Anything Your Heart Desires

by AJ Adaire

  “You don't remember anything about that day at all?” Meg looked down and Jo noticed that her face had colored. Uh oh, I had hoped I wouldn't ever have to address this with her again.

  Meg sighed and looked up to meet Jo's eyes. “I have these flashes of things that may or may not have happened. Will you tell me the truth? Did we make love, or is it wishful thinking on my part?”

  Jo really didn't want to have to hurt Meg a second time over the same rejection, but she was left with no choice. “We did. But, in the end, we agreed it was a mistake.”

  “I agreed that it was a mistake as well? I find that hard to believe. I've been in love with you for months. I remember I couldn't wait for you to come home. I think I planned to tell you how I was feeling.”

  “Yes, you told me that.” Jo described, as gently as she could, the events of that day. “So, we agreed we'd stop by the hospital and then have a quick dinner. I can't say you were overjoyed about my telling you I just wanted us to stay friends and not pursue anything beyond that. You accepted it, and we were moving forward as friends.”

  Meg's eyes filled with tears. “So we made love and then you told me you didn't want me. I guess the sex wasn't that great, huh?”

  “Meg, don't do this. Please. The sex was fine. I do care for you, very much. I love you, but as a friend only. Think about it. We're good friends, we catch a game together now and again, we bowl, and play cards. We’ve never shared anything more than casual conversation. I need more than what we share to base a relationship on. I'm sorry.”

  “Okay. I guess I'll see you around then.” She abruptly stood to leave, obviously still hurting and visibly angry.

  “Meg, please don't leave like this.”

  “Jo, I can't stay. I think I need some time.” She strode down the hallway.

  ***

  While Jo and Meg were in the office talking, Nic asked Stacy how things were going with her project.

  “Pretty good, I think. I've learned a lot of general information from Jo along with some specifics that I might be able to use in my book. I'm still considering whether the blackmail angle that I happened upon will work well in the book.”

  “So, Jo is being helpful to you?” Nic stretched out her long legs, relaxing into the conversation with Stacy.

  “Yes, very. The bonus is that I think we're actually becoming good friends. Jo's very comfortable to be around, and we seem to be pretty compatible.” Stacy grinned. “I think she thought the whole scheme was hair brained at first. I get the feeling she's actually not minding it now.”

  “You've been very nice to walk with her and to get her the chair. It gives her the confidence to go farther.”

  Since they were making small talk, Stacy thought she'd ask Nic a question she was curious about. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Sure, anything.”

  “Well, this morning Jo and I were talking, and she mentioned these rules she lives by.”

  “Ah yes.” Nic exhaled a long sigh. “The infamous rule number one and rule number two.”

  Stacy smiled and leaned forward, resting her weight on her elbows. “Yes. Right. Everyone, I’m sure, would agree that rule number one is admirable. We'd all be better off if everyone followed that rule, wouldn't we?”

  Nic nodded her agreement.

  “I'm curious about her rule number two, though. Apparently that's not a rule that all lesbians live by. Obviously, you didn't follow it if you were Dana's first and only relationship with a woman. Why do you think Jo is so adamant about that rule? I know she was burned once. It just doesn't make sense to assume that would ever happen a second time, does it? I mean her rule just isn't logical.”

  Nic tugged at her left ear as she decided how to respond to Stacy. “I'm not sure I know how to answer that. Some lesbians won't have sex with straight women at all. Other lesbians like to bring women out and only want sex with straight women. Some won't date a bisexual woman, and still others will have a relationship with any woman with a pulse. You'll have to ask Dana how she felt. For me, plain and simple, I just fell in love. I suspect the same happened to Dana, before we could think about if it was right or wrong, if she was straight or lesbian. We each just wanted to be together, and that was all that mattered to us. I'm not sure Dana has decided yet if she's a lesbian or just in love with me.”

  “Does that bother you?”

  “No, not as long as she continues to love me. I don't care how she identifies.”

  “Thanks, Nic. I'm thinking that my character in my book might have had a first time relationship with another woman and for some reason, she ended it. I'm trying to figure out if blackmail is the best angle to use or to just have the conflict be because she maybe decided to go back to her boyfriend. You know, like maybe the ex-girlfriend killed her because she went back to her old boyfriend.”

  Nic’s eyebrow arched. “Maybe the boyfriend killed her because she left him for a woman. Why make the lesbian the heavy like everyone else does?”

  “Good point. That would be another angle I can use. You know, to add to the suspense. Thanks, Nic. I'll think about that.”

  Stacy and Nic’s conversation stopped when Meg came out of the office and strode down the hallway. Not looking very happy, Meg stopped long enough to thank Stacy for lunch and say goodbye. It seemed like Meg couldn’t wait to get out of there. Her ire was evident in the look on her face and her abrupt manner.

  “Wonder what that's all about?” Nic said. She didn't wait to ask. After checking her watch, she said, “Oh, I’m sorry, Stacy. I have to get back to the office, so I'd better be going as well. Will you tell Jo that I said goodbye? I don't want to be late. Thanks for lunch.” She leaned down and gave Stacy a warm hug.

  “Thanks, Nic. You gave me a something to think about for the book. I may explore your angle instead of what I was originally thinking. It could be more interesting in the end.”

  Nic put on her coat. “Will I see you two later?”

  “No, I don’t think so. Jo offered to help me with my survey. Maybe tomorrow.”

  “Ok, I'll see you then. Thanks again for lunch. I really enjoyed it.”

  ***

  Stacy gave Jo some privacy for another half hour. As time ticked by, she needed to get started on her survey. She made her way down the hallway and knocked on the open door. “Hey, Jo, may I come in?”

  “Sure.” Jo was lying on the bed.

  “Is everything okay?

  “It will be.”

  “Want to talk about it?” Stacy crossed the room and stood next to her desk, facing Jo.

  “Is it part of the deal?”

  “No, I just thought you looked upset and so did Meg when she left. It's really none of my business. I was just trying to be a friend.” Stacy turned to leave.

  “Wait, I promised I'd help you with your survey. Want to get started?”

  “Are you up to it?”

  “Sure, I'm fine.”

  Stacy pulled out the folders containing the surveys she’d printed out earlier. She explained the process she needed to follow. “So, if you can just use this form to tally the responses from questions one to ten, I can devote the time I need to read the written responses and make some sense of them.”

  “Okay. Let's do it.” Jo said rubbing her hands together.

  “Feel like catching a movie later?”

  “Let's just see if we get all the work done that you have to do first, then we can talk about it.” Jo smiled. “It can be our reward.”

  They worked together in silence for an hour and a half before Jo stood up and stretched. “I'm done,” she announced.

  “Already? Great!”

  “I need to walk around a bit and shake some of the kinks out of my leg.” Jo rubbed her stiff leg.

  “You want to go outside?”

  “No. It looks too cold. Want some tea?”

  “Sure. You mind making it while I wrap up here?”

  “No problem. I can exercise my leg a bit while I wait for the water to boil. Do
you have much more to do?”

  “No, I'm almost finished. Maybe another ten or fifteen minutes.”

  Jo checked the time. “Want to catch the five o'clock movie? The Tourist is playing. I'd like to see it because Angelina Jolie is in it. I assume you wouldn't mind seeing Johnny Depp.”

  Stacy noticed that Jo's normal good humor had returned. She wondered what had happened between her and Meg. Instead of asking, she responded, “No. I'd much rather watch her. I loved her movie Salt as well as her Laura Croft movies.”

  “That's odd. I thought all straight women loved Johnny Depp.”

  “Now who's being stereotypical?”

  Jo laughed. “You're right.” She turned and limped down the hallway to make the tea.

  Ten minutes later, they were sitting at the kitchen counter drinking the warm liquid. Stacy made an effort to try to find out what happened between Meg and Jo. “Meg seems nice. You know you can have your friends over any time you want.”

  “Thanks. You're dying to ask me about what happened, aren't you?”

  Stacy's dimple appeared as she grinned and hung her head in mock embarrassment.

  “Okay, here's the ugly truth. She's been a friend and I like her very much. I'm not sure she'll be back. She was a little upset when she left. It seems she got most of her memory back, and she's a little miffed over a couple of things.”

  “So when we talked about relationships, you didn't mention her.”

  “No, because I wasn't in a relationship with her.”

  “Apparently, she thought she was in one with you.” Stacy stirred her tea absentmindedly.

  “Yeah, and therein lies the rub. I'm not particularly proud of this. The day of the shooting, we uh...”

  “You slept with her.”

  Jo nodded. “Yes, but…” Jo paused, averting her eyes. She slowly returned her gaze to Stacy’s. “Look, no excuses. I got home from a long trip. She came over and met me at the door with a kiss I didn't expect. I hadn't been with anyone for at least two years, and I guess I'd have to admit that I just didn't resist the temptation she offered. Not to make excuses, I guess I was tired and I really didn’t think about the consequences of my actions. I can’t even blame what happened between us on too much alcohol. I just plain made a poor, spur-of-the-moment decision and didn’t stop it when I should have.”

  “So you aren't in love with her?”

  “No.” Jo’s tone and demeanor indicated she was sincere. “I mean, sure, I care for her. Not in the same way she cares for me, I guess. I do like Meg, you know, but just as a friend.”

  “However, she feels more for you than friendship.”

  Jo nodded. “It seems so. I made a huge error in judgment—a gargantuan mistake. Meg's a good person. Unfortunately, I'm not in love with her. I regretted my actions the minute it was over. Here's where the trouble starts. She knew how I felt. Right after the, well you know. We discussed what happened, and I was completely honest with her. She wanted more, I didn't. She said that she wished I wouldn't feel that we’d made a mistake. She hoped that our being intimate would help her ‘get me out of her system’ as she put it. She seemed okay after our discussion. We even ended up making plans to go out for dinner. Then all that happened at the hospital and she lost her memory.”

  Stacy studied Jo’s face. “Judging from her demeanor when she left earlier, it would seem that she's remembered what happened.”

  “Yes, more or less. Unfortunately, she just has flashes of the,” Jo used her fingers to make quotation marks, “good parts, and none of the conversation we had afterwards. It seems she doesn't remember the part where I told her it would never happen again. So unfortunately, I had to tell her, to reject her all over again. She was definitely upset. Interestingly, more upset today than she was the first time that I had to tell her that what had happened between us that day was never going to happen again.”

  “Oh, I see. So Meg thinks you dumped her and moved in with me?”

  Jo nodded. “I'm afraid that may be having some impact.”

  “Oh, poor Meg. So did you straighten her out?” Stacy hated the thought that Meg would think that she had 'stolen' her girlfriend.

  “Well, as much as I could. She was upset when she left. She knows that I wouldn't lie to her. I'm sure she'll be okay once she has some time to think about it. I'll call her in a couple of days.”

  “Maybe you need a third rule. Do not sleep with your friends.”

  “It's generally not an issue. However, your suggestion will surely bear consideration.”

  “So you hadn't been with anyone for two years? I thought when you said you hadn't been serious with anyone for over two years, well, you know.” Stacy shrugged. “I thought I was the only celibate person in the world.” There was a lull in the conversation as they mulled their own thoughts. “The world really is a paired place, though, isn't it? You ever sit and watch the world go by? It's like Noah's Ark, two by two by two. Sometimes I just hate being alone, but being with someone I don't enjoy is worse. So I choose the lesser of two evils.”

  “Maybe you just haven't met the right guy yet, Stacy.”

  “Yes, I've told myself that same lie. I'm just not sure I believe it any more. Maybe some of us aren't meant to get on the Ark two by two.” She picked up her cup and set it in the sink. “We'd better get a move on if we want to make the movie.”

  They caught the show and afterward grabbed a burger before making their way back to Stacy's place where Stacy again massaged Jo before she fell asleep.

  Chapter 12

  NIC LOCKED UP THE office. She glanced up at the darkened windows of Stacy’s apartment to see if anyone was at the window. Still curious about what had happened between Meg and Jo that afternoon, she started for home. Was Meg jealous of Jo's relationship with Stacy?

  Once in her car, as Nic began the short drive home, she reviewed her thoughts about Jo and Stacy. They seemed to really have settled into an easy and comfortable routine. Jo was more relaxed and easy going than usual when she was with Stacy. She teased more readily, actually seemed happy, was surely lighter, and seemed less burdened. She couldn't be sure that was because of Jo’s relationship with Stacy or a product of her no longer working on the force. If only Stacy was a lesbian, they would be a perfect pair. In fact, Nic sensed that Stacy might actually have a bit of an attraction to Jo. The premise Stacy had begun with was to learn about the lesbian 'lifestyle.' From Nic's perspective, it seemed that she was more carefully studying Jo specifically. Nic was amazed at how well Stacy seemed to understand Jo's personality and motivations in such a short span of time.

  Arriving home, Nic entered the house and quickly began dinner. She knew that Dana would be pulling into the driveway in a few minutes. She lit the candles she’d set on the table and opened the wine. The slamming of a car door announced Dana’s arrival. Nic met her lover at the door with a kiss. “I missed you so much today.”

  Dana smiled. “Only half as much as I missed you.”

  “Now, how could you possibly know how much I missed you? I thought of you every minute of the day that we were apart. So I missed you more.”

  Dana wrapped her arms around Nic's neck, pulling her down for a slow, soft kiss. “I thought about you twice each minute of every hour today.”

  Nic laughed. “Okay, you win. And if you don't stop kissing me like that, we're going to burn dinner again.”

  “I'm starting to be used to the taste of charred food,” Dana replied. “Sometimes, I get something for lunch and just long for the taste of dried out and blackened food.”

  They laughed together as they walked hand in hand to the kitchen where they prepared their plates before they sat at the dining room table to eat.

  Later that evening, as they lay entwined together, Dana asked, “Do you remember television?”

  Nic was enjoying the feel of Dana's hand trailing slowly up and down her side. Despite the fact that they’d already made love, it wouldn't take much to get her interested again. Nic could never seem t
o get enough of her lover. She was deliriously happy and no longer able to imagine her life without Dana. She was counting the minutes until they could develop the business enough that they could both afford to do that job full time and could spend more time together. “What do you mean, do I remember television?”

  “Can you even remember the last time we watched it?”

  Goosebumps raised on Nic's thigh as Dana's hand traced a path there, trailing down the outside of her thigh across and over the top of her leg before lightly journeying upwards. Skirting along the edges of the soft curls at the apex of her legs and ending with her palm brushing Nic's already erect nipple, Dana's hand idly began the journey once again.

  “Umm. TV? Watched TV? No. Why?” Nic’s breathing rate had increased, indicating that the blood was hurrying to other locations on her body, leaving her brain not functioning at its full capacity.

  “Well, I was thinking that if we're ever short of cash, we could sell it.”

  Nic smiled and rolled over, pinning Dana to the bed. She stretched Dana's arms over her head and kissed her way from Dana's palm to her naval. “I love the way you feel, the way you smell, the way you kiss me,” she murmured against Dana's stomach. She moved up to Dana's breasts, paying careful attention to waiting until Dana began to move beneath her before kissing her way down to satisfy her lover's need for her. “I love the way you taste.”

  “Umm, that feels good, but I want you up here. I want you to come with me.” Both ready, they entered each other and joined in mutual release.

  “That was nice,” Dana whispered into Nic's neck, her breathing still coming in short bursts. “I love you, you know.”

  “Yes, I know. I couldn't live without you loving me, I think. I can't imagine how I even existed before you chose to love me.”