by J. Saman
None of that stops me from stalking up to Gia and taking her hand. It doesn’t stop me from pulling her into my arms and it definitely doesn’t stop me from bringing my mouth down close to her ear. “This okay?” I ask.
She blinks up at me with those wide cyan eyes and nods. Damn, this girl just does it for me. It would be so easy to kiss her again.
But then what?
We dance to a fast-paced song with slow-paced movements. Her head is against my chest. My arms are around her body. My fingers are caressing the fabric against her lower back. Her hand is placed on my chest. It’s so completely perfect and yes, so very wrong.
It’s loud in here. Annoyingly so.
“Come with me,” I say into her ear. She nods. She lets me take her wherever I want.
She trusts me. And hell, I know she still wants me.
I move us so we’re on the precipice of a dark alcove. The bass not so pronounced here. She’s still partially in my arms, her body angled back so she can catch my eyes as my hands linger on her back.
I want to tell her so many things.
“Mike said your new guy is crazy about you,” I say and wonder why I did. That wasn’t one of the things.
Gia observes me, measuring my expression. But then slowly nods. “Yes. Mason is a great guy.”
“How did you meet?”
Gia giggles lightly, an innocent smile on her lips. “I fell in the street. He helped me up and walked me home.”
“So he saved you?”
She nods slowly and I hate that he’s now her hero. That he got to be the one to pick her up and save her. Shit. It’s like a sucker punch. Because despite all the crap I’ve put her through, I was always the one who was there when she needed me. Always there to pick her up when she fell.
“Are you happy with him, Gia? Is he what you want?”
Gia’s eyes widen. Taken aback by my very direct question. In truth, I don’t know why I asked it. If she says no, I’ll be selfishly relieved but it won’t change my disposition.
“I care about him a lot.”
Her answer is evasive at best.
“What about you, Finn? Are you with anyone?”
“I think you already know that answer.”
“Why?” she breathes, her eyes glassing over. I still manage to hurt her. Even when she’s with someone else. Mike was right when he said I’m torturing myself. That I’m not friends with her. It’s the depraved masochist in me. He likes to swim in his misery. Amplify it whenever possible.
And with Gia in my arms, that’s exactly what I’m doing.
“It’s a long story.”
“I’ve got time.”
I smile, tracing my fingertips across her soft cheek. She lets me and another piece of me dies with each passing stroke. “Maybe one day.”
She huffs out a breath. But instead of pushing me away and storming off the way I expect her to, she presses her head against my chest, wrapping her arms around me once again as we gently sway to the music. Can’t this woman ever do what I expect her to? What I need her to?
“Your heart is pounding, Finn.” She sighs, deep breath in, deep breath out. “I’m persistent,” she warns. “And not so easy to get rid of.” Her chin rests against my chest as she gazes up at me. “Sort of like HPV.”
I laugh, leaning down instinctively before I remember myself and draw back.
“One day, Finnigan Banner, I’ll know all your secrets. And then you’ll be stuck with me, whether you want that or not.”
Don’t make promises you have no intention of keeping.
Chapter 24
Gia
My eyes remain focused on a small glow-in-the-dark star which is stuck on my ceiling. It’s been here since I moved in and I never bothered removing it. It’s lost almost all of it fluorescence, which sort of disappoints me. Not that it would be glowing right now. It’s morning.
It’s been one week since I last saw Finn. One week since we danced in the club.
One week since we declared that truce.
Honestly, I didn’t expect him to say yes. I expected more of the same line he’s been feeding me. I don’t know which I was hoping for more. For him to say he still wants me but will never have me or that he’s over me and is willing to try to be friends.
I guess I know which one it is now, don’t I?
Only it still doesn’t feel that way.
Finn looks at me in a way that speaks to more. And not just a little more. That look says he’s desperate for me. It’s an impossible image to shut off. To ignore. Especially when I’ve invested so much energy into him. So many of my thoughts.
All of this of course has me feeling guilty.
Especially as Mason lies here beside me, sleeping soundly. It’s Saturday and I don’t have to work today. And since Mason is your typical Monday through Friday, nine to fiver, he doesn’t either. We have plans to spend the whole day together.
Doing what, I could not tell you.
It tends not to matter. We have fun no matter what. Mason makes me laugh and smile and everything with us is easy and effortless. Just the way I like it. He’s smart and honest and forthright and sweet. He doesn’t hide anything.
I like that too.
But I still find myself looking forward to that football game with Finn. I can still feel his warmth as he held me while we danced. He kissed my head. I don’t even know if it was a conscious act or not. He pressed his lips into me, inhaled the scent of my hair and kissed me like I was something precious to him. I don’t even allow my thoughts to venture to my birthday night.
I use his coffee mug every morning. That hot chocolate he bought me is long since drunk. That flower stayed in that bud vase until it’s last dying day. And his card is tucked in the back of my underwear drawer.
I honestly cannot explain why I covet these things the way I do.
Maybe it’s the challenge, the puzzle, which keeps me going.
Or maybe it’s the looks and the kisses I’m unable to block out. That haunt me every time I close my eyes. Even when another man is beside me.
But that’s all Finn will ever be to me. An unanswerable question mark.
Shaking my head from side to side, I focus on Mason. He’s impossible not to adore. And I do adore him. He’s quickly become my bright spot. The something to look forward to after work. He’s even coming with me to meet my mother when I have dinner with her on Tuesday. I’m excited for that. I think she’ll love him. And she no longer asks me about Finn so that’s a bonus as well.
The alarm on Mason’s phone blasts off with that annoying chirp he insists on using because evidently nothing else is capable of waking him. He groans, reaching over blindly and transporting his phone back into bed with him. He shuts it off with the swipe of his finger and groans again. “Why do I do this to myself?”
I giggle a little at that. “You’re a glutton for punishment.”
He rolls over so he’s facing me before he wraps his arm around, tugging me into him so that we’re face-to-face and body to body. “I must be if I’m willingly getting out a bed you’re in, just so I can run.”
I want to say he doesn’t have to. That he can stay here with me, but I don’t. I’ve tried that too many times only to be shot down every single one.
“Do you ever take a day off?” So far, every day we spend together he gets up early for a run. He also does this during the days we’re not together. It’s a bit much if you ask me, but since he didn’t, I don’t comment.
“No,” he says, kissing my nose and then my lips. “I’m on a streak. Two hundred and ten days.”
“Christ almighty. What do you do when it’s snowing?”
“I still run. I only miss it if I’m too sick to move or if the weather is dangerous, which isn’t all that often in the city.”
“I’m impressed. I’m not nearly that driven. If it were me, I’d come up with a million excuses not to do it.”
Mason shrugs,
his brown eyes still half closed with sleep as a lazy smile bounces up the corners of his lips. “You could run with me, you know. It could be our thing.”
“Because I like you as much as I do, I’m going to fill you in on a little secret.” I lean in until my mouth is next to his ear and then I whisper, “I hate running.”
He laughs, burrowing his face into my neck and tickling my ribs. “That’s because you haven’t run with me yet.”
I roll my body left and right because even though I’m not all that ticklish, the sensation is still unpleasant. “No,” I say, pushing him away enough to get him to stop completely. “Running just really isn’t my thing. I was always that girl in high school who would walk the track while everyone else ran it, just to be obstinate. I’m more of a classroom athlete.”
He laughs, running his nose along my collar bone, which elicits a very nice tingle. “A classroom athlete? Explain.”
“Pilates, yoga and the occasional spin class.”
“Ah. No wonder you have such a great ass,” he muses, pinching my ass to prove his point. It has me grinding into him. But then he pulls away with a shake of his head. “If you do that, I’ll never get out the door for my run.” I pout. “Don’t do that. I want to run.”
Instead of be with me, I don’t say. Instead I go for, “Okay, have a good run.”
He leans in, mollifying me with a chaste kiss before getting up and changing into the running stuff he brought with him to my apartment last night. “Hey, why don’t you meet me at that coffee shop that’s a couple blocks from here? The one I met you at when you were working that time?”
“You have a real thing for their egg and cheese, don’t you?”
He gives me a big grin and a wink, bending down to give me another kiss and then he’s out the door. I sigh the second the door clicks shut and flop down onto my back, finding that rogue glow-in-the-dark star. I like that Mason is so driven and goal oriented and all that bullshit, but just once, I’d like to have morning sex with him. It’s my favorite and something tells me that won’t ever be part of our repertoire.
It’s also making me feel a little guilty for not getting up and going to a class. I probably should. Evidently, I have a great ass which I need to maintain. Growling out my lazy frustration, I pull myself out of bed in dramatic flair, tossing the blankets off my body and huffing all the way to the bathroom.
But once I’m dressed in my new cute yoga outfit which I got on sale, I’m feeling better. The gym I belong to is actually a few doors down from the coffee shop we’re meeting in and since Mason runs for a freaking hour and a half, I have plenty of time to do my class and cool down before I have to meet him.
Who the fuck runs that long? He must run like ten miles or something crazy like that. On workdays, he gets up at five a.m. so he has enough time to do it. Mason is a computer programmer, which I would typically associate with someone slightly nerdy, but there really is nothing nerdy about Mason.
In fact, he’s more preppy pretty boy. Not generally my type, but I like it on him. Mason has salmon-colored shorts with small blue whales on them. And boat shoes, though I’m about seventy percent positive he doesn’t sail. When I asked if he wore the shorts and shoes he said, of course, like, why wouldn’t he. It’s kind of cute and when I asked him to put them on for me with his whale-matching blue polo, he laughed and called me a noodle. A noodle!
I smile about that all through my class. I smile about Mason.
I smile about him the entire two-minute walk over to the coffee shop. The door chimes out a greeting and as I scan around the room, I find Mason sitting at a small table near the counter. He throws me a wave when he spots me. “Hey,” he says. “I just ordered, so perfect timing.”
His medium brown hair is damp and his cheeks are still a little flushed. His long-sleeved sports shirt is sticking to his chest in a very distracting way.
“How was your run?”
“Awesome,” he beams. “My fastest mile yet. Seven minutes and twenty seconds.”
“Damn, that’s fast.”
He nods, bouncing his eyebrows up and down. “You look like you hit the gym.”
“I did. I caught a yoga class.”
He laughs like I’m adorable for doing that and leans into me, kissing the spot directly next to my ear. “I think that’s incredibly sexy. In fact, I think you’re the sexiest woman I’ve ever known.” He kisses that spot again and pulls back to catch my eyes. “Perfect in every way.”
He kisses my lips softly, a smile lingering on them until I pull back and find Finn staring at us. At me. I swallow my tongue and turn a million different shades of red. He’s wearing scrubs, his hair is a disheveled mess and his bright blue eyes are just a touch dimmer than normal. He looks like he’s at the end of a shift instead of the beginning.
Even like this, he’s still the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen.
“Gia Bianchi,” he says my name in just such a way that it becomes personal without being obvious to anyone but me.
“Hi Finn,” I say, my voice small and weak. Finn steps closer to our table so that someone can pass him and now he’s practically looming over us. I feel Mason shift next to me and I realize his hand is on top of mine. I have the strongest urge to pull it away from him, but I don’t.
I’m not hiding Mason from Finn.
“Finn, this is…my boyfriend, Mason Davis. Mason, this is Finn Banner. He’s Monique’s boyfriend’s best friend.”
Finn chuckles at that title and then says, “Ah, but I’m more than that now, aren’t I?” I blink at him. “We’re friends too, Gia. Don’t play it off like we’re not.”
I want to be somewhere, anywhere other than here right now.
Mason looks up at Finn and then stands up to shake his hand. “I’ve heard a lot about you,” Mason says and I wonder if that’s true or not because I certainly have never mentioned Finn to him before.
Finn eyes him for a beat, but I can’t tell what he’s thinking. His expression is completely impassive. “Nice to meet you,” Finn grins before he looks back at me. “Rare day off?”
I nod. “You look like you’re just getting off.”
Finn grins wider and I hate how I just said that. “Have a seat while you wait,” Mason graciously offers and Finn nods his thanks, taking a seat in one of the empty chairs at our table. Next to me.
I think this may in fact be the most awkward and uncomfortable moment of my life.
“Yes,” Finn says to me. “I’m on nights through next Saturday. But then I don’t have to be back to work until the following Tuesday. I’ll have all day Sunday and Monday off.” He smirks at me and I know what he’s referring to. Our football game. The football game I haven’t mentioned to Mason yet. The football game I don’t know how to mention to Mason.
How do you tell your boyfriend you’re going to a football game with another man?
I honestly don’t know, which is why I haven’t said anything.
The lady behind the counter calls out Mason’s name and he excuses himself to get up and grab our breakfast. “I’m working Friday and Saturday night this week too.”
“Maybe we’ll run into each other. On purpose for once.”
He has a point. Why is it the only time you run into someone it’s when you don’t want to run into them? I mean, there’s what, eight million people in this city? I get that we’re close to the hospital, but still.
“Maybe,” I say just as Mason sits back down with two egg and cheese sandwiches on an English muffin–even though I like mine on a bagel–and my cappuccino which I only started drinking after that night in the coffee shop with Finn. The word pathetic drifts into my mind, but I push it away. I’ve already had that fight with myself. More than once.
“Cappuccino?” Finn purrs knowingly. “No hot chocolate?”
Mason takes a bite of his sandwich and then looks over at me. “I didn’t know you like hot chocolate. You always order cappuccinos when we’re out.”
I give Mason a warm smile, before turning back to Finn, my stomach in knots. “I only drink hot chocolate at night.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” Finn says, his hand skimming my knee from under the table, just as his name is called. “Enjoy your breakfast. It was nice to finally meet you, Mason.” Mason nods at him through a mouth full of food, totally oblivious to anything and everything. “See you around, Gia.”
Chapter 25
Finn
Four years ago
I’m exhausted. Completely and utterly wiped. Being an intern in the ED is grueling. Long days and even longer nights with very little sleep in between. But I love it.
I’m only a few weeks in, but it’s incredible
After I graduated, I managed to secure an internship in the city. It meant Kelly and I didn’t have to move which is something she said she really didn’t want to do. Kelly is happy again. It took a long time for her, for us, to get there, but we have. I know we have. Things may not be perfect, but they’re definitely close.
Whenever I’m not working, which isn’t a lot, I do my best to be with Kelly. She’s still not working, which is perfect because that means any down time I have, Kelly is there. So I take her places she wants to go. Like shopping. Kelly likes to shop a lot, but I don’t care because it makes her happy and I like making Kelly happy.
Today I got out of work early. According my attending, Mike Sanders, I haven’t left the hospital in almost twenty-six hours. Honestly, it feels like longer. Mike made me go home and he didn’t have to tell me twice. I practically flew out the doors.
On the way home, I pass by a flower shop and stop to look at one of the bouquets in the window which caught my eye. Kelly likes yellow. It’s her favorite color which always struck me as an odd favorite color, but right now, looking at the yellow sunflowers in the window, I think it’s the best favorite color ever.
Two blocks after the flower shop, I find a bakery. Kelly loves blueberry scones so I grab a couple of those for her too. Today is a good day, I decide. And even though I haven’t slept in a very long time, I don’t plan on doing that when I get home. I plan on making love to Kelly and then spending the day doing something fun. Maybe we’ll go to a movie. Or a museum. Or walk through the park.