Believing in Tomorrow

by Kimberly Rae Jordan

  “It’s the least I can do,” Levi said. “Plus, I figure I’ll be interacting with your family off and on over the years ahead, so it was time that I met them.”

  Samantha’s smile dimmed a bit at his words, and Levi wondered what was going through her mind. “Yes, I think it has put their mind at ease having met you.”

  “Well, let me know if you need anything. Give me a call if something comes up with the baby.”

  “I will.” Samantha crossed her arms, resting them on the very top of her baby bump. “Take care.”

  Levi climbed into the truck and drove back to his house, planning to watch the game he’d missed, but he found that his mind was on things other than tackles and touchdowns.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Sammi wasn’t sure why she was disappointed when Levi had brushed aside his meeting with her family as nothing more than an introduction to make future interactions smoother. Of course she’d known that was the point of inviting him over, but somehow, after seeing him be so well received and then also seeing him interact so well with Keenan and Bennett, something else had flickered to life within her. Something she hadn’t even realized she still wanted after what had happened with Jayden. Or something that she even felt she deserved after what she’d done.

  Though she wasn’t sure she wanted to rehash the visit with her family, she knew they were waiting in the backyard. So, after one last look down the driveway where Levi had disappeared, Sammi turned and headed around the house.

  “He seems like a nice guy,” Bennett said as she rejoined them. “A bit older than I had expected, though.”

  “He’s thirty years old.” He hadn’t given her that information, but she’d done the math when he’d mentioned his brother’s age and how much older he was than Davy.

  “Old enough to have known better, perhaps,” her mom said, a concerned look on her face.

  “Just like me, he had some things going on that night. It wasn’t like he was sober and took advantage of me while I was drunk. We were both drunk, and we both made some bad decisions that night. He may be older than me, but he’s not to be blamed for what happened between us.” Sammi interlaced her fingers beneath her belly. “Levi didn’t think he was doing anything wrong, while I, on the other hand, knew that I was. So, if you want to lay blame on anyone—and I feel like some of you do—lay it on me. I will accept that.”

  Her dad came and laid a hand on her shoulder. “We’re not trying to lay blame, Sammi, but I do think we’re trying to…understand. You seem so much more level-headed than getting drunk and having a one-night stand because of a breakup.”

  It seemed that, perhaps, her shame over everything would now be complete. She glanced around at the family members who were still there—her parents, Bennett, Grace, Makayla, and Ethan—bracing herself for the disappointment.

  “You’re all assuming that this was just me being upset about Jayden breaking up with me, and that was definitely part of it. But it wasn’t the whole story.” Sammi paused. “Yes, I was upset about the breakup, but one of the main reasons I was so upset was because Jayden had promised me that he loved me and that we were going to get married. We just had to wait a bit while he saved up money to buy an engagement ring, but in the meantime, he said we could still be close. After all, we were going to get married—he’d promised me—so it was okay that we…slept together.”

  “What?” Bennett’s voice was sharp as a whip. “Jayden convinced you of that?”

  “I knew it wasn’t right, but I thought I loved him, and because we were going to be married, I agreed. Only, he changed his mind. Found someone better. Moved on.” Sammi stared down at her hands. “Did I over-react? No doubt. But at that moment, I was hurt, feeling ashamed of myself and angry at Jayden. It was just a bad mix of emotions combined with alcohol that led to…what happened that night with Levi.”

  “I’m so sorry, Sammi.” Makayla moved to sit next to her, slipping an arm around her shoulders. “I didn’t realize you were dealing with so much more than what we assumed.”

  “I understand that you want to blame Levi for this, but in his mind, he wasn’t doing anything wrong. We were consenting adults, even if we were both drunk. Jayden, on the other hand, knew that what he was doing wasn’t right—just like I knew that what I did was wrong.”

  “I’m sorry, too, sweetheart,” her mom said. “I have always wanted to protect you from the harshness of life. All of you. But I feel like I’ve failed you in this situation. I just didn’t want you to face the negative scrutiny of people. I’m so sorry if I’ve made you feel like I was disappointed in you.”

  Sammi blinked rapidly as she gave a quick nod. “I just want to put the circumstances behind me and focus on the baby. There’s nothing I can do to change what’s already happened.”

  “You’re right, sweetheart,” her mom said as she leaned forward to rest her hand on Sammi’s arm. “We’ll focus forward and leave the past where it belongs.”

  After the weight of her family’s disappointment lifted from her shoulders, Sammi’s sense of relief was profound. The guilt, however, was still there, and she feared that it would never be gone.

  Presumably because of the suggestion to focus on the future, the conversation shifted to the pending arrival of both babies. Name suggestions. Ideas for nurseries. Plans for taking birthing classes. Sammi tried to participate, since after all, it had been her idea to focus forward, but her heart wasn’t truly in it.

  After awhile, Bennett, Grace, and Olivia had to leave, followed a short time later by Makayla, Ethan, and Sierra. After making sure her mom didn’t need her help any further, Sammi retreated to her own room. She texted Amy to see if she could talk and was happy when her friend phoned a few minutes later. As she shared all the details of the afternoon, Amy listened patiently.

  “So they seemed to like Levi?” Amy asked.

  “Yes, they did. I’m pleased about that. It will make future interactions much easier.”

  “Did they make any suggestions about you guys marrying?” Amy asked. “Did your dad pull out his shotgun?”

  Sammi laughed. “No, no shotguns. Not too surprising, given that Levi’s not a Christian. There has been no mention of marriage at all.”

  “Are you disappointed about that? You seem to like Levi, too,” Amy observed.

  “Well, he’s treated me better than Jayden,” Sammi told her, then gave her the details about their run-in at the church. “I wondered if I should warn Autumn.”

  “Why? You and Jayden had been going out for awhile. I’m sure she knew that he had a girlfriend, and yet she allowed something to develop between them. She should have let him break things off with you first before getting involved with him.”

  “True. I guess she had fair warning for the type of person he is.”

  “Exactly. So I really don’t think you need to worry about Autumn. Maybe he’ll be different with her, but regardless, I think you’re better off without him.”

  Sammi appreciated the way her friend stuck by her, supporting her. She just wished that they lived closer together. It was disappointing to hear that her friend had signed on for an additional six months up north though she understood Amy’s desire to help out in a location where it was often difficult to get people to work.

  A couple of days later, Sammi set the stack of dishes from dinner on the counter, pushing them towards where Danica was standing at the sink. Her mom was on the other side of the island counter putting away the food from their dinner. Sammi noticed that in between moving food to containers, she kept rubbing her head.

  “Mom?” When the woman looked up, Sammi could see that she was looking pale. “What’s wrong?”

  “I’ve got a wicked headache.” She rubbed her forehead above her left eye. “It just came on really suddenly.”

  Concern bloomed in Sammi. “Have you been having a lot of headaches recently?”

  “Um…” Her mom’s face suddenly contorted with pain, and she slumped against the counter.

&nb
sp; “Mom!” Sammi rounded the counter as quickly as she could just as her mom turned toward her.

  Her mom took a step, stumbling against Sammi. Unable to keep her balance, Sammi felt them both start to fall. She heard Danica screaming for their dad as she collapsed onto the floor, her mom in her arms. Pain shot through her hip and then there was another sharp crack of pain up the back of her head as it hit the corner of the fridge behind her.

  Sammi fought to ignore her own pain in order to take care of her mom, but she could barely focus on what was happening around her.

  “Call 911, Dani.” Her dad’s voice, though calm, was tense. “Sammi? Can you help me with her?”

  Her mom jerked in her arms and began to vomit. Sammi wanted to help her dad, but every time she tried to shift out from under her mom, pain shot up her back and hip, forcing her to stop moving. She tried to focus on what was happening, but her own pain kept distracting her. Time seemed to be moving in slow motion as her dad knelt on the floor beside them, talking slowly to her mom.

  Sammi lay back on the floor, categorizing her pain, trying to figure out if any of it was related to the baby. Fear for her daughter was now filling her mind, side by side with the fear for her mother. She suspected that her mom was having a brain hemorrhage, and she knew that time was of the essence.

  “Tell them possible brain hemorrhage,” Sammi said, forcing the words past the pain in her own head.

  In the distance, she heard Danica repeat what she’d said and then add, “My sister is a nurse. She’s here, too, but she’s pregnant, and she fell with my mom.” Danica paused. “I don’t know for sure. Around five months. She hit her head, I think, and my mom fell on top of her.”

  Sammi was grateful that Danica was mentioning her though she knew that her mom’s situation was more critical. They needed to focus on her the most.

  “I don’t know if I should move her, sweetie,” her dad said as he knelt next to them. “Are you okay there? Should I move her?”

  “It’s okay, Dad.” Sammi saw the fear on his face, so she tried to reassure him in order to keep him from worrying about her in addition to his worry for his wife. “I can wait until the ambulance gets here.”

  By then, she heard Gabe’s voice along with Tristan’s and Dalton’s. Sammi gave up trying to focus on what the others were saying, and she just began to pray that the ambulance would get there soon. That they would be able to deal with her mom quickly once she got to the hospital. And she prayed that everything was okay with her baby. She still couldn’t tell if the pregnancy was causing any of the pain she was feeling in her back and hip. More than anything, she didn’t want this accident to trigger labor. That wouldn’t be good for the baby.

  With her emotions pulled in so many directions, Sammi had no idea how much time had elapsed when she finally heard strangers’ voices.

  “If you’ll just excuse us, sir,” a woman said.

  Sammi opened her eyes to see her dad move out of the way. She tried to answer the questions they had about what happened, but thankfully, Danica was able to help more with that since she’d been right there as well.

  Before long, the EMTs transferred her mom to a gurney, relieving Sammi of the pressure that had been on her. She was struggling to get into a sitting position when a man pressed a hand to her shoulder.

  “I think we need to take you in as well. From the sounds of things, you hit the floor pretty hard. Are you feeling any contractions?”

  Sammi tried to shake her head, but the pain that shot up her neck into her head stopped her. “I don’t think so. My head, back, and hip really hurt, but nothing in my abdomen.”

  “I think we should take you in, just to be sure there’s nothing wrong with the baby or with you.”

  Sammi didn’t bother arguing. She needed the reassurance herself that everything was okay with the baby. It was a surprise that there had been two ambulances available to respond to the call. All she could think was that God had answered her prayers…even the ones she hadn’t voiced.

  They got her onto another gurney and wheeled her down the hallway to the front door.

  As they pushed the gurney past Gabe, he bent down to kiss her forehead and said, “We’ll meet you there, Sam. Just hang on. We’ll let everyone know what’s going on.”

  “Here’s her purse with her information and phone,” Danica said, placing it on the gurney with her.

  Sammi tried to turn her head to look at her sister but winced as, once again, pain stopped her. She lifted a hand to touch her head.

  “Just relax, ma’am,” the man said. “What’s your name again?”

  Her name? “Uh…Sammi.”

  There was a jolt as they lifted the gurney into the back of the ambulance, then one of the attendants climbed in beside her. The doors shut with a thud, blocking out the evening light.

  “Are you having a boy or a girl, Sammi?” This time it was the woman who asked as she slipped a blood pressure cuff around her upper arm then bent over her with a light to check her pupils.

  “Girl.”

  “Have you chosen a name for her?”

  Sammi knew that the woman was likely trying to judge if she had a concussion, so she wanted to keep her responding. “Not yet. Still trying to come up with one.”

  The woman kept chatting, and Sammi tried to respond where appropriate but found it difficult to focus. Once they got to the hospital, a doctor began further assessments of her and of the baby. Meanwhile, no one was able to give her any information about her mom and that, more than the pain in her head and back, was causing her distress. And so far, she hadn’t seen anyone from her family.

  When she finally had a chance to get the nurse’s attention, she asked for her purse. “I need to phone someone. Can you get it for me please?”

  “You can’t use a cell phone in this area, but I can bring a regular phone that you can use.” She finished up what she was doing and then came over to the foot of the bed and handed the purse to Sammi. “Here you go.”

  “Thank you. I didn’t realize it was right there.” Sammi clutched her purse close. “I will need to use my cell to get the number I need to call. Is that okay?”

  “That’s not a problem. Let me lift the bed up a little for you.” She pressed the button to slowly raise the head of the bed a bit. “Does that feel okay?”

  Sammi nodded, grateful she didn’t have to lift her head in order to look into her purse. Once the nurse had brought her a phone, Sammi took a deep breath before opening her purse and searching for her cell. When she found it, it took a minute to find Levi’s name and press the buttons to call him on the hospital phone.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi Levi,” she said, closing her eyes to block out the light.

  “Samantha? Are you okay?”

  She swallowed hard. “My mom collapsed. I think she’s had a brain hemorrhage.”

  “I’m so sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do?”

  “I’m in the hospital too,” she told him.

  “What? What happened? What hospital are you in?”

  “I’m at HSC emergency, at the moment, but I don’t know if they’re going to transfer me or not. The baby seems to be fine. She’s moving, and they found her heartbeat, and it was fine.”

  “What about you? How are you?”

  “They think I might have a concussion from when I fell with my mom. I’m most worried about her right now. No one is here with me, so I don’t know what’s going on with her.”

  “Okay. I’m on my way.”

  “You don’t need to come.” It pained Sammi to voice the words, but she didn’t want Levi to feel obliged to come to her, especially since it appeared the baby was fine. “I just thought you would want to know that the baby was okay.”

  “I’m coming, Samantha.” His tone brooked no argument, which was fine because Sammi didn’t have the energy or will to argue with him. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

  “Thank you.”

  She ended the call and then
tried to call Makayla but didn’t get an answer. Then she tried Gabe and again got no answer. Worry made her hands shake as she tried Tristan…then Bennett. Why wasn’t anyone answering their phones? Why wasn’t anyone checking on her and giving her an update? Hadn’t they brought her into the ER at the same hospital? Had the worst already happened to her mom?

  The questions tumbled through her mind as pain and worry continued to plague her. Finally, she put the phone down and closed her eyes, praying as she did that her mom was okay.

  “Are you doing okay? In pain?”

  Sammi opened her eyes to a blurry vision of the nurse at her bedside. “I’m worried about my mom. Can you tell me how she is? She would have come in another ambulance a few minutes ahead of me.”

  “What’s her name?” the nurse asked. “I’ll see if I can find something out for you.”

  “Thank you,” Sammi said, hoping that she’d be able to tell her that her mother was at least still alive.

  It was hard to understand how they could end up at the same hospital, brought in as emergency patients, and yet there was no sign of her mom or her family. Sammi had some experience with the medical system even though she hadn’t been a part of the hospital environment in almost a year. It was very concerning to Sammi that there was no sign of her family. Now that her worry for the baby had been somewhat appeased, her fear for her mom rushed in, eclipsing everything else.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  The nurse reappeared a short time later, a serious look on her face. “I can’t give you details about your mom, but she is here in the hospital, and your family is here as well.”

  Sammi’s heart sank. She had realized that due to privacy concerns, they might not give her much information, but she had hoped that they might make an exception. “Can you tell me where my family is? I’m assuming they’re not in the waiting room.”

  The nurse shook her head. “Because there was so many of them, they were taken to a room closer to the neurology department.”