The door opened and Beth looked round, forcing herself to return the nurse’s smile.
‘How are you feeling today, then, Mrs Kane?’ She came over to the bed and took Beth’s pulse, noting the figure down on the clip-chart hanging from the end of the bed.
‘Much better, thank you, Nurse. My head doesn’t ache quite so much.’
‘Good. That’s a sign that you’re on the mend.’ The nurse made another note on the chart then hung it back in its place. ‘You might feel up to having a visitor, then?’
Beth looked away, feeling her stomach churning at the thought of who it might be. ‘Who is it?’
‘Your husband, of course. Look, Mrs Kane, I know you said that you didn’t want to see him yet, but if you would just reconsider. The poor man is quite distraught. He’s spent the last two days in the waiting-room, and I really think that—’
‘No!’ Beth interrupted her, her voice expressionless. ‘I don’t wish to see him just yet.’
‘Very well. I suppose I shall have to tell him that.’ There was disapproval on the nurse’s face as she left the room, but Beth didn’t care what she thought. She didn’t want to see David yet, didn’t want to remember that last ugly scene they’d had just before...
She closed her eyes, breathing slowly and deeply to combat the knifing pain in her chest at the memory of what had transpired between them. She couldn’t cope with that now on top of the shock of losing the baby. It was too much to bear. Maybe later, when she felt strong emotionally, she would see him and speak to him without breaking down, but not right now.
‘Beth.’ His voice was low and soft, but she jumped as though he had shouted across the silence. The colour drained from her face as she looked towards the door and saw him standing just inside the room. Strain had etched deep lines into his face and shadowed his grey eyes with fatigue, but he looked so achingly familiar that she could have wept.
‘Go away, David. I don’t want to speak to you just now.’
‘But I want to speak to you, Beth.’ He let the door swing to, his face settling into lines of determination as he walked over to the bed and stared down at her. ‘Why did you refuse to see me, Beth?’
Beth looked away, pulling herself up against the pillows before pushing her hair back with a shaking hand, feeling all the emotions just the sight of him aroused. This was what she’d been so desperate to avoid, this sharp, deep pain on top of the other pain about the loss of her baby, and now she wasn’t sure if she could cope.
He swore softly, sitting down on the side of the bed to take her cold hand between both of his and smooth the trembling fingers. ‘I’m sorry, Beth. I know it’s not enough, but if I could turn back the clock and stop what happened then I would!’
There was such anguish in his deep voice that she turned at once to look at him. ‘It was an accident, David. Just one of those horrible things that happen.’ Tears shimmered in her eyes and she blinked to hold them at bay, more affected by his grief than she cared to admit.
‘It didn’t just happen. You were running away because of me! Because of all those cruel things I said to you. If I hadn’t said what I did then the baby would...’ He stood up abruptly and walked over to the window to stare out across the car park, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. ‘There is no way I can ever make up to you what I’ve done, Beth. I don’t blame you if you hate me.’
‘I don’t hate you, David. I...’ She broke off, wondering what to say, how to tell him that hate was the very last emotion she could ever feel for him. It hadn’t been hatred that had made her pack her bags and run that day, but fear of the hurt he could inflict on her. She’d been hurt so badly by Andrew’s betrayal, but if she was honest then she had to face the fact that what David had said about their marriage being a mistake had hurt her far more.
‘What? Tell me, Beth. We have to clear this up once and for all.’ He swung round to face her, straightening as though ready to face any objections she might make. ‘Maybe I am being unreasonable at present in view of what’s happened, but I’m not prepared to let this go on festering. I want it sorted out here and now.’
She shook her head. ‘Nothing. It doesn’t matter now. It’s better that we forget all about what’s gone on. Once I’m on my feet again I’ll collect my things and then you can put me and everything that’s happened out of your mind.’
‘I have no intention of doing that.’ He came back to the bed, his face stern and uncompromising as he stared harshly down at her. ‘Are you trying to tell me that you still intend to leave me, Beth?’
‘Naturally. It was what I was doing that day...’ She broke off, swallowing hard, then drew in a breath as she fought for control. ‘You said yourself that this marriage was a mistake, David. Let’s end it here and now and be done with the whole farce. After all, the main reason why you married me no longer exists.’ Her hand smoothed over her stomach in an unconscious little gesture and she looked away, missing the pain which crossed his face.
‘You’re right—there is no longer the baby to think about—but as for you implying that our marriage is unnecessary now...That’s not quite so, Beth.’
‘What do you mean?’ Her head came up as she searched his face for any clue to what he meant, but there was nothing she could read in his expression.
‘I’ve been talking to the doctor and he says that you are going to need a few months to get back on your feet again. How do you intend to manage if you leave when you have no place to live and no means of supporting yourself?’
‘I’ll manage somehow! I don’t need your charity any longer, David!’
‘It was never charity, Beth, and you know that. Don’t be a fool. You know yourself that you’ll need time to recover both physically and mentally from losing the baby. I want you to come back to the flat when the doctor pronounces you well enough to go home, and I don’t want to hear any more silly talk of ending this marriage just now.’
‘You don’t want? And how about what I want for a change?’ She glared back at him. ‘You made your feelings very plain the other day, David, and I’ll be damned if I’ll go back where I’m not wanted!’
‘But I do want you, Beth.’ His voice was suddenly soft and low, so vibrant with emotion that Beth felt her senses flare. Just for a moment she let her eyes linger on his handsome face before deliberately looking away to break the spell those deep tones had cast over her.
‘You don’t mean that, David,’ she said quietly. ‘I’m just an inconvenience to you and always have been.’
He laughed softly, tilting her face with gentle fingers to stare straight into her eyes. ‘You have never been an inconvenience, Beth. Never. I was angry that day, too angry to think about what I was saying.’
‘You said what you meant. Maybe I deserved it in a way.’ She smiled sadly. ‘I never meant to interfere in your life. I just wanted to hit back at you for reminding me how much I owed you. I shall phone Maggie and explain once I leave here.’
He shook his head, his eyes lingering on her face in a way that made the blood swirl along her veins. ‘Don’t worry about that. All I want is for you to get better, Beth. That’s my primary concern and you won’t do that if you insist on trying to fend for yourself while you’re still so weak.’ Slowly, gently, he bent and kissed her lips, his mouth lingering for a mere heartbeat before he straightened. ‘I want you to come back to the flat, Beth, at least until you’re well enough to make any fresh plans. But there’s no rush. I can’t ever make up to you what you’ve lost, but I can at least make sure that you are cared for until you’re better. So promise me that you’ll do that, eh?’
Beth nodded, every objection melted by the stunning warmth of that brief kiss. When he stood up she stared silently up at him, unaware that the shock showed in her eyes. He smiled almost gently, reaching out to touch her cheek in a brief caress. ‘I’d better go before that nurse discovers me in here against her orders. But I shall be back to see you tonight, Beth.’
He left and Beth lay weakly back ag
ainst the pillows, her head swirling with emotions. She wanted to believe what that sweet, gentle kiss seemed to imply, but in the depths of her mind a small voice was whispering a warning she had to heed. David had told her why he didn’t want to end this marriage of theirs yet, but had he been entirely truthful? He had touched upon the fact that she would need support over the coming months, but never once had he mentioned the feud with his brother. That had been a deciding factor in his asking her to marry him in the first place and she couldn’t afford to forget its importance now. If she stayed then she had always to remember that David had reasons for helping her that he had never fully explained. It would be foolish to ever let herself forget about them and be swayed purely by emotion.
* * *
Beth had been home from hospital for over a fortnight when Maggie telephoned. She’d spent the morning wandering aimlessly around the flat, wishing that David would leave her some work to do. He’d been adamant about not letting her touch any of the letters since she’d got back, insisting that she spend the time resting to recover her strength. However, Beth was determined to make him see sense soon. Time hung heavy on her hands with so little to do apart from make the odd meal, giving her too much time to brood. She wanted to be kept busy to stop the painful thoughts about the baby from filling her mind all the time. Now the sound of the phone ringing was a welcome diversion.
‘Beth? How are you feeling? It’s Maggie.’
‘Much better, thanks. And you?’
‘Oh, not too bad considering the fact that Elizabeth had me awake most... Oh, Beth, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to say that of all things.’
‘Don’t be silly, Maggie. It’s something I have to come to terms with. I can’t expect other people not to talk about their children just because I’ve lost the baby.’ The sorrow ran deep in her voice and she heard Maggie sigh softly.
‘It must be hard, Beth. I can only try to imagine what you’re going through. I wish I could help, do something to ease the pain for both you and David.’
‘You can help by acting as naturally as possible. I don’t want you to think you mustn’t mention Elizabeth. It hurts, of course, but I have to face it.’
‘You are brave, Beth. I’m sure I would never be able to cope the way you have. David was saying the other day how marvellous you’ve been.’
‘Oh, you’ve seen him, then?’ There was no reason why a frisson of unease should run along her veins, but it did. Beth clutched the receiver tighter, feeling tension curling inside her as she waited to hear what Maggie would say.
‘Just fleetingly. I ran into him when I was out shopping the other day, much the same way as we did when we had coffee. Didn’t he mention that he had seen me?’
‘No. He must have forgotten, I expect.’
‘Probably. He was in rather a hurry at the time and only stopped for a moment to tell me what had happened.’
‘I see.’
‘I wish I’d known sooner, Beth. I could have come to see you in the hospital, although you probably didn’t feel much like having visitors, apart from David. At least you have each other to fall back on, and I know for a fact that David is a person you can depend on completely in a time of stress.’
She sounded so certain that somehow it surprised Beth. Maggie and David treated each other with a cool civility when they met, yet there had been something in her voice just then which told Beth that she knew David far better than that implied. Had they been close friends once but had to break off that friendship because of the feud? It would explain the rather stilted way they treated one another. Naturally Maggie would always feel that her loyalties must lie first and foremost with her husband.
The tension eased from her, making her respond more naturally to the statement. ‘He certainly is. From the word go I’ve found myself relying on him, probably more than I should in the circumstances.’
‘What circumstances?’ Maggie laughed. ‘That sounds very mysterious, Beth.’
‘Does it?’ Beth forced a laugh, inwardly cursing herself for the unconscious slip. ‘I didn’t mean it to.’ Hurriedly she changed the subject. ‘You must come round some time, Maggie. I’ll make us both some lunch and then we can have a proper chat.’
‘I’d love that. Actually, in a way that was one of the reasons why I was phoning you today. Look, Beth, tell me no if you don’t want to go through with it, because I’ll understand.’
‘Go through with what? Now who’s being mysterious?’
‘Standing as Elizabeth’s godmother. The christening is only a week away now and unfortunately I can’t put it back because there are people coming from all over the place. It’s too late now to make fresh plans. I still want you to stand for her, but I shall understand if you feel you can’t do it.’
Beth took a slow painful breath, her face clouding over. It would be painful, poignantly so in view of her recent loss. Could she handle it?
‘I’ve spoken to Matthew about it, Beth, and he’s just as keen as I am that you go through with it as long as you feel up to it.’
‘Is he? Then he must have a markedly different view from David’s.’ Her voice was sharper than she’d intended and Maggie was silent for a moment before she said quietly,
‘Was David very annoyed that day when we met in town? It never occurred to me that he might be until later when I got to thinking about what had gone on. I did wonder if I’d put my foot in it.’
What could she say? Since she’d come back from hospital David had made no further mention of what had caused that bitter row between them. Beth had the feeling that he was determined to bury it once and for all, so would it be wise to rake it all up again? ‘Of course you didn’t. Don’t be silly. I’d love to say yes, Maggie, but...’ She tailed off, torn between loyalty to David and a desire not to go back on a promise.
‘But you’re not sure how David feels. Oh, Beth, I’d give anything to end this stupid quarrel, any single thing under the sun! Matthew has got as far as stating that it’s time it was all sorted out, but that’s it. He’s too damned stubborn to take the next step and meet David and talk!’
‘What caused the row between them, Maggie? I don’t mean to pry, but I need to know.’ She laughed almost bitterly. ‘Sometimes it seems to me that everything hinges on it.’
‘I really don’t feel that I can explain it to you, Beth. David is the one who should do that.’ Maggie was obviously distressed at being questioned and Beth bit back an impatient sigh. The trouble was that she’d had too much time to brood recently, and this quarrel between David and his brother had started to take on a greater and greater importance the more she thought about it.
‘I’m sorry. Forget I said anything. As for the christening, well, I would love to say yes here and now, but I think I should talk to David first and see how he feels.’
‘Of course. I don’t want to be the cause of any trouble between you. Give me a ring as soon as you can to let me know. I hope it’s yes because I can’t think of anyone I would rather have as Elizabeth’s godmother.’
The warmth in Maggie’s voice was genuine and Beth felt comforted by it. She had the feeling that they could become good friends if circumstance allowed. After getting all the details of where and when the ceremony was to take place she hung up and spent the day buoyed up by the pleasant exchange. However, when she heard the front door opening she was suddenly assailed by doubts as to the wisdom of what she was doing. Was it really sensible to risk disturbing the harmony that they had maintained since she’d left hospital by pursuing a course of action that David seemed opposed to? He would think that she was trying to interfere in his life again, and the memory of what had happened the last time was still too fresh in her mind.
‘What’s the matter, Beth?’ Obviously sensing her disturbed state of mind, he stopped beside her chair, staring intently down at her, but Beth refused to meet his eyes as all her doubts rose up. She didn’t want to force his hand and start a confrontation again. She didn’t want to put herself in a position where
by he might tell her to leave, because the thought of never seeing him again was too much to bear.
‘For heaven’s sake, Beth, what is it? Don’t you feel well? Answer me.’
It was impossible to ignore his mounting impatience. ‘I’m fine, David.’
‘Then tell me what’s been going on.’ He towered over her, big and dangerous-looking in his dark suit and white shirt with his grey eyes glittering in the light cast by the lamp. They had been married for weeks now, but when he stood there glaring at her she felt she hardly knew him at all.
Something of what she felt must have shown on her face because he turned away abruptly and dropped down into a chair. ‘Just tell me what’s wrong. I won’t bite your head off, so stop looking as though I scare you half to death.’
Beth took a deep breath, realising with a pang that she was going about things all the wrong way. ‘You don’t scare me, David. It’s just that...that I don’t know how you’re going to react to what I have to ask you.’
His face tightened, but his voice remained cool and level. ‘Then maybe you’d better tell me what it is.’
‘Maggie phoned today. She asked me again if I would be Elizabeth’s godmother.’
The words hung in the air, bare and unadorned, and Beth held her breath as she waited to see if the storm would break over her head again as it had done before. However David’s voice held little but bland acceptance when he spoke.
‘And what did you tell her?’
‘That I would ask you first.’ She stared back at him, colour ebbing and flowing in her face. ‘I don’t want to start another row, David, by interfering. Just tell me how you feel about the idea.’
‘How I feel?’ His tone was harshly bitter, sending a chill coursing through her, and she closed her eyes in despair. She couldn’t bear it if it happened again, if he reiterated what he’d said that day. Their marriage might have been forged for any number of strange reasons, but Beth was honest enough to admit that it was the most important thing she had left in her life. It was the one good thing she had to cling to, her mainstay in a world which had been turned upside-down over the past few months.
Promise Me Love (Harlequin Treasury 1990's) Page 7