Sawyer (Torey Hope: The Later Years #2)

by A. D. Ellis

  “Here Hayden, I saved you a seat.” Adam patted the chair next to him and winked at Hayden. Not one to ruffle easily, Hayden smiled with a nod and thanked Adam as he took his seat.

  The one chair left was next to Sawyer. Luke settled himself and instantly took an interest in his menu. It was clear he was attempting to avoid looking at Sawyer.

  “Hey. Good to see you. I’m glad you could come.” Sawyer spoke softly to Luke while he longed to wrap his hand around his neck and pull him in for a kiss.

  “Yeah, Katie said it was going to be a big group thing and I should come.” Luke seemed apprehensive about being around so many of Sawyer’s family and friends.

  Hayden, clearly charming and at ease with a large group, spoke to Katie, but made it feel as if he was speaking to all present. “Thank you very much for inviting me. Being new in town means I haven’t made a lot of friends. It can get lonely sitting at home.”

  Turning to Sawyer, Hayden spoke, “Feeling better today? Hope you got some rest after last night.”

  Adam’s eyes went round, Katie’s mouth dropped into an O, and Luke choked a bit on his water. Sawyer thanked his lucky stars when the waitress arrived to take drink orders.

  For three hours, through drinks and appetizers and shared desserts, Adam kept them all entertained with stories from college. He was a total nut, but deep down inside he had a good, albeit fragile, heart. Sawyer had figured out long ago that Adam dressed and acted and spoke the way he did because it helped to hide his hurt and his fears. Watching him spin stories and keep his family and friends laughing, Sawyer felt his heart warm. It was so nice to no longer have to hide his friend, dating history, sexuality. Everything felt right.

  Everything except the thick tension between himself, Luke, and Hayden.

  He excused himself to head to the restroom, partly because he’d had too many drinks, partly because he needed to escape the heated looks from Hayden and the electricity sparking between him and Luke.

  Flushing the urinal, he walked around the partition to the sink.

  Finding Hayden leaning against the sink almost stopped his heart.

  “Damn, man, you scared the shit out of me. I didn’t hear you come in.” Sawyer tried to avoid the look in Hayden’s eyes as he maneuvered around him to wash his hands.

  He felt the man’s heat against his side, his breath in his ear, before the words washed over him. “We don’t have anything exclusive, Sawyer. But I want that, I want to have you all to myself. He’s never going to come out, accept himself, accept you. With him it would be more hiding and pretending. With me, you could be yourself, have a future.” Hayden reached down and palmed the front of Sawyer’s jeans. “We are good together; we could be great together if you’d just let it happen.” Hayden turned to leave, but was met with Luke hesitantly coming in the door.

  Luke’s eyes traveled from a sultry Hayden to a flustered Sawyer.

  Hayden’s eyes flitted over Luke and glanced meaningfully at Sawyer.

  Sawyer ran his hands through his hair and squeezed his eyes shut.

  As Hayden left, Luke approached Sawyer slowly.

  “He likes you.” A statement.

  “Yeah. He does.” An admission.

  “And you like him?”

  Grabbing him around the waist, Sawyer quickly spun Luke around against the sink. “No. Damn, I wish I did like him the way he likes me. But, no. He’s my friend. I feel nothing for him romantically. Nothing like I feel for you.” Sawyer let his lips brush against Luke’s, lighter than a feather.

  Allowing the kiss to deepen momentarily, Luke clung to Sawyer’s shirt.

  “No, you promised, no more of this.” He shoved Sawyer backwards a bit. “He would be good for you. He’s very into you; he seems smart and stable; you guys could have a nice future.”

  “I promised no more kissing unless you wanted it to happen. The way your lips moved under mine tells me you definitely wanted that kiss.” Reaching up to cup his cheek, Sawyer whispered painfully, “And I don’t just want a nice future, I want you.”

  With heavy hearts and desire laden bodies, Luke and Sawyer separated reluctantly before their restroom rendezvous was interrupted.

  When they arrived back at the table, Hayden had said his goodbyes and headed out. Knowing looks filled the faces of most present, but no one mentioned the obvious.

  Luke did his best to avoid Sawyer’s eyes as he mumbled his quick goodbyes.

  Katie and Zoey headed out for dancing, and Adam begged to accompany them.

  The four remaining men paid their bills and headed out into the evening.

  “You guys want to play some Madden?” Zach asked.

  “Hell yeah, we haven’t played that forever. It’s about time I beat your asses.” Kendrick clapped them on the back.

  ***********

  They spread out over the living room, controllers in hand, and let the games begin.

  After about five minutes, Zach spoke over the volume of the game. “So, was it just me or did our sweet Sawyer have two men panting over him tonight?”

  Decker cracked a smile and winked at his brother. “Yeah, man. I thought Luke was going to spontaneously combust when he sat next to you. And the heat from Hayden’s eyes could have set the place on fire.”

  Sawyer just smirked, preparing for the razzing he knew was coming.

  “Yeah, I’m surprised the three of you could even walk with all the fiery steel between your legs after that restroom break.” Kendrick made a crude gesture at his crotch.

  The men laughed and fell silent to play the game for several more moments.

  “Oh yeah! Take that fuckers!” Kendrick stood and did a victory dance which consisted mostly of the middle finger, hip thrusts, and tongue wagging.

  Decker took a minute to text Katie. Zach, too, pulled out his phone.

  “Checkin’ on your girl, bro?” Kendrick asked.

  “Yeah…”, both Decker and Zach answered.

  When three sets of eyes zeroed in on him, Zach flushed. “I mean, I was just making sure Zoey and Katie were okay. I didn’t want them to drink too much and try to drive.” He stumbled around on words, “I didn’t mean it like she’s my girl…” He trailed off and excused himself quickly for the restroom.

  “There’s a story there, I can feel it.” Sawyer had a thoughtful look on his face.

  The men sat quietly for a moment as they chewed things over in their heads.

  “You mean to tell me you think Zach is doin’ our cousin?” Kendrick spoke loudly on purpose, knowing his cousin could hear him in the restroom.

  “She’s not really our cousin, fucker!” Zach yelled from the restroom.

  Kendrick laughed silently, rolling on the couch. “I love giving him a hard time.”

  Decker and Sawyer glanced at each other and then at Kendrick.

  “You seriously think there’s something between Zach and Zoey?” Decker seemed shocked.

  “Well, if you two would pull your heads out of your asses, or your dick from some guy’s ass as the case may be, you’d notice that those two are practically inseparable.” Kendrick sobered a bit.

  “They’ve always been close, so what’s different now?” Sawyer asked.

  “They’ve always been close, but now they share secret looks and heated stares. I don’t know what, if anything, has happened between them, but I think something is going down.” Kendrick spoke softly to the twins.

  As Zach returned from the restroom, Kendrick piped up, “Well, man, at least you let Sawyer drop his gay bomb before you told the family you want to fuck your cousin. Maybe your announcement won’t seem so bad after Sawyer’s.” Sticking his tongue out crudely, Kendrick laughed and dodged the fist Zach halfheartedly pounded on his arm.

  “She’s not my fucking cousin, man. Let it go.” Zach gritted his teeth.

  “No, but she could be your fucking cousin. Get it? Because you want to…” Kendrick ran out of the room toward the kitchen laughing hysterically as Zach threw a pillow at him.
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br />   As the four met up in the kitchen, Decker spoke with a glint of humor in his eyes. “Well, looks like I’m the only one with a good thing going in my love life right now.”

  When the other three sobered and scowled at him, he continued, “Sawyer is in his own little love triangle, fighting Hayden’s advances and Luke’s non-interest. Zach wants to hook up with the girl we’ve known as a cousin our entire life. And Kendrick needs to be checked weekly for STDs based on the number of girls he’s sleeping with.” Nodding his head, trying not to laugh at the looks on their faces, Decker was smug as he purposely pushed buttons.

  All three spoke at once.

  “It’s more complicated than that…”

  “She’s not actually related to us, and no one said anything about hooking up…”

  “Hey, I always wrap it before I tap it. Gotta protect the goods…”

  Decker couldn’t help but laugh as his brother and cousins defended themselves. He sat at the kitchen table and gestured that the others should do the same.

  “Okay, where should we start? I’m not sure there’s any fixing Kendrick.” Decker rolled his eyes in his cousin’s direction. “Zach? Want to talk about anything?”

  “Nothin’ to talk about. Zoey’s my friend. End of story.” Zach sulked defensively.

  “Let us recall not long ago that I walked in on you and Zoey in a fairly intimate embrace. I wasn’t thinking clearly at the time, and I’d forgotten about it until just now, but that hug looked more than just friendly.” Decker stopped talking and looked at Zach pointedly.

  As if he’d forgotten Decker had seen him with Zoey in the gym, Zach chewed the inside of his cheek. “Now’s not the time to talk about it. Maybe I can and will sometime soon, just not now. Can we let it go?”

  “For now, we can let it go because I think we’ve got a much more pressing matter at hand.” Decker turned his eyes toward Sawyer.

  “Yeah, but just who’s hand is pressing and where? I believe that is the real question.” Kendrick winked and chuckled at his own joke.

  Running his hands through his hair, Sawyer sighed. “Do you guys want the whole story or the shortened one?”

  “Start with the short one, then we’ll decide if we need the long one.” Kendrick waited for Sawyer to begin.

  “Hayden likes me, I don’t feel it. I want Luke, he wants me, but swears it can never happen.” Sawyer looked at the other men expectantly.

  “Elaborate.” Decker issued the command softly.

  “Hayden is perfect, attractive, nice, successful, stable, ready to commit, in it for the long haul.” Sawyer listed the man’s attributes.

  “Damn, I almost want to date him,” Kendrick laughed. “What’s the problem then?”

  “There’s no spark, no heat, no desire.” Sawyer held his hand up before anyone could speak. “And before you go there, I knew this long before Luke was in the picture.”

  “Correct me if I’m wrong, bro, but hasn’t Hayden spent some time here with you and you with him at his place? How serious is it?” Decker questioned.

  “If by serious you mean physical, it’s pretty much as serious as two guys can get. If by serious you mean emotional, that’s a one-sided relationship, at least in my mind.” Sawyer spoke bluntly, but saw the unspoken question on their faces. “I know, I know, I have to tell Hayden. It’s not fair that I’ve used him or strung him along. I just don’t want to hurt him.”

  “If Luke packed up and moved to Timbuktu, would you want something with Hayden?” Zach asked.

  “No, like I said, even before Luke, I felt nothing but platonic feelings toward Hayden.” Sawyer shook his head as he spoke.

  “Yeah, man, you really need to be fair to him. I know you’ve had a lot going on, and I’m sure having Hayden to turn to was comforting, but you can’t let it go on any longer.” Decker reasoned with him.

  “I know. I’ll talk to him. Soon.”

  “So, what’s up with Luke?” Kendrick asked.

  “Everything. It’s all up in the air, unlabeled, disorganized, and messy.” Sawyer rubbed a hand over his face. “We’ve kissed a few times. He is totally into me, except that I’m a guy and he can’t be with men. Or so he says. I’ve still not gotten him to talk about his past very much. I don’t even think he’s afraid of coming out or being seen in public with me, I think it has more to do with something his dad and brothers said or did, but mostly it’s about the promise to his mom.”

  “Well, if you’re in this for real, you’ve got to be patient. Be his friend, take him on dates without him realizing they’re dates, don’t let him get away without worming your way into his heart. But, Sawyer, I think you may have to realize that sometimes people never overcome their pasts.” Kendrick spoke softly and sincerely.

  “A date without knowing it’s a date? How do I do…Wait! I think I have an idea. Thanks guys, I need to make some plans.” Sawyer popped up from his chair and headed to his room.

  Chapter 14

  After a fitful night’s sleep and an uneventful day at work, Sawyer stood apprehensively on Hayden’s front step. He knew what he had to do, but he feared losing a friend.

  “Sawyer, what a nice surprise, come in.” Hayden was still in his business shirt and dress pants, his tie loosened around his neck.

  “Sorry to just show up like this. I didn’t even give you time to relax after work.” Sawyer stood nervously at the doorway, not sure if he should stay standing or sit down.

  “Nonsense, I’m always happy to see you. Go have a seat, I’ll get us drinks. I actually wanted to talk to you about something.” Hayden’s face flashed a hint of regret before he disappeared into the kitchen.

  Taking a seat on the chair closest to the couch, Sawyer wiped his palms on his jeans.

  Hayden appeared with iced teas and sat on the couch, close enough so their knees bumped.

  “Hayden, I need to talk to you…” Sawyer began, but he was interrupted by his friend.

  “No, wait, Sawyer, let me talk first.” Hayden took a deep swallow of his tea as if to calm his nerves and build his strength.

  “I need to apologize for the scene I made in the restroom.” Hayden reached for Sawyer’s hand and held it as he continued. “I found myself in the awkward position of being extremely jealous of Luke and not knowing exactly how to handle it. I acted rude, possessive, and condescending towards your relationship with him, and for that I’m truly sorry. I’m not that type of person. I think I saw my hopes of something deeper happening with you being dashed as soon as I saw the way you and Luke looked at each other, and I was desperately grasping at straws to salvage what may have been left of us.”

  “Hayden…” Sawyer started, but he was stopped.

  “Wait, let me finish. I’ve known from the first day we met that there wasn’t really a chemistry between us. You’re extremely attractive and a great guy, but we don’t have that spark. I’m willing to forgo the spark for a comfortable friendship and solid future.” Hayden paused and Sawyer tried quickly to think of a response to let him down gently.

  “But, then I saw the fire in your eyes when Luke walked into the room and took his seat beside you. I could never compete with that fire, and I’d never want to hold you back from experiencing a relationship like that.” Hayden took a deep breath, “So, basically what I’m saying is I think we should just be friends. And as your friend, I think you should not let go of whatever you have with Luke.”

  Sawyer’s eyes stung with unshed tears. He dropped his head. Looking back up at Hayden, Sawyer took their joined hands and brought them to his lips. Kissing Hayden’s skin lightly, he spoke, “Hayden, that’s possibly the sweetest, most selfless thing anyone has ever done for me. Thank you.”

  Leaning in to kiss Hayden’s cheek, Sawyer sat back and smiled, “You deserve that fire in a relationship too. I hope someday, when you’re least expecting it, you’ll find it.”

  Finishing their tea over random small talk, the men smiled warmly at one another.

  “I better be hea
ding out. I have a secret date I’m attempting to sneak in on a certain martial arts instructor tomorrow.” Sawyer smiled.

  Hayden’s broad smile lit up his face, “Well, I have to say he’s a pretty lucky guy, even if he doesn’t realize it just yet. Have fun, you deserve it.”

  Hayden reached out a hand to shake, but Sawyer pulled him into a hug. “Thanks again, man. You are a total class-act.”

  ***********

  Sawyer made himself wait as long as possible the next morning before bounding out of bed and heading to Luke’s. It was a Saturday and the place he wanted to take him wasn’t open until 10:00 a.m.

  Forcing himself to walk at a normal pace, Sawyer checked his clothes again. He’d purposely dressed casually, both because the location they were headed called for it and he didn’t want to appear too date-like. The faded jeans, soft t-shirt, and simple tennis shoes made him feel relaxed and comfortable, but inside, his heart was beating a mile a minute.

  What if he’s not home? What if you can’t get him to leave the house with you? What if he balks when we get there? The thoughts hummed around Sawyer’s head like racecars around a track.

  Taking a deep breath to calm his nerves, Sawyer knocked on the door.

  A still-sleepy Luke, dressed only in low-slung sweatpants greeted him several moments later with a confused look on his gorgeous face.

  “Sawyer? Um, good morning?”

  The two men stood stock-still, their eyes voraciously traveling from head to toe, breathing and heart beats ramping up several notches.

  Shaking himself from his trance, Sawyer silently chastised himself, You’re here to show him a nice day, not to show him you’re barely more than a hormonal teen.

  “Mornin’. Hope I didn’t wake you…” Sawyer hedged at an apology if one was needed.

  “Nah, man, I was up, just hadn’t gotten out of bed yet.”

  The image of Luke tangled in sheets, quickly pulling on sweats and nothing more when he heard the knock at the door, made Sawyer’s mouth go dry.

  “So, listen, I have some errands to run today and wanted to know if you wanted to tag along. Thought it might be a good way to see the town and get out of the house.” Sawyer put the invitation out there and silently begged Luke to accept.