Crave: Addicted To You

by Ash Harlow

  “Perhaps—” Marlo started, but Adam cut in, shaking his head.

  “It’s between Lulah and Vince, hon.”

  Lulah waited, struggling with herself, needing to say the words, to admit her own vulnerability this once, so that Marlo and Adam would know that although her strength wasn’t a facade, it also didn’t stay with her all the time. “Sometimes, I’m so scared.”

  “Not of Vince.”

  “No. I’m scared for Vince.” She took another breath. “I don’t know if I can handle the responsibility of deciding whether I’ve misunderstood a cry for help.”

  Adam held out his hand. “Let me read the note.”

  Lulah passed it to him. As she went back to her chair, she glanced out the window. “Mike’s here.”

  “It’s okay; he doesn’t have to know about this.” Adam read the note and handed it back to Lulah. “Hell, poor Vince. Personally, I think you made the right call. You said he’s working on a project for his daughter. From the talks I’ve had with him, she is his reason for living, and he wants to be there for her. My gut feeling is that he’s okay right now.”

  Mike tapped on the door frame and stepped into the office. “Morning, all. No Vince?”

  Lulah waited for Adam to respond. “Vince isn’t so good today; you and Lulah can work without him.”

  “That’s fine. It often happens with these guys.” Mike smiled. “Let’s work with Calliope first; then we’ll temperament test a couple of the other dogs you told me about.”

  Lulah enjoyed working with Mike these past three days. He had so much to teach her, and Calliope showed what a clever girl she was.

  “She’s a great dog, Lulah. If you have a couple more like her, you’ll have your program off to a running start.”

  Great, except it’s not my program yet. There are a few more exams to pass first.

  They were sitting in the lunch room down at the Dog Haven Sanctuary indoor training area, commonly referred to as HQ. Interns and volunteers tagged along with them today, and they hung onto Mike’s words. He was pleasant enough looking, average height and build, with a ready smile. The dogs liked him, too. Lulah sat back as the interns grabbed the opportunity to question him. His answers were calculated yet generous, worded in a way that took the mystery out of the training.

  She noticed how he watched her, too. Picked up on his body language that hinted he would enjoy the chance to know her better. The problem with dog trainers was that they were good at reading human body language, too. Yeah, those little glances and touches showed interest even if he didn’t yet realize it.

  He seemed so uncomplicated, so un-Vince. God forbid, he might even be reliable. So why wasn’t she interested in giving a few glances back? She knew she didn’t want someone unreliable like her father. Even more, she knew that UHT Vince was a total no-go zone. It seemed she still needed her baser self to acknowledge that message.

  She hadn’t heard from Vince, and her concern rapidly switched to unease. Fear waited in the wings to present itself at two a.m. when the logical part of the brain wasn’t suffering the insomnia the rest of her had to bear. She’d resorted to a cup of warm milk the night before; that did nothing to relax her. Instead, she sat up in her bed, staring across at the barn, too frightened to let herself imagine the emotional depths Vince may have reached.

  Thank God she’d had the foresight to put in a large bed, because once awake, Joker and Calliope hopped up to lie with her. They were quiet, their soft breathing and gentle snuffles soothing to her chaos. Good dogs.

  Mike had spoken to her, but she hadn’t heard a word. “Sorry, Mike, what did you say?”

  “I was checking whether you were coming out with us all tonight for beer and pizza. You’d said you might have something else on.”

  She’d hoped Vince might be back, and if he was, she wanted to be around in case he needed to talk. And, if he returned, she was fairly certain he wouldn’t want to go into town for a meal with everyone from the Sanctuary. But she couldn’t hang about just in case Vince needed her. They didn’t have that investment in each other, and she wasn’t going to become co-dependent girl.

  If she wanted, she could easily cry off with the excuse that she had studying to do, but given Mike was a Certified Animal Behaviorist, she could almost bet that he would offer to stay behind and help. Luckily, she wasn’t a betting woman.

  “I’m free tonight, Mike. I’ll be there.”

  “What are the travel arrangements?”

  “We usually car pool. I think I might take my car.”

  “No, save your gas; let me pick you up.”

  Ah. Now that means I’ll have to give him my address. “It’s okay. I can meet you down at the Sanctuary village.” He was staying in one of the cabins at the new accommodation they’d built there.

  “It’s no problem. I can pick you up on the way to town. You’re out on the Old Mill Road, aren’t you?”

  Well, yes I am, clever dude, but how did you know that? “Yeah, ah —”

  Mike laughed. “Don’t worry. I’m not stalking you. I recall your address from that info packet I sent to you. The road I live on is Old Mill Road, too. You tend not to forget stuff like that.”

  Lulah laughed, too. “Huh, coincidence. Do you recall the number, too?”

  “No, I’m not that good.”

  She told him the number, wanting to add that she’d wait at the gate, but that would probably seem weird. She spoke to the others in the room. “Any of you guys need a lift?” A couple of hands shot up. Perfect.

  Lulah was almost at the gate when Mike arrived to collect her. Two others were in the SUV with him, and he wasn’t the least bothered by the extra company. She had totally read the situation wrong. Big Andy sat in the back, running through the pizzeria menu which he managed to have learned, either by rote or regular acquaintance. The others offered their opinions on each menu choice, debating whether a pizza required anything beyond the classic Margherita topping.

  A hundred yards from the main road intersection Lulah saw Vince’s pickup turn onto their road. Every emotion she’d experienced in the last three days merged and created a cocktail so potent it made her dizzy. She barely managed to prevent herself from asking Mike to stop. As the two vehicles passed, Vince’s troubled gaze locked into hers.

  “Wasn’t that Vince?” Mike said.

  “Didn’t see,” Lulah replied. Reduced to lying now, Lulah. Charming.

  “I’m sure it was. Does he live down here, too?”

  “No,” Lulah replied. Well, that was honest. He might spend a lot of time at the barn, but he didn’t actually live there.

  Mike flicked a quick glance her way and returned to the discussion, which turned into a worst pizza ever competition.

  Dinner in town was fun, and they’d managed to get through it quickly and grab a nine p.m. showing of a movie some of them wanted to see. The late showing meant it was nearly midnight when Mike dropped her back home. He had been perfectly mannered during the dinner and movie, and she felt stupid for thinking he was attracted to her. Maybe she should complete her degree before she put any more effort into reading body language, because either his body spoke Martian or she was doing it completely wrong.

  She said goodnight to them all once they reached the cabin, and her spirit sank a little when she noticed Vince’s pickup wasn’t there. But Calliope still was, and on the table sat a new note.

  I’m back. I’m good. Thank you for taking care of Calliope. I’m not certain whether I’m supposed to have her while she’s being trained, but I took her and Joker for a walk and returned them. Can we speak tomorrow? V.

  She really hoped his words reflected some sort of contentment he’d found out there, no matter how temporary it might be.

  The following morning at eight, she phoned Vince, hoping it wouldn’t be too early. He sounded well and promised to come right over and meet her at home. When he climbed out of his pickup twenty minutes later, she noticed how thin he seemed to be.

  “Did y
ou forget your rations out there?”

  He grinned. “Nice, Lulah, have you ever tried that stuff?” Calliope and Joker launched themselves from the porch and were bouncing around Vince who wrestled with them until he spied a tug-rope on the ground. He dangled it in the air, the two dogs leaping for it in vain. Finally, he hurled it across the yard. “Go play,” he ordered, and the dogs hurtled off.

  “Nope. My mouth would rebel if I tried to put rubbish like that in it. I have coffee, muesli, eggs, toast. Come in and eat something.”

  He took her porch steps in one leap and made it to her door before her, holding it open. Inside, he started making toast as Lulah filled two bowls with muesli and fruit. She pushed one towards him and passed him the yogurt from the fridge. “Start eating and don’t stop until I say. You look as though you’ve dropped ten pounds.”

  “Sorry, Mom,” he teased, pointing to his bowl with his spoon. “This is good. Where did you buy it?”

  “I made it. I don’t like that commercial stuff; it’s too sweet. Now keep eating. How many eggs would you like?”

  He held up two fingers.

  When the eggs and toast were ready, they headed out to the porch table to eat.

  Lulah watched as Vince buttered his toast, took a bite, and grinned at her.

  “That little trip you took—scary as that was for me—seems to have done you some good. Please, next time, remember to take some food. You could at least pack a Soldier Fuel bar.”

  “I’d rather have this,” he waved a loaded fork in the air. “I’m feeling a lot better. Real sorry if I scared you; that was the last thing I intended to do.”

  If she mentioned that his note concerned her, he would shut off communication. “Fine, really, it’s fine. Bit of a surprise to be honest. What set you off? Was it working with Mike and Calliope?”

  He stared back, the unease returned to his face.

  “Sorry…boundary, yeah?”

  Vince placed his fork on his plate and rubbed at his face. When he pulled his hands away, he appeared as if he had come to a decision. “Taryn filed for divorce.”

  He’d done it again—that way he paused before throwing out a response without softening it or easing a person into it. Lulah waited in case there was anything he wanted to add.

  “It knocked me. I don’t know why, because we separated more than a year ago. It was always going to happen. She needs to move on with her life, and neither of us…well, we don’t work together. What I’m frightened of is having my access to Gable blocked. I’m not going to make trouble, but I’m not certain about custody. God knows, I can’t take care of Gable, and she needs her mom. With my deployment and our separation, she’s spent most of her life with her mom. But, hell, I need to see her, too.”

  “You need a lawyer, Vince. Please, promise me you won’t sign anything without having someone go over the papers with you?”

  He looked back at his plate. “Good eggs.”

  Nice try, Hot Guy, but this discussion hasn’t finished. “Vince, please, promise me you will have everything explained.”

  Suddenly, he laughed.

  “What?”

  “You should see your face.”

  “My face is funny? Thanks, friend.”

  He leaned across the table. “Your face is beautiful. Your concern is funny.”

  “My concern is genuine.”

  “Are we going to spend the morning adjusting each other’s impressions?”

  And wouldn’t I love to do that? Lulah leaned in to meet him. “Promise me you will talk to a lawyer.”

  “I’m meeting a lawyer at eleven today.”

  “In which case, I will take Calliope to school.”

  “Is that okay? It’s just...”

  Lulah shook her head. “No problem. There’s a bunch of stuff for her and I to tackle. For now, I’m happy that you join in when you can. I’ll work with Mike, because I have a whole lot to learn about this, too. Further along, you’ll have to come along for intensive training.”

  “Can I pick her up later?”

  “Sure, if you miss us at the Sanctuary, come by here.”

  “I’ll be here. I want to work on Gable’s wagon.”

  “Good.” Lulah pushed her chair out and started to clear the plates. Vince stood to help and followed her inside. As she ran water in the sink to rinse the dishes, she felt Vince’s hands grip her shoulders. She stilled, and he placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head.

  “Thank you, Lulah, for everything.” He spoke into her hair, his whisper harsh, his breath hot, and the weight of his words, loaded with stuff he couldn’t yet express, kept her still. She reached up to touch a hand to his, but he pulled away and left the cabin. Calliope was at his side by the time he made the door. He crouched and kissed the top of her head, too. “Wait here, babe; I promise I’ll be back for you.”

  Chapter Nine

  Except for the wheels and fixing the backplate once the paint dried, Gable’s wagon was ready. The wagon itself had received its final coat, and all Vince needed was the new set of wheels he had ordered, and the work would be finished. He would drive over to see her on Saturday and deliver the wagon.

  There were so many projects he wanted to start. Some called out impatiently. Some, like the carousel horse sitting quietly in the shadows, remained enchanting and demure. He’d carved a sign for a B&B in town, and now two other businesses asked him to meet and discuss new signage. It was the sort of work he loved. It paid well and satisfied his creative side, but he needed to concentrate more on meeting deadlines.

  He’d set up his drawing board at the bench beneath a window that allowed him a view across the yard. Glancing out the window, he wondered on which track Lulah and the dogs would appear. She had left on her mountain bike this morning, so she could return by a number of different routes. Needing a focus, he decided to finally uncover the carousel horse and make a plan for its restoration.

  Minutes later, the barking dogs grabbed his attention, and he searched for Lulah with that tricky mix of eagerness and apprehension. He’d had this picture flash of her in the vehicle with Mike as they passed him on the road when they drove into town the other night, and they looked right for each other.

  With that image came the knowledge that they were the ones spending each day together. He recalled how Mike made her laugh and how the storm clouds rolled in on his mood as he’d watched.

  If there was one thing he knew, it was that anything emotional for him was the IED—Improvised Explosive Device—on the road. One little bump and he’d detonate. Right then, he decided to shut down all of these niggling attractions he felt for Lulah. What was he thinking? Mike was perfect for her.

  What the hell? Since when had Lulah’s personal life become his concern?

  He went back to work on the sketch for the broken trappings on the carousel horse. The damaged fairy was almost wingless, so he’d start with that. He reached for his pencil as the door pushed open with an initial creak, and the way the sunlight spilled through cleaved the shadow on the floor of the barn. It illuminated a path between him and Lulah, and she stood there at the entrance, giving him a simple smile.

  He wanted to go to her. He really wanted to but...Hell, IED, remember? He gripped the pencil, forcing all his energy—his thoughts about Mike, his anxiety—through its tip, while keeping his gaze on her.

  Looking at her was a banquet. Both greedy and nourishing in one hit.

  He thought she would break the spell with a quick, ‘Hi, what are you up to?’, but she did something so different, so unlike the way other people treated him. Mostly, others dealt with him quickly, using that awkward give the beggar a bun and make him leave before he creates a scene method.

  But not Lulah.

  She was still smiling, although she did more than that. She had hooked into his gaze, then beyond his gaze and right into his eyes. She took him in, slowly, gently, with no retreat, until he felt as though she watched his soul. Scanning it, seeing the hurt, assessing him like a paramedi
c’s on-arrival summing up of an accident victim. The smile slid from her mouth until her lips pursed in this little way, curious, because she kept on reading, seeing his soul scars, making an inventory.

  She sees the scars.

  Lulah kept watching, and he stayed locked in, because throughout that strange eternity of only a few moments, she made him feel more human than he had experienced in a long time. She identified his soul, and even though he couldn’t get near it himself, she made him believe maybe it was still there.

  She blinked, her eyelids like the slow drift of a curtain, withdrawing gently from the intensity of what they’d shared. He watched as her gaze made a steady sweep of the workshop, fixing on the carousel horse. Smiling, she walked over to it. “Oh, wow,” she murmured, sliding her fingertips over the crest of the neck, carefully, as if not to disturb any flakes of paint.

  Now she stood in the cross of two shafts of sunlight as if illuminated on a stage. He stepped up to her, gripped her arms, and pulled her against him. “I don’t want to need you.” His mouth pressed against her hair, his whisper fierce, the words delivered and spaced with care so that there could be no chance of misinterpretation.

  “I understand. I feel the same,” she replied.

  The heat of her breath warmed his chest. Holding her against him like this was so fantastic that he never wanted to let her go. But that one little admission from her brought him back to reality. He liked her way too much to make this anxiety part of her daily life.

  IED, remember?

  They released each other, and Lulah moved to the wagon, running her fingertips over it the way she had on the horse. “It looks finished?”

  Vince exhaled. Reality. “I’m waiting for the wheels, and it’s done. They should be ready to pick up tomorrow.” Reality, to be honest, was that he wanted her fingertips trailing over him.