Never a Bride

by Denise Hunter

  Sara set her glass down and reached over to take the baby. “I’m afraid she’s hungry again. That’s all she seems to do is eat.”

  “Well, she’s gotta eat if she’s gonna grow.” Hetty held out the tray for Jane. “Have a sandwich and cake, Jane.”

  Jane helped herself now that her arms were free. The sandwich was delicious and filling, and she was pleased that the cake had turned out well: moist and bursting with flavor.

  Caroline had quieted as Sara discreetly fed her. The women chatted for a short while, but when the infant drifted off to sleep, Jane thought it prudent to let the new mother rest, so she and Elizabeth said good-bye.

  Elizabeth talked about the baby all the way home. It was clear that she yearned for a little baby in the way that young girls frequently do. Her thoughts were immature and romantic, giving no consideration to the hours of work and endless nights of crying that a child brings. Jane smiled to her-self, but didn’t say anything to Elizabeth about her idyllic dreams.

  As the girl prattled on about babies, Jane’s mind unwittingly began to wander. She found herself lost in her own dreams that involved her own house to keep and children to care for. She was mentally singing nursery songs to her own little baby when she realized Elizabeth was calling her name.

  “I’m sorry, did you say something?”

  Elizabeth laughed. “I just asked if you’d like to marry someday.”

  The question revived her like a slap in the face. “For now, I’m planning to help my parents with their restaurant. With Cassy gone, they’ll need my help.” She was glad to be turning into the Reiley drive. With any luck, Elizabeth would drop the subject.

  A hollow ache settled in Jane’s stomach. Here she’d been dreaming of children and a family of her own when there was not a man anywhere who would take her as his wife. Why, her dreams were every bit as silly as Elizabeth’s. Sillier, even. After all, at least part of Elizabeth’s dreams would come true. She was a comely girl, and soon boys would be swarming around her. She would have a husband and children one day. Of course, they wouldn’t lay contentedly in her arms all day the way she imagined, but her dreams were closer to reality than Jane’s had been.

  She would be more careful in her thinking from now on. There was no point wishing for something that would never be.

  ❧

  The remaining hours of the afternoon dragged. She worked around the house and used her thought time trying to come up with a reasonable excuse to forgo the riding lessons. Everything she invented sounded lame at best and chicken-hearted at worst. She would not allow that man to think she was too afraid to try.

  Oh, but she was dreading those lessons. The thought of sitting atop one of Luke’s mammoth horses made her legs quake, and she wondered if he’d make fun of her fears. Jane wasn’t sure which she dreaded the most: the horse or Luke. There was no getting out of it. She’d just have to make herself do it for dignity’s sake.

  After Luke arrived home and supper began, Jane’s taut muscles began to relax. They were nearly ready for dessert, and Luke hadn’t mentioned the lessons at all. Here she’d been worked up about it all day, and Luke had forgotten. Why, his challenge last night had been no more than a little game designed to prove his point. She should be angry with him, but, in truth, she was so relieved that her spirits lightened considerably. She practically glided into the kitchen to retrieve the cake she had baked that morning.

  The dessert was a success if lack of leftovers was any indication, and Jane was feeling especially triumphant as she stood to clear away the dishes. Elizabeth had started washing them, and Jane had returned to the table for the second time when Luke scooted his chair back with a grate. “I’ll go ahead and saddle up your horse. Meet me at the stables when you’re through here.”

  Jane’s mouth dropped open, and her spirits collapsed. Luke had already turned to go, and as a last resort she heard herself utter, “But. . .” Nothing else came, just the one word. Yet, as Luke turned to look at her over his shoulder, she saw that it was enough. He saw her cowardice, and his eyes twinkled as he gave her his half-grin. “Didn’t we agree on lessons tonight, Jane? I thought you’d be looking forward to it.”

  The challenge was there in his voice, almost tangible, and Jane’s spine stiffened involuntarily. She had just drawn a deep breath, ready to fling false words of intention, when Elizabeth peeked out the kitchen door. “Are you really going to give her lessons, Luke?” She continued without pause. “Oh, can I watch? Please?” She drew out the word to at least two syllables.

  Jane watched Luke in horror, silently begging him to prevent Elizabeth from witnessing her humiliation. Luke paid her no attention, but to her relief, he denied his sister’s request. “Actually, I told Mr. Lindsey I’d send you over with some tools he needs to borrow.”

  “Aww, Luke. . .”

  “Now, no talking back. I thought you might like to stay over there awhile and play with Mary.”

  Elizabeth perked up at that piece of information. “May I?”

  “I don’t see why not. Just help Jane finish up the dishes first.”

  Elizabeth scooted into the kitchen with new purpose, and Luke strode out the door as if all matters were settled.

  The dishes were cleaned too quickly for Jane, but Eliza-beth, excited about visiting her friend, had no more hung the towel on a peg than she said a quick good-bye and darted out to the stables to collect the tools.

  Jane stalled, rearranging dishes and cleaning surfaces that were already spotless. Only when she had delayed the inevitable for as long as possible did she remove her apron and wander out to the stable. Luke had finished saddling a chestnut brown horse and was leaning on the split rail fence with lazy indolence, watching her approach. The sun was at his back, leaving his face in shadow, but when he spoke she heard the laughter in his voice.

  “Thought you might be waiting for the moon to rise.”

  Jane crossed her arms as she drew to a halt a safe distance from both the horse and Luke. “I’ll have you know that women’s chores are much more time-consuming than a man would ever believe.”

  “Oh, I don’t doubt that for a minute,” he said as he turned toward her, exposing his taunting expression. “But Eliza-beth, who I might add has been gone a good fifteen minutes, assured me that the kitchen was set to rights when she left.”

  Jane opened her mouth and ordered her mind to come up with some reasonable excuse, but Luke stepped in, relieving her empty mind of its task.

  “Come on over and meet Brownie.” Luke swaggered over to the horse and took the reins as Jane cautiously approached. “Go ahead and touch her. Let her get used to you. We’ve had Brownie a long time, and I can tell you she’s the gentlest horse I’ve ever seen. Very predictable. Won’t do anything you don’t tell her to do.”

  Jane reached up to stroke Brownie’s neck. Now that she was close, she saw that the horse was huge. She had hoped that Luke would choose a small horse for her, not this massive figure of a beast. She may be gentle, and that remained to be seen, but Jane was unsure if she could even mount the creature. The stirrups hung only to her waist. Even if she could get her foot that high, she was sure she couldn’t do so without appearing unladylike. Besides that, the saddle didn’t look big enough to accommodate both of them. Of course, they’d somehow managed on that harrowing ride to the McClains, but surely they made larger saddles than this.

  Luke stepped up in front of her and clasped his hands together. “Here, I’ll give you a leg up, then you can guide Brownie to the training area over there.”

  “By myself?” Jane blurted.

  Luke’s eyebrows darted skyward. “You expected me to ride with you?”

  “Well, I just thought. . .that is, until I get used to the horse. . .”

  Luke’s lip twitched in that infuriating way it always did when she amused him. “Fine, Jane. But you still need to mount first. Just put your left foot in my hands and swing your other leg around the horse.”

  Luke’s hands were cupped
for her foot, and he bent his knees until he was low enough to assist her. Jane lifted her foot to Luke’s hands while trying to remain steady on her other foot. Desperate to catch her balance, she clutched onto Luke’s shoulders and looked into his face, which, she was surprised to see, was only inches from her own. “Are you trying to mount me or the horse? ’Cause if you’re trying to mount the horse, I suggest you grab the saddle horn.”

  If it were possible for Jane to blush, she knew her face would be a fiery shade of red just about now. However, since she had never been able to do even that right, she simply huffed, “I know that, Mr. Reiley. I simply lost my balance.” She transferred her hands to the appropriate spot and, before she could regain her equilibrium, Luke boosted her up. She found herself sitting higher than any human being had a right to be.

  Luke adjusted the stirrups and attempted to slip her foot into it, but since her knees were clamped tightly around the horse, her foot didn’t budge.

  “Jane, you’re squeezing the life out of Brownie. Just let your legs hang down.”

  Jane made a concerted effort to relax her leg muscles and found, to her relief, that she still maintained her precarious balance.

  “That’s better.” Luke slipped her boot into the stirrup, then rounded the horse to adjust the other side. When he was done, he removed her foot from the stirrup, inserted his own, and grabbed for the saddle horn. Jane jerked her hands out from under his, but when he mounted, the saddle slid sideways with a creak, and Jane grasped his hand in panic. In the next moment, Luke was seated behind her. He reached for the reins, and Jane reclaimed the saddle horn.

  “You can’t hold that thing the whole time, you know,” Luke said with a smile in his voice. “Here, take the reins.”

  Jane received them, and Luke’s hands fell to his thighs.

  “Now, when you want her to go, just nudge her with your heel. Use the reins to guide her. If you want to go left, just tug on the left side of the rein. I’m gonna let you give all the commands. I’m just along for the ride.”

  Jane listened to the instruction and, when it ended, she took a deep breath and told her leg to give a nudge. It hung like a dead weight, ignoring her command. She felt her heart thudding in her chest and wondered if Luke could feel the pounding through her back.

  The loose hair around her nape fluttered as he spoke. “The sun is setting, Jane.” His laughing voice grated across her mind, giving her the gumption to act. One nudge later and Brownie was walking at a slow pace across the packed earth.

  “Great. Now relax your muscles. Let your elbows hang down at your sides and loosen your grip on the reins.”

  Jane did as he instructed, then tugged on the right side of the strap to guide Brownie through the gate that led to the training area.

  “Stay near the fence and practice guiding her in a circle. We won’t do anything fancy tonight. I just want you to get comfortable.”

  Normally, Jane would have retorted, but just the tasks of guiding Browning and staying relaxed required all her concentration.

  After several times around the circle, the guiding seemed more automatic, and she felt almost at ease about sitting atop the horse. As she relaxed, she became aware of other things. Like Luke’s thighs pressing against the back of hers and his chest brushing her back. Her hips were cradled between his legs, and they rocked together to the rhythmic motion of the horse. She felt her ears burning at the thought and wondered if Luke was as aware of their position as she was.

  “Are you plannin’ to scale that wall?”

  Jane snapped to and realized Brownie had come to a halt at the wall of the stable. She had been so distracted she had forgotten to guide the horse around the circle.

  Jane stiffened her spine and guided Brownie back to the circle. “Must you always be so impertinent?”

  “She speaks! I was beginning to wonder.”

  Jane let his comment go, not wanting to justify it with a remark.

  She led Brownie around the circle again and again until her back was beginning to ache. Luke must have noticed her squirming in the saddle.

  “I think that’s enough for today. Just guide her over to the front of the stable.”

  Jane did as he asked, then gave the reins a tug when the horse drew near the stable. She was pleased with how comfortable she was feeling now. The height didn’t really bother her much, and she was already used to the swaying of the horse.

  Jane dropped the reins and waited for Luke to dismount. He grabbed the saddle horn and swung his leg behind him, but as he did so the saddle tilted unexpectedly, and Jane, who wasn’t holding on, tilted with it.

  The fall seemed to happen in slow motion. Luke was caught off-balance, having one foot still in the stirrup and the other only halfway to the ground. Jane frantically grabbed at Luke’s arm, which was firmly attached to the saddle horn. His downward momentum combined with her sudden tilt to bring them both to the ground with a thud.

  Luke grunted as Jane’s weight hit him full in the stomach, then a moment of stunned silence ensued.

  Jane opened her eyes and discovered she was on her side and on top of Luke. She pushed up on her elbows and, much to her horror, saw that her chest was level with Luke’s eyes. She scrambled to a sitting position in the dirt.

  Luke blinked as if trying to get his bearings, then turned his head sideways. “You all right?”

  She began brushing the dust from her sleeves. “I’m fine. And you?”

  Luke sat up beside her and ran his hand through his hair. “I think I’m still in one piece.”

  Jane paused and looked at Luke. Sure enough, it was there. A twitching grin was ready to give way to full-bodied laughter. Almost before she completed the thought, his laughter burst forth as he tipped his face skyward and flung his arm across his stomach, emitting rich, loud guffaws.

  Jane sat gaping at him, wondering how this man always found something to laugh at, no matter the occasion. Just then, he turned to look at her with crinkly eyes and a wide boyish grin. “You have to admit, Jane,” he said in between chuckles, “we must have been quite a sight!”

  Jane reviewed the episode in her mind, seeing it from a spectator’s view. All of her gangly limbs clutching at Luke as he went off-balance. A reluctant grin tugged at the corners of her mouth, which she quickly tried to suppress by pursing her lips.

  “Well, I’ll be hornswoggled. . .if that isn’t a real smile,” Luke said in wonder.

  Having lost the battle of the smile, Jane ducked her head in an effort to hide her amusement.

  Luke tipped her chin up with a finger, and Jane saw that his face was a mask of serious contemplation, although his eyes were still alight with humor. “You know, I think for your next lesson we shall cover the rudiments of a proper dismount.” His face gave way to laughter, and Jane found her own face breaking loose in a smile as she breathed a quiet laugh.

  As Luke’s laughter faded away, Jane glanced up. His gaze bore into hers with intense speculation. “What?” she asked, the remnant of a smile still lingering on her face.

  “I’ve never seen you like this,” he said, smiling. “Your face all lit up and your eyes sparkling. . .”

  She squirmed and resumed the task of brushing off her skirt. “My eyes do not sparkle.”

  “Yes they do. They have little gold flecks that sparkle when you smile.”

  “Don’t be silly.” Jane began picking imaginary lint from her dress. They’re plain old brown, just like. . .” Jane stopped short of completing the sentence, which would have sounded rude.

  Luke cocked a brow, and his mouth tilted in a grin. “Just like mine?”

  Jane stood to her feet, stiffening her spine as she continued dusting the dirt from her backside. “I didn’t say that!” Why was this infuriating man always putting words in her mouth? Making her squirm purely for his own entertainment. “I just meant they’re ordinary brown, not an unusual color, like Cassy’s.” She paused for effect. “But I’m sure you’ve noticed that.”

  Jane
watched Luke as her words sank in. The smile slid slowly from his face, and he narrowed his eyes as if trying to read her. She ducked her head again, this time in shame, as she realized what she’d done.

  She heard, more than saw, Luke rise to his feet and retrieve his hat. When he turned to face her, she gathered the courage to meet his eyes.

  “So,” he said, “you know.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and shuffled his feet, drawing an imaginary line in the dirt. His eyes studied the ground as a red flush climbed his neck.

  His words formed a statement, rather than a question. Unwittingly, Jane had revealed her knowledge about his feelings for Cassy. She stood there, wishing she could find the words to smooth this over. Her eyes darted around the yard, and she caught brief glimpses of Luke whenever she dared.

  Finally Luke spoke. “I thought I’d hidden my affections well.” His feet suddenly stilled, and his head shot up, his wide eyes meeting hers. “Cassy doesn’t—”

  “No!” Jane exclaimed quickly, wanting to ease his suffering. “No. Cassy knows nothing.”

  Luke’s eyes closed momentarily, then opened them to stare at a point near Jane’s feet as he released a puff of pent-up breath. His features taut, he looked so serious and sad that Jane thought he almost looked like a different man. Luke, without his smile and twinkling eyes, just wasn’t Luke at all. She had reminded him of something he wanted to forget and had shamed him by revealing her knowledge of the situation. The flush of his skin told of his humiliation.

  Prickling heat flared up within Jane, starting at her stomach and moving outward through her limbs. How selfish she had been to fling out those words in a moment of retribution! What kind of woman was she to open up his wound deliberately? She searched her mind for something to say, something healing and kind.