Never a Bride

by Denise Hunter

  Elizabeth waved off her offer of help, so Jane thankfully made an excuse and retreated to her cottage. She desperately needed to compose herself. She’d have to face him eventually. Yet, perhaps, by tonight he would have forgotten her behavior.

  Jane plopped onto the sofa and covered her face with shaking hands. What a ninny I am! He probably thinks I’m besotted with him! What else could he think?

  Oh, why hadn’t she just admitted to the sketch? She should have realized the conclusion he would draw from her overt gawking! Well, she couldn’t admit to the sketch now. That, combined with this morning’s behavior, would certainly lead him to the wrong conclusion.

  Jane let her head drop back against the sofa and released a puff of breath. This wasn’t like her at all—brooding over Luke’s interpretations of her feelings. Why, she had never had any trouble at all telling Luke exactly what she thought! In fact, it had always seemed beyond her to edit her words where he was concerned.

  Why was this occasion so different? Why hadn’t she just blurted out her feelings as she usually did instead of making him think she was enamored with him? Could there be a bit of truth in there somewhere?

  ❧

  The afternoon flowed by like a swelling river. Chores consumed every moment and, although Elizabeth offered her help, Jane refused. The little girl had been forced to grow up too quickly and deserved some playtime while she was still a youngster.

  Jane’s mind was as active as her hands. She couldn’t help but replay this morning’s breakfast incident repeatedly. Luke had seemed almost as mesmerized as Jane had felt. She mentally scolded herself. If he seemed a bit struck, it was only because she’d shocked him. Looking at it from Luke’s point of view, she realized he must be confused. After all, Jane had never hid her annoyance with him. In fact, she’d been inexcusably obvious.

  And now, she’d given Luke reason to believe she was attracted to him. Her stomach fluttered. What if it was true? She quickly dismissed the idea, uncomfortable with giving the matter even a moment’s consideration. Still, she was aware that something was happening within her.

  On Saturday morning, Luke asked Jane if she’d like to have another riding lesson that night. Anxious, but not about to show it, Jane consented.

  In the afternoon, she and Elizabeth took the wagon to town for supplies. While they were in the store, Jane spotted Elizabeth admiring a bolt of fabric in a lovely buttercup yellow. Spontaneously, Jane purchased enough of the material to make Elizabeth a new gown and watched Elizabeth hop up and down with excitement. Judging by the girl’s snug clothes, it had been a while since she’d worn a new dress. When they left the store, lengths of ribbons and lace were also tucked away in the brown wrapping paper.

  Later, Jane measured Elizabeth and showed her how to start a garment. Before they realized, the supper hour approached, and they scurried through the preparations.

  After the meal, Luke told her he’d saddle Brownie and wait for her by the stable. She informed him she would need to change her dress. After he left, Elizabeth addressed Jane with her eyes alight. “Can I watch this time? Please?”

  Jane bit her lip. She was not ready for an audience yet, but how could she refuse? Then she had an idea. “Actually, I was thinking you might like to work on your dress.”

  “Oh, can I?” she asked with wide eyes. “All by myself?”

  “You can start basting it, and tomorrow I’ll check and see how you did.”

  Jane helped Elizabeth begin the task, then rushed to the cottage, where she selected a serviceable dress of brown muslin. A quick glance in the mirror told her several wisps of hair had escaped their knot, but she had already kept Luke waiting too long, so she hurried out the door.

  Luke was waiting by the stables as promised, his strong hands stroking Brownie’s taut neck. Beside him stood a mammoth black horse with a beautiful shiny coat, saddled and ready to go. Luke gave Brownie a final pat before turning to acknowledge Jane. “I was beginning to think you were going to stand me up.”

  “I had to help Elizabeth with some sewing,” she said, staring anxiously at the second horse.

  Luke must have noticed her hesitancy. “This is Ebony. I thought maybe you’d like to have Brownie to yourself this time.”

  “Well. . .”

  “You’ll be fine. I can ride right beside you. We’ll just walk the horses across the field, nice and slow.”

  “I suppose I can give it a try.” At least she wouldn’t have Luke’s disconcerting presence behind her.

  Luke boosted her onto the horse, and Jane settled on the creaking saddle. After releasing the saddle horn and taking the reins, she felt quite comfortable atop the horse. She was not nearly as afraid of falling off as she was last time. A small, proud smile formed unconsciously on her lips as she waited for Luke to mount Ebony.

  With a nudge of their heels, the horses meandered beyond the stables and into the high prairie grass. The unevenness of the packed ground made for a bumpy ride and, as Brownie treaded over it, Jane held herself rigid for fear of falling off.

  “Loosen up, Jane. Let your body move with the horse’s.”

  Jane did as he said and soon realized that giving in to the motion was easier than fighting against it.

  “You’re doing well.”

  They traveled for a spell in comfortable silence, enjoying the beautiful sunset. Jane paid particular attention to the swatches of pink and orange, noting the way the colors faded into the sky above them. The sun was a fiery globe sinking into the ground like butter melting in a frying pan. She longed to attempt the impossible challenge of capturing this brilliant light with paint.

  Luke interrupted her reverie. “I’ve been meaning to tell you how much I appreciate all you’ve done with Elizabeth —the sewing and such. Mama taught her the basics, but she really did need to start learning some practical things.”

  “Why, I haven’t minded at all. But, I must warn you, I’m not much of a seamstress. Cassy, though, she’s. . .” Jane stopped abruptly and bit her lip. She kept her eyes straight ahead and hoped that somehow Luke hadn’t heard her last words. An awkward silence hovered around them.

  “Jane. . .you don’t have to avoid the subject of your sister. She is, after all, going to be home in two weeks.”

  “I just didn’t want to—”

  “It’s okay. Now, what were you going to say?”

  “I was just going to say Cassy’s the seamstress in our family. She made her wedding gown, you know.”

  “No, I didn’t. That’d be a pretty handy talent to have—especially here in Cedar Springs.”

  Jane knew he was referring to the selection the town store carried—pitifully small compared to the infinite choices available in the stores of Philadelphia. Of course, you could hardly compare the two places. All things considered, Jane thought she preferred the tranquility of Cedar Springs to the bustling city of Philadelphia. The people seemed friendlier here.

  “You’ve gotten mighty quiet all of a sudden.”

  “I was just thinking how much I like living here. I was anxious about coming at first, but now that I’m here, I find I don’t want to leave.”

  Luke paused so long that Jane glanced his way. “What?” she asked.

  Luke squirmed in his saddle and opened his mouth twice before he finally uttered a word. “You’ve been mighty kind to help us out here, Jane. But. . .you do realize when Caleb and Cassy come back, Cassy will, you know, take over the house and all. . . .”

  Jane stared at Luke, confused. Why in the world was he talking about. . .? Her mind’s wheels skidded to an abrupt halt before churning away again at twice their normal pace. He must’ve thought I meant living here on his property. Surely he didn’t think I was dropping a hint—hoping he’d allow me to stay after Cassy and Caleb come back. Jane observed Luke in the thick silence. He was rubbing his jaw in a restless manner and a telling red flush had crept up his neck.

  Jane hurried to set things straight. “I didn’t mean I like it here, at your house
. I meant I liked it in Cedar Springs—that I didn’t want to return to Philadelphia.”

  Luke sat up straight, and his mouth slowly formed into a familiar smile before giving way to laughter. “Oh! I thought you meant—”

  “I know what you thought. But, although I’ve enjoyed my time here, I’m quite content to go back to my family. They’ll need my help at the restaurant. We should be open for business when Cassy and Caleb return, you know.”

  “Yes, I’ve noticed the construction progress. From the look of things, your parents’ house is sizable.”

  Jane paused while Brownie plodded across a narrow trickling stream. “This one will surely be the largest house we’ve ever lived in. Mama said mine and Katy’s room is going to be as big as the entire upstairs of our rental. Why, once Katy is married off, I’ll have all that space to myself.”

  Jane turned with a smile to meet Luke’s gaze. Instead of his usual lopsided grin, she found his mouth to be drawn in a straight line and his eyebrows pulled together in confusion. What have I said now? she thought, as she turned forward. They rode in silence for a few moments.

  “What about you, Jane? Aren’t you planning to marry?”

  The words pierced a vulnerable spot in her heart, inducing an almost physical pain. How could he even ask? Couldn’t he see no man alive would want her? Her—with her spindly frame and homely face?

  Jane didn’t realize her eyes were brimming with tears until they completely obscured her vision. She turned her face away from Luke, relieved he was riding slightly behind her, and rapidly blinked away the tears. She had hardly composed herself when he nudged his mount to her side.

  “Did I say something wrong?” His words were soft once again, but Jane clenched her teeth together, hardening her jaw line.

  “I’m sorry if I spoke out of turn.”

  Jane knew the moment Luke’s gaze turned away, and she relaxed once again. Didn’t he realize she wasn’t like other women? The fact certainly seemed obvious to everyone else. Even her childhood schoolmates understood that marriage was a futile pursuit for someone like Jane. They’d drilled as much into her head repeatedly with their taunts and cruelty.

  No one would ever want her. Not for a wife.

  Jane was so absorbed in her thoughts she didn’t notice that Luke had turned his horse toward home and that Brownie had followed. It was just as well. Her back was beginning to ache, and the hard saddle was inflicting a pain of its own kind.

  Uneasy silence prevailed for the duration of the ride. Jane was not inclined to break it, and Luke also seemed reluctant to engage in casual conversation. Jane concentrated instead on the sounds around her. The whisper of the prairie grasses as they swished through them. The hooting of a distant owl. The rustling of the wind moving through the trees. Darkness enveloped them, exchanging the vibrant colors of day with the flat, monochromatic colors of night. When they neared the stable, she arched her back with relief, anticipating the end of the ride.

  They reached the stable doors, and Luke dismounted, then rounded Jane’s horse to assist her. She was almost ready to dismount on her own, but the distance between the stirrups and the ground made her hesitate.

  Without words, Luke reached out and placed his hands on Jane’s waist as she slid her leg around Brownie’s backside. Her right foot quickly found the ground, then she worked her left foot out of the stirrup—a feat that was easier said than done, given that the stirrup was nearly waist-high. She heard Luke chuckle, his breath stirring the wisps of hair near her ear. Once she’d extracted her foot, Jane breathed a laugh and turned to meet his gaze.

  His eyes were laughing, though not at her this time, but with her. They seemed to darken in the dusky light, and Jane wondered if it was an illusion. His dimple disappeared as the smile slid quietly from his face, and the laugh lines around his eyes smoothed out to match the tanned planes of his face.

  ten

  Jane’s heart thudded in her chest. Suddenly she became very aware of his strong hands encompassing her waist. Time seemed to stop.

  The moment was nothing and everything all at once. No movement, no words. Just a silent meeting of two souls. Their breaths mingled, and Jane felt the warmth of his body. His eyes shifted to her lips, and Jane parted them in wonder. For one anxious moment, Jane thought he meant to kiss her, and she unconsciously wetted her lips.

  The movement broke the spell. Luke cleared his throat, then removed his hands and stepped away, leaving Jane feeling strangely bereft. He rubbed the back of his neck and muttered something unintelligible before proceeding to unsaddle his horse. Jane retreated to her cottage as fast as her legs would carry her.

  Once she was safely inside, she leaned against the door and drew a deep, shuddering breath. What had happened back there? She knew she was inexperienced in matters of the heart, but surely she hadn’t mistaken the look in his eyes. The tender heat in his look had doubled her heart rate.

  But what about Cassy? Could he be losing his feelings for her and acquiring feelings for Jane? Surely not. A man who was besotted with her beautiful sister could never be attracted to her.

  Yet, there had been no mistaking the look in his eyes. Even good friends did not stare at one another in such a fashion. And his hands. . .he had left them resting heavily on her waist. Jane lifted a trembling hand to her still-racing heart.

  There was no mistaking her own reactions either. Perhaps, she had denied her feelings before, but now she was forced to face the truth. She had enjoyed his closeness and craved the elusive kiss. She didn’t know how it had happened. Heaven knew she used to think of Luke as a thorn in her side.

  Pushing herself away from the door, she considered finishing Luke’s portrait, but instead succumbed to her sudden weariness and retired for the night. Tomorrow she’d spend time with her family and enjoy a vital reprieve from him.

  ❧

  Luke propped his bare feet up on the footstool and stared silently into the fireplace’s cold grate. He still wasn’t used to having all this time to himself in the evening after Elizabeth went to bed. He and Caleb used to discuss ranch matters or even personal matters during this time. Now he was on his own.

  Perhaps all this extra quiet time had contributed to his confusion. After all, he certainly had more time to dwell on his feelings and such. Still, he couldn’t help but wonder what was going on with his feelings for Jane. Moments ago he had been mesmerized by her eyes, his hands resting on the gentle curve of her hips, feeling all the things a man feels toward a woman he’s attracted to. Her eyes had been alive with laughter as she’d turned to look at him, then the laughter had faded to a tender, captivating vulnerability. She’d looked so confused and, when her lips had parted, he’d been tempted to taste them with his own. He’d come so close, in fact, that he now wondered how he’d been able to stop himself.

  But he was so bewildered about his own feelings and didn’t want to trifle with Jane’s affections. Luke chuckled to himself. Who was he kidding? Jane would have probably walloped him upside the head if he’d attempted to kiss her. She’d made no secret of her feelings toward him.

  But what was going on within him? What of his feelings for Cassy? He’d never been a fickle person. Surely he couldn’t have fallen out of love with Cassy so soon. When she came back, the old feelings would likely resurface, and he would find himself soaking in the same pickle barrel. But what if his feelings for Cassy had been shallow? What if the feelings he was having for Jane were the real thing? Surely it wouldn’t hurt to follow them a little—give them a chance to grow and develop.

  ❧

  The next morning, Jane dressed with care, selecting her most becoming dress, an ivory gown adorned with lace around the neck and sleeves. After pressing out the creases, she slipped into the dress and quickly arranged her hair. She didn’t ask herself why she was taking pains with her appearance, but on a deeper level, she knew the effort had something to do with Luke.

  Before heading out the door, she pinched her cheeks, producing a rosy glow,
and admitted for once she felt almost satisfied with her appearance.

  Jane and Elizabeth prepared breakfast with practiced ease and, just as they placed the last platter on the table, Luke entered the house.

  “Good morning.”

  Elizabeth responded in kind, and Jane mumbled a “good morning” of her own. As they seated themselves, Jane felt Luke’s perusal, and her heart tapped at a speedy tempo. She would not look at him. She would not.

  Jane raised her eyes to meet Luke’s gaze. He wore a merry grin, and his twinkling eyes revealed his good mood. “You look especially lovely this morning.”

  Jane’s lashes fell. “Thank you.”

  “Well, how about me?” Elizabeth pouted, barely suppressing her smile, in a way that was little girl and grown woman all rolled into one.

  “Ah. . .” Luke examined her appearance through pretend spectacles. “Yes, Miss Reiley, you do look rather fetching this morning,” he said with mock gravity. “Especially with that dab of gravy on your chin.”

  Elizabeth touched her chin and drew her hand away to find that he’d been telling the truth. Jane joined in the resulting laughter.

  With the tension broken, Jane relaxed enough to enjoy breakfast. Sundays were always rushed with the effort of morning chores, but soon they were on their way to church. Elizabeth chattered about her friend Mary and the fort they were planning to build—for girls only—she added with emphasis. Jane and Luke shared smiles of mature understanding, knowing in a couple years Elizabeth’s opinion of boys would change.

  The day was already warm, but the gusts of wind held the heat at bay. As she watched Elizabeth attempt to restrain her flying tresses, Jane was glad her hair was neatly scraped back in a roll at her neck. She glanced sideways and watched as the wind toyed with Luke’s hair, tossing a lock rebelliously in his eyes. She wondered if his hair was as soft as it looked.