Jessica's Wish

by Marci Bolden

  Kneeling down, she wiped Jessica’s cheeks. Only then did she notice the red and blue stains on her hands from their afternoon of painting. She examined Jess’s little hands and found the same. “Let me call Daddy, and then we’ll go wash up.”

  “Is Mira okay?”

  “She will be,” Mallory whispered. Silently, she wondered if she was right.

  Phil rushed into the emergency room waiting area. He’d been building a doghouse for Lucky, excited to surprise Jessica, when he’d gotten Mallory’s call. He suspected she was trying to sound calm for Jessica’s sake, but he had heard the concern in her voice the moment she said his name. His stomach knotted tighter and tighter with each word. Mira was sick. He needed to call the attorney because Lynn still had parental rights. Someone had to find her.

  “I’ll be there as soon as I can,” he’d said. Thankfully, he had a business card from the attorney in the pile of receipts and change that he piled up on his dresser when he emptied his pockets every night. He found the card fairly quickly.

  The attorney said he’d meet them at the ER, but Phil didn’t see him as he rushed in. His heart melted at the sight of Jessica and Mallory huddled together on a fake leather love seat. “Is the attorney here yet?”

  Mallory looked up, and Jessica jumped from her side to hug Phil.

  “Mira’s sick,” she said, burying her face in his stomach.

  He hugged her tight. “I know, Punk. I’m sure she’s already starting to feel better.” He lifted his questioning gaze to Mallory.

  “I don’t know what the attorney looks like.”

  He held his hand about eight inches over his head. “Tall, muscular, African American. Looks like he walked right out of the NFL and onto a GQ cover.”

  She smirked. “Oh, no. I would have noticed a guy like that. He isn’t here yet.”

  Did she really have to say that she’d notice a guy like that with that underlying husky tone she used when they were alone? “Right.” He brushed his hand over Jessica’s hair. “What happened?”

  Mallory shrugged. “Harry ran in while we were painting and said Mira had a fever. Kara took her temperature and said we needed to bring her in.”

  “She wasn’t crying, Daddy. She was just lying there.”

  His heart tripped over itself. That kid was always fussy. “Sometimes when you don’t feel good, you get quiet, too. You like to just lie around until you feel better. I’m sure Mira feels the same right now.”

  The concern in Mallory’s eyes made him question his reassurance. He heard his name and turned to see his parents’ lawyer crossing the room.

  “Wow,” Mallory whispered. “You weren’t kidding.”

  The man’s suit, though clearly tailored, seemed to strain against his bicep as he held his hand out to Phil. “Where are Kara and Harry?”

  “They’re with the doctor right now,” Phil said, greeting the man.

  He smiled. “You must be Jessica.” He shook her hand as he had Phil’s. “I’m Alan. A friend of your grandma and grandpa. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

  “Were you a football player?” she asked, not noticing how Phil winced. He hated when she repeated his off-the-cuff commentary about people.

  Laughing, he shook his head. “I just like to exercise. Being healthy is important.”

  “Mira’s sick,” she said softly.

  “I’m going to go check on her right now.” He eyed Phil. “Is Lynn here?”

  “Not that I’ve seen.”

  Alan moved beyond Phil to the triage nurse, undoubtedly explaining the situation. Within a few moments, he was escorted through the double doors where patients were treated.

  Phil led Jessica and Mallory to the sitting area where they’d been when he came in. He was going to situate Jess between them, but she hopped onto the end of the couch, pulling Mallory to her side, forcing Phil to squeeze between Mallory and the arm of the couch. He knew better than to think that was anything but deliberate, but now wasn’t the time to remind Jessica that he and Mallory weren’t on the best terms.

  Pulling out his phone, he texted his father, asking him to send an update when he got a chance.

  “Should I take her home?” Mallory whispered.

  “I want to stay,” Jessica protested before Phil could answer.

  “Just for a while, Jess,” Phil said softly. “It could be a long time before the doctor knows what’s wrong.”

  “I can take her when she’s ready,” Mallory offered.

  “Thanks.”

  Time seemed to slow to a stop. He’d check his watch expecting hours to have gone by, but only minutes had passed. He’d check his phone, expecting to have missed a text from his father, but the silence didn’t lie—he hadn’t received any new messages.

  The sound of a familiar voice drew him from his thoughts. Lynn stood at the receptionist’s desk, asking to see her daughter. An uneasy feeling formed low in Phil’s stomach. She seemed concerned, genuinely concerned. At least from where he sat.

  Though she hadn’t been the primary caregiver for Mira for some time, she was still her mother. She was still Mira’s legal guardian. She had responsibilities, and while he was happy to see her there, he was nervous at the same time. Seeing Mira sick might be the thing that triggered her maternal instincts to kick in. This might be the moment when she recognized she had to step up and engage in the baby’s life.

  If so, where would that leave his parents? The adoption wasn’t final. Lynn hadn’t signed away her rights. The child was simply living in his parents’ care until the paperwork was approved and a judge made it legal. Lynn had every right to be there. More so, she had every right to tell Harry and Kara they couldn’t be there.

  He didn’t know if she would. Part of him hoped she’d snap to the reality that she was the child’s mother, but if she did, that would hurt his parents. They’d never stop helping her or caring for Mira, but they’d also never stop worrying. He couldn’t imagine how Kara would handle that. For his family’s sake, he hoped the young woman signed whatever papers she had to sign to give Harry and Kara the power to oversee Mira’s medical treatment and walk way.

  Lynn disappeared through the same doors the attorney had, and Phil tried to not let his mind wander to where it was pulling him. Jessica had been Mira’s age when she had to have heart surgery. Katrina had stood in a room like this, cold and impersonal, declaring that she couldn’t handle being a mother. Kara had tried to calm her, to reassure her, but she’d shaken her head, her long, dark hair—like Jessica’s—flying around her shoulders. She looked at Phil with sad eyes, apologized, and walked out.

  He’d never seen her again. Weeks later, he received divorce papers giving him full custody. At his attorney’s and mother’s encouragement, he pushed back and requested Katrina relinquish her rights so they never found themselves in a position to have to run medical treatment by her. For some reason, he had expected her to push back, to realize she wanted Jessica. If not Phil, at least he expected her to want Jessica.

  She hadn’t. She’d signed without any kind of protest.

  Phil had always resented her for that. He’d always resented the void that Jessica grew up with.

  When he glanced at his daughter, though, some of the edge of his long-held anger eased. Jessica sat leaning against Mallory’s side. Mallory stroked her hair rhythmically, soothingly. Jess had finally stopped looking so scared and seemed content to sit there and be comforted.

  The next time the big double doors opened, Harry emerged, and Phil jumped up to meet him in the middle of the waiting room.

  “Her fever’s coming down. They gave her some meds. She’s on an IV just in case they need to give her fluids or meds.”

  “How’s Mom?”

  “Worried,” Harry answered. He opened his arms when Jessica ran up to hug him. Kissing her head, he smiled down at her. “Sorry we scared you, Punk.”

  “Is Mira okay?”

  “She will be. They think she caught a little bug, but they’re going to do
some blood work just to be sure.”

  “That’s good news,” Mallory said. She looked at Phil and seemed to sense that there was more he wanted to discuss with his father. “Hey, Jess. I think we should find the cafeteria and get a drink. Sound good?”

  “It’s this way,” Jessica said, pulling away from Harry. “I saw a sign.”

  After Mallory and Jessica were out of hearing distance, Phil heaved a sigh. “What about Lynn?”

  Harry pressed his lips together. “She’s worried. As she should be. Only two people can be in there with Mira right now. She wanted Kara to stay. I think that’s a good sign. She could have kicked us out.”

  Phil creased his brow. “Where’s Alan, then?”

  “He was going to talk to the administrator. See if they will at least get me and Kara listed as guardians so we can make medical decisions if need be. God, this is such a mess.” He ran his hand over his hair and blew out a breath. “Sure wish whatever is wrong with her could have waited a few weeks until the adoption was final.”

  Phil swallowed, trying to keep his own concern out of his voice, but he had to ask. “Think she’ll change her mind?”

  Harry seemed to consider the possibility before shaking his head. “No. No, I think this will remind her that she’s not ready for parenthood. Kara and I have already let her know she’s welcome to be a part of Mira’s life if she chooses, so long as she agrees to our terms on that. She’s not going to want this. Not just the responsibility, but the diapers and formula and…medical bills. She won’t change her mind.”

  “Yeah. That’s why Katrina signed her rights away.”

  Putting his hand on Phil’s shoulder, Harry gave him a sorrowful look. “I’m sure this is bringing up a lot of memories for you. I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t worry about me. You focus on Mom and Mira right now.”

  Harry glanced toward where Mallory and Jessica had wandered off. “How are things with Mal?”

  He shrugged. “Tense. Uncomfortable.”

  “She’s a good woman, Phil. She really cares about Jessica.”

  “Yeah, Dad. I know.”

  “Had to say it.”

  Phil nodded behind Harry at the sight of his mother rushing through the door.

  She smiled and gestured for Harry to join her. “Come on. Lynn’s going to give us legal guardianship. We need to sign some paperwork so Alan can get it filed right away.”

  The relief on Harry’s face was palpable. Though he’d insisted, clearly he hadn’t been as confident as he’d tried to make Phil believe. He offered Phil a smile before joining his wife. Phil was thrilled for them. This was definitely a good sign. Now they all could focus on getting baby Mira healthy again.

  Mallory hadn’t intended to fall asleep next to Jessica, but sometime after agreeing to stay with her until she drifted off, Mallory had dozed as well. She woke to Phil gently shaking her. And naturally, because that was how her life went, she woke with a snort, a trail of drool running from the corner of her mouth. Licking her lips and wiping her chin, she ignored his grin as she held out her hand in an unspoken request for his assistance in sitting.

  “What time is it?” she whispered after he’d pulled her to her feet.

  “Almost ten.”

  “How’s Mira?”

  “Good. They released her about an hour ago.”

  She followed him down the hall to the living room. “And your parents?”

  “They’ve been better but are happy Mira went home with them and not Lynn.”

  “I bet.”

  “I told them I’d come over in the morning to help out so they can get some rest. They’re going to need it.”

  “If you want to drop Jess off at my place—”

  “Actually, I was hoping you’d join us. Mom told me all about how much fun you guys had painting. Sounds like maybe she could use some more of that, and Jessica wouldn’t mind having you around. Neither would I, to be honest.”

  She stared at him, taking in the schoolboy anxiety on his face. He looked like he’d just asked her to the prom and had no idea how she’d answer. “I can swing by. Sure.”

  His smile eased. “Good. Also, I wanted to thank you for taking care of Jessica,” he said sincerely. “You saved me a lot of stress not having to worry about her.”

  “Of course.”

  “Mallory,” he stated, giving her pause with the seriousness of his tone. “I didn’t have to worry about her. Not once did I wonder if she was doing okay. That might not sound like much, but that’s a really big deal for me.”

  “I know it is.” It took a moment, but she managed a smile. “Thank you for trusting me.”

  “Thank you for…sticking around long enough to let me.” He looked at his feet, shoved his hands in his pockets, and then looked at her again. “You know this entire situation with Lynn has been hitting a bit too close to home for me, but today…I don’t know if I ever really talked about it, but we were in the hospital waiting room when Katrina left. She said she couldn’t handle being a parent and she walked out. And that was that.”

  Mallory’s heart shattered. “I’m so sorry.”

  “Up until today, I’ve been pretty torn on how I feel about Mira’s adoption. I know my parents love her, but knowing how abandoned Jessica has felt, part of me really wanted Lynn to step up and be the mom she should be. Today made me see things a little differently. It really is best if Lynn walks away. Mom said Lynn was genuinely concerned about Mira, but as soon as the doctor said she’d be okay, Lynn was ready to leave. She asked Mom to call her and let her know how Mira was doing. That’s not how a mom should act, Mal.”

  “No. It’s not.”

  “Some people really just aren’t cut out for parenthood, are they?”

  She shook her head, thinking of her birth father, the one she’d never met. “My mom told me she’d help me find my father if I wanted. I don’t. I really don’t, Phil. Marcus might just be my stepdad, but he is the only father I’ve ever known. The only one I’ll ever need. Kara and Harry are the only real parents Mira’s ever known, and they’ll give her the life she deserves. Just like you gave Jessica the life she’s deserved.”

  He huffed out his breath. “Mal, I know I messed things up. I freaked out when I realized how much Jessica cares for you. I said some things—”

  “Forget it.”

  “No.” Shaking his head, he pressed his lips together and stared her down. “I was so far off the mark about you. But the thing is, it wasn’t about you.”

  “I know.”

  “It was about Katrina. And me. Maybe even a little bit about Lynn.”

  “I know.”

  He shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “I’m trying to apologize.”

  She smirked. “I know.”

  “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

  She licked her lip as she took her breath. “But you did, Phil. You hurt me so much. Not just by implying that I wasn’t good enough for Jessica but by treating me like I was disposable. I gave you everything I thought you wanted, and you tossed me aside like I meant nothing.”

  “Only because you meant too much.”

  She processed his excuse before rolling her eyes. “You are so messed up,” she whispered.

  “I’m working on it. But I’m not the only one who misses you. Us.”

  “Jessica is tougher than you give her credit for,” Mallory told him. “She’s already adjusting to how things are.”

  “I don’t want her to.”

  Rolling her head back, Mallory shook it. “Do you even recognize how often you change your mind? I mean, it’s a damn good thing you never had to pick out a prom dress, Phil.”

  He chuckled, which made her grin.

  Her smile faded quickly, however. “I am going through a lot, too, Phil. I’m still learning to accept the extent of my mom’s injuries and how to care for her without overstepping. I need balance in my life. I need…security and stability. Nothing about being with you is stable.”

  �
��I’ve been self-centered.”

  “Yes, you have,” she stated, not giving him any slack. “And I don’t have the energy for that right now.”

  “Noted.” He took a deep breath. “Maybe we could start small. I’m going to spend the morning with my parents. I know they’re exhausted and need help with Mira. Jess and I could use the help, too. Would you consider joining us? Just to hang out. Like we used to.”

  As seemed to happen where Phil was concerned, she hadn’t realized how much she wanted that until he offered it. But she was hesitant. Untrusting. “You’re going to be with your parents. You don’t need me there.”

  “No. But I want you there.”

  “Maybe,” she said. “Call me tomorrow. We’ll see how I’m feeling about it then.”

  “Fair enough.”

  She started for the door, but he put his hand to her arm.

  “I didn’t lie. When we were together. Every word I said was true, I just…”

  “Got scared,” she finished.

  He nodded.

  “I believe you. I forgive you. But I’m not sure I’m ready to be with you again. Good night, Phil.”

  “Night, Mal.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Phil and Mallory walked slowly, side by side, down the beach as Jessica ran ahead with Lucky. The dog’s limp was virtually nonexistent, and as Phil had long ago predicted, the two were inseparable. Now that Lucky could run and play, Jessica spent time every afternoon in the backyard throwing balls and sticks, cheering him on as he fetched them. She seemed to be completely in tune with Lucky, on some level that Phil didn’t really understand.

  Being on the beach where they’d found him seemed to settle them both down, though, almost as if they realized the significance of being in this place. Lucky’s life had been forever changed here. It seemed as if he were reflecting on that as he looked over the water with Jessica’s hand on his head.

  They’d spent all day at his parents’ house, helping with Mira as much as Kara would allow. She was still being overprotective of the baby, hyperaware of every sound Mira had made, but midmorning, she’d caved and let Harry drag her upstairs so they could nap. Between Jessica, Mallory, and Phil, they’d managed to keep Mira happy enough for several hours.