Jessica's Wish

by Marci Bolden

  “The pink one is your favorite, huh, Punk?”

  She nodded but didn’t turn away from the images playing out on screen.

  Mallory scrolled on her phone again before showing him a picture of a girl around Jessica’s age dressed in a costume that seemed easy enough. He nodded his approval or agreement or whatever Mallory was looking for.

  “Does she have pink tights and a leotard?”

  “Yup.”

  “Sweet. I can get her a wig before next week. Done. Easy-peasy. Now.” She focused on him. “What do you want to be? A purple pony?”

  Jessica giggled but didn’t respond. Phil, however, cast Mallory a playful glare.

  “No ponies for me. I’ll find something.”

  She lifted her gaze from her phone, and disbelief danced around her face. From the sagging jaw to the lifted brows to the confusion in her eyes, everything said she didn’t trust him with this task. “Don’t be lame, Phil.”

  “Scout’s honor.”

  “Were you a Scout?”

  He considered his past for a moment. “Hippie’s honor.”

  Her soft laugh was damn near musical. He was glad to see some of the stress had left her. When she’d first returned to Stonehill, he’d been worried about her, about the strain he’d seen in her eyes. Being home was good for her. Maybe she was right when she’d said that she just needed to be closer to family. Phil couldn’t imagine not living close to his parents now that he had them both.

  Some people were just more family-oriented than others. He admired that Mallory understood her need to be close to the people she had been connected to her entire life. He knew from Dianna, his mother’s best friend, that the O’Connell clan was pretty tight. Phil had first met Mallory at the lakefront home where her uncle Paul and Dianna were married. The wedding had been simple but filled with family and laughter.

  Kara and Harry’s wedding had a similar setting, but theirs had been filled with tension and bickering between their two families as to who was more to blame for Kara spending thirty years away from Stonehill—her parents for disowning her or his parents for sending her to a home for unwed mothers. In the end, Kara lashed out, she and Harry fought, and the two ended up leaving the wedding without telling anyone so they could start their marriage with some sort of sense of peace.

  The O’Connell gathering, on the other hand, was the first time Phil had seen so many blood relatives happy to be around each other. It was refreshing and…odd.

  “What was it like growing up with so much family around?” he asked, unable to keep his curiosity to himself.

  Mallory laughed flatly, but the love in her eyes was obvious. “I never got away with anything. I didn’t have a dad around, but Mom was on top of things. And if she missed something, I had uncles more than happy to step in and keep me in check. I don’t remember much about my grandpa, but I know my mom and uncles didn’t care for him much. We didn’t see him very often. He passed when I was little, but my uncles were always there. Looming, watching…”

  “Protecting,” Phil offered.

  She considered his suggestion for a moment before nodding. “Yes. Protecting. What about you? You must have seen some amazing things being a drifter child.”

  He snickered. “Drifter child? I guess that’s one way to put it.” He turned on the plush gray sofa, the one that was far too nice for Jessica to eat pizza on, so he could more easily see Mallory. “I hated it. I resented it. Of course, now that I’m older, I know there were some benefits. I did see amazing things. I met some amazing people with incredible stories to tell. The problem was, by the time I formed a bond with any of them, Mom was packing us up to move again.”

  “She couldn’t sit still long, huh?”

  “Still can’t, really. She’s always talking about the places she wants to visit when she and Harry have time. They fly to Oregon once a year to visit the commune where she still has a lot of friends. That was the place his mother sent her when she was pregnant with me.”

  Mallory creased her brow but was kind enough not to bash his grandparents. The choices they’d made were decades old now, and the Martinson-Canton clan had rehashed them more than enough times on their own.

  “Mom never took me anywhere,” Mallory said. “She was so focused on building up the security she’d never had that we didn’t get to have much fun.”

  Phil felt a pang. Wasn’t that exactly what his mom said he was guilty of doing to Jessica? He dismissed the idea as quickly as it occurred to him. “It paid off. Her real estate company is doing really well.”

  “Yeah. Her stint in the hospital could have cost her everything if she hadn’t spent so many years preparing for the worst-case scenario. She was lucky in that regard.”

  He took a breath before making a confession. “I’m probably going to sound like an ass saying this, but I’d never really given much thought to how much my mom means to me until you talked to me about how scary it was to almost lose Annie. My mom has always been so hard to handle, I grew up feeling like I was barely surviving her insanity. I’ve been trying to be better about appreciating that she’s just different.”

  Mallory smiled brightly as she patted his knee. “She’s fun. She really is, Phil. She’s so kind and unique.”

  “Yeah. Unique gets old for a kid who wants normal.”

  “But you’re not a kid anymore,” she said gently.

  “No. I’m not. And I’ve been thinking about what I’d lose if something ever happened to her. And I did that because of you, so thanks for that.”

  “I’m glad you could benefit from my personal hell.”

  He grabbed her hand before she could pull away and squeezed her fingers. The amusement in her eyes faded into concern or maybe confusion. “I just meant that I probably would have kept resenting her antics until it was too late for me to realize I needed to look at her through a different light. She works hard to keep our family going. She always has, even when our family was just the two of us. Now she looks out for Harry and both of my grandmothers, as well as Jess and me.”

  “And that cranky baby,” Mallory reminded him.

  “And that unnaturally cranky baby.”

  Mallory turned her focus to Jessica, and Phil knew her next question before she asked.

  “Her mother left because she was scared.” Sliding closer so they could lower their voices, decreasing the chance of Jessica eavesdropping, he whispered, “She was scared about becoming a mother before we knew about her disabilities. Jessica having Down syndrome just tipped the scale. The stress got to be too much. Jess had to have open-heart surgery when she was an infant, and that was it. The last emotional hit Katrina could take. She walked out and never looked back.”

  “Do you ever hear from her?”

  “No. It’s better that way.” Looking at Jessica, verifying that she was still watching the TV, he said, “She’s too sensitive to rejection to have someone walking in and out of her life. She’s better off without that woman.”

  Sympathy filled Mallory’s face—her eyes softened, and her smile was sweet. “I’m sorry, Phil. That couldn’t have been easy for you.”

  “I was too worried about my daughter to care what she did. Everything worked out for the best. I believe that. Jessica is stronger for it in some ways, but I know she still feels the loss.”

  “She did mention it to me once. I told her I didn’t have a dad until Mom and Marcus got married.” She giggled then, and her smile changed from supportive to mischievous. “She doesn’t think you’ll ever get married though because you’re too particular.”

  He rolled his eyes but didn’t disagree. “Dating is for losers.”

  “Agreed.”

  Happy they saw eye to eye on that topic as well, he settled back on the couch to finish watching the movie and let the sense of contentment settle over him.

  Chapter Five

  Phil crossed his arms and stood blocking the doorway to the bathroom across the hallway from Jessica’s bright pink bedroom. This room would be
pink too, if she’d had her way, but he’d informed her that the only room she got to paint was her own. The bathroom was for her and their guests, and not everyone appreciated the color as much as she did.

  The girl hadn’t stopped rambling as Mallory applied her face paint. Phil was amazed Mallory was able to paint the girl’s cheeks at all, but every few minutes, she’d take a deep breath and Jess would do the same. As they held their breath, Mallory would make quick swipes along Jessica’s cheeks and chin. She’d then focus on Jessica’s forehead as they talked and talked and talked. He couldn’t help but laugh at the pair. They seemed to be as close as best friends could be already. His chuckle drew a frown from his daughter.

  “Daddy’s being a party pooper,” Jessica announced.

  Mallory nodded her head. “He certainly is.”

  Phil looked down at his Superman T-shirt, black jeans, and Converse. “This is as close to cosplay as I get.”

  “Party pooper,” Jess and Mal said at the same time. The pair giggled, and Phil shook his head in faux dismay.

  Mallory adjusted Jessica’s costume one more time then stood. “All right, m’lady. Are you ready to see how amazing you look?”

  “Ready!”

  Mallory turned the girl toward the mirror, and Jessica gasped loudly. “I look just like a My Little Pony!”

  Mal straightened the pink wig a bit. “Yes, ma’am, you do.”

  “Thank you!” She gave Mallory a big hug.

  Phil couldn’t help but laugh when Mallory put her fingertip to Jessica’s forehead, stopping her before the girl left a pink face-print on Mal’s stomach.

  “Hey! Careful of that masterpiece. You don’t want to smudge.”

  When Mallory had first started dressing Jessica up, he almost protested, wondering just how long it would take to get the glitter makeup off his kid’s cheeks. But at the excitement on Jessica’s face as she went on and on about how much fun they were going to have at the comic book convention and how Annie had given her ten whole dollars to buy her first comic book, Phil kept his objections to himself.

  He couldn’t remember the last time his daughter had been this wound up about something. Sure, she was always bubbly and happy, but this was a kind of raw enthusiasm he hadn’t seen in a long time. She looked like she really could burst from the anticipation of getting to the comic book convention.

  Phil was amazed by how much Mallory had influenced Jessica already. His daughter was borderline giddy, and her happiness was certainly contagious. Mallory hadn’t stopped smiling along with her, explaining what kinds of things they might see and nicely reminding Jessica how important it was to stay close to her or Phil the entire time. She did it without nagging or making Jessica get defensive, the way she did when he told her.

  “There will be so many people there,” Mallory warned her. “You have to be really careful to stay close, okay?”

  “Okay.” That was her only response. No eye roll, no dramatic sigh, no lecture about how she wasn’t a baby anymore. Just okay.

  Jessica and Mallory had obviously become quick friends, and the respect between them was mutual. Mallory’s interest in Jessica seemed genuine. Phil hadn’t asked, but he suspected Mallory felt bonded to Jessica because the girl had developed such a bond with Annie. Jessica was protective of Annie, which amused Phil, considering Annie was the adult. Jessica said she understood how Annie felt—how it made her sad when people couldn’t decipher her words or tried to help her because they assumed she couldn’t do things for herself. Jessica had been dealing with that all her life and was the first to jump to Annie’s defense when someone tried to coddle her.

  That was something Mallory confessed to struggling with. Jessica seemed to be teaching her how to handle Annie’s disabilities as much as Mallory was teaching her how to be carefree and silly. Something Phil definitely had forgotten how to be years ago.

  Jessica darted out of the bathroom. “Come on, guys. We don’t want to be late. I bet nobody else is going to be dressed like me.”

  Phil helped Mallory, who was dressed as a female version of Wolverine, close a few of the face paints. When the paints were securely back in her unicorn-shaped bag, zippered by the rainbow-colored tail, she put her hands on her hips, and he skimmed his gaze over her. She looked hilariously adorable.

  She looked him over as well, but she didn’t look amused. She frowned and shook her head. “I can’t believe that’s what you’re wearing.”

  “Says the girl wearing the bright yellow unitard and muttonchops.”

  She kept her face deadpan as she slid plastic fangs into her mouth. “Last chance, Dad. You putting on that Batman costume I brought you or what?”

  “Not a chance.”

  “Loser,” she said, lisping the word out around the fake teeth.

  Brushing by him, she headed into his living room, where Jessica was shoving her feet into her boots, still rambling about how much fun the convention was going to be. Phil stood back and watched Mallory help her into her coat. She kneeled down to zip it for her so the long pink wig didn’t get caught. His stomach did a funny little flip thing when Jessica hugged Mallory again, being more careful of her makeup this time, just as Mal had warned her.

  The image was almost perfect, almost exactly what Phil had thought their life would have been had Katrina not run out, had Phil not been so focused on Jessica that he skipped over ever bringing another woman into their lives…had a million things happened differently. He could have sworn he heard his mother’s voice in his head, whispering about how Jessica needed someone in her life to teach her all the things Katrina should have.

  No way in hell would he have ever dressed Jessica like a pink pony and taken her to a comic book convention. That wasn’t really his idea of fun, but the smile on Jessica’s face said it all—she was eating this up and would be reliving this day for years to come. Frowning, he looked down at his jeans and T-shirt. Maybe he really was a stick in the mud. He was the only one not bubbling over with excitement. Maybe he did just need to relax and go with the flow more.

  Damn it. He hated when his mother was right.

  Mallory put her hands on her yellow-spandex-covered hips again. “You coming?”

  He rolled his eyes, more out of disbelief at the words that were about to come from his mouth than anything else. “Yeah. Just…just let me change first.”

  “Yes,” Mallory hissed and then turned and gave Jessica a high five.

  Within a few minutes, he was dressed like a superhero. With the intent of going out in public. What the hell was he thinking?

  As he drove them to the convention center, Phil felt more like a parental escort than a member of the party. Jessica had spent the week learning about comic books. She and Mallory were having a conversation he wasn’t fully up-to-date on. He knew enough to know what they were talking about but not enough to contribute any insight. He was going to have to work on that, he suspected. This topic likely wasn’t going away anytime soon.

  When he parked the car, he was prepared to give Jessica the “don’t run off” lecture he gave any time they went to a festival or show where there were crowds of people, but she snagged Mallory’s hand and stuck to her side like glue. The two pointed and gasped and oohed and ahhed every time they saw someone else in costume.

  After paying for tickets and looking around the big room filled with every kind of fictional, anime, and cartoon character imaginable, Mallory gave Phil the same told-you-so smirk his mother so often used on him.

  “Don’t say it,” he mumbled.

  Mal laughed and slid her arm through his, tugging him playfully. “Come on, Batdad, admit how happy you are that you didn’t wear plain ol’ jeans and a T-shirt.”

  “I’m very glad.”

  She nodded toward the big graffiti-style sign announcing the convention. “I need pictures. Go on, you two, get over there.”

  “You, too, Mal,” Jessica pleaded, not letting go of her hand.

  She started to argue, but Phil pulled out his
phone. “Go on. I don’t need pictures.”

  “Oh, hardly,” Mallory disagreed. “Excuse me, Captain Kirk.” She smiled when a man turned and faced her. “Would you take a picture of us, please?”

  Phil wanted to warn her about handing her phone to strangers, but she didn’t hesitate. She was too trusting. He didn’t have time to lecture her about securing her personal belongings, because she had his hand and was dragging him to the sign. With Jessica between them, posing like a professional My Little Pony model, they smiled and the man took a few pictures.

  Though he handed the phone right back to Mallory, Phil said under his breath, “He could have taken off with your phone, you know that, right?”

  “Yes, I know. I prefer to trust people, Phil. The world looks brighter that way. Besides, most of these people are so deep in character, all I’d have to do is yell and someone would have tackled him to save the day.” She bumped him gently. “Let your overwhelming sense of responsibility go and try to have fun for just a few hours. Please.”

  Her words stung. The rug seemed to have been pulled out from under him for a moment. Was that how she saw him? Overly responsible? Too serious? Too…boring to have fun? He knew that was how his mom saw him, but his mom was the reason he was like this. Someone had to be the grown-up. Jessica saw him that way, too, but he was her father. He was supposed to set rules and boundaries.

  However, he hadn’t realized Mallory saw him like that. That struck him in a way he hadn’t expected. He didn’t want her to see him as the party pooper she’d accused him of being earlier. She liked to have fun, and he wanted her to see him as someone she could have fun with. He followed a few paces behind as Mallory and Jessica took in the convention with blatant awe and excitement. Following Jessica’s pointed finger, he watched a unicorn walk by and tried to see the magic in the moment the way they obviously were.

  He tried to see beyond an adult dressed like a white horse with a horn stuck on its head to the majesty of the moment. Disappointment flooded his mind as, instead, he focused on how there was dirt on the knee and the rainbow mane was a tangled mess. He guessed he never really had seen the world through the lens that Jessica and Mallory, or even his mom, did. His mind was analytical like his father’s, but even Harry had the ability to appreciate the beauty of the world. He’d stand back and stare at Kara’s artwork with amazement, seeing the splendor in what she’d created. Phil had always thought that was just because he was so in love with Kara, but maybe there was something to her art that he’d just never seen before. He’d have to look again.