She opened her eyes to tell him to forget all about the idea, then stopped abruptly when she saw that he had got up to stand by the window. The night had drawn in so that the glass took on the appearance of a darkened mirror, throwing David’s reflection back into the room. Beth sat quite still, watching the fleeting emotions which crossed his face. Pain, regret and a deep, deep sorrow all showed so sharply that she felt like an intruder witnessing so many private emotions, but when he turned back to look at her the mask was once more back in place.
‘If you want to be the child’s godmother then that’s up to you, Beth. It’s your decision to make.’
‘But is it what you want?’ Suddenly she knew she had to be sure how he felt.
He smiled faintly, his mouth curving upwards, yet his eyes remained strangely blank. ‘Maybe it isn’t a question of what I want any longer, but more a question of what is right.’
‘You’re talking about the quarrel with your brother. Maggie wouldn’t tell me anything about it. She said I must ask you.’
‘Perhaps I will tell you one day, Beth. But not right now. Let’s take it all one step at a time, shall we? When is this christening to be?’
He wouldn’t tell her. Beth felt a deep regret she could barely hide at his refusal to share the secret with her. ‘A week’s time, at the church in the village where you and Matthew used to live. Evidently they are staying at your old home until the tenants who rented their house leave. Maggie has asked if we’ll go down and stay for the weekend, but that’s up to you. If you’d prefer not to do that, it’s fine by me.’
‘Why not?’ He smiled harshly, his grey eyes betraying nothing of what he was really feeling. Beth experienced the most ridiculous urge to do something to shake him, to make him tell her what he was thinking, but that was something she wouldn’t do again, not after the last disastrous time.
‘Are you sure? We can just go on the Sunday if it would make things easier?’
‘Stop worrying about it. I’ve agreed to go, so leave it at that.’
‘How can I when I don’t know how you really feel? I’m worried about you getting hurt, David!’ The words came out before she could stop them and he stilled at once, searching her face. Then slowly he came towards her and took her hands to draw her to her feet and hold her close in his arms, so close that she could feel the heavy thud of his heart against her breast, feel the long, strong line of his thighs against her own. She closed her eyes, leaning against him, shaken to the core by the wild surge of sensation which shot through her at his touch.
He set her from him, his hands resting at the back of her waist as he stared down into her face. ‘Have you ever wondered what it would be like if we changed the rules a bit?’
Her breath felt tight, her heart pounding. It was the way he was looking at her: he had never looked at her like that before, looked at her the way a man looks at a woman he wants.
‘I...I don’t know what you mean.’
Her voice was a husky whisper and he smiled gently. ‘The rules of this marriage of ours. Have you never wondered what it would be like if it wasn’t just a sham, but real?’
‘No.’ It was a lie and she knew at once that he understood that, and flushed wildly.
‘No?’
She didn’t know if she liked being teased this way and pushed against his chest, but he refused to let her go. She glared up at him, all too aware that her heart was beating like a drum and even more conscious that he must be able to feel it. ‘What’s got into you, David? Is this some sort of a game? Because if it is then I don’t like it!’
‘It isn’t a game. I’m quite serious. What is to stop us from making this marriage into a real one?’
‘What’s to stop us?’ Bitterness welled inside her. ‘Have you forgotten already why you married me? I might have lost the baby, David, but that was the reason why it came about in the first place, and I haven’t forgotten that even if you have!’
‘I haven’t forgotten anything. Not the baby or Andrew.’ He let her go abruptly and walked over to the desk to pick up a silver paper-knife. ‘However, you can’t spend the rest of your life pining for what might have been. We could have a good life together, Beth. We could even have a child of our own if you wanted.’
It was pure temptation and her heart bled as she struggled to find the words to dismiss the idea while she still had the strength. ‘But you don’t love me! You know you don’t!’
He shrugged, setting the knife down with a clatter which made her flinch. ‘That is irrelevant. Love isn’t the be-all and end-all of a relationship.’
Irrelevant? It was everything. Now, more than ever, she knew that. Being here with David, living with him day by day, was slowly teaching her that, although she shied away from wondering why.
‘I don’t know what to say to convince you how ridiculous the idea is, David.’
‘Then don’t try. Just think about it, then maybe you’ll see that it makes sense.’
‘Sense?’ She laughed almost hysterically. ‘I don’t know what makes sense any more!’
‘That’s because you’re confused. You’ve been through a lot recently, Beth. You need time to think things through.’ He came back and took her face between his hands to tilt it to his. ‘I could give you another child, Beth, if that’s what you want, but I don’t intend to rush you into making a decision you might come to regret.’
He brushed her mouth with his, his lips so tender, so gentle that she barely had time to feel the kiss before he let her go. ‘Think about it, Beth. That’s all I ask.’
She touched her mouth, feeling the lingering whisper of heat his lips had left behind, a heat which stayed tantalisingly with her for the rest of the night so that when she lay in bed it wasn’t the rights or wrongs of turning their marriage into a real one which she thought about, but how wonderful it would be to have David kiss her like that all the time.
CHAPTER SEVEN
BETH had taken great care with her appearance, brushing her red-gold hair until it shimmered like shot silk as it curled on to the shoulders of her navy wool dress, but as she looked in the mirror she experienced a deep, very feminine regret that her figure still hadn’t regained its usual slender lines.
Picking up the delicate cameo brooch that had been her mother’s, she pinned it to the shoulder of the dress, but it did little in her eyes to detract from the rich curves of her body. With a rare show of temper, she snatched up her hairbrush and flung it across the room, then jumped guiltily when the telephone suddenly rang.
There was a snap in her voice when she picked up the receiver, a bite which just about covered the threatening tears. Her emotions still seemed to swing from one extreme to the other, laughter turning to tears almost at the touch of a button. Perhaps it was still the lingering shock of the miscarriage or maybe it was the tension which seemed to fill the flat whenever she and David were together now. She didn’t know which it was, but her nerves were raw from living like this.
‘Yes?’
‘Mmm, you don’t sound too pleased with life. What’s the matter, Beth? Has something upset you?’
Colour flooded her face as she heard David’s deep tones and she took a quick little breath to stem the wild leap her heart gave. It kept happening all the time now since that day he’d kissed her and asked her to think about making their marriage real and, although he had never mentioned the subject again, Beth knew it lay between them like an almost tangible presence.
‘There’s nothing wrong. Why should there be? What have you rung for? Are you going to be late?’
‘I’m afraid so.’ His tone was cool, smooth, untroubled by all the tension which affected her, it seemed. How she envied him that composure, that ability to hide his feelings. She had the idea that he knew exactly how she’d been feeling recently and the reasons for it. It wasn’t a comforting thought at all. David was far too clever and astute to miss an opportunity to get what he wanted, but Beth didn’t want to be rushed into making any decision she might regret.
‘What time will you get here, then?’
‘I won’t. I’ve been expecting a special delivery, but so far it hasn’t materialised. I can’t take a chance on missing it so I’ll get one of the men to collect you in my car. I take it that you’re all ready and packed?’
Beth bit back a sigh, all too conscious of the edge in his voice now. They were due at Maggie’s in a few hours’ time and she still wasn’t certain that it was the right thing to do. ‘Yes. Everything is ready.’
‘Good. I’ll tell Bill to come up to the flat for the bags. He should be there in half an hour or so, depending on the traffic.’
‘All right. David...well, you are sure that it’s what you want, aren’t you? It isn’t too late to ring Maggie and tell her we won’t be coming.’
‘And have my dear brother thinking that I can’t face him? I don’t think so, Beth!’
He rang off abruptly and Beth replaced the receiver, wishing that she’d left well alone. That was part of the trouble: she was becoming far too involved in David’s affairs, starting to care too deeply how he felt. As she recovered her strength she should be starting to make plans for the future, starting to work out where her life was going, but it seemed impossible to separate her life from his, to imagine a future which didn’t have him as the focal point. It would be so easy to let herself fall in love with David, so easy yet so dangerous because he would never love her in return, and she couldn’t face the thought of being hurt again.
The factory was quiet when she arrived. Beth thanked the driver then made her way in through the door he indicated, looking round the huge room with surprise. When she’d imagined the factory, she’d expected to see rows of gleaming machinery turning out various items of furniture, but that wasn’t the case at all.
Slowly she made her way down the long room, studying the tools laid out on the workbenches, craftsmen’s tools used for making furniture by hand in the traditional way. She came to the end of the bench and stopped, unable to resist drawing a sheet aside to examine the chest of drawers it was covering, and gasped in delight at the elegant lines, the workmanship which carried the hallmark of centuries of skill.
‘Like it?’ David suddenly appeared at her side, smiling at the stunned admiration on her face.
‘Of course! It’s gorgeous.’ She looked round, skimming a glance over other pieces all shrouded against the dust. ‘I had no idea you made furniture like this, despite all those letters I’ve typed for you!’
He laughed deeply, leaning back against the bench while he watched her with amused eyes. ‘What did you imagine? Mass-produced stuff churned out in its dozens?’ He shook his head, his blond hair gleaming in the soft half-light. ‘I’m not interested in that. I make individual items here, collectors’ pieces made by craftsmen who have spent years learning their trade. The mass market holds no appeal whatsoever.’
‘I can understand why.’ She stroked her fingers over the chest then let the cover drop back into place. ‘But who buys furniture like this? It must be dreadfully expensive.’
‘Quality costs, whatever it is you’re buying. However, lack of orders isn’t a problem. The business has gone from strength to strength since I started it. The order books are full for the next three years, in fact.’
‘You must have found your place in the market, then.’
‘I have, fortunately. It was a gamble, I’ll admit that, but I started small, just me making the first few items, and have gone on from there. I now employ twelve men and am looking towards taking on a couple more in the next few months if I can find any skilled enough for the work we do here.’
‘You? You made the furniture yourself?’
‘I did. I still do, in fact. That’s one of the reasons why I have so much paperwork to do when I’m at home. I spend as much time as is feasible working with my hands.’ He laughed mockingly, taking her arm to lead her across the room. ‘I can see you’re not wholly convinced. Take a look at this. I had been intending to keep it as a surprise until it was completely finished, but as you’re here you may as well see it now.’
He drew a cover aside, watching her expression as she stared down at the exquisite work-box with its lid inlaid with a delicate pattern of roses and lily of the valley surrounding a flowing letter ‘B’.
‘For me?’
‘Of course. It has your initial on it, doesn’t it, Beth? I wanted to make you something special, Beth. To try to make up for everything you’ve been through recently. Something beautiful to keep.’
‘Oh, David! I don’t know what to say.’ She turned to him, her eyes glistening with tears as she went on tiptoe to kiss him quickly on the cheek. He steadied her, his hands warm and strong against her waist as he looked down into her face, and Beth felt her pulse leap at his expression.
‘You don’t always need words to say what you mean, Beth. There are other ways.’ Slowly, so slowly, he bent and touched his mouth to hers, his lips warm and tender at first before they became more demanding. Beth shuddered, feeling the hot, swift surge of desire flowing along her veins. For the past few days she had guarded the memory of that other kiss, but even that hadn’t prepared her for this heady, demanding assault on her senses. Last time the kiss had been a sweet promise of things that could be, but this was so very different. This time David wasn’t giving, he was demanding, wasn’t promising, but taking. He kissed her now as a man kissed a woman he intended to arouse, to master, to take with him to some private place where no one else could intrude, and suddenly Beth knew that whatever David wanted from her she would give.
Her hands came up to slide inside his jacket and across the warm, hard muscles of his chest while her lips parted to admit the entry of his tongue, and everything seemed to flare out of control as he realised that she wasn’t going to resist. He drew her closer, his hand burrowing under the silky length of her hair to hold her head while he deepened the kiss until she moaned in ecstasy at the hot swirl of sensations which flooded her. When his hand slid down the smooth column of her neck then moved on to cover her breast she arched towards him, gasping as she felt his fingers brushing and teasing her hardening nipple to life.
‘Beth.’ Her name was hot and sweet as he said it that way in that slow, deep voice and she shuddered convulsively, clinging to him as her legs went weak. He supported her against the long line of his powerful body, his mouth skimming up her cheek to press kisses to the corner of her eye, her forehead, then down the straight line of her nose until his lips just brushed the top of hers and then stopped tantalisingly out of reach.
‘David...please.’ She was barely aware of what she was saying, barely aware that her voice held a plea in its soft tones, but he heard it.
‘Please what, Beth?’ His lips brushed hers, softly, gently, making her ache for a deeper contact, and she turned to capture his mouth, but once again he eluded her.
‘Tell me, Beth. Tell me what you want.’ His voice was smooth as satin, soft as silk, deep as velvet, and she shivered in response.
‘Kiss me, David...please.’
There was a moment when he seemed to hesitate, but then she felt his mouth take hers while he kissed her with a passion which left her clinging helplessly to him. She had never felt this way before, never felt the blood surge along her veins like fire, never felt the beat of her heart in every cell, never felt as though one kiss held the whole world. Never! Not even when Andrew had kissed her.
The thought came from nowhere, sharp and bitterly painful, shattering the magic with devastating speed. She pulled away, her face pale, her eyes haunted. She’d thought she’d loved Andrew, the father of her lost child, but the touch of David’s mouth had made a mockery out of that. Shame swept over her, hot and heavy, and she turned away, hating herself for her blind stupidity, hating David for making her admit the truth at last: what she’d felt for Andrew had never been love!
‘There’s nothing to feel ashamed about, Beth. Physical desire between a man and a woman is the most natural thing in the world.’
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br /> ‘Is it?’ She spun round, her hands clenched into fists as she strove for control. ‘I’m afraid that is something I have little experience of despite the evidence to the contrary. I know little about the opposite sex and how natural desire can be! It might surprise you to learn that Andrew was the first and only man I have ever slept with, and that was hardly a success!’
She regretted the revealing statement the very instant she saw the way his eyes narrowed. From the first moment they had met, Andrew had tried to talk her into bed with him, but when she had finally agreed she knew that he had found it a disappointing experience. His remarks had been scathing at the time and Beth had been bitterly hurt, attributing his disappointment to her own shortcomings. She had hated the whole experience if she was truthful, which made it all the more worrying how she’d just responded to David.
‘That doesn’t surprise me, Beth, although I do wonder what he was doing wrong if you found it so unsatisfactory.’ He skimmed a glance over her face, his eyes lingering on the bruised softness of her lips before looking straight into her eyes. ‘You are a very sensual woman, Beth. A man would have to be completely insensitive to your needs not to find that out. But there again, maybe you only respond that way with the right man?’
What did he mean? That he was the right man to teach her how to respond? Beth fought against the idea, but it only served to strengthen her own shocked feelings. David had seemingly only to touch her, kiss her, and she became a different woman in his arms from the one who had suffered Andrew’s lovemaking as a duty rather than a pleasure.
‘I...no! No, you’re wrong. You...you caught me at a moment of weakness, that’s all.’ There was more desperation than conviction in her voice, and he smiled harshly.
Promise Me Love (Harlequin Treasury 1990's) Page 8