Undertow

by Alessandra Torre

  Then, all of the similarities between them flooded my mind. Piercing blue eyes. A kissable curved mouth. Rugged features. Tall, athletic builds. Even the impressiveness that hung between their legs. Jesus. Both of them, estranged from their families. Both who had—at some point in time—mentioned a brother. I had been stupid for not seeing the possibility sooner.

  I’d scooped up the mail, stumbled upstairs, and had a full-blown panic attack. I’d sat on the couch and counted to ten, then twenty, then one hundred, breathing deep, ragged gasps of air, my mind racing with the implications.

  At the time, it had seemed disastrous. Insurmountable. Right then, right at that moment, I would have to choose. I had to pick. There was no going around it.

  But it was too late. My heart had gone too far, jumped over two cliffs and plummeted past the point of return. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t willingly rip a piece of my heart off and flush it down the toilet. I’d have to break up with one of them with no way to explain the reason. I couldn’t. I couldn’t throw a bomb into this perfect world where everything was flowing so well, smiles all around, orgasms at every turn.

  So, I didn’t do anything at all. I left the mail on the counter, and went about my life the same as before. But I made sure to keep my lives separate. Made sure to never mention their names or details of our separate lives. Not that the boys noticed. They were blissfully ignorant of each other and happy about it. So I lived the life, knowing the entire time that there was an expiration date. Knowing that one day the truth would come out and our perfect world would implode.

  I dreaded that implosion for so long. Stressed over it, worried over what disasters it would bring. But now? I roll over in bed and burrow against Paul, who wraps his arms around me, pulling me close, and gently presses his lips to my forehead. I think I knew all along how this would probably end.

  Deepak Chopra once said: “All great changes are preceded by chaos.” Looking back, chaos was a great way to describe our lives. I saw it as perfection, only because I didn’t know what could exist, what lay on the other side. Now? Now that I know? I am grateful for the chaos. Grateful for the immense change that it brought. Grateful that now, I’m in a pleasant state of calm.

  Note From Author: I originally published this book in 2013. Since that time, Stewart has continued to nag at me. I think he needs his happy ending, and am currently plotting out a way for him to fall in love. If you’d like to read his book, please click here and I’ll email you once this novel is written. I’ll do my best to publish it in 2019.

  NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR

  WHEW! This book was a rollercoaster to write. I had a huge block about 60% in, when I kept wringing my hands and screaming ‘I don’t know who to choose!’. Yes, Paul won. Which is funny, because I had always expected her to end up with Stewart. But my characters rarely behave, which is one reason why I love them so much.

  If you are interested in reading more of my books, please visit my website, or consider following me on Facebook or Instagram. If you avoid social networks, my monthly newsletter is a great way to enter giveaways and get sneak peeks at upcoming books. You can join my newsletter at nextnovel.com.

  I do have an *extra special* bonus scene – if you are feeling frisky, please visit alessandratorre.com/secretfantasy/ - and enjoy! Warning: It’s sexy!