“You thought I would hurt you? Liam, we’d been together almost a year. What had I done to make you think I would hurt you?” She bit her lip to stop it from trembling.
He cupped both of her cheeks.
“I love your dimple,” he smiled sadly as he touched the shallow in her cheek. “It was one of the things that first attracted me to you.”
“Okay,” she said, stalling for time. She got it. He needed a moment. Men could only talk about feelings so long. But now that they were getting to the root of things, she wasn’t going to push him. She’d let him set the pace. “Do you know what attracted me to you?” she teased.
“What?”
“Your car.”
Liam’s eyes lit up. “Are you telling the truth? I thought it was you found out I was a SEAL. That’s what usually does it.”
“Nope. You SEALs have crap reputations with most of the female sailors. At least the smart ones. But I sure wanted a ride in your NSX.”
“I took you to Griffith Observatory.”
Addison laughed. “That’s one way to look at it. What you did was kidnap me. We were in San Diego. You asked me if I wanted to go on a quick spin with you. Three hours later we were in L.A.”
“Come on, it was fun,” he laughed.
“It wasn’t open by the time we got there,” she remembered.
“We had a picnic.”
“Hot dogs from Pinks is not exactly a picnic.”
They laughed. She picked up her fork and scraped up the last bit of caramel off the plate and licked the sauce from the tines, then she looked back up at him from under her bangs.
“Liam why were you so sure you were going to get hurt?” she asked.
He took his time answering. “We were coming up to the year mark. It seemed like we should make things permanent, but I knew that would never work out. It could never last. Not for forever.”
That last sentence sounded like something a child would say. Actually, it sounded a lot like Brody after he came to live with her.
“Why couldn’t it last, Baby?” She kept her voice soft, leaving out all the hurt she felt.
He looked down at his plate and scooped up some of the caramel sauce that was mixed with his chocolate cheesecake. He brought it to her lips. She opened and sucked it from his finger. His eyes flared.
“I love how you were there for Brody,” he whispered. His eyes looked haunted. “He was lucky to have you.”
“I feel blessed that he’s part of my life.”
Liam searched her face. “You do, don’t you? You really do?”
She nodded. “Absolutely.”
“Some kids aren’t enough for their parents. I wasn’t enough.”
He swiped his finger through the caramel and chocolate again and carried the sweetness to her mouth. She licked it slowly from his finger, knowing the dance. Knowing she needed to give him time to tell his story.
“Mom was broken after Dad died. Donovan was at college when she just seemed to waste away before my eyes.”
She grabbed his hand before he could take it away. “How old were you?”
“Six. Maybe five.”
Her heart ached for him. “What do you mean waste away? Depression?”
“She was an only child and her parents were dead. So, Dad had been her only support system, with him gone she cycled downwards. I didn’t know what to do. It was like I lost my dad and my mom.”
“Liam,” she tried to hug him, but he wouldn’t let her.
“Let me finish.” His blue eyes were tortured.
She nodded her head.
“When I was nine the man down the street married her. For him she managed to pull herself together. At least a little bit. But not for me.” His voice trailed off.
“Did you feel excluded?” she finally asked.
He sighed. “Yes. I know, I should have been happy that someone was there for her and she was a little bit happy. But instead I felt like I wasn’t good enough.” His eyes turned fierce and he grabbed her hands. “You’ve asked me if I’ve changed. I’m still me, Addison. I’m still that little boy who was rejected.”
He gave a harsh laugh.
Then he smiled. It was a Liam smile.
“But, with my asshole brother’s help I realized that I wasn’t destined to re-live a fucked-up childhood.”
She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. It was beyond anything she could have hoped for. Anything she could have ever dreamed. It was too much. All those years wasted.
He leaned forward and touched his forehead to hers and looked deep into her eyes. “You would have gone the distance, wouldn’t you’ve?”
She wrapped her arms around his neck. Did he shudder?
“I was convinced we would make it, Liam. You were it for me. You hung the moon in my sky.”
Dishes clattered onto the bed when he pulled her into a fierce embrace.
Then Liam’s lips took hers. He was voracious. Addison was caught up in a storm of sensation. How she ended up in his lap she didn’t know. She didn’t care. It felt good. It felt right. For the first time in years, she felt safe again.
Liam tipped her back and held her as he blessed her face with kiss after kiss. When she tried to pull him back to her mouth, he pulled away.
“No. Come back,” she pleaded.
“Honey, you’re crying.”
Oh God, she was. She grabbed at the front of his shirt and smashed her face into it. She tried to get ahold of herself.
Pull it together.
But it was too much. Too much. She gulped in air and it hurt. It felt like she was swallowing splinters of glass.
“I’ve got you,” Liam whispered into her ear, as he cupped her head so that it pressed against the beat of his heart. “I’m here, Honey. You’re not alone.”
That phrase.
“You’re not alone. I’m here.”
She was surrounded by him. His heat. His smell. Liam.
“I’m here. I’m not leaving,” he whispered into her hair.
She wanted to beg him to repeat the words. She’d wanted to beg him to not let her go fifteen years ago, but now she understood. She gasped for breath and the pain dug deeper.
“I abandoned you,” she sobbed. “I’m so sorry for that. I should have never let you push me away. I’ve always loved you.”
“Shhhhh. It’s okay.” He stroked his hand down her back and brought her in even closer.
“It’s not okay. I love you. You’ve always been worth loving. Always Liam. I should have fought for you.”
He kissed the top of her head. “That wasn’t our time. This is. I’m not leaving, and neither are you.”
His words were perfect. She sank into his hold.
How long did they stay like that?
“Is there caramel in my bed?” she finally asked. Her voice was raspy.
“Isn’t that a good thing?”
Why did Liam’s voice sound hoarse? She looked up at him. His eyes were wet. “I’m sorry, Liam.”
“What do you have to be sorry for?”
“For crying all over you.”
“Addison.”
He pulled her close again. She relished his hold. His touch.
“Nothing. You have nothing to be sorry for. Having you here in my arms…”
She snuggled closer.
Then yawned.
Then stretched.
Then giggled.
“What?”
“I really think there might be caramel on my butt.”
She felt his chuckle underneath her cheek.
“It’s possible we made a mess,” he agreed.
“It was worth it,” she said as she yawned again.
He brushed back her hair from her face and kissed her temple. “I’m going to change the sheets and tuck you in.”
“Hold me tonight?”
“Absolutely.”
10
Liam hadn’t felt this good in forever. He’d been awake for an hour with Addison’s lush form nestled agains
t him. It had to take a lot of trust for a woman her size to go to sleep beside a man who was easily a hundred pounds more than her. It awed him.
It was funny how he remembered every little nuance about how she slept, when he couldn’t remember the meal Mary had served at his brother’s house two weeks ago. Addison was a cuddler, but she still ended up on her tummy. Even when he’d let himself into her apartment in the middle of the night, she’d been sleeping on her stomach, but she’d eventually end up sprawled on top of him.
But the thing he loved most about sleeping with Addison Sanders was the way she would sometimes think he was asleep, and whisper things to him. Loving things. Like she had last night. So soft. The first time she had done that, at least the first time he had heard them, was two months into their relationship and they were sleeping in his townhome.
He’d thought she’d been talking in her sleep. She wasn’t. He never told her what was going on at work. But sometimes it bled out. Two men on another team had died on a classified op overseas. It was something that happened. It was part of the job. A shitty part.
“You’re a strong leader.”
“Your men thrive because they are under your command.”
He didn’t know how long she had been talking to him. It was like a goddamn hypnosis tape. But her barely-there words hit him deep in his gut. In his heart. The whisper faded away like a dream. Had he dreamed her words?
He knew he hadn’t. How could he? It was beyond his wildest imagination.
Months later, he woke again. This time it was different words, but they went to the heart of a situation.
“You can trust yourself.”
“You know the answer.”
He hadn’t even told her he was thinking about taking command of a different team. How in the hell could she have known that he was struggling with something like that, and that he was second-guessing himself? But she had.
How had Addison known him so damn well?
How had he thrown that away?
She stretched like the luscious cat she was. She was no longer the kitten he’d once called her.
“How did you always know what was going on with me?” he asked.
“Huh?”
“The whispering thing you used to do.” He stared at her.
Her eyes dropped away from his.
“Hey, I’m not mad, just curious.”
“I didn’t know you ever heard me.” Her hand splayed through his chest hair. “You’ve gone gray here, too.”
“Honey answer the question. I should have asked it years ago. How did you always know? How often did you whisper to me in my sleep?”
“Maybe every other week.”
He grabbed her hand to stop her fingers. How was that even possible? He was trained to not let his guard down. Even when he was sleeping, he was supposed to be aware. Had he really let her that close? The evidence showed he did.
“Why?”
“Why what?” Her gray eyes were confused.
“Why did you say things like that? How did you know what to say?”
“You never really shared the things that were really bothering you, but I could tell. What’s more, there were rumors around the base sometimes.”
That brought him up short. “What kind of rumors?”
“There was this time when you had to discipline Jones. Remember? You really liked him, but he totally screwed up. You did what you had to do, but I remember you being torn up about it.”
“You knew what was going on?”
“It would have been easier to get a stone to talk. I should have realized then that we were doomed.”
“But you still did the hypnosis thing?”
“The what?” She laid a kiss on his chest, then looked up at him, confused.
“The horse whisperer,” he grinned.
“Oh that,” she bent her head and kissed him again. He tilted up her chin.
“Addison,” he gave her a warning.
“You needed someone in your corner, Liam. If you would have talked to me about that stuff like a normal person, I would have hugged you and offered encouragement. You didn’t. So, I came up with another way.” She pulled away from his hold and hesitated. “After all…”
“After all what?”
“You encouraged me. You probed. You worked hard trying to find out what was going on with me and offering me your shoulder. It was frustrating as hell that you didn’t let me do the same for you.”
“It was nice,” he said softly.
“What do you mean it was nice? You heard me?” Her nails dug into his chest. That was nice too.
“A couple of times. It confused me at first, but when I realized what you were doing, it made me feel good. It made me think that you really cared.”
She slapped his chest with the flat of her hand. Hard.
“I did care, you goddamn idiot. I cared a lot. Are men just dumb? Or did I just get me an extra helping of stupid?”
He pulled her into a hug as he roared with laughter. “God, I’ve missed you. You used to say that women were the smarter sex.”
She let out a sharp breath. “I only said it because it’s true.”
He laughed. “I’m beginning to think you’re right.”
“Do you know what makes me smart?”
“What?”
“That I know we’re in bed together, in an empty house, and that we should be kissing instead of arguing, and apparently you don’t.”
“I’ll do you one better. Hopefully, you won’t be mad. But I bought condoms before coming to Washington and I’ve had one in my wallet ever since.”
“That just means you’re a planner. I’ve always been impressed by that side of your personality.” She leaned away from him and looked over the side of the bed. “Where are your pants?”
“Folded up on the chair. My God, you didn’t think I’d just leave them on the floor? I haven’t changed that much, Addison.”
“But you have changed, right?”
“Absolutely.”
Sex!
Addison couldn’t believe how excited she was. Then there was the fact that it was going to be with the man who had provided her with the best loving known to mankind. She’d tried. She once had come close to buying into the whole marriage route, but in the end, she couldn’t. In the last couple of years she’d given up trying. What was the point? Nobody came close.
She watched as he got up and crossed the room to get the wallet out of his pants. Liam Herne McAllister’s ass was a work of art. She could watch him walk in those boxer briefs forever. Okay, maybe not. It would be better to see him walking naked. When he bent and fished the condom out of his wallet Addison thought she’d died and gone to heaven.
Really? She was actually ogling the man?
She turned her attention to the bedroom window.
Fingers touched her hair. “What’s got your interest?”
“You,” she admitted as she looked up into his beautiful blue eyes.
“Uhm, I think I just saw you looking out the window.”
“After I just spent the last few moments staring at your ass.”
She enjoyed the way his blue eyes gleamed. Oh yeah, he liked her saying that. “I have to admit, I’ve been watching you a lot, too.” His fingers slid through her hair. “I like that you’ve kept it long.”
“You always loved playing with my hair.” It was getting tough to breathe as his fingers caressed her scalp. His hand cupped her jaw, his thumb parted her lower lip and she thought she might combust right there on the bed.
“I loved playing with you,” he rumbled. “You’re so responsive. Look at you, Addison, your eyes are so dark they’re almost black.” He traced her cheekbones. “You’re flushed.”
She swallowed.
Why was he drawing this out?
His left hand dropped the condom beside the pillow, then he slid his fingers around her neck. “Come a little closer, Addison.”
She arched into his touch, lifting her lips for his kiss.
Slowly, ever so slowly, he touched his lips to hers. Just a brush, a touch that she felt to her toes and back. One hand touched his chest, delighting in the heat, in the pounding of his heart, her other arm wound around his neck, trying to bring him in for a closer caress. He resisted.
“Not yet,” he whispered softly. “I’m savoring you.”
She felt herself melt.
His mouth eventually parted against hers, coaxing her to move with him. His tongue swept inside and she sighed with satisfaction at the glory of his taste. This was Liam. The man she loved. She’d wanted him for so long. She refused to say she needed him. Not yet, still not yet. But want this man? Love this man? Absolutely.
He pulled up. “Are you with me, Addison?”
“Huh?” She tugged harder on his hair.
“I thought I felt you slipping away.”
“No, I’m right here.”
“Good,” he said with no small amount of satisfaction. He trailed kisses down her jaw as his hands traced the line of her back through the thin cotton of her sleep shirt. She felt him tug at the material and she lifted up, anything to speed up the process. Her joyous laughter joined his chuckle.
She couldn’t help the sounds of pleasure that left her mouth at the feel of his hands on her bare flesh. His hands were rough with use, they ignited flames where they touched.
“Harder,” she whispered.
He lightened his touch.
She clutched his shoulders, her nails biting into his skin. He laughed. “Want more?”
“So much more,” she moaned.
He swept the shirt over her head and pressed her down into the pillows and cupped her breasts.
Perfect.
She feathered her fingers along the bunched muscles of his back as he molded her sensitive flesh and thumbed her nipples.
Please, please, please.
She licked at his collarbone and he must have gotten the message because swirled his tongue around her areola.
She inserted her thigh between his legs and rubbed it against his swollen flesh, loving his hiss of pleasure.
“Addison.”
“Are you warning me to stop? Or begging me to continue?” She pressed harder against his erection.
SEAL at Sunrise (Silver SEALs Book 12) Page 11