The List

by Alice Ward

  This was the battlefield of Kentucky Colonels, a world that ate burgoo and drank juleps made with Bardstown bourbon. It was a world where a small man was not a runt, but a possible jockey. Here, a man’s wealth was measured by the acres of bluegrass he’d fenced and the institution that was the Stockyards Bank. Their Derby boxes had been handed down through the generations and their names were like bloodlines carefully selecting fillies as brood mares for their offspring. Need I add that it was an unspoken rule that women weren’t invited?

  I go there from time to time, just to be alone and free of the need to acquire a bed partner for the night. There was a certain stress release that came with entering that unmarked door. A place that smelled of the manure trod in beneath boots that had so recently surveyed the paddocks.

  I remember the day when the IRS deemed horse breeding to be a hobby and no longer a tax deduction. It certainly approximated the stock market crash in the thirties and served to winnow out the new money — those who were in horses as dollar investments. Those who remained had coffers and lineage. These were the men I admired, if not simply for their lack of innovation as much as for their endurance. These were my people. These were the untouchables.

  It was dark, cool and devoid of cologne, factors which made it perfect. I could leave my charm, as well as my insolence, at the door. It also meant that I could leave in whatever condition I drank myself into and nothing would be said. My father never came in here. He said he preferred to do his drinking in his study with guests. I wasn’t sure, but I suspected there was something a little gray in his past he didn’t like to be reminded of. This was the kind of place where the walls chastised your conscience. Words or looks weren’t necessary. So far I had managed to stay undetected, but I was fairly sure all that was about to change. I just never expected how it would come about.

  ***

  I knocked on Jeremy’s door about three a.m. He answered after long minutes and was in a flowered robe. “Honestly, Worth? It’s three in the morning. Some of us have to work for a living, you know.”

  I nodded. “I do…” I slurred, “I mosth def-initely do.” My tongue felt very thick.

  “So what do you want?” he asked, visually perturbed.

  “Your couch. Can’t go home and you were close.”

  Jeremy leaned forward and sniffed. “Jesus! You’re ready to puke. I don’t want you on my new sofa.”

  “Let me in your bed, then.”

  He threw up a hand, then planted it on his hip. “Now you know we’ve been all over that. My bed is reserved for my playmates and it just happens that it’s occupied at the moment. Now, go on with you. Find a room somewhere. There aren’t any at this inn.” With that, Jeremy shut the door and I made a mental note to never hire him to decorate my office again, but I have a short memory.

  It was a hot and humid night. Nightlife was still in full swing. Somehow my car made it to the office and I let myself in, marveling at the number of lights that were on. I guess the ghosts needed to see.

  I did not, however, realize that ghosts giggled. I distinctly heard the sound of a woman’s laughter and I saw a light beneath Jervis’ door. It drew me like a beacon. I lost all discretion when I’d been drinking.

  I opened the door without knocking and found the kind, eminent Dr. Jervis au natural with a woman of approximately his own age. She was well-preserved, even at her age, and I stood still a moment to enjoy the view of her uplifted legs.

  There was a loud squeal, then Jervis sat upright, his cock dangling in a sort of bent, pitiful way. As I stared, it partially deflated and was well on its way to becoming road kill. The lady in question pushed herself back and struggled to sit up, pulling a blouse over herself and tucking her head. Her breasts were bountiful, if a bit wrinkled from too many trips to the tanning bed. Her hair was an unnatural shade of red and it looked like she was due for a touch up at the salon. In my mind, I named her Jervis’ Jezebel. She went to great lengths to not look at me.

  “How dare you!” Jervis spat.

  I lingered just a moment longer, grinned and shut the door behind myself as I headed to my office. Letting myself in the door, I locked it securely and pulled a freshly laundered quilt from the closet. We kept a few on hand for the more traumatic confessions — it seemed to help. I wondered if I should offer Jervis’ Jezebel one right about now.

  I chose the longer of the two sofas and had just curled up when I heard the front door close. Smiling, I dropped off to sleep.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Auggie

  Mother seemed satisfied that any crisis at the therapist’s office would be averted, although I think it was a newer affair of excitement that captured her immediate attention. I won’t say I wasn’t glad.

  She wasn’t being forthcoming, but I could tell she had things on her mind and this allowed me to come and go without explanation which was something I detested.

  I dressed casually and headed to town for some diversion. There was a new restaurant on my side of town and a long, leisurely lunch seemed like a good idea.

  I’d just settled into a booth when a voice behind me spoke up. “Miss Auggie,” it acknowledged in a sultry tone.

  I swung around and found the obstetrician a/k/a mocking therapist from Jervis’ office. He was sitting with his back to me or I would have seen him and chosen another booth.

  “Hello,” I said in a non-committal voice and turned around. I refused to look his way, even as I got up from the booth to make a salad at the buffet. When I sat back down, however, I couldn’t help but overhear him talking on his phone.

  “Yes, I agree. I know he’s coming home this weekend, but I thought we’d talked about this. We said if he came home and still hadn’t lost any weight, you were going to leave him and come to live with me. Remember? He’s a slob, Margaret, c’mon. He should be wearing a D cup. Anyway, you said he couldn’t get it up at all and you deserve to have a real man. Hell, if it makes you feel better, we can call it therapy and send him a bill. How about it? Why don’t you just come over tonight and pack a big bag. Plan to stay a while.” He continued to repeat his invitation a couple of more times and then said his goodbyes.

  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. This doctor spoke to his patients that way? Surely to God, he was breaking every oath he ever took and was committing insurance fraud to boot! I had to report this to someone. Where should I begin? I kept my eyes down as he stood, left a tip and prepared to leave. As he passed my table, he tapped two fingers twice on the surface while he pocketed his money clip with the other hand. The symbolism was just too much!

  I couldn’t even finish lunch, I was so angry. I jumped into my car and tore off down the road toward home. A patrol car was sitting on a side street and ripped out after me. I hadn’t gotten two blocks before his lights came on.

  Pulling over, I prepared for the interrogation by pulling out my license, proof of insurance and registration. The officer strolled toward my baby blue Mercedes, tipping his hat back as he came closer. I rolled down the window and waited.

  As it happened, I knew him. Todd Green and I had gone to high school together. We went through the formalities and when he handed back my license, he asked, “What’s your phone number, Auggie?”

  “Are you supposed to ask that?” I questioned him suspiciously.

  “Well, technically no, but then technically, I should be writing you out a big fat ticket and you’d have to come to court to straighten it out,” he speculated, lifting his aviators and placing one hand on the roof of the car.

  “Jesus, is the world full of opportunistic assholes?” I blurted out.

  “What’s that?” Todd’s face wasn’t pleased.

  I remembered the better part of valor and offered up a peace treaty. “I’m sorry, Todd. It’s just been a lousy day and something you said reminded me of another incident earlier. Had nothing to do with you. Sure, here’s my phone number. Call me and we’ll get together sometime.” I offered him my number written on the torn off flap of an e
nvelope.

  He seemed appeased and was generous enough to smile. Patting the bottom of my open window, he said, “Keep the speed down, Auggie,” and backed off, returning to his squad car.

  This whole thing just lit me up even more and if Dr. Worthington LaViere had been in the passenger seat, I would have stabbed him in his crotch with my pen!

  I wasn’t much calmer by the time I reached home, but I had come to a decision. If I screwed with LaViere, he’d be taken off my case and I’d be stuck with the undoubtedly horrid Dr. Jervis. I realized if I showed up for my next scheduled appointment, I could tell him a thing or two, maybe even feed him some bullshit, and he’d learn his lesson. Yes, indeed, this was definitely better handled personally. My green eyes were full of vengeance, as they were intended to be.

  CHAPTER NINE

  Auggie

  I took a long time getting dressed for my appointment with LaViere. I tucked up my hair into a French twist and added a couple of diamond-studded hairpins for effect. I applied subtle make-up and pulled on a velvet, cream-color mini skirt with a deeply-cut, hunter green top that accented my eyes. Matching studs went into my ears and I was ready to go.

  “Why are you all dressed up?” Mother asked as she passed me in the hallway.

  “Thought I’d make a better impression this time,” I said truthfully.

  “Very good, Auggie,” she approved in a happy voice. It was so easy to manipulate her.

  I was early for the appointment and sat in the waiting room leafing through Kentucky Thoroughbred, one of my favorite magazines, although I’d already read this issue. I had a subscription.

  When he finally opened the door and waved me in, I pasted on a phony sweet smile and went to sit in the same chair as before, except this time I turned it around to face him.

  “Miss Auggie, how are we today?” he began, smiling.

  I bit my lip to avoid a sarcastic comeback. This hand would have to be carefully played.

  “I’ve given a lot of thought to our first meeting, you know,” I began.

  “Is that so?”

  “Oh, yes… I can see that I was being entirely unfair to Eric by calling off our impending engagement. It’s not his fault that he’s gay, after all.” I waited for his reaction.

  He didn’t disappoint. “I see. So you’ve decided you’d rather be half of something that swings both ways than to wait for the right man?” He was trying to be a doctor, but I heard something else in his voice.

  “Yes. You see, I decided that my first love is actually Carlos. That’s my horse.” I paused and he nodded. “If Eric were totally involved with my life, well, he’d frown upon the amount of time I go riding. So, in retrospect, if he has, let’s say, other interests, that leaves me more time to be with Carlos.”

  He was sitting opposite me, his hands pressed together in a tent-like position and the look on his face was thoughtful.

  “I see. What if Eric were to approach you and ask whether you’d be willing to, well, let’s say, ménage a trois? The three of you in the wedding bed? What would you say to that? Could you be with, what was his name… Derek… at the same time?

  That’s when I knew he was mocking me. “Would that be so bad?” I asked. “Maybe Derek would make the better lover? Anyway, who are you to question my personal ethics when you’re luring patients away from their husbands into your bed? How dare you! I have a good mind to report you to whatever association you belong to.” I couldn’t stop my hand from waving at his damn licenses on the wall. “And judging by all the letters after your name, I’d say there’s a bunch of them!” I was fuming.

  He cocked his head a bit and then, as if remembering, he said, “Ah, I see. So you have such high ideals, but you’re not above listening to other peoples’ conversations, is that it?”

  “How could I not hear? You were sitting just six inches behind me! Have you no shame?” I was getting ready to ice pick him.

  “I do have shame… and although I’d like very much to get Margaret into my bed, she will never know it because I wasn’t speaking to a live phone.” He settled back for the words to sink in.

  I felt my face reddening and this wasn’t something I was accustomed to.

  “So, would you like to discuss Margaret or Derek or shall we choose an entirely different topic… uhmmm… perhaps the reason you’re in my office?” His voice was so mocking I wanted to pour drain cleaner down this throat.

  “I knew it all along,” I said in a level tone. “I just wanted you to know that your little ploy didn’t work.”

  “I see. So you’re above manipulation?”

  “Absolutely.”

  “And you’re above using your feminine wiles to get what you want?”

  “Of course!” I answered automatically. I didn’t see the trap until it was sprung.

  “So, the fact that last time you were here in muddy jeans and a ponytail, but today you’re in velvet and diamonds would be just an innocent coincidence?”

  He noticed! He remembered! I didn’t know what to say, but I don’t think my face had faded one bit.

  “Okay, Auggie, out with it. Why are you here, anyway? You’re wasting my time and your money, or your father’s, however you look at it.”

  “I’m… I’m…” I was faltering for my next line. I’d only memorized the script to this point.

  “I’ll have my secretary send the final bill. I really don’t think there’s any reason you need therapy. You strike me as just about the sanest person I’ve met in a long time and probably could be my therapist,” he exclaimed and stood up. “Will there be anything else?” he asked in that mocking tone.

  “No. I’m leaving. Thank you,” I mustered. “See you around.”

  I left quietly the same way I’d come in. I felt confused and a bit deflated that I’d not been able to embarrass him. Was this what it felt like to be Mother? To try and control people? I decided it felt unfamiliar and I was going to mind my own business from now on.

  ***

  Mother was waiting for me when I returned. “How did it go?” she asked bluntly.

  “Fine, fine. I’m all done.”

  “All done?” She seemed provoked rather than relieved.

  “He says I’m the sanest person he’s met in quite a while, canceled my remaining appointments, and that’s that. Okay?”

  “Well… well,” she stuttered, then slammed her mouth closed. Tried again. “I thought it would take longer.”

  “Mother, why are you so hyped up on having me in therapy? Is it because you have a pipeline of information coming about me from Jervis? Well, he isn’t even my therapist. His partner is. That’s it. We’re done.”

  “Auggie, you’re acting worse than when you broke up with Eric. Who is this therapist to you?” She was curious and getting too close for comfort.

  “Mother, he’s just another one of your paid informers. Leave me alone and get out of my life, please?” I tried to say it kindly, but she was really getting on my nerves. It was very difficult to be kind to Mother.

  ***

  I trotted up to my room and changed my clothes. Carlos and I spent a few hours together, during which time I decided to find a job. I needed some activity that would get me out from beneath Mother’s scrutiny, and perhaps doing what I was educated to do would be the best idea.

  I showered and was scouring the job listings on my laptop when my cell rang.

  “Hello.” I hadn’t recognized the number but it was local so I answered it.

  “Hello, Auggie,” the vaguely familiar voice said.

  “Who’s this?” I was taken off guard.

  “Worth LaViere,” he answered. “I thought you might like to have a drink with me tomorrow night?”

  Silence stretched to an uncomfortable level as I tried to process his words. “What? Are you serious?” I couldn’t think straight.

  “Of course I’m serious.” He was so cocksure of himself.

  “Wait a minute. Doesn’t that constitute some kind of violation of ethics?
I mean, are you like asking me on a date?” I was completely puzzled.

  “Well, to be blunt, yes. I’m asking you on a date and no, it’s only a conflict if you’re my patient. Which, as of this afternoon, you are not. So, what do you say?”

  “You’re really serious, aren’t you?” I couldn’t wrap my mind around this.

  “How about the bar at the Hilton? Let’s say six o’clock tomorrow?”

  “Why?” It was the only thing I could think to ask.

  “Because I’m attracted to you.” It was a simple reply and I had to give him credit for being upfront with his intent. I’m not sure whether he talked like that to be a little rebellious, or whether he truly is just that honest. There was only one way to find out.

  “I’ll be there. You be there and be ready to answer some questions off the clock, doc.”

  “If you call me doc, I get to call you Elizabeth Augusta.”

  “See you tomorrow… Worth.”

  I hung up and felt my heart hammering like the first time I was asked on a date. I lost my appetite and opened my wardrobe to see what I would wear. In disgust, I realized I was completely outfitted for working on the farm but had little in the way of anything dressy for the Hilton. I resolved to get up early, have a mani-pedi and buy some new clothes.

  It wasn’t until just before I fell asleep that it occurred to me that Mother might be behind this. I tried to swat the thought away, as one would a troublesome mosquito, but it stayed with me. I dreamed all night of mosquitos in a bedroom with white gauzy drapes and a tall, naked man who made love to me and wouldn’t let me go. It was one of the best night’s sleep I’d had in a long time.

  The next morning, I rose early and dressed in clothing that was easy to slip off in the dressing room. I pulled my car onto the roadway feeling very feminine and my instincts for capturing a male’s attention were in full bloom. I’m not entirely sure why I was interested in catching Worth LaViere’s interest. Was I starving for some sort of male attention after the Eric debacle? Was my femininity in question? Perhaps it was Mother. She emasculated Dad. She also had a way of doing the same thing, in a feminine sense, to me.