by Alex Rosa
“Am I that predictable?”
“Oh Skye, the moment you admitted you slept with him, I knew that was where it was gonna lead.”
Vanessa butts in. “But don’t you think Josh would be okay with all of this if he knew you and Blake really liked each other?”
I can’t help myself as dread floods me, and I drain my cup of the delicious pink beverage.
“You’re misunderstanding me, Vanessa. Who said we both feel the same? That’s my real problem. In the end, it might not matter what Josh thinks if it doesn’t work out anyway.”
Vanessa chews her lip. “I thought it was pretty obvious how he felt about you when I saw you two that morning. He couldn’t take his eyes off you. Hell, even last Saturday his eyes were glued to you from across the room. I find it hard to believe he doesn’t have feelings for you. It’s in his eyes—”
“Those dreamy eyes,” Jennifer chimes in. “Wait. The morning? When did you see them together?”
I shrug her words off. “Story for a later time, Jen,” I hum, returning to Vanessa’s question. “I know it’s easy to think Blake has feelings for me, but he’s definitely not the commitment type. He was specific about being open about how we feel if we get too caught up. He would have said something. If anything, he’s made it clear that it’s getting to be a bit too much.”
“Obviously you aren’t following the rules, either. You haven’t told him how you feel?” Vanessa asks.
I snort. “No, of course not. I realized the night he brought Heather as his date that I was in too deep, and I considered telling him then, but the fear of losing him was unbearable. I know it’s hard for you two to believe, but he’s been an important friend these past weeks. We spend a lot of our time talking and laughing together, among other things.”
Jennifer’s face twists into confusion. “That doesn’t sound like just sex, Skyler. I mean, the boys I keep around for a booty call aren’t necessarily ones I’d want to have conversations with.”
I roll my eyes. “I told you. I’ve never done anything like this. I wouldn’t know the difference. Although at the time, I questioned it, but I also liked it. So all I ever tried to do was avoid getting caught.”
Jennifer slaps the table with her flat palm, jolting my nerve-racked body.
“Well you know what you have to do, Skye?”
“What’s that?”
“You have to tell him how you feel! You have to tell him you want more.”
“Who said I want more?” I squeak.
Both Vanessa and Jennifer laugh at my expense, and I turn away.
Vanessa answers, “Skye, c’mon. You know that’s why you’re such a mess. You’re scared, I know. But you can’t go on pretending you don’t care. It’ll hurt more in the long run. I get that Blake isn’t one to want a girlfriend, but if that’s the case, then you shouldn’t be with him anyway. Great sex or not . . . Wait. The sex is great, right?”
“Phenomenal would be an understatement.”
Both girls grin devilishly, which has us all tumbling into laughter.
Jennifer exhales. “As much as I hate seeing you two getting involved with these crazy boys, I have to admit it, Skyler, you have to be honest. Plus, you’re a terrible liar.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“I’m just saying, if he doesn’t already know you’re head over heels for him, he’s an idiot.”
I roll my eyes. “I’ve really been this giddy from the beginning, so it might be hard for him to tell.”
“I believe you. Regardless, you gotta tackle this head-on.”
I nod, fearing all along that this is in fact the answer.
“I know. I’m going to lose him, you know?”
Vanessa guffaws. “You have to give it a chance. Right now you’re in a painful limbo.”
I peer at my empty glass and my nerves beg for another, but I know what the right thing to do is.
“I’m gonna head out.”
“Now?” Jennifer screeches.
Vanessa hushes her. “Let her go! It’s the first time in a long while I’ve seen Skyler feel anything for a guy. She needs to fix this.” She turns toward me. “And, Skye?”
I feel solemn now, continuously scared for my future. I stare at the empty glass, hoping it won’t represent my life. “Yeah?”
“Remember, even if things don’t work out, we’ll always have girls’ nights, okay?”
I smirk, feeling lucky to have friends like these. “Tucker might want to join in one of these days.” I find myself fighting back a sniffle and a laugh at the same time.
“Oh I love him. We need some flamboyant flare.” Jennifer smiles wide, and I know it’s to give me a sense of confidence.
As I rise from the booth, I make it a point to swivel around to face them. “You know, I hate being a mess over this.”
Jennifer looks amused. “We’re aware. I prefer you being a smart-ass anyway, so take care of your shit, and we’ll be here for you.”
Vanessa nods her agreement. “Here! Here!” They both erupt into cheers.
I roll my eyes, but manage a full-toothed grin before I turn back toward the exit to get a cab.
***
I skip out of the cab, eager for my bed. Expecting the house to be empty, I know I’ll rely on a good night’s rest to tackle the debacle that is my life tomorrow. Today felt draining, and after the chitchat and enlightening night with my ladies, who howled their support as I scampered away, I need a decent night’s rest.
For tonight, I’m going to pretend that everything is fine and dandy. I think after today, and this past week, all I deserve is at least one decent night of peace.
In my gut, I know that it won’t end well. The possibility of success is so far off. I know that once I tell him, I can’t continue whatever it is that we’re doing. I want more, but he’ll shrug it off. He may apologize, and at that point, I expect him to carry on with his life as if his current flavor got tasteless and boring. I’d end up being what I wanted to avoid all along. I didn’t want to be like those other girls.
The reality of the situation stings. These are all things I knew and suspected from the beginning. I’m not shocked; I’m more shocked that I thought I could do it, that I could be different.
I fling the front door open after unlocking it, assuming that everyone would be asleep, but amid the darkness of the living room, the strobe light coming off the television illuminates Blake lying on the couch. He lifts his head to get a look at me in the foyer, and that half-smile has my chest constricting and the gooey feeling warming in my gut.
A glutton for punishment, I tangle my fingers around the straps of my navy-blue velvet heels in my left hand. My feet stroll toward Blake, as if his emerald eyes wield the power of a tractor beam. The short journey to the couch has me making a rash decision. I will follow through with my evening of make believe and face reality tomorrow. I fear the answer that awaits me, but for now, I’m going to pretend that his smile is made for me. Our make-it-or-break-it moment can wait until tomorrow, can’t it?
I feel clumsy, but have some liquid courage from the last bit of my pink poodles flowing through my system. I have to hold back my smile at realizing that Blake and I have switched roles since the night before, but I am nowhere near as inebriated.
“Hi,” I whisper, chewing my lip as I devour his adoring expression.
“Hi yourself,” he whispers, and leans his head back to get a better glimpse of me.
“I told you not to wait up for me.”
He purses his lips. “I know, but I have trouble taking orders.”
A small chuckle escapes me, and I know what I want. It has wrong written all over it, but I don’t care. Not anymore, when I’m about to lose everything anyway.
I lean down, grab for the remote, turn off the TV, and then toss the remote back onto the couch. Now shrouded in the darkness, I lean down to grab for his hand, tugging at him.
“Do you think you can follow these orders for now? Come with me,” I demand.
Wordlessly and in a trance, he gets up from the couch and allows me to pull him to the stairs and up to my room.
The fear of my brother tonight is the least of my worries, and I know I want Blake right now. Nothing and no one else.
Once in my bedroom, with our eyes adjusted to the darkness, I toss my heels onto the floor and turn to face him.
Blake says, “Now what?”
I smirk, needing to stand on my tiptoes to place a kiss on his lips, but I make it a point to pull away quickly. That isn’t what I want right now. Not tonight.
“Take off your shirt,” I command.
His brows furrow in bemused amusement, but he doesn’t hesitate peeling the black V-neck from his hard body. He would never have a reason to be shy in this department.
I take it out of his hands, then twirl around on my toes until my back faces him.
“Unzip my dress.”
I don’t have to see his face to imagine its expression. It’s enough to have my body begin a slow tingle that works its way to every corner of my being.
I close my eyes as I feel his long, deft fingers graze the skin of my back, dragging his fingertips up my spine to my neck. He brushes my hair to the side, placing it over my right shoulder. His fingers go back to their sensual drag over my skin, calling my whole body to attention. He is really the minstrel, and I simply follow his lead.
Shocking the surface of my skin, I can feel his lips encounter my bare shoulder. He places a few delicate kisses on my skin before taking the zipper in his hand and dragging it down the length of the dress. The dress pools at my feet, revealing my nearly naked self as I stand in my black lace panties.
I want to think that the small gasp of air I hear is from him, but at this point, the evening feels like a too-good-to-be-true haze.
Still holding Blake’s V-neck shirt, I pull it over my body. Its size is way too big for me; the warmth from him still clings to the fabric, and so does his woodsy musk. I bask in how comfortable it makes me feel as I swivel around to face Blake once again.
Mirroring his words from the night before, and hoping he won’t refuse, I try for another command. “Fall asleep with me.”
It feels more like a plea than a command, but at least I’ve said it.
His full smile as a response has my heart leaping into my throat, and to my delight, he goes for the button on his jeans, pulling them off.
I grab for his hand again, and tug him with me onto the bed.
Everything falls together almost too perfectly, and I question that I’m making this all up in my head. It feels like a dream or a hallucination.
His domineering side makes himself comfortable against my sheets and pillows, grabbing for the comforter and pulling it over our bodies. I follow suit, cradling myself in the nook of his body, laying my head on his hard chest. I close my eyes to the feeling of his arm wrapping around me.
The relaxing exhale I hear from Blake is a relief to my nerves as we both submit to the moment. I take great comfort that barely any words were exchanged to get here, and that he trusted the moment enough to let it happen.
I know he’ll be gone in the morning, but for now, this is perfect.
Chapter 33
When I wake in the morning, I nuzzle my face into my warm blanket before realizing that my blanket has a heartbeat. I shift my head upward to encounter a stirring Blake.
I hold my breath. I feel his body tighten as he wakes up, his unmoving arm around me, squeezing me close as his body stretches.
I can’t believe my eyes, thinking that maybe I’m still dreaming. I assumed he would have crept away in the early hours of the morning. In fear of him magically disappearing, I stay still until his inevitable luminous stare makes it to mine.
My arm is draped across his naked torso, and I find it odd how comfortable I feel.
“Good morning.”
My eyes fly back to his, his deep timbre tone making me melt.
I shift my head and rest my chin on his chest, feeling like a timid child as I watch him. “You’re still here.” My voice is a whisper.
“I am. I hope you don’t mind. I could leave,” he chides when the corner of his heavenly mouth rises in unison with his eyebrow.
My nerve-racked awakening switches to a playful feeling with Blake’s prowess. He pretends to shift his body as if climbing out of bed. I claw at his chest and let out a laugh, pulling him back into my arms and onto my bed. His answering laughter stirs my soul.
“No, don’t leave!”
He brings his face to mine, catching me by surprise, and captures my giggling lips. My arms come around his neck, bringing him close.
I don’t know when I entered the twilight zone, or where one line ends and one begins, but this arrangement, everything, has blurred, and I don’t care. I know the time will come when I’ll have to tell the truth, but not now.
Always the more cautious one, I speak between his kisses while still trying to get through my laughter. We are being too loud and too careless.
“My brother isn’t home, is he?”
Blake’s kiss takes no prisoners as his fervor picks up in sync with his audible growl. His body presses mine into the bed, making my blood sing and unfurl in desire.
“No. He isn’t. I heard him leave early this morning.”
“Good!”
I’m as exhausted with the situation, probably even more so, than he is. I don’t have it in me to think of the day and what I might have to do with it as I stroke my lips against his, hungry to taste him, hungry for more. Even though I slept next to him all night, I feel starved for his touch.
His sweet tongue drops into my mouth as his playful mood returns. With a vibrating hum his hands grab at my hips, strumming his fingertips over my hip bones above the skin of my panties. I giggle, feeling ticklish. He pulls away to trail kisses across my jaw.
“Who knew you’d be such a morning person?”
His warm breath comes out in a humid huff as he chuckles against my skin, his lips skimming down the nape of my neck.
“It would seem so, wouldn’t it? Did you sleep well?”
I find the question odd and almost like a trap. It feels too personal. The answer could get me into a lot of trouble.
“Mmm,” is all I can offer without giving myself away. His teeth grab for the fabric of the shirt that I’m still wearing, tugging at it.
I don’t answer, and his sprite stare peers at me. He smiles and I wrinkle my nose in embarrassment.
“I think I like you in my shirt. Looks way better on you.”
I exhale and bring my hands up to tangle in his thick head of hair. He turns away, dragging his nose over the shirt and down my torso. I bask in his mood shift, and find it more shocking as I watch his boyish smile reveal itself. He grabs for the edge of the shirt and tucks his head underneath, pulling the shirt over himself.
I let out another skirting giggle as my hands are forced to rest on top of the shirt, over the large lump that has formed where his head is buried underneath.
I feel his soft, wet lips meet my belly, and they tickle my skin.
“You’re squirming,” he whines as his hands drag upward under my shirt and rest on either side of my rib cage.
“Can’t imagine why,” I retort.
A deep laugh escapes him, but it’s brief. He halts any sort of movement as he rests his cheek on my tummy. I feel his body tense.
Attuned to him, mine does the same, and I worry that this is all too intimate.
It’s silent for longer than I expect. His slow, shallow breaths are hot against my skin from underneath the cocoon of the shirt.
“Skye, I have something I need to tell you. I can’t keep it in any longer.”
My breath catches in my throat, and I pray it isn’t obvious as I try to keep my tone level. I’m just glad he can’t see my face. “What’s that?” I ask.
“It’s hard for me to say.” His tone wavers as his grip on my torso tightens.
I’m desperate to know what’s wrong and I
can’t help my flippant tone. “Just say it.”
There is a long pause, and another huff.
“I think I should say first that if you want to kick me out of your bed, you’re more than welcome to. There’s a possibility you aren’t going to like what I have to say.”
My guts twist. I knew it. This is the moment he tells me he thinks this has gone too far.
There’s another long pause as the mood in the room thickens, and I try to fathom a way to respond. It appears Blake is going to beat me to the punch and tell me this isn’t what he wants before I even get a chance to tell him how I feel.
“O-okay. Go on,” I sputter.
With no preamble and a hint of impatience, he spits it out. “I’m crazy about you.”
Time freezes. All breathing halts. That did not happen. He didn’t say what I thought he did.
“Excuse me? W-what did you just say?”
His body freezes, but his grip tightens again. “I said that I’m crazy about you.”
My mind can’t seem to comprehend his words.
I blink a few times. Blake is the only person to have the ability to render me speechless.
His grumble of dismay leaves me wide-eyed.
“Skyler, I’m sorry. I know this isn’t something you probably want to hear. I just couldn’t bear—”
“Stop talking, Blake.” I’m trying to understand, but I’m finding it difficult. I didn’t see this coming. “Did you just say you’re crazy about me?”
I feel his stubbly chin rub against my tummy, dragging the sandpaper feeling back and forth, as if he’s debating whether to answer. “Yes.”
“Why won’t you come out from under there?”
“Because I’m scared.”
“Scared of what?”
He chuckles. “Are you trying to make me into a fool here? I feel like I just ripped my heart out, laid it on the table for you, and you want to ask me why I’m scared? You haven’t said anything. If I was to look at you, I’d assume you’d be laughing at me.”
He’s right. I want to laugh, but not for the reasons he thinks. Surely I’ve lost my mind. I find it funny, I guess more ironic, because most of the time I’m the one to think he’s laughing at me. “No, Blake.”