Jase

by MariaLisa deMora

  “Booked?” she asked, clearing her throat.

  “Yeah, I was overseas when she left, but from what I heard, it wasn’t planned. She just threw stuff in the Jeep and took off.” He shook his head; he was angry with his sister for a long time, because she had stolen his chance to say goodbye. He had let go of that emotion a long time ago. “I’m glad she had a friend to talk to.”

  “Jase,” she leaned in, putting her elbows on the table, “she didn’t randomly leave. She had been talking about it for a long time. She planned and saved, had a list of places she was going to go.” Shaking her head, she added, “Of course, that all changed, but it wasn’t a sudden decision.”

  “She never said anything to me.” He scowled at the bottom of his mug, raising his head and catching Bernie’s attention again for a refill. “We talked a lot when I was in Russia.”

  “Sure, if you call once a month a lot,” she scoffed, and he frowned at her.

  “It was more often than that.” He tapped his thumbs on the edge of the table; he was sorry now he offered Sharon as a topic. “We talked a lot after her accident.”

  “Not from her side of things.” She shook her head. “She talked all the time about missing you.” Anita took a deep breath. “Look, Jase, I know this isn’t any business of mine, but Sharon was messed up before she left. She told me more than once that she thought you didn’t want to talk to her anymore. Like you thought what happened was her fault.”

  Jase shook his head. “I never said that to—”

  She interrupted him, “Not in so many words. But did you ever tell her it was okay? That it wasn’t her fault?” Bernie came over with his refill, waving off his attempts to pay her, and he smiled his thanks.

  He ran a hand across his jaw, feeling the coarse beard with his fingertips. “It wasn’t her fault.” After he had gone to Russia to play hockey in the KHL, Sharon had slipped sideways for a time. She made a lot of questionable choices, and started drinking and partying harder than anyone would admit to him for a long time. It wasn’t until after he was home that his mother told him about the baby she lost.

  “She got caught up in a slew of pressure, and people who didn’t love her. I think she has to take responsibility for the choices she made.” Even to himself, he sounded self-righteous, and he tried to tone it down. “And by that I mean the decisions to drink and party, not what happened when she was under the influence—because she couldn’t make a decision at that point, eh?

  “But she knew we loved her. Always, eh? Family sticks like glue, and the Spencers have always had each other’s backs. I wish I could tell her, but if she thought about it for even a second, she would flat know.” He finished his third cup of coffee and shifted. “Anita, honey, I’ll see you in a couple hours, okay? I have to get home and out of this.” He gestured to his sweat-soaked workout clothes.

  Frowning, she moved to get up, and he motioned towards her laptop. “Big-time writer, make up some good stuff about me, okay?”

  Leaning in, he gave her a hug, squeezing until she squeaked and told him, “All right.”

  Depositing his mug in the bin for dishes, he stepped outside and quickly stretched then set off on a slow jog towards his parents’ home, turning his conversation with Anita over in his head. It was true. He had been caught up in the glitz of playing for an overseas league, but he and his sister had frequently talked. She never said anything to him about leaving as soon as school was over, making plans…lists of places to visit. She never said anything about the baby, either.

  He frowned as he ran, remembering the harsh voices of his parents in the background of some calls. He wondered at what point his mother had known Sharon was going, or if they tried to stop her. Yeah, she was eighteen when she left, but the picture he had in his mind was of the fourteen-year-old kid he left in Red Deer.

  He wanted…needed to know that she was okay. He decided to call the most recent PI he used. See if the man was willing to take another run at the job of locating her. The last he knew, she was in Florida, but it was a big state.

  The empty frame on the hallway wall of his parents’ house must have bothered him more than he thought, because he kept circling around it again and again. The Spencers had always been a tight family, good to each other. Just taking down a picture wouldn’t remove her from their thoughts. Couldn’t take her away from their love.

  ***

  Back at the house, he showered and then looked for his mother, finding her on the back deck, tossing a ball for one of the neighbors’ dogs. Sitting on the bench next to her, he watched as she threw the ball over and over, each time working hard to coax the dog close enough to surrender it again. “You have a lot more patience than I do, Ma,” he laughed, startling the dog into stepping back.

  “No doubt it comes from raising you and your brothers. You boys would try the patience of a saint, and a saint I ain’t,” she retorted sharply, then tilted her face at him and grinned.

  His smile faded, and he looked at her, saying, “And my sister.”

  “Yes, I know.” She tossed the ball again, eyes on the dog as it headed out away from them towards the creek that ran through the backyard. “Jesus Murphy, baby boy. Tell me about your love life,” she unsubtly changed the subject, rolling her eyes at him in a warning to drop the topic.

  “No time for love, Ma. Sorry to disappoint, but there’s no time for love.” He shifted uncomfortably on the bench and knew his mistake as soon as her eyes zeroed in on him.

  “Liar,” she accused. “Tell me what’s going on. That’s what a mother is for, to talk to. Well…and cook, take her boys to and from hockey practice, but mostly for talking.” She shook her head, still looking at him.

  “I met someone.” He ran a hand through his hair nervously. “But it didn’t work out. Turned out she wasn’t as interested in me as I thought.” He shrugged, hoping she would leave it at that.

  “But you like her?” She pressed him, bumping his shoulder with hers. “You do. You liiiikkke her.” Drawing out the word, she laughed, bumping him again.

  “Yeah. I liked her. I mean, I like her. She’s incredible. She doesn’t seem afraid of anything, and she’s smart. Smarter than me, most definitely.” He laughed. “I’ve never met a woman as secure in just being herself.”

  “What happened?” His mother picked up the ball and tossed it again. They watched the dog run after it and come back, standing just out of reach with the ball, wagging its tail as it looked them over cautiously.

  “I had to leave for game five and she was gone before I got back into town. No number, no nothing. As I said, she wasn’t as interested as I thought.” He sighed and reached out, grabbing the ball from where the dog had finally dropped it near her feet.

  “Maybe she got too scared? What if she is interested, but got nervous? Handsome man, big-time hockey player…lots to make a woman nervous about.” She took the ball from his hand and threw it again, then stood, looking down at him with a thoughtful expression on her face. “If you like her, and you want her, I expect you can find her, son. She can’t have gone too far, eh?” She trapped his hand on his knee, threading her fingers through his and squeezing tightly.

  Bending down, she put their faces close together, looking him in the eye. “Go after what you want. I’ve never seen you back down from anything, once you set your sights on it. Like Russia, eh? Scared me silly to think of you over there, playing in that league. Brutish, big men. But, you knew it would be good for you, teach you a different style of the game. It made you adapt, learn to adjust, and it moved your game forward in ways you could not have found here. You knew that’s what you needed and you went after it. Fearless and bold.

  “So just like then, you gotta figure out what you need to do and do it. No excuses. That dirty word has got no place in our house, and you know better, eh? If you want this woman, then go get her. Take the shot, boy. If not, then move on. Neutral ice has its own rules, right? Go after what you want. Je t’aime, Jase.” She cupped the back of his head in h
er hand, drawing him close to press her lips to his forehead in a kiss.

  He wrapped his arms around her, hugging her tightly. “Beauty. When you’re right, you’re right. I love you, too, Mama.”

  ***

  Jase had worked on a brief eulogy for Coach Patterson last night and was ready when the pastor motioned him and three other men forward. He nodded at Coach’s widow and Anita, huddled together on the front row in the church. Straightening his jacket, he stepped to the podium, smoothing the paper on which he had written his notes, and spoke confidently to the people gathered in the church. With only good memories of his time under Patterson’s expert hand, it had been easy to come up with anecdotes that highlighted the encouraging influence the man had been throughout much of his life.

  Before long, it was time to take his place alongside the casket with the other pallbearers, carrying their burden to the waiting vehicle and following it across the road to reverse the process to the graveside. Speaking to the family afterward, he rolled out the patented condolences he knew were expected and then he took his leave, heading back to his parents’ house.

  Another night in the too-short childhood bed left him grumpy and ready to go home to his much larger and more comfortable bed in Chicago. He would miss his folks—he always did—and it had been good to see his family, but his life was stateside now. Daniel called while he was waiting in the terminal in his connecting city, and they talked through a few of the tentative player selects for the next year’s team. It was still weeks before the draft, but it sounded like negotiations were moving forward as expected. If things worked out, it would be a good team for the next season, another chance at the cup.

  On the flight to O’Hare, he sat in first class, staring out the window, earbuds in as he listened to his favorite music list. His mind kept dredging up his mother’s words about how he had never been afraid to go after what he wanted and he just needed to decide what he wanted now and pursue it.

  Leaning his head back against the seat, he remembered DeeDee’s face at the party, when she first caught sight of him headed towards her. She had not even looked back as Slate lifted her by the waist and set her over the porch rail; she only had eyes for him. Those blue eyes had darkened to twilight violet by the time he pulled back from kissing her the first time, and she circled around him the rest of the evening. Wandering out to greet groups of friends, but always coming back to him, as if there was a gravitational pull that returned her to him.

  Did he want DeeDee? They had proven more than a fit together in bed; that was for sure. He smiled and reached down, discretely adjusting his hardening cock at those memories. She eagerly met his every advance between the sheets and given him unrestrained passion in return. He thought they fit together out of bed too, if their time spent at Jackson’s and the party were any indication.

  Okay. So, let’s say I want her, he thought. Now what? She was in Fort Wayne; he lived and worked in Chicago. He got down that way about four times a year, for a limited number of hours surrounding a game. But, that’s only if I stay in Chicago, he mused, shaking his head at where his thoughts were taking him. Was he honestly thinking about moving, living in the Fort during the offseason? That was only about four months a year, less if you count conditioning camps or playoff runs.

  By the time the plane landed in Chicago, he was no closer to a solution, and grabbed his bag to catch a cab back to his apartment. He checked in with Daniel via text message, letting him know he arrived home safely. While unpacking, he found an unexpected box in his bag and laughed. His mother was always doing this kind of thing, slipping gifts into cars or suitcases and then claiming no knowledge of the item.

  He opened the box and sat there for a minute, stunned. Inside were two items, and both were surprising. One was the missing picture from the family portrait hallway, a high school senior picture of his sister, laid flat in the box and wrapped lovingly with tissue paper. No note, no letter, simply an image to keep safe. In his mind, the implication was he would keep her safe as well. He shook his head. God knew that was a tall order. The girl had been intent on self-destruction for as long as he could remember.

  The second item was more puzzling. It was new, but looked exactly like the ball his mother had been using to play with the neighbor’s dog. She had a good time throwing it out and waiting for the dog to consent to bring it back. Again and again, she had waited tolerantly until the dog decided it was ready to approach her with the toy; she had been waiting for the dog to trust her, patient with faith it would come.

  He sat on the couch in his living room and tossed the ball against the opposite wall, catching it on the return bounce. After a dozen times, he was no longer seeing the ball as he threw and caught it, his mind returning again to the puzzle that was DeeDee and what he needed to do if he wanted her.

  ***

  The next night, he showered after his run and dressed quickly, then climbed on the borrowed motorcycle and headed down to Jackson’s. Mason had told him as long as he rode the bike, he could park in the row closest to the building, in a spot usually reserved for Rebel members. This would ensure no one messed with Mason’s property, and Jase certainly didn’t mind the preferred parking space.

  Straddling a stool at the bar, he raised an eyebrow at Merry. “Mason or Slate around?” He used the mirror to check behind him, making sure he hadn’t missed them when he came inside. Looking around, he noted Birdy’s absence, too.

  “Nope,” she said, vigorously shaking a mixer then using a strainer to pour the liquid inside into a smaller glass with a couple ice cubes. “Haven’t seen Mason all day, but I think he was over at Tupelo’s earlier.” She referenced another bar in town that he owned, and Jase knew Slate had spent a lot of time over there in the past.

  “Slate over there with him?” He picked up his beer and took a drink, seeing her put a draft on a tray along with the prepared glass.

  “Nope,” she repeated herself, sliding the tray over to him and setting his beer on it as well. “Haven’t seen him in a couple of days. Daniel I’ve seen, though. He and Mica are in a booth to the left. Take them the drinks, then why don’t you hang there for a little bit. You’re harshing my mellow with all your questions, young man.”

  “No tray needed, lovely.” He shook his head, leaning across the bar to loudly kiss her cheek before picking up the mugs, balancing the glass with his fingers. She laughed and pointed, then turned to walk down the bar, stopping to speak to a beautiful brunette near the end who looked familiar. Walking across the room, he saw a hand waving from a booth, rightly assuming it was his boss and the cute girlfriend. They had gotten back together the night of the party, and he had hardly seen Daniel without Mica at his side since.

  He sat there with them for a couple hours, the two hockey players hashing and rehashing games, dissecting plays that worked and ones that didn’t. Mica had sat quietly for a time, an indulgent smile on her face as they talked circles around her. She finally spoke up, lifting her hands in a timeout signal. “Guys, as engrossing as this conversation is, I’m going to go sit and talk to Molly and Merry for a bit.” Leaning over, she kissed Daniel on the cheek. “Come find me when you’re ready to take me home.”

  She picked up her glass and walked over to the bar, taking a seat next to the brunette who Jase now assumed was Molly. Looking closer, he realized why she looked familiar; there was a strong resemblance between the two women. “Her baby sister,” Daniel said, answering the unasked question.

  “She up here for long?” He knew Mica was from Texas, so the sister was probably visiting.

  “A few months,” Daniel said, shaking his head. “She’s pregnant, and Mica’s trying to settle her here so we can help out as needed. I think Mason’s offered her a job, so we’ll see where that goes.”

  “Oh, man, that sucks,” Jase spoke sympathetically, thinking of his own sister. He had never wanted kids, so he made sure to wrap things up securely every time. No excuses, no surprises, no eighteen-year commitments.

&nbs
p; The outside door opened and he looked up to see Mason walking in. He lifted a hand in a casual wave and Mason changed direction, heading towards their booth. Pulling up a chair, he sat at the end of the table, looking between the men with a muttered, “Hey.” Lifting three fingers over his head, he gave a piercing whistle and held the pose until Merry yelled across the room, “I see ya, old man. I got ya.”

  “How was Red Deer?” Mason asked, surprising Jase with his knowledge.

  “Good. Sad, but good. I got to see the parents and some family while I was there. I’ll be headed back in a couple weeks, but this was a good pre-visit visit for that part at least. How’d you know I was out of town?” He jumped when Merry appeared over his shoulder, noisily dropping three full beer mugs on the table and leaving without a word.

  “Mica mentioned something,” Mason said, taking a sip and looking over at Daniel. “I heard J.J. was back in here this morning. He’s sniffin’ around, man. He knows the situation with Molly?”

  “Yeah, he knows. I’m not sure what he’s doing, but that man has been gone from the garage more in the past two weeks than he has been for years. Maybe ever, since his accident. Do you think she’s upset with his interest? I can talk to him if you think I need to.” Daniel’s brow furrowed. His older brother J.J. was a paraplegic, wheelchair-bound for years since he was injured in an accident at the trucking garage he still ran. In the years that Jase had known the man, he had never expressed interest in any woman, so for him to ditch work to come see one now was a big statement.

  “Naw,” Mason drawled. “She’s not showing any favorites between him and the goalie; they’re both sniffin’ around. She’s showing both of them her sweet side, but nothing more.”