Courting the Amish Nanny

by Carrie Lighte

  “What secret?” Elizabeth asked from the hallway.

  Before Sadie could respond, David came into the room, announcing, “We saw you and Onkel snowshoeing, Sadie.”

  Right behind him, Elizabeth reported, “You fell down six times, Sadie. I counted.”

  “You’re right, I did fall down a lot. And even though it hurt a little bit and I got wet, it was worth it.” Sadie didn’t care what Levi said about her being a poor example, she was going to teach the children how to be resilient if it was the last thing she did before leaving Serenity Ridge. “The important thing isn’t whether or not you fall down. It’s whether or not you get up and try again.”

  Elizabeth said, “Onkel Otto, did it hurt when you fell down yesterday?”

  With a smirk in Sadie’s direction, Otto admitted, “The big fall I took at the end of the day bruised my self-esteem a little, but the other falls I took didn’t hurt.”

  “What’s selfish steam?” Elizabeth asked, causing Otto to crack up.

  “It’s something inside you that makes you feel good.”

  “Like peanut butter sheet cake?” David asked.

  Otto laughed again, but Sadie took the opportunity to say, “Speaking of peanut butter sheet cake, I’m afraid we’re going to cancel our party tonight.”

  “Aww!” David wailed.

  “How come?” Elizabeth demanded to know.

  Otto revolted, too. “Jah, why would you cancel the party?”

  Sadie was surprised he’d still want to have a party, but more to the point, she didn’t want to have one. “I didn’t think you’d, uh, still be interested.”

  “I’m always interested in a party, especially when there’s the chance to get to know the guests better.”

  Aha! Otto still wants me to match him up with Maria. Sadie had to give it to him: he didn’t waste any time sniveling about being rejected. “I understand, and maybe I can arrange for the guests to meet each other at another time. I’ll still make the cake, though.”

  “But you told us we could choose a game,” David protested.

  Sadie was resolute. “Sometimes plans change. It’s important to be a gut sport.”

  Otto gave her the eye. “Jah, that’s true. But you also just said it’s important to get back up and try again after we fall down. That’s what I’d like to do.”

  Sadie heaved an exasperated sigh. She couldn’t imagine a party being any fun with Levi there, but for Otto’s sake, she gave in. “Okay, okay. We’ll still have the party.”

  When Otto came home for lunch later in the day, Sadie asked if he’d watch the children for a minute while she ran to the daadi haus to get an extra sweater. For as many layers as she was already wearing, she was still chilly and she figured she’d be even colder after the twins’ naps when they all went outside. Wouldn’t it just figure the one day she couldn’t seem to get warm, Levi wasn’t around to build one of his blazing infernos in the woodstove.

  The parking area was thrumming with activity and Sadie noticed someone pointing at her as she crossed the lawn on her way back to Levi’s house. She kept her head down but heard the woman say, “Look, Edward, there’s an Amish woman. Doesn’t she look quaint in that bonnet?”

  It’s a prayer kapp, Sadie silently corrected her.

  “I’ll take a picture,” Edward replied.

  Sadie obscured her face as she hastened her pace. She was halfway up the path when she lost her footing. Her arms windmilled as she tried to keep her balance, but she fell backward and landed with an ungraceful thump on her backside. Lovely. Edward probably captured that on film. She pushed off the snow to stand but stepped on the back hem of her dress, yanking herself to the ground a second time. As she arranged the fabric so it would be clear of her boots, a shadow darkened the snow. Levi.

  “Are you hurt?” He crouched in front of her.

  “Neh.” I wouldn’t admit it if I were. “Please move so I can get up before the entire parking lot photographs me making a spectacle of myself.”

  “Here, let me help you,” Levi offered, taking Sadie by her arm.

  “I don’t need help. I need you to back off!” Sadie snapped.

  * * *

  Levi dropped Sadie’s arm like it was a hot poker. He didn’t blame her for being cross; he noticed last night how slick the pathway between their two houses was and if he hadn’t been so peeved then, he would have stopped to throw sand on it. As Sadie stamped toward the house, Levi went to the barn for a snow shovel and a bucket of dirt, bypassing the customers who’d been gawking at Sadie and him. One person signaled she needed help lifting a tree onto her car, but he told her Walker would be right there. Levi’s priority was Sadie’s safety.

  The snow was packed down so Levi decided to return to the barn to retrieve the shovel he used for digging dirt. It had a sturdier blade than the snow shovel and he’d be able to crack the frozen snow into pieces in order to scoop it to the side. As he was heading toward the path a second time, Walker spotted him.

  “Hey, Levi—we could use your help over here,” he called.

  “When I’m done,” he yelled back, ignoring the line of half a dozen customers near the baling machine. Walker’s comments about not ruining relationships with his customers sprang to mind, but Levi quickly dismissed them. If the Englischers weren’t going to purchase a tree because he wasn’t available at the snap of their fingers, he’d accept losing the sale. I’d rather lose money than lose my wife, he thought before catching his error.

  It wasn’t Leora herself who popped into his thoughts; it was Leora’s accident. He tried to give his guilt to the Lord, but it wasn’t as easy as Sadie made it seem. He’d lived with it for so long that after a while it seemed a part of him, like a chronic illness.

  Levi jammed the shovel hard into the snow. It struck the frozen earth and his hands vibrated from the force. He cleared the path right down to the ground and then he threw more dirt atop the exposed soil. There. That should keep Sadie from slipping. Maybe now the disdainful look in her eyes would vanish. For as upset as he’d been at Sadie and Otto the day before, Levi reckoned Sadie had twice as much reason to be angry with Levi now. It was hypocritical of him to have lectured her about taking unnecessary recreational risks when he hadn’t properly cleared the path she used daily.

  He hadn’t planned to eat lunch with Sadie that afternoon, but after all that shoveling he was ravenous and he owed her an apology. For as little time as he had left with her in Maine, Levi wanted it to be harmonious.

  When he went inside and found her in the living room his voice cracked with nervousness. “Hi, Sadie.”

  She barely glanced up from the book she was reading. “I didn’t think you were eating lunch, but in the fridge there’s leftover split pea soup you can heat. Biscuits are in the pantry.”

  “Denki,” he replied, stalling. He held his hands over the woodstove. No wonder Sadie was swaddled in a quilt; the stove wasn’t throwing off as much heat as usual. He added a few logs. “That should help.”

  “Mmm.” Sadie licked her index finger to flip a page.

  “Uh, can I talk to you about something?”

  She snapped the book closed. “Go ahead.”

  Levi shifted his stance. Then he decided to take a seat on the chair opposite her. Leaning forward, he rested his hands on his knees. “I’m very sorry I didn’t shovel the path better. I don’t blame you for being angry, but I hope you’ll forgive me.”

  Sadie wriggled free from the quilt and stood. “Fine, you’re forgiven.” She walked toward the hall.

  “If you really mean that, why do you sound so angry?” His question stopped her in her tracks and she whirled around.

  “Because you apologize for things that don’t matter but you won’t apologize for the things that do. It’s as if you care more about clearing your conscience than about reconciling our relationship. You care more about y
our conscience than about my feelings.” She turned and left the room.

  Levi jumped to his feet and followed her to the kitchen sink, where she’d begun rinsing potatoes. He positioned himself slightly behind her left shoulder. “How have I hurt your feelings?” he asked, although he already had an inkling.

  The pale nape of her slender neck was exposed as she bent forward, scrubbing the spuds. “I’ve taken your concerns about the kinner into consideration every single day. I’ve gone out of my way to respect your wishes, even though they often feel restrictive to me.” Sadie reached into a drawer and pulled out the peeler and began slashing at the potatoes, intermittently using the back of her hand to wipe her eyes. “Yesterday was the one day I got to cut loose outdoors with another adult instead of with the kinner. To have schpass taking on a new challenge—and you tried to shame me for it. You implied I was a bad example for Elizabeth and David when I wasn’t doing anything wrong.”

  Levi was at a loss for words. He’d never meant to make her cry and it unsettled him as much as if he’d caused her physical pain. He lifted his hand to cup her shoulder but realized she probably would flinch at his touch, so he dropped it to his side again. “Sadie, please put that down for a minute. Please?” he pleaded softly into her ear.

  She dropped the potato into the sink with a thud, but she held on to the peeler and wouldn’t turn to face him.

  “Please, kumme sit,” he coaxed, tugging her sleeve. She jerked her arm away in a backward circle but eventually she set the peeler on the counter and took a seat at the table.

  He pulled out the chair next to her and turned it so he was facing her profile. “You’re absolutely right, Sadie. You’ve made a lot of concessions for me. There’s no one I trust more with my kinner than you.”

  She used her apron to dab at her eyes. “You have a funny way of showing it.”

  “I’m sorry about that. And I’m especially sorry about saying you weren’t a gut example. You’re a terrific example to the twins. And to me. I was just...”

  Levi swallowed hard. How could he admit what he’d come to realize this morning after a sleepless night stewing? How could he confess he hadn’t really lashed out at Sadie yesterday because she was being reckless? Nor was he volatile because he felt duped—that was part of it, but that wasn’t the main reason. No, what he truly resented was that she and Otto were having such a pleasant time frolicking together—the way Levi had with Sadie before he’d put a self-imposed end to it. It burned Levi that Otto could have what Levi couldn’t: a romantic relationship with a woman. And, as wrong as he was to do it, Levi had taken his envy out on Sadie, the object of Otto’s affection.

  Another tear rolled down her cheek. Usually so effervescent and unflappable, she appeared downright miserable, thanks to Levi. If humiliating himself was the only way she’d feel better, he’d make that sacrifice. “I was jealous,” he said.

  * * *

  Sadie sniffed. Was it possible she’d been right about Levi wishing he could have spent Saturday alone with her? Despite what she’d written in her diary that morning about no longer having any attraction to him, her heart fluttered with new hope. “Jealous of what?”

  “Otto, mostly.”

  “Why?” This time, she wasn’t jumping to any conclusions. She was going to make him spell it out.

  Levi sat up straight and cleared his throat. “Probably because the two of you were having such a gut time and... I think I was jealous of your freedom. Especially Otto’s. He’s always been more daring than I am.”

  So it didn’t have anything to do with Levi liking her; it was about a rivalry between him and Otto. Sadie blew the air from her cheeks, deflated. At least this time her hopes were dashed quickly. As reluctant as she was to encourage Levi to continue when his words were so distressing to her, she knew she owed it to him as a friend to be supportive. There was nothing wrong with what he was saying—it just wasn’t what she was hoping to hear. “You can have that kind of freedom, too, Levi. It’s yours for the taking. But you can’t hold on to guilt and experience freedom at the same time. You have to make a choice.”

  “I know. And I’m trying to choose freedom. I’ve asked the Lord to help me. But letting go doesn’t come as easily as I thought it would.”

  “I understand,” Sadie conceded, because she did. As often as she had tried to change, here she was, back at square one, longing for a courtship with someone who didn’t reciprocate her interest. “I try to be patient—”

  “You’ve been very patient,” Levi confirmed. “Far more patient than anyone else has been or would be and I appreciate it more than I’ve shown. If you’ll give me another chance, I’ll change.”

  Knowing from her own experience how often she’d needed another chance, Sadie couldn’t hold a grudge against Levi. “Of course I’ll give you another chance. Now, how about if you go wash up and I’ll serve us both some lunch?” Although she hadn’t intended to eat with him, she had been too upset to eat earlier and now that they’d cleared the air, she was starving.

  After she fixed their bowls and they said grace, Levi remarked, “The kinner are going to miss you a lot. But who knows, if things work out between you and Otto, maybe we’ll get to see you again in Indiana.”

  Sadie held a biscuit in the air, midway to her mouth. She didn’t want to tell Levi about her misunderstanding—it was so humiliating. But she couldn’t allow him to think she was interested in Otto. Especially since they were still having the party and it would be obvious when she paired Otto up with Maria for the games. “Otto and I aren’t walking out together.”

  Levi’s spoon slipped from his grip and clattered into his bowl, spraying broth. He wiped the table before asking, “You aren’t? But you told me the other day you’d be interested—”

  “He and I talked it over and...we decided we aren’t the right person for each other,” Sadie said more truthfully than not.

  Levi’s eyes were huge. “Wow.”

  “Wow, what?” Sadie questioned, affronted. “I didn’t intend to mislead him or to hurt his feelings. I’d never do that on purpose.”

  “Neh, of course you wouldn’t. It’s just that it must have been a hard blow for him to bear. If I were in his place, I feel pretty dejected.”

  If you were in his place, I would have said jah. “Fortunately for him, Otto bounces back quickly,” Sadie said.

  “Jah, he’s resilient as well as intrepid.”

  * * *

  Hearing the wistfulness in Levi’s voice, Sadie encouraged him, “There’s nothing Otto can do that you can’t do, if you put your mind to it.”

  Levi looked down at his interlaced fingers. “There is one thing,” he muttered.

  “What’s that?”

  “He can... He can ask a woman to walk out with him.”

  Sadie inhaled sharply. Was Levi speaking hypothetically, or was there someone he wanted to walk out with in particular? I can’t imagine who that would be, but then again, I had no idea Harrison was interested in someone from another district, she reminded herself. Then she wondered, Is it narrish to think maybe I’m the one he wants to court? If so, what would make Levi believe he couldn’t ask her, especially now he knew she and Otto weren’t walking out?

  “There’s nothing stopping you from asking to court a woman, either,” she hinted.

  “Neh. I had my chance,” he said, pushing his hair back.

  Sadie gently replied, “I think Gott gives us more than one chance at most things in life, especially when they involve something as virtuous as love.”

  “Jah, well...” Levi got up and rinsed his plate in the sink without finishing his sentence.

  Realizing she wasn’t going to get any further on the subject right now, Sadie asked, “If I tell you a secret, will you promise not to let on?”

  That captured Levi’s attention again. He turned and faced her. “I promise.”

 
“I intend to match up Otto and Maria at the party.”

  “Ah, gut idea. I’ll try to keep the twins from thwarting your efforts.” Levi chuckled. Then he brought up a subject he’d never directly broached with her before. “You must miss being home and going to parties at this time of year. I’ve always wondered why you’d choose to kumme here during Grischtdaag season.”

  Sadie was still too embarrassed to tell him about Harrison and how she’d quit her job. “I could say I was trying to help out familye, but since we’re not related and you’re only a distant relative of Cevilla’s, I can’t keep making that claim. So let’s just say I needed a change of scenery.”

  Levi pulled on his beard. “Now that you’ve had a change of scenery, are you ready to go home?”

  “I suppose I am,” she said. There’s not much point in staying here.

  “The kinner will miss you.”

  “I’ll miss them, too.” And I’ll miss you. “But once they’re settled in Indiana with your in-laws, they’ll forget all about me.”

  “I doubt that’s true.”

  “Oh, it is. Time and distance have a way of doing that, and that’s as it should be. They’re young, they’ll meet a lot of people in their lives, but no one will ever be as important to them as the people they live with every day.”

  * * *

  You’re the one I want in our daily lives. The longing flashed through Levi’s mind with an intensity that startled him. That’s lecherich. I couldn’t possibly ask Sadie to stay after she practically said the kinner and I are forgettable and she wants to go back to Pennsylvania. And I owe it to Leora’s folks to include them in raising Elizabeth and David. So instead of asking her to stay with them in Maine, Levi repeated his thanks for Sadie’s patience and promised to relax about the children’s safety rules.

  She stopped collecting their dirty dishes to smile at him. “I’m glad to hear that, because I’m going Grischtdaag shopping tomorrow night with Maria and I plan to buy Elizabeth and David a zip-line kit. You didn’t seem too keen on my brieder’s clothesline-and-pulley invention, but I figure you won’t object if I purchase a real zip line for you to install.”