by A. D. Ellis
“No can do, bro. I’ve got a hot date and even hotter plans for after that date. I won’t be home until the wee hours. Enjoy your games. Be sure to use your joystick safely.” Kendrick threw his head back and laughed.
Sawyer looked around at the group of men, “Are these all legit plans or are you just making them up so Luke and I will be alone? I mean, I really did invite him over for video games, so you all don’t have to leave on our account.” He wasn’t sure whether to be upset the guys weren’t going to be there to keep things light, or excited that he’d have Luke all to himself.
After the other three convinced him they truly had previous plans, he walked the short distance across town to his house, his mind churning the whole time. By the time he’d reached the house, he had a plan. Pulling out his phone, he called Decker and Zoey to be sure all of Luke’s classes would be covered and to let Decker know he and Luke were each taking the next day off.
“Really, bro? You’ve never taken a day off this spontaneously. Everything okay?” Decker asked sincerely, but Sawyer could hear the smile in his voice.
“Yeah, man. I just hope I can get Luke to agree to it.” Sawyer smiled as his plan grew in his head.
He ran through his plan once more as he straightened the place up, and then sat down to wait on Luke. He’d get Luke to agree to the plans for the next day, make him promise to go with him, and then see where the night took them.
A slight knock on the door pulled him from his thoughts. Swinging the door open, he stepped back so Luke could enter.
Trying to gauge Luke’s mood, he leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek.
“Hi.” He smiled at Luke.
Luke grinned and shook his head as if laughing at himself for being nervous.
“Hi to you, too.”
“So, I guess I didn’t plan this very well. My brother and cousins all had something else going on this evening and won’t be back until late or at all. So, we’ve got video games on our own all night.”
When Luke glanced at the game choices, Sawyer continued. “So, what’s it going to be?”
They decided on a racing game and spent the next hour shouting and smack talking and laughing as they competed against each other. When they tired of the racing, Sawyer grinned mischievously and popped in a dancing game. Between the two of them, they had quite a few dancing skills and battled it out for over an hour before collapsing on the couch sweaty and tired.
“Man, I need a shower. You’re pretty much my size, you can shower and borrow some clothes. Then we’ll order some pizza for dinner and figure out what else we want to do.” Sawyer spoke the words before he realized they could be taken in a suggestive way. “I mean, like a movie or something.”
Luke smiled, “I knew what you meant.”
“Hey, before we get cleaned up, I wanted to ask you something.”
Luke turned around and faced Sawyer, “Sure, what’s up?”
“So, there’s a new aquarium in the next town over. It opened this weekend. I was wondering if you’d like to take the day off work and go with me tomorrow.” Sawyer saw the look of hesitation pass over Luke’s face.
“I’ve already cleared it with Decker. Zoey’s got your classes covered, and I’m sure Zach will be there to help her out.” Sawyer closed the space between them, whispering softly in Luke’s ear, “Come on, you know you want to.”
Chuckling, Luke just shook his head. “How can I argue with that? Okay, sure, I’ll go with you tomorrow. Sounds fun.”
They headed up the stairs. Sawyer showed Luke to the bathroom and let him take a shower first. Tossing a change of clothes on the bathroom counter, Sawyer willed himself not to let his eyes wander to the frosted glass shower door.
When Luke exited, Sawyer quickly jumped in the shower and spent about five minutes letting the cool water take his breath away as he attempted to calm himself down.
When the pizza arrived, he gathered up plates, napkins, and drinks and carried them to his room. “All my movies are up here. Settle in.” He motioned to the bed.
If Luke was hesitant, it didn’t show. He plopped down on the bed and grabbed two slices of pizza. They laughed and chatted and watched the local news while they ate. The connection and comfortableness between them felt as if it had been there forever rather than just the short amount of time they’d known each other.
“So, I really wish you’d come to lunch today. Not as my boyfriend or anything, yet, but just because it’s fun, and my family would love you.” Sawyer spoke as he cleared up their dinner mess.
When Sawyer began thumbing through his movies, he heard Luke take a deep breath and mumble something to himself. Turning around, he questioned, “What?”
Shaking his head, closing his eyes, and breathing for what appeared to be a count of ten, Luke finally spoke. “Hear me out, okay? If I don’t get to say everything, I may never say it.”
The two men sat on the edge of the bed facing each other.
“So, I’m not completely ready to tell you about my past. Let’s sum it up to say that my dad and brothers said and did some horrible things to me and made me ashamed of who I am. I swore to myself I’d never let their words be true. I promised my mom I’d never let them win. But, talking to your uncle the other day, he made me seriously stop and think.” Luke paused for a moment.
“Yeah, Uncle Nicky can do that to you.” Sawyer smiled encouragingly.
“So, he made me stop and think about the fact that if I’m miserable and lonely, they still win.” Luke shook his head, like his was trying to solve a puzzle in his mind. “That’s a thought which has always been in the back of my head, but hearing someone else say it made it more believable.”
Sawyer nodded understandingly. He knew Luke needed to talk, and he was just there to listen for the time being.
“I’m not ready to do certain things with you, physically, but I think I’m ready for other things. I want to be with you. Tonight.” Luke turned hopeful eyes toward Sawyer. “If you’ll let things move at my pace and only what I can handle.”
Sawyer reached a hand up and cupped Luke’s cheek. “We can do as little or as much as you want. Anything you want to try, I’m yours.” Leaning in, he kissed him softly.
The kiss deepened until Sawyer found himself on his knees in front of a still seated Luke. Fingers in the waist band of the sweats he’d loaned him, Sawyer’s eyes questioned Luke. At the nod of his head, Sawyer pulled the pants down and swore when he saw Luke wasn’t wearing anything underneath.
“You didn’t give me any underwear, and I didn’t want to put the other pair back on.” Luke smirked.
“No worries, it would have just been another layer to get through.” Leaning down, without giving Luke a chance to think about things, Sawyer drew him into his mouth.
Luke leaned back on his arms and hissed as Sawyer’s heat engulfed him.
While Sawyer would have continued until the end, Luke pushed at him and then pulled on his shoulders to get Sawyer up on the bed. “Can I…I mean, if you’re okay with it, I’d like to…” Luke flushed and stuttered over his words.
Sawyer smiled sympathetically.
“Sorry, I’m totally new to all of this. I’ve had sex with a couple girls, but I’ve never been with a guy, even though it was always guys I was thinking about when I was with girls. I want to have sex with you, but I need to be the top.” A look of panic and pain crossed Luke’s face, “I just can’t do bottom, and I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to.”
“Baby, you can top me every single time.” Sawyer drew him in for a rough kiss. “But, I need to know you are really ready for this. You just let me give you a blow job, and now you’re wanting to have sex with me. Last week, even just yesterday, you were vehement about never being able to act on your attraction to me.” Sawyer paused to give Luke a chance to answer.
“I don’t know how to explain it, and I can’t promise I’ll not freak out during or after, but I just know I am so drawn to you I can’t keep fighting it any lo
nger. I have to at least give it a shot.”
Sawyer hesitated, “Luke, I want to help you work through things, but I also want to be more than an experiment.” His eyes begged Luke to correct him.
“I don’t mean it like that. I’ve always pushed aside my feelings towards men. I’ve never allowed kissing or touching let alone the things we’ve done. Sex with women wasn’t satisfying, but it was expected, so I let it happen occasionally to keep up appearances.” Luke leaned in and kissed him. “I’ve tried pushing my feelings aside this time, but they’re too strong. I think there are things we can do together that will allow me to feel, but keep the painful memories at bay.”
“Okay, Luke, I’ll let this happen for now because it would probably kill me to tell you no. But, I need you to know that I’m going to keep at you to tell me about your past. I need to know what I’m up against, so I can figure out ways to help you fight through it.” Kissing Luke gently, he continued, “But, for now, let’s save the talking for later.” He smiled and laid back on the bed.
Luke joined him on the bed, propped on his elbow.
“Now that we’ve decided what to do, I feel like I want to savor the moment.” Luke smiled.
“How ‘bout we savor the moment and each other? Take off your clothes.” Sawyer commanded as he stripped his own shirt and pants quickly, and watched as Luke followed.
Aligning their bodies, they both breathed deeply and let the heat and desire overtake them.
Reaching down between them, Sawyer grasped Luke’s length and his own, rubbing them together and letting the friction increase the heat.
When Luke pulled back abruptly, Sawyer looked at him with concern.
“Sorry, there’s a very good chance this isn’t going to last very long to begin with, and it was going to be over before it even started if I let you keep doing that.” Luke smiled sheepishly.
“Condoms and lube are in the drawer.” Sawyer nodded his head in the direction of the bedside table.
“Wow, always prepared huh?” Luke appeared to be slightly hurt.
“They’ve only been in there since I met you. Until then, I kept one in my pocket for ‘just in case’, but that’s all.” Sawyer kissed Luke’s nose.
“Do you think, for now or at least until I’m more comfortable with it, we can skip any finger or tongue foreplay?” Luke asked.
“Yeah, that’s fine.” Sawyer leaned in and whispered in Luke’s ear, “But it can be all sorts of fun. Maybe someday.”
Sawyer stroked his hand up and down Luke’s length a couple times before rolling on the condom. Handing the bottle to Luke, he watched as the man coated himself and then dribbled the liquid on Sawyer.
“Are you going to stay on your back like this?” Luke looked uncertain.
“Yeah, I want to be able to see your face.” Sawyer brought his feet up the mattress and bent his knees.
As Luke aligned himself with Sawyer’s body he closed his eyes and inched in slowly.
Sawyer pushed against him, and ordered, “Open your eyes, look at me.”
Luke panted as he fought against the heat threatening to end things too soon. Opening his eyes, Sawyer saw Luke glance down at their joining. He also saw the tears pooling in his eyes.
“You okay? We can stop.” Sawyer laid his hands gently on Luke’s shoulders.
“No, I’m good. It’s just a little overwhelming to see and feel something I’ve been longing for my whole life.” Luke spoke through gritted teeth.
With that admission, Sawyer choked out in desperation, “Then move, Luke. I need to feel you move.”
Stroke after long, slow stroke, Luke could take no more. Just as Sawyer encouraged his body to unleash, Luke shuddered and pushed deep inside one last time.
Sawyer gathered Luke in his arms when the other man collapsed on top of him.
“Sorry that was over so quickly. I guess I should have been working on some stamina.” Luke hid his face in Sawyer’s neck.
“I told you to never be sorry for what we do together.” Sawyer gripped Luke’s chin and forced their eyes to connect. “It was perfect and beautiful, and I feel so lucky that I got to share it with you.”
Several moments later, Sawyer stirred to take his second shower of the night.
Exiting the bathroom, he spoke to Luke, “Shower’s all yours. It’s not too late, we can go ahead and start that movie now if you want.”
He stopped short as he entered his empty room. Walking to the bed, staring at the piece of notebook paper as if it were a viper ready to strike him dead, his knees buckled, and he dropped to the floor.
Dear Sawyer,
I’m not running away. I just need some time to sort some things out. I thought if I only let you put your mouth on me, and I was always the top, I could make this work. But, after tonight, I know in my heart it won’t be enough. I need to work through my past. When I come back, I’ll tell you all about it, and we can hopefully see where this thing is heading.
Please don’t be mad that I left. I wanted nothing more than to spend the night with you, but the next time we share a bed, I don’t want my past to be sharing it too.
Can I get a raincheck on the aquarium?
Love,
Luke
Sawyer panted heavily as he read the letter through three more times. He’s not leaving you; he wants to work this out, just give him some time.
Rubbing a hand over his face roughly he blew out a deep breath. “Damn it, Luke, I just wish you would let me help you work it out.” His words echoed in the empty room.
***********
Walking into work the next day, the look on Sawyer’s face made it evident to everyone he met that they should steer clear of him. Everyone but his twin and cousins.
When he grabbed his lunch and stalked into his office, planning to eat alone, he rolled his eyes and groaned as the three of them followed in behind him and shut the door.
“Please, please. Come on in. Have a seat. I was really hoping you’d come butt into my personal life today.” Sawyer spoke sarcastically.
“Dude, you slept alone last night. Luke’s not here; you’re here when you asked for the day off, and your face spells Fuck Off. What happened?” Kendrick asked.
Rubbing a hand over his face, Sawyer sighed, “I don’t know. Things went from zero to sixty last night. One minute we’re playing games, dancing, eating pizza, the next minute I’m flat on my back having sex with him. By his choice I might add.” When he stopped, he had to laugh at the look of shock on their faces.
“But, after I took a shower, I found this letter.” He waved it in front of them enticingly.
Decker grabbed at it and they all read it.
“Man, I don’t think this is a bad thing.” Zach pointed to the letter, “It sounds like he wants to make something work with you.”
“Yeah, man, I agree. So why such a pissy attitude?” Kendrick pressed.
“I don’t know. I guess having him sneak out hurt. And knowing he’s probably going to have to go through some bad memories to work out his past, it just worries me. I want to be there to help him through it all.” Sawyer closed his eyes and laid his head on the back of the chair.
“Luke’s used to doing things on his own. Let him do what he needs to do. When he comes back, maybe you can help him get used to having someone around to turn to.” Decker and the other two stood to leave. “Enjoy your lunch, bro. Let us know if we can help in any way.”
Sawyer was left to his solitary lunch, but he didn’t feel much like eating.
Chapter 15
Luke had been gone for almost a week. The annual community meeting was scheduled for that evening. Sawyer brooded for over an hour trying to come up with a legitimate excuse not to attend. The Center+ had been having community meetings for several years as a way to pull the citizens of Torey Hope in and let them see the variety of programs being offered. But The Center+ also held these meetings so they could hear what the town wanted or needed. Sawyer had never minded the meetings before, alt
hough he’d not attended one in four years, but his bad mood over Luke taking off didn’t bode well for the evening.
“No way, fucker, I see what’s going through that head of yours. You’re trying to weasel out of the meeting tonight. You’re not going to use the heartache card, or the too busy card. Hell, you got laid, you should be bouncing off the walls. He’ll come back. Now, get your ass off the couch, you’re going to the meeting.” Kendrick spoke most of this diatribe while fixing a sandwich in the kitchen which meant both Decker and Zach also heard it.
“He’s right, man. You can’t skip the meeting. We need to present a united front now that we’re back in town and running things more at The Center+.” Decker tossed his brother’s shoes on the floor beside the couch. “Get up.”
“Yeah, at least you’re having sex. If anyone should be grumpy, it should be me.” Zach grumbled as he inhaled the cold pizza he’d grabbed from the fridge.
Loading up in Zach’s truck, the four men headed to The Center+.
“Looks like a good-sized crowd tonight.” Decker mused as they pulled into the parking lot. “I do wish Luke was here so we could introduce him to the town.”
When they walked inside they were greeted with hugs and smiles from many of Torey Hope’s townsfolk. Most of the people were milling about munching on cookies and sipping punch while they waited for the meeting to start.
Nate and Jeremiah started the meeting several moments later. A slideshow presenting both new and old programs being offered was shown. New staff members were personally introduced or their picture at least shown on the screen. Sawyer’s heart squeezed when he saw Luke’s picture appear.
Zach and Zoey talked about the new fitness classes and took questions. Kyle smiled broadly at Josie as she and Sawyer presented the new painting techniques they planned to teach. Sawyer and Katie, along with Zach and Zoey, showed some of the new dance moves which would be taught during the dance classes. Libby and Audrey laid out the curriculum planned for the year along with what community parties were already scheduled onto the calendar.