It shocked me when his fingers threaded through my hair, pulling harshly on the bun as he tipped my head back. “Why won’t you tell me who you are, Machala Winters?” He moved closer so his breath skimmed my face. “You hold back. Even when I have you begging—it’s the darkness inside you that I crave the most.”
“Please release me, Luke.” I wasn’t his sub on Monday mornings and this was against the rules.
He ignored me and continued. “Born in India, brought to the U.S. as a small child. A father with another family. These are the things you’ve slowly shared, but I want more. What the hell makes you tick?”
He had ahold of me and I couldn’t just walk away. “Red.” It was so soft, I didn’t know if he heard. For a few seconds I was almost sure he hadn’t.
He turned my head slowly and stepped around the chair. His thumb swiped the single tear trailing down my cheek and then he leaned in and kissed me. He’d kissed my entire body in the most intimate places. Everywhere but my mouth. It was a quirk of his. I hadn’t realized how badly I needed the touch of his lips on mine until that moment.
Just as suddenly as the kiss began, he released my hair and turned away. “Fuck this.”
He left the room and slammed a door in another part of the house a few moments later. His walking away shook me deeply. It was then that I knew we wouldn’t make it no matter how badly I wanted it to last.
***
“Hell.” I cried, coming out of my memories as Luke turned me to the side before moving me onto my back. He lifted my legs and hiked my ankles over his shoulder. I didn’t like the look in his eyes.
“Where did you go, girl?” he asked as his cock pushed into my ass. “Stay with me. You take this and know it’s me fucking you.”
I was back in the now and it was worse because he watched me as he filled my ass.
“Yes, girl, look at me. I love your nasty asshole. You’re not shutting me out… this out.” His gaze burned into me. “I know how much you want it.”
The problem was—I did want it. I wanted him topping me, dominating me, hurting me. Making me do the things I hated. His chilling smile made my pussy wet and so did his cock. He was so beautiful, each muscle in his arms and chest perfect and strong—made for a masochist’s pleasure. I gritted my teeth against the pain as his hands tightened on my hips. He plowed my ass, no longer taking his time or caring about the burning ache.
Why did I love this man who would never give up until he uncovered all my secrets?
His eyes finally closed as his balls continued pounding against me, his cock ramming deep. A low groan left his throat, the muscles in his face tightening. With the condom he’d put on, I couldn’t feel his release, but I saw when he froze, his cock fully seated in my ass as he took his pleasure.
Luke opened his eyes, their darkness piercing me. “You never learn.” He pulled out and, seemingly without care, flipped me over and rested his hand in the middle of my back, keeping me there. I heard him rummaging in his bag, but I couldn’t see what he was doing.
“Your mind goes a thousand miles away when you don’t like something. Maybe this will keep you in the fucking moment. Pull your knees in.”
I wasn’t fast enough and he slapped my ass making the welts burn. While he’d fucked me, the rub of the carpet made the pain worse and now my ass cheeks screamed for a cool bath, cloth, anything. I pulled in my knees, waiting. A bit more lube drizzled between the cleft of my cheeks. The coolness felt good; the butt plug with long horse-like hair swishing across the backs of my thighs did not.
“You fucking prick,” I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I both loved and hated the humiliation. The coarse tail increased the burn on my ass and legs and I fought back another verbal outburst.
He laughed. “I hadn’t planned to use it.” Another resounding slap to one ass cheek had me groaning. “Hold still.”
He loved when I begged. I tried not to plead but the words slipped out, “Please, Luke.”
He ignored me and finished seating the plug. He pulled up on the chain attached to my nipple clamps and clipped another one to them. It rested across my shoulders and he added an additional one around my throat. Fuck, I hated him for doing this to me. Hated my body for responding.
He stood and pulled on the chains.
“Tch, tch.” He jerked sharply making my nipples and pussy hurt. “Lead the way to your room, filly. I have more tricks in my bag.”
The humiliation almost had me coming as my body screamed silently for an orgasm. I crawled as Luke held my reins.
Chapter Nine
Luke
The sway of her hips while she crawled had my cock coming to stiff attention again. I couldn’t care less about the pony’s tail; it was something I used to cause her mental discomfort and keep her attuned to me. Normally, I would push a little more about where she went when her mind drifted away. But even after months of trying, she never revealed her innermost demons and it drove me crazy.
I’d shared more with her than I had with any other woman in my life. Hell, I told her more than I told my bandmates. I wanted it to mean something, but I learned the hard way that she wouldn’t cross certain lines. Her deep dark secrets stayed buried, even when they left her in a near catatonic state from lack of sleep. She refused to see a doctor or even a head shrink. The memory of her violent kicking and fighting—loud gasps for air and still unable to draw enough oxygen into her lungs—left me terrified. Completely out of control.
Shaking my head, I realized now was not the time for these thoughts, so I focused on the lovely ass that was mine again. We turned the corner of the hallway and went through a set of double doors then down two carpeted steps into her bedroom. Her room didn’t surprise me, though it might other people who knew her. It was soft and feminine—warm, not cold like others expected of the ice queen. Frilly pillows in earth tones covered the top of the pale green comforter on her bed. The cherry wood of the bedframe, dresser, and chest made the entire ensemble perfect. The four-posters of the bed filled me with sadistic ideas. I smiled while looking down at her.
She crawled down the steps, the dip of her knee opening her pussy so I could see the glistening wetness. Yes, she hated pony play, but it turned her on too. She didn’t understand that the beginning of the evening was about her needs regardless of what I told her. I knew she craved pain and humiliation. I wanted this time in her bedroom—the slow intimate connection she fought with each breath she took.
“Get on the bed, face down, legs spread.”
She complied without looking at me. I began tossing pillows off the bed and had her move up. Her stiff shoulders betrayed her distress, which didn’t surprise me. She disliked herself for enjoying humiliation.
I removed the plug, taking the time to wipe it and return it to my bag. Her ass was a fiery red and I realized taking her on the carpet added further discomfort to the welts. I leaned forward and kissed her neck close to her hairline. I sucked hard on the skin before drawing it between my teeth and biting down to add teeth marks to the bruise I knew was forming. She would leave her hair down at work over the next week so the hickey wouldn’t be seen. I couldn’t help my groan when I pulled away and saw the results. I didn’t want her hiding my claim. I wanted the entire world to know she was mine even for only this one night. She stayed still, but her breathing changed. I’d give anything to know her thoughts, but I wouldn’t have Monday morning to dissect what feelings she deigned to disclose.
I moved closer, kissing and biting her from shoulders to ass before turning her over. I relished taking off clamps more than putting them on. I watched as her breath caught when I removed one of the nipple clamps then quickly took care of her other breast. I gave a sharp tug to the labia clamps so they pinched as they came off. A small sound escaped her lips making me smile.
When the pain subsided, she looked at me, opening her mouth to say something, but closed it quickly. I nodded, giving her permission.
Her voice was barely above a whisper. “You could
“I could... but where’s the enjoyment in that?”
She smiled, and my pulse raced. “Open for me, girl.”
Her legs spread. I placed her arms above her head. I could look at her like this for hours and never get bored. I gazed into her eyes, taking in her perfect lips so soft and full, high cheekbones thinning her rounded face slightly. Her skin drew me closer. I’d yet to find another woman with the same tone or scent. I circled my fingers around her throat, my thumb over her rapid pulse. I loved this feeling of possession. The look in her eyes was almost my undoing—trust. It was a lie, though. She trusted me with her body, but didn’t trust me enough to give up the secrets that destroyed her more each day.
“Stay,” I whispered. I left the bed and entered her bathroom. The tub was huge and I looked forward to a bath with her in my arms following this next scene. After disposing of the condom still on my cock, I washed my hands and walked back into her room.
“I want you touching me, girl.” I put on another condom and climbed onto the tall bed. “Don’t stop.” It was something I rarely gave permission for and one of the things I regretted after she left me. She closed her eyes and a single tear trailed down her cheek.
“None of that or I’ll think you don’t like it.” She smiled softly getting the joke. I relished nothing more than giving her whatever she disliked.
I nuzzled her neck, moving her hair back, kissing her shoulder, making my way to her breasts. I didn’t know if she would touch me without further prompting, but she raised her arms. Her fingers ran through my hair and her other hand went to my back.
“Tighten your legs around my hips.” She complied immediately, and using one hand to hold myself up, I used the other to guide the head of my cock into her waiting heat.
Home.
There was no other feeling that described the sensation. I slid further inside and slowly withdrew. This wasn’t fucking, it was making love. With each stroke, I bared my soul, but held the words silently in my head.
I love you, Machala Winters.
***
Machala
I kept my emotions together even when he carried me to the bath and held me for over an hour. We didn’t speak. There were no words for how fucked up our relationship was. No going back and no tomorrow. After he left, I finally gave into tears, burying my face in my pillow, thinking about the words I couldn’t speak—the secret I would never reveal.
I fell asleep after faint pink rays of sunlight shown through the windows and didn’t awake until ten in the morning. The pain Luke provided had done the trick and allowed for more hours of uninterrupted sleep than I’d experienced in months. With coffee and toast in front of me, I sat gingerly at the table embracing the discomfort from my ass. I looked outside into the small, enclosed space I called my backyard. I decided to spend the day gardening. Even though my yard was small, I filled it with plants and flowers that needed tending on a regular basis. I hired someone to clean the inside of my townhome, but I liked getting my hands dirty in the rich soil. When I first spent my weekends with Luke, I worked outside during the week sometimes in the dark if I came home from work late. The earth soothed me.
Knowing I couldn’t sit and wallow in self-pity the entire day, I cleaned my plate and mug then changed into an old pair of shorts and sleeveless tee. I wore a thong so the denim of my shorts would rub against my ass, prolonging the pain from the evening before. It had been too long since I had the aches and pains from a good play scene.
With a baseball cap shielding my eyes and the sun heating my skin, my thoughts turned to the last day I spent with Luke at his home. I’d replayed the memories over and over, always with the same result. I could never submit completely.
Six months ago…
It was Friday and I knew from the moment he arrived from his late-night practice that something was wrong. After the first particularly sadistic scene, my striped inner thighs, and his continued cold demeanor, I reasoned that I was the problem. I thought he’d be over what happened the previous Monday morning, but I thought wrong. His impersonal behavior floored me.
“Sleep in your own room tonight.” He barely glanced at me as he walked away; his banishing me to my room was the real punishment.
I never wanted to sleep in his damn room anyway, but now that he brought me out of my dreams and chased the terror away, I was addicted. And, in the early mornings, I’d grown to love the sound of his relaxed breathing and the peaceful planes of his face before he awoke. The naked lines of his body made my fingers itch to touch. He was beautiful, but while asleep, I noticed the small imperfections. The faded scar just under his chin and his nose that was a tad too large. These made him human—much more the man than the sadist. Maybe because he had such a large presence when awake, these flaws went unnoticed. I hadn’t realized how much those stolen moments meant to me until he took them away.
I tossed and turned repeatedly on my lonely bed. With no nightshirt and no Luke, it heightened my sense of nakedness and I felt unwanted. Many scenarios went through my head and I settled on slipping out early in the morning before he woke up. It was better than him telling me we were finished. I barely slept, which was nothing new and it kept the nightmares away.
Kisses traveling from my shoulder to my throat brought me from my haggard sleep. He ran his fingers through my hair, catching the tangles and moving my head so he kissed along my jaw. My pulse skyrocketed immediately and my craving for the touch he’d deprived me all night had me trembling. He pulled away just a bit while turning me so I could see his eyes.
Leisurely, his lips came down on mine. This kiss wasn’t punishing like the one on Monday morning. This claimed me. He fucked my mouth with his tongue, giving me this part of him that I yearned for. I didn’t realize I was crying until he moved away.
“Shh, sweet girl.” He wiped away a few of my tears. “You need to get up and shower. We have company coming.”
He must have seen my nervousness. The only clothes I had were the ones for Monday morning.
“Don’t worry, it’s Wade,” he said with a deceptively light smile.
My gut clenched. As the personal assistant to Krispin, the lead singer of Blood Rights, Wade had seen it all and probably done it all when it came to the band. He was two years younger than me with a knockout smile and a killer body. He was a fun D/s play partner and left the heavy sadism to Luke.
The previous time he came over to play, something in his demeanor changed. The look in his eyes was almost sad, but he acted his part. The problem was that he mentally wasn’t in the scene. At one point, as Luke used his short whip on the backs of my thighs, Wade came around the St. Andrew’s Cross I was secured to and wiped the tears from my face. I couldn’t fathom the look he gave me and he hadn’t played with us since.
Why was he coming today when Luke and I needed to talk? I couldn’t completely open up to Luke, but he needed to know my night terrors weren’t as bad with him in my life. Telling him something even that small had anxiety racing throughout my body. I could do it, though. Would do it in order to give us a chance.
I showered quickly and made a small breakfast for both of us. I didn’t mind cooking and Luke sometimes joined me. But he didn’t this morning. I couldn’t place my finger on it; he was still… off. There seemed to be a tightly coiled energy beneath the surface that held him aloft. The earlier kiss didn’t help my confusion.
We finished our meal and he helped me straighten the kitchen. No touching, when he usually had wandering, teasing hands in the morning. My anxiety increased.
I went to my room to prepare myself—brushing my teeth and combing my hair. I took a deep breath and straightened my shoulders. I walked to the playroom where Luke had told me to join him.
There was an out-of-place chair in the center of the room. Before I could kneel beside him, Luke directed me to the chair. I sat down and followed him with my eyes as he prepared for a scene. This was something else that was strange. He liked having most things in place before I entered. I watched his slow methodical movements, fascinated by seeing a different side of him while he worked on creating the scene.
The doorbell sounded.
“Stay put, I’ll be back shortly,” Luke said on his way out of the room.
A few moments later, I heard male voices, but couldn’t make out the words. They spoke for a while and though it felt like forever, it was probably closer to ten minutes.
I was surprised when Wade walked in first, completely naked. He looked at his feet, never giving me his normal sexy greeting. Walking straight to the corner, Wade dropped to his knees facing Luke, who followed behind him.
Shit… Wade was in full submissive role. After our threesomes, it never occurred to me that Wade was a switch. But looking now—every line of his body, the tilt of his head, and downward cast of his eyes—Wade submitted to Luke.
Luke ignored him, turning his attention to me. He went behind my chair, lifted my hair away from my neck, and placed a tender kiss on my shoulder. His whisper actually sounded loud in the silent room, “You have one job, girl… observe.” He released my hair and walked to Wade.
Luke’s fingers went into Wade’s dark hair forcing his head back. “Safeword?”
“Red.” The word was throaty and filled with longing.
That made Luke smile. “I may gag you. What would you like to use?”
“Give me something to release from my hand.” Wade’s voice was steady, while my heart rate increased.
“Any questions?”
“No, Luke.”
Luke told Wade to spread his legs before he walked away to grab something I couldn’t see from the top drawer of a cabinet. It turned out to be a cock cage. Just the sight of the metal contraption in Luke’s hands had me squirming. There were no sides to the chair, so my hands rested on my bare thighs. Luke gave me a stern look for my movement, so I dug my nails into the tops of my legs. I couldn’t help wondering what my part in this scene was.
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