamper back to my bedroom.
Chapter 32
I fiddle with the quarter-length sleeves of my navy-blue dress as I scoot into the dark pink booth in this very pink club. As I take my seat, examining the small space decked in purples and pinks, I’m tempted to roll my eyes. Jennifer is wearing nearly matching pink lipstick.
“What is this place?” I ask, smoothing out the short pleats of the bottom of my dress as Vanessa and Jennifer scoot in next to me.
Jennifer grins wide. “It’s a new place. Obviously for women. Like a bar where girls can get drinks on their own terms.”
She ends her sentence with a wink, and though I think she’s entirely nuts, I envy her confidence. I swing my stare back to the open floor plan of the club to see that there are as many men as women venturing into the ocean of pink.
“Are we ordering drinks?”
Vanessa smiles. “I took the liberty of ordering our first round. Pink poodles.”
I roll my eyes. “How fitting.”
Jennifer grumbles next to me. “So what’s your deal, Skye? You’ve been flying under the radar lately and I demand to know why.”
I sigh and tilt my head toward her. “Can we delve into that topic once I’ve got a drink in me?”
Luckily our three drinks appear, glowing neon pink in dainty martini glasses. They look similar to cosmopolitans. I bring one to my lips; it tastes sweet. I keep drinking, and realize I’m nearing the bottom of my beverage already.
“So am I to assume you and my brother are together now?”
Jennifer leans into Vanessa, and I realize she is as much in the dark as I am.
Vanessa takes a tentative sip. “You aren’t going to be mad, are you?”
“Just answer the question, Vanessa.”
“Yes, we are now. I wasn’t sure for a while, but I don’t know. I fell for your brother. Sorry. I never saw it coming.”
I finish off my drink.
“Well, to be honest, I’m happy for you and him, though the irony is painful.”
Jennifer finishes her drink in time with me. She waves and signals for another round before turning to me.
“Skyler, you’re so cryptic! I know something’s going on! Let me guess, Blake? It has to be. I mean, I saw your weird freak-out.”
I slump into my seat, feeling those creeping feelings I’d been keeping locked up seep out.
“It’s complicated,” I huff.
Vanessa squares her shoulders. “I’ve told you mine, now it’s about time you told us yours.” Her eyes tell me that she’ll speak for me if I don’t confess.
I didn’t know this was going to be so hard. I feel silly for looking forward to such a conversation as my hands come up to rub at my face.
“First you have to promise this conversation never leaves the three of us. I mean it. Josh can never know, and obviously Blake, for whatever reason, can’t know we’re having this conversation.”
“Ah-ha!” Jennifer blurts out. “I knew it!”
“Simmer down!” I shout.
Thankfully my replacement pink poodle appears.
“Promise me, ladies!” I demand as I take a slower sip of my drink.
Both girls place their hands in the middle of the table, pinkies up.
“Pinkie promise, here and now,” Vanessa exclaims.
I set my drink down, grinning, and feel more at ease as we manage to hook our pinkies together in a sworn oath. It makes me realize I need more girlfriends.
“Okay, you earned the truth, I guess. I don’t know what I’ve gotten myself into. I did something stupid. I’ve been keeping this whole thing a secret, thinking I could handle it myself. I thought I could do it, really I did. I started a . . .” I sigh, now embarrassed by m
y predicament. As I let the words tumble out of my mouth, they feel completely out of character. “A purely friends-with-benefits relationship with Blake, thinking it would be fun and innocent.”
Jennifer lets out a whistle. “I could have told you that would have been dangerous, but I can’t blame you. He’s dreamy. I’ve seen him on campus a few times.”
Her last words sting, but I go on. “Yeah, he’s known to have been around the block, but that’s why I thought I could do it. He was some guy who was in it for sex, and I thought if we both weren’t looking for commitment, I could do it, too. Dammit, I wanted to be able to do it. I don’t know who to blame for this situation: him or myself. He chased me, and it felt impossible to say no at the time.”
Vanessa’s eyes dart over my face. “Sweetie, you’ve never done anything promiscuous in your life! You used to give me a hard time all those mornings I would show up to practice late, recovering from my own trysts.”
My scowl is something I didn’t expect, and the situation becomes even more baffling. “And my brother wants to get mad at me for liking someone like Blake, when he likes someone who’s just the same.”
“I should probably be offended by that but I think we’ve figured out your problem,” Vanessa says.
If the club wasn’t so dark, I am sure both girls would see me flushing crimson.
“Um, first, Vanessa, you really can’t be offended because she’s right,” Jennifer says. “Who knows what your guy count was this last semester. Granted, I’m super happy for you and Josh, but c’mon.”
Vanessa purses her lips and rolls her eyes. “Remind me to be pissed off later. Let’s focus on Skye for the moment.”
I tell them everything, from the promise I made to Josh when I first moved in to my last night with Blake, and every detail in between two more drinks.
After Vanessa and Jennifer finish their scowling at the mention of my ex, Jennifer blurts out knowingly, “Let me guess, after all this you fell for Blake?”
I press my lips into a hard line as I eye Jennifer. She bats her eyelashes as she sips her pink poodle.