Sawyer (Torey Hope: The Later Years #2)

by A. D. Ellis

  Ms. Ellis met her husband in college in 1996 and they married in June of 2000. She lives in a south side suburb of Indianapolis, Indiana with her husband, two school-aged children, and a hyperactive Yorkie named Snickers. When she’s not reading or writing with music blaring, she can be found shopping at thrift stores, reading to her children, and sweating at the gym.

  A.D. began her writing journey in October 2013; she is grateful for the friends and support she’s found along the way.

  Please connect with A.D. Ellis on Facebook. www.facebook.com/adellisauthor

  Find A.D.’s author page on Amazon www.amazon.com/author/adellis

  Acknowledgements

  This is always one of the hardest parts of finishing a book, but quite possibly the most important part! It’s so hard because I fear I’ll miss someone who has helped me out, supported me, been a listening ear, or offered advice and encouragement. If I miss listing your name here, please know it wasn’t on purpose, and I love you dearly!

  To my editor, Stephanne, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your sharp eyes and constant professionalism. You were a gift to me over 10 years ago, and you continue to be a blessing.

  To my friend, fellow author, and cover designer, Andrea Michelle at Artistry in Design. Thank you for taking my vision and bringing it to life through your design. I love you!

  To my dear beta readers. Your input, feedback, and encouragement has proven invaluable to me! I truly trust you all and value your opinions more than you’ll probably ever understand.

  To my street team/pimpers. Those of you who list me in contests and comments and shout outs all the time, you’re amazing and I love you for always working to get my name out there! If I start naming people here, I’ll be sure to miss some; just know if you’ve ever shared my name or my books, it means the world to me and I appreciate you more than you’ll ever know!

  To my READERS!! Without you, there would have never been a third book, let alone a sixth book! Thank you for loving Torey Hope and the characters as much as I do; knowing you are looking forward to another book is a lot of what keeps me writing some days. As long as these stories are in my head, I’ll keep sharing them with you.

  To the BLOGGERS who read and review and share my books!! You are beyond a shadow of a doubt some of the most dedicated and selfless people I’ve ever known! Thank you so much for being such a support to those of us who have stories to tell. I love BLOGGERS!

  To my girls at The Indie Erogenous Zone. You are beyond fellow authors, you’re my support, my heart, my friends. There have been days I wanted to give up, but I had you to turn to; days when a bad review breaks my heart, but I talk it out with you. I truly consider you all my close friends and I wouldn’t want to be facing this crazy journey without you! IEZ4Life! T&F girls!

  To my Juice Box ladies! Thank you so much for welcoming me into your crew and sharing your knowledge, experience, advice, and fun with me! Having some real-life authors/friends I can collaborate with is a great feeling. Dance parties, lunches, movies, videos, wine, painting, pizza…the list goes on and on! Thank you for letting me be a Juice Boxer!

  To my fellow authors. Those of you who read my work, share your work with me, cross-promote with me, and offer advice and support, THANK YOU! You make this a little easier and enjoyable.

  I’ve already mentioned these two people, but they deserve another shout out. Renee, thank you first for reading For Nicky and contacting me to let me know you loved the story. And thank you for introducing me to Brett. Last, but certainly not least, thank you for your friendship. Girl, if I ever get to your area, I will soooo crash on your couch!

  Brett, this book came alive because of your input and feedback. I had the story in my head, but you helped me clear out misconceptions and preconceived notions so that Sawyer’s story could be the most honest and realistic possible. Plus, you made me laugh and taught me quite a lot along the way. Thank you for your friendship. My wish for you is hope, happiness, and love. (And don’t think you’re getting out of our fun and games at a certain convention in a summer or two.)

  To my family and friends. I know most of you don’t understand my obsession with getting these stories out of my head and on paper, but you’re proud of me either way. Some of you get to read my books, some of you get to see cover ideas, some of you have to watch me lose myself in a story, some of you have to hear me vent about the hard parts of all of this; all of you love me and support me and for that, I am truly lucky and grateful.

  Connect with A.D. Ellis

  Follow my Amazon author page for updates http://www.amazon.com/author/adellis or find me on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/adellisauthor

  If you want to get updates about releases, interviews, sales, giveaways, and more please sign up for my newsletter bit.ly/EllisNewsletter

  You can also find me on Twitter http://www.twitter.com/ADEllisAuthor

  Find me on Spotify if you’d like to listen to the playlist for this book (mainly just the songs I listened to while writing) or any of my other books. Just search for A.D. Ellis.

  Get to Know Sawyer

  Sawyer Answers Proust Questions (Sawyer answered these at the beginning of his story, so some things may have changed by the time he reached his happy ever after.)

  35 Questions Made Famous by Marcel Proust

  What is your idea of perfect happiness? Love and acceptance.

  What is your greatest fear? Rejection and hurting my family.

  What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? Cowardness, not being true to myself, lying/hiding

  What is the trait you most deplore in others? Judgement, pointing fingers, discrimination, acting as if their sins aren’t as bad as others’ sins

  Which living person do you most admire? There are many people I admire, but I have a friend I admire most for overcoming fears/obstacles/judgement and being true to himself. It took him a long time to come to grips with his story, but once he did, he grabbed life by the horns and is living it to its fullest.

  What is your greatest extravagance? I’m a pretty simple guy. I don’t go overboard with material things in general. I love my Honda S2000, and I am pretty attached to my phone. I will say that art supplies for painting and sculpting are probably one thing I may consider an extravagance.

  What is your current state of mind? Currently, I’m feeling frustrated and confused and pulled in different directions. I have decisions to make and they are big ones.

  What do you consider the most overrated virtue? To be honest, I had to look up a list of virtues to answer this one. Going through the list there are so many important virtues, but I think the two most people can get along without are “tact” and “orderliness.” For example, my cousin Kendrick has absolutely no tact and he’s not the most orderly person in the world, but you’ll never find a more genuine and loyal person.

  On what occasion do you lie? *hangs head, ashamed* I lie every day. Every damn day. To myself, to my family, to the world.

  What do you most dislike about your appearance? I don’t really think about my appearance that much. I guess on some occasions I wish my brother and I weren’t exact replicas of each other, but overall I’m happy with my appearance.

  Which living person do you most despise? In general, I despise mean/hurtful people. In my own life, I despise myself a lot of the time.

  What is the quality you most like in a man? Loyalty, sense of humor, acceptance. I admire men who are creative, who are true to themselves, who have confidence.

  What is the quality you most like in a woman? My best friend, Katie is the perfect example of what I admire in a woman. True beauty inside, funny, spunky, confident, intelligent. No wonder she has my brother totally wrapped around her little finger and head-over-heels in love.

  Which words or phrases do you most overuse? Probably “shut up;” I find myself telling my cousins and my brother that a lot. And I probably use “fuck” more than my momma would like.

  What or who is the greatest love of your l
ife? My family, hands down, no questions asked. I have a large family and there have been ups and downs, but they are the most important part of my life. No matter people who come and go, my family will always be there for me. *Hangs head, muttering, ‘So I guess I should listen to my own words and trust them.’

  When and where were you happiest? Probably from ages 8-12; that was such a simple time. I was old enough for some freedoms like riding bikes around the block with my brother or walking to the park with my brother and cousins, but it was before things got real and hard and confusing and scary.

  Which talent would you most like to have? I enjoy painting, sculpting, dancing, theater; I wouldn’t say I’m an expert at those things, but I’m pretty decent. I’m going to get a little crazy here and say I want my talent to be predicting the future. Man, that would come in so handy.

  If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? My inability to be honest with myself and my family. I want to be true to myself and be proud, but I’m afraid of hurting my family.

  What do you consider your greatest achievement? Graduating college and coming back to Torey Hope to expand The Center+ like my brother and cousins and I have planned since we were younger. I’m really proud of what we’ve done to The Center+ and the plans we still have for it.

  If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be? I’m not sure, right now I’m not even always sure I want to be ME, let alone another person or thing.

  Where would you most like to live? Nowhere else but Torey Hope. It’s my home, my heart, my anchor. But, if my family were to move away from here, I’d have to follow them because THEY are what make Torey Hope home.

  What is your most treasured possession? I consider The Center+ as a possession since we co-own it and work there and have expanded it so much, so I’d say that is what I treasure most if we’re talking material things.

  What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? Self-loathing, a black hole of uncertainty, fear of rejection, fear of the unknown, loss of love, loneliness.

  What is your favourite occupation? I’m Director of Arts at The Center+ and I really enjoy what I do. I’m in charge of setting up art programs such as painting, sculpting, music, dance, theater. I’ve just recently been working on setting up a martial arts program which would overlap the arts curriculum with the physical fitness programs we run.

  What is your most marked characteristic? Like a physical characteristic? I’ve been told my eyes are pretty striking.

  What do you most value in your friends? Loyalty, acceptance, sense of humor.

  Who are your favourite writers? I don’t read as much as I should; I find myself gravitating more towards my art hobbies when I have some down time. But, I took a class in college where we had to read several books by Upton Sinclair. I enjoyed the books; my favorite was The Jungle.

  Who is your hero of fiction? I’m going to go with Indiana Jones. My parents used to set up Movie Night for myself, Decker, and our cousins and the Indiana Jones movies were favorites when we were about 14. I remember that at first we balked at the idea of watching “old movies”, but they were really good. I think every young kid, especially boys, dreams of the adventures Indiana Jones got to have.

  Which historical figure do you most identify with? I don’t really know about that one.

  Who are your heroes in real life? My grandfather, the captain, for serving our country and overcoming a lot of adversity. My parents because they went through something that could have destroyed them, but they worked through it and it made them stronger. My Aunt Audrey because she lived a nightmare when she was a young girl, but she overcame her demons and made amends for the way she treated others.

  What are your favourite names? My favorite names? That’s a strange question. I like the names of my family and friends. There are two names I’m particularly fond of at the moment, but it’s part of my frustrating confusion so I’m not ready to mention them.

  What is it that you most dislike? Dishonesty, judgement/discrimination/hate, fear.

  What is your greatest regret? Not being honest when I had the chance.

  How would you like to die? This is a hard question for me right now due to some personal reasons, but most days I’d say I want to die naturally with my heart and mind happy and free of lies and secrets.

  What is your motto? I want it to be, “Be true to yourself;” I’m not living it yet, but I’m working on it.

  Notes

  In case you missed my statement earlier in the book, I wanted to be sure it was mentioned again: Sadly, I am very well aware, as I’m sure many readers are, that a large number of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered people are not met with love, support, or acceptance. Sawyer, along with many of his gay friends, deal with discrimination, misconceptions, fear, and hatred throughout the book. The way this story played out came completely from Sawyer and the other characters, I just wrote the story they wanted to tell. It may be a much rougher story than the ones some readers have heard or experienced; it may be a much happier version of what some readers have heard or lived through. But, either way, it’s a realistic story focusing on acceptance, hope, and love.

  If you or someone you love need information or support in issues surrounding sexuality, please connect with one of the many organizations available to assist. Here are two such organizations:

  PFLAG http://community.pflag.org/getsupport

  GLBT National Help Center http://www.glbthotline.org/

  If you would like to keep up with new releases, sales, giveaways, and more please sign up for my newsletter. bit.ly/EllisNewsletter

  Excerpts from other Torey Hope Novels

  (These books are the beginning of the Torey Hope books. The parents and grandparents in Decker are the main characters in these earlier books.)

  A Torey Hope Novel Series starts with For Nicky. Meet and fall in love with Nate and Nicky Morgan, twin brothers. Find For Nicky here: http://bit.ly/NickyAmazon

  “Hey, Audrey, what’s up? Come in.” Audrey smiles, which seems a little fake, and comes on in. She’s dressed to the nines as usual. Heels, tight skirt, tighter shirt, hair styled much bigger than you’d think is possible. I can smell her perfume and hairspray as she walks past me. Who dresses like this for a normal day? Audrey does, obviously. She looks me up and down. “Are you going somewhere, Beth?”

  I tell her I have a date. She looks pissed for a moment, then gives me a smile that doesn’t even begin to reach her eyes, and says, “Oh, that’s nice. Who’s the poor shmuck?”

  Obviously, she’s baiting me, but I don’t think quickly enough and I just reply, “Nathaniel Morgan.”

  Audrey rolls her eyes. “Beth, sweetie, I’m going to try to say this in the nicest/sisterly love type of way. But, Nathan Morgan is way out of your league. You are dressed in a flannel shirt, you might as well wear a sign that says ‘frumpy’ on the front and ‘won’t ever get laid’ on the back. Nate is an animal in bed, I should know. He needs sex. I doubt you’re giving it to him yet. If you ever decide to try sex again, it will probably be as bad as it was with Austin. Not because Nate isn’t good, because the good Lord knows that man is G.O.O.D in bed, but there’s no way your ‘basically a virgin’ body can live up to what he’s used to. Hell, the boy wore ME out and I have as much experience as he does, if not more. I’m not sure why he’s hung around this long. Maybe he sees you as a challenge. Yeah, maybe he’s decided to string you along long enough to get in your pants, but, Beth, he’s not going to stick around. Nate needs hot sex, a variety of girls, no strings. I don’t want you to get hurt when he fucks you and leaves you. Oh, God, Beth, seriously, stop with the teary puppy-dog eyes. I’m just telling you the truth.” ~Libby {Beth} Decker in For Nicky

  ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

  The sequel to For Nicky, Because of Beckett (this is Audrey’s story and as much as you hate her in For Nicky, you will find yourself liking her in Because of Beckett and you will fall in love with Jeremiah Jordan!) Find Because of
Beckett here: http://bit.ly/BeckettAmazon

  The one girl he should stay as far away from as possible, the one girl who had made him feel more alive in one evening than he had in several years, the one girl who threatened his well-designed single-dad, good role model position in life was Audrey Decker. Instead of letting her off the hook and planning the party himself, he had practically begged her to stick with it and all but promised her there would be no problems. That was all well and good, he was truly glad she was going to take the party, except for one small problem, he hadn’t been able to get her out of his mind; he couldn’t stop thinking of those gorgeous blue eyes or her beautiful hair or luscious curves. His heart jumped into his throat when he saw her walking toward the shelter house; his breath hitched in his chest when her hand touched his knee; he wanted to hold her hand and start right back where they had left off the other night. But, they’d agreed that this was a business deal only, so he wouldn’t complicate it. They’d get through the party and move on. They were living in the same town; they’d surely see each other. Jeremiah was determined to keep things cool between them so that the party would be a success and they could be friendly toward each other in social settings.

  And then, he watched her eyes light up as she knelt down and opened her arms to Beckett. He was gone; hook, line, sinker. Audrey didn’t strike him as the type to be particularly caring towards anyone, let alone a child with special needs. But, there she was, on her knees, hugging his son… How was it, the woman he had just promised he wouldn’t pursue, was on the ground hugging his child like his real mother never had? Jeremiah’s gut clenched at the thought. He wanted this woman in his life. But, she’d made it clear that she wasn’t interested and Jeremiah wondered if he had lost his chance to indicate any interest. So, he decided he’d have to settle for having her in his life as a friend. ~Jeremiah Jordan in Because of Beckett