The List

by Alice Ward

  Dad and I settled into our rooms, and I talked to the housekeeper who was always in residence. I ordered some good old comfort food for the next few days and then called the doctor to schedule Dad’s physical.

  We walked down to the Gulf together and sat in lawn chairs by the water, watching the sun settle for the night. We talked about many things; beginnings and endings. I was surprised when my Dad talked about my mother at length, recalling the good days when they’d been young and first married. There was more to her than I’d ever realized and I was glad he could remember those days, for it helped to fill the loneliness. It gave me pause to consider what my own life would be like if something ever happened to Worth. I couldn’t stand the thought of it.

  Dad’s physical took two days overall, but he got a clean bill of health. The news made me feel much more comfortable about leaving him behind on his own. We went to dinner with friends he and Margaret had made, and he received their condolences with fortitude. I felt better knowing he wouldn’t be entirely alone after I went back to Kentucky.

  I took some time to myself while I was there. I laid on the beach and got a tan. Shopping took up a few days, and I was rather excited to get home and show off my new wardrobe. With all that was going on at the farm, I seldom took the time to be a woman. Worth would appreciate my new clothes probably even more than I would.

  Most of all, Dad and I spent our evenings relaxing. It felt really good to be lazy for a change.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Hawk

  My business exploded, and I barely had time to think. I still took daily rides on Diablo, just to maintain my sanity. I kept watch on Carlos Acres, and I knew when my grandmother died. Sending flowers was dangerous, but I couldn’t let one more family occasion pass without some acknowledgment of it. I had to belong to someone.

  I was headed for the YMCA, as I did most days of the week. Especially on the days Liane worked. We spoke with each visit and every time I saw her I was drawn to her sweet spirit more and more. I was desperate to get to know her better but had hesitated to do more than chat with her for a few minutes. Well that, and sit on the back pew at her church every Sunday.

  It was Saturday, and I knew Liane would be at the desk. She greeted me as always with a sunny smile and said, “Well, stranger, how have you been?”

  For just one moment I wanted to grab her up, take her somewhere private and tell her everything. I knew I couldn’t do that. I knew she didn’t think of me the way I thought of her, but it felt wonderful to reflect on for even those few moments. It must have shown on my face.

  “Is something wrong, Hawk?” she asked in that sweet voice.

  I hesitated only a second before shaking my head. “No, now that I’m here, I’m great.” I smiled bigger when she giggled.

  “Listen, I’m on my way to lifeguard a swimming class here in a minute. Want to join me by the pool and talk?” Her voice was hopeful, but I could tell she felt a bit shy about asking me.

  “I’d love that. Let me catch up with Kenny and let him know I won’t be doing any boxing demonstrations this afternoon.”

  She nodded and waved me through. I was walking on air.

  Kenny was in the gym, as usual, with the group of boys he coached. “Hey, Kenny,” I greeted him, and he motioned me over.

  “Good. Just in time. I need a sparring partner.”

  “Oh, no, not this time. I’m just now getting the hang of breathing through one nostril from our last bout.”

  “Too bad. Then what are you doing here?” he asked, curious and grinning with knowing.

  “Seems I have a date by the pool.”

  “Good luck with that.” He nodded and went back to the boys clamoring for his attention.

  I left my shoes and socks in the locker room and washed off my feet before entering the pool area. True to her word, Liane was sitting in a chair at the edge of the pool, her attention on a group of teens who knew how to swim, but the organization required supervision just in case. I walked over to stand next to her and looked down to see her sumptuous body in a very form-fitting, one-piece suit. It left nothing to the imagination and although it was strictly organizational issue, she made it look like haute couture.

  “Am I the only reason you didn’t spar today?” she asked in that musical voice.

  “Nah. Nose is still healing,” I fibbed, “Probably stay out of the ring another week.” I drank in the sight of her, not believing we were sitting this close. “How long are you on duty this afternoon?”

  “I’m off the desk at five, but I generally hang around a bit in case someone is late in their next shift.”

  “Could I interest you in having some dinner with me?” I asked, my voice filled with hope.

  “Hmmm… well, I’d love to, but I’m hardly dressed for it.”

  “We can go casual. I’m not dressed for it either.”

  “Right. Well, then, let’s, shall we?” she agreed, those brown eyes sparkling with an internal light. “Just meet me up front about five. If I’m a little late, please wait. Sometimes I get tied up.”

  I nodded and was watching her leg. Evidently she hadn’t entirely dried off since her pre-pool shower, and there were droplets on her thigh. Two of them were slowly running down the inside of her slender thigh as though they were in a race to reach that precious part of her that I longed to touch. I envied those two drops and felt myself grow hard as I thought about it. In embarrassment, I turned away and busied myself with organizing life rings and foam tubes.

  I was not a stranger to sex; quite the opposite. California was a very open and free environment in many ways. When I’d stayed at the trailer, copulation was a regular occurrence in almost every direction you looked. I’d eventually gotten a place of my own and women were easy to come by. Perhaps there was a certain mystery in my scarred face and elusive character. At least that’s what I’d been told.

  I’d been celibate since I moved back to Kentucky. This felt like the fresh start I’d been craving for so long, and I’d been too busy to think about women. Until Liane.

  I could hear her melodic voice behind me, chiding some of the kids to settle down. Her accent did, indeed, make her a bit exotic and all the more desirable.

  “So,” I began, walking toward her again now that I had control of myself. “You got a guy?”

  “Me? Oh, no.”

  “You sound surprised. You do like guys, don’t you?” I asked the horrible thought that had just entered my fevered mind.

  “Oh, yes, quite. Father has different ideas, however. He believes that a man and a woman should be wed before they become intimate.”

  “And do you agree with your father?” I held my breath for her answer.

  “Yes, I’m afraid I do.” She looked up quickly to gauge my response, and I tried to maintain an agreeable face.

  Sweet Jesus, she’s a virgin!

  “Still want to take me to dinner?” she teased with a wink.

  “All the more,” I said in full honesty.

  She watched my face for some sign that I was teasing, but seem satisfied and looked back over her charges. “Have you grown up here?” she asked over her shoulder, twirling the lifeguard whistle like a lariat with her long, sensitive looking fingers.

  I hesitated, looking for some way to tell the truth and yet not tell it all. “Lived around here as a kid,” I offered, hoping it was enough.

  “And then?” she prompted me for more. I couldn’t blame her.

  “My family travelled quite a bit. I ended up in military boarding school,” I added, hoping that would account for the remaining years in a logical manner.

  “That must have been a bother,” she observed in her quaint way of speaking. She used enough of her family’s language, combined with local expressions to keep your attention and interest. I loved it.

  “Wasn’t my favorite place.”

  “And where is your favorite place?”

  Could I tell her that I’d never felt better than right there at that very moment? W
ould she laugh me off? Would I sound like that military school child who had heard too many dirty jokes and wanted to experiment on his own with the world?

  I smiled enigmatically, and that seemed to be enough. She wasn’t intrusive and seemed to understand that I wasn’t the talkative type. I liked that immensely.

  “Five in the lobby, right?” I reminded her, and she nodded.

  “See you then.” She blew me a kiss, and I quickly turned before she saw me spring into action once again.

  I hurried to the locker room and out to the car. When I returned at five o’clock, I was more fully prepared. I practically jogged into the lobby, and there she sat, her purse over her shoulder, waiting.

  “You ready?” She nodded and came around the counter, turning to wave goodbye to the young man who took her place.

  We went outside, and I opened the car door for her, then sprang around to the driver’s side. “Do you have a car?” I asked.

  She shook her head. “I do, but I take a bus when I come here. It can be a naughty neighborhood, and I feel better on the bus. It stops right out front.” She pointed to the white city bus that was bearing down behind us.

  I pulled out of the parking lot and headed toward downtown. “Where are we going?” she asked, and it struck me that she was trusting me without question up until now.

  “I have a surprise for you,” I said, and she nodded, seemingly content with that plan. I turned on some music and found a classical station. She smiled in approval and settled her head back against the headrest. I looked at the profile of her tender throat and imagined what it would be like to kiss it.

  Turning my attention to the traffic with great deliberation, I listened to her hum to the music. She was probably the first girl I’d ever known who could hum along with classical music. She became more precious by the moment.

  We reached River Road, and I turned alongside it, heading for the park. When we pulled in, I found a parking place at the end of the parking lot. Flipping off the ignition, I reached behind her seat and pulled out a bouquet of fresh, mixed flowers. “M’lady,” I teased, handing it to her.

  She seemed genuinely touched. “Thank you, Hawk! No one has ever given me flowers before.” I wondered just how protective this father of hers was. Surely she hadn’t been overlooked this long.

  I nodded and climbed out of the car, popping the trunk and pulling out thick blankets and a picnic basket that I spread on the riverbank before going back for her. Opening her door, she reached for my hand, and I felt as though I was with a queen. I wasn’t sure how I’d be able to contain myself for the next hour or so. It would be a good exercise in self-control.

  We sat by the river and opened the basket. I’d brought tiny bottles of champagne as well as soft drinks, and she opted for the latter. I immediately buried the liquor, getting it out of her sight. There were sandwiches and salads, cheese, fruit and tiny cupcakes in a variety of flavors. The basket came with a fitted set of dishes, and we set about making plates for our feast.

  “So, is it just you and your father?” I asked, wanting to know where she stood. She nodded and looked sad, and I immediately felt bad for being too inquisitive. “I’m sorry,” I muttered quickly.

  “No, no… it’s okay,” she answered. “My mother died two years ago. She had cancer and it was a long, long battle. I guess we didn’t say enough prayers because she couldn’t stay with us.” She swallowed hard before taking a sip of her bottled iced tea.

  “I didn’t mean to be nosy.”

  “It’s okay, Hawk. I want to tell you. Mom was sick for a very long time, and I took care of her. You might wonder why a girl my age isn’t married yet, and now you know. Dad, even though he’s of the cloth, isn’t much good with sick people. It fell on me to be there for her. I didn’t mind, but it changed quite a bit of my early years.”

  She wasn’t complaining, merely accounting for what she realized would be obvious questions. I added admiration to the list of Liane attractions I was compiling. I waited for her to go on, sensing a need in her to talk.

  “I shouldn’t burden you with all this,” she apologized, and I quickly shook my head.

  “It’s not a burden. Please tell me. I want to know everything there is to know about you.”

  She looked a bit doubtful. Perhaps she was accustomed to being the listener.

  “Well, what would you like to know?” she asked.

  “Would you marry me?” I said quickly.

  Liane’s head tipped a bit, and she rolled her eyes. “Oh, now you’re having fun with me,” she said in a very clipped, heavily accented tone.

  I smiled. “Maybe not as much as you might think… but I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to embarrass you. I’ve never been one for too many words.”

  “Why is that?” she asked, seeming to be sincerely interested.

  I shrugged. It was far too early in this game for me to do a tell-all. Maybe it would never be the right time. One thing I knew. I was becoming addicted to her. I almost felt an oncoming sense of anxiety knowing that our picnic would end soon, and it would be time for her to leave. I didn’t want that to happen.

  “You have secrets?” she prompted.

  “You mean other than I’m a maharajah in hiding from my harem because I’ve cut off their American Express?” I couldn’t keep the smile from playing across my lips.

  Her slender finger came up and slid down my cheek. Currents of hot electricity answered her touch, all the more so because I knew she was totally innocent of intent or guile. She was genuinely caring. “I understand,” she murmured. “Sometimes secrets must wait their turn.”

  I quickly grabbed the finger trailing down my cheek and kissed the tip of it. She didn’t seem startled at all. It was almost as if she expected it. When I finally let go, she moved the finger to her own lips and kissed the kiss I’d left upon it.

  I was overwhelmed. I’d never been treated with such gentleness, such a genuinely pure spirit. It felt like an encompassing cloud of peace and acceptance just to be near her. “You’re a sweetheart, you know that?” I blurted.

  She nodded and her cheeks blushed the smallest bit. “It’s my sensitivity you’re feeling.” The words were matter of fact.

  “How so?” What did she mean?

  “Promise you won’t laugh?” I waited until I nodded and she exhaled a long breath. “I generally don’t share this about myself, but I’m an empath. Are you familiar with what that means?”

  “I know empathetic,” I tried, attempting to understand.

  “Well, sort of based off the same idea except a little more so in my case.” She turned to me fully, her deep dark eyes almost willing me to understand. “My mother was an empath and her mother before her. We’re very sensitive to people and what they’re thinking, who they really are. For example, someone might try very hard to keep secrets about who they are, but I’ll see right through their words and see them for who they are.”

  “Like a psychic?”

  She shook her head. “No, no visions or anything like that. I pick up on their energy; often even better than they know it themselves.”

  I froze inside. I was nothing but a maze of secrets, lies, and deception. Even my name wasn’t my own. What was she thinking about me? I had to ask. “What do you pick up from me?” I held my breath.

  Liane looked out thoughtfully over the river as if framing her words before she spoke them. I felt as though my entire future was in the balance, but fought the impulse to stand up and leave.

  “I feel a sadness from you,” she said. “There’s a darkness in your past, something you had no control over but it became your life nevertheless. I know you’re a good man, but you’re holding on to bad things. I watch you when you think I’m not looking, and you’re like a chameleon. You have one face and body language that you show others, but a softer one you show me.”

  She knew me — too well. Was she holding something back?

  “Do I frighten you?” I asked in what was an admission that her words held
credence.

  “I’m not frightened of you, but I am frightened for you,” she answered finally.

  I bristled a bit. I could take care of myself. Except for Bernie, I always had. What could this gentle creature do that I couldn’t do for myself?

  “I could teach you how to love,” she answered, and I froze.

  Jesus! She really can read thoughts!

  “Do I frighten you?” she countered.

  I gave the question serious thought. “I’m amazed, but not scared. I’ve never been around anyone like you before,” I told her, trying to put her at ease.

  “It’s okay if it bothers you. That’s why I don’t talk about it with many people. It makes them believe I’m a bit looney or one of those woo-woo psychics who charge people for a bunch of malarkey.”

  “I didn’t think that.”

  “I know,” she said, and those words took on a completely different significance.

  We sat companionably on the blanket and watched the water churning downriver. The Ohio was not your sweet, meandering river. It originated near Pittsburgh and met up with the Mississippi further south. It had wicked currents and while some pleasure boaters could be seen there from time to time, so could reports of drowning as people were pulled into undertows. The majority of its traffic was freighters pulling barges.

  I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt as peaceful as I did alongside Liane. She was so incredibly pure and vulnerable. My every instinct was to protect and love her. I almost felt as though that’s the reason I’d been born. There was no artifice in her. She wore no makeup and made no attempt to impress anyone.

  She was a giver. The problem was, I was a taker. I was completely out of my depth here. “Will you teach me? About yourself? About how you look at the world? Will you help me erase some of the darkness that follows me around?” I asked the question, while at the same time not believing the words that were coming from my mouth.

  She swiveled and looked at me, her hand reaching up again to touch my cheek. It trailed over the scars, and it almost felt as though she was wiping them away. “Of course I will.” Her response was soft, and she leaned toward me and kissed me gently on the lips.