Anything Your Heart Desires

by AJ Adaire

  “Thanks for including me, Nic. I'll take care of the reservations as soon as we hang up and will leave messages for everyone with time and address information. And I'd love to join in the celebration after you get the good news,” Stacy said encouragingly.

  Stacy did as she promised. She chose a small Italian restaurant she liked and phoned for reservations. After she had confirmed a dinner reservation for Saturday evening, she called everyone and informed them of the plans.

  Jo was across the street covering the office, so Stacy was home alone catching up on some chores. Laundry, she thought, I should do some today. She went back to her bedroom, tidied up, and began to sort her clothes for the wash she intended to do later. Noticing the book on her night table, she picked up the second lesbian romance novel Jo had given her to read. She smiled at the recollection of reading it. This book was even steamier than the first she had read. Pushing aside the pile of clothes, she curled up on her bed and opened the book, flipping to the first love scene, and began to read. Some time later, when she got to the chapter where the two main characters were about to finally make love to each other, she glanced up to check the time. After the two earlier scenes that teased and built the sexual tension, she was already horny and wondered if she should take a break and give herself a chance to cool off. She couldn't remember the last time she had such a strong physical response to any of the romance books she was fond of reading by mainstream authors.

  In general, her reaction to mainstream books had been to wonder why she didn't feel the way the women in those stories did about sex. She was no virgin. In the two more serious relationships she'd had, sex had been something she had tolerated rather than relished. She’d always written it off to the fact that, although she had liked her partners and had enjoyed their company, she hadn't been in love with them. She'd not dated a lot in high school, preferring instead to go out in groups instead of on dates. In college, she had watched and listened to her friends as they excitedly related their plans to spend the weekend with their boyfriends. She’d been a virgin until she was twenty-three, originally planning on not having sex until after marriage. After dating David for nearly a year, she finally decided to find out what all the fuss was about. Although he was a tender lover, his kisses and tender touches just didn't excite her. Once they’d had sex, he expected that each date would end in his bedroom in the dorm. She began to reduce the frequency of their dates to weekends, sometimes begging off at the last minute. She didn't blame him when he broke up with her. In fact, she was surprised he had held on to their relationship for as long as he had.

  After college, she threw herself into work, and after work, she volunteered at a shelter for abused women in her hometown. Seeing the sorrow there was enough to deter her from any serious relationships. She did date occasionally, but always broke it off before things got too serious.

  Monique, Stacy's best friend, had gotten married after high school to her high school sweetheart, Rob. They had two kids together, and she was pregnant with her third when she discovered he was cheating on her. Stacy had spent every available night with her friend, helping her hold things together. Following the birth, Rob did return to the family after he begged for and was granted Monique's forgiveness. A marriage counselor helped them work to patch things up, with time and considerable effort on both their parts. Stacy was godmother to their daughter and missed the kids and her friend terribly when she moved to New York.

  After Stacy moved north, she'd had a difficult time making more than casual friendships in such a large city. She had come from a beautiful small town in Virginia that was comprised of about eight city blocks. The town itself was what would be described as upscale. It was surrounded by horse farms and populated by families gifted with substantial financial resources. A reasonably popular girl in her small high school where she knew everyone by name, Stacy had stayed friends with several of the girls in her group. Her hometown was a place where you knew everyone's name and most of everyone's business, as well. She kept in regular contact with several of her buddies from college as well. One in particular, Maria, she was especially close to. They kept in contact frequently, talking on the phone at least twice a month. Thinking about Maria reminded Stacy that she really needed to give her a call.

  Stacy was terribly lonely when she first came to the city, finding it difficult to find a group of friends to hang out with. She concluded that she was happier in a smaller environment. In search of a new peer group, she began attending church where she met a woman about her own age. She introduced her to some other women friends of hers. Stacy did do things with them occasionally. However, she never developed any close relationships like she had at home or at college.

  Eventually, Stacy became friendly with her neighbor, Don. They became good friends and soon were seeing each other every night, sharing dinners, watching television, and going to shows and movies together. She was happy having him as a buddy. One night he brought home a jug of sangria and some Mexican food to celebrate his promotion at work.

  “That's the good news,” he’d told her. “The bad news is that I’m being transferred to Philadelphia in two months.” She was upset that she would lose her friend. They drank most of the bottle of wine that night. Late in the evening, he kissed her and confessed that he had fallen in love with her.

  In her none too coherent state, and afraid of losing her best friend, she’d gone to bed with him. Neither was prepared with a condom, and when he withdrew, just before he ejaculated onto her stomach, she couldn't believe how stupid she'd been. They were both awkward the next day, and she suspected they were both relieved when she found and moved into her current apartment. He’d emailed a few times after he moved, but their correspondence eventually died a natural death. Once settled in, she had made an appointment for her annual GYN appointment and asked to be tested for STD's. She was relieved to know the results were negative. She had been celibate ever since, concluding that sex was just not worth the trouble.

  Reading the lesbian novels Jo had given her had certainly incited a different response within her. As she read further in the book, the lead characters finally declared their love for each other and fell into bed. Her hand found its way between her legs, and she came when the characters in the book did.

  Stacy let the book fall onto her chest and closed her eyes. She imagined herself locked together in passion with another woman. Not with just any woman, just with Jo. Whoa, where did that come from? She rolled out of bed and went into the bathroom. Returning to her office, she inhaled deeply, appreciating the scent of Jo that lingered there. Even in the dead of winter Jo always smelled fresh and clean, like fresh air, soap, and sunshine. Stacy sat at her desk and looked out the window. She could see Jo sitting at the desk across the street in the window of the store and watched Jo pick up the phone and make a call. After a short conversation, Jo smiled just before she hung up. Jo has a beautiful smile, she thought.

  As if sensing she was being watched, Jo glanced up at the apartment window. Stacy didn't think that Jo could see her because of the way the blinds were angled. She watched as Jo reached for the phone again and punched in numbers on the handset. Stacy was surprised when the phone on her desk rang. A smile came instantly to her face when she heard Jo's voice.

  “Whatcha doing?” Jo asked, not bothering with identifying herself.

  “Watching you through the window.” She smiled when Jo's eyes instantly flicked upward.

  “I can't see you.”

  Stacy reached for the string and pulled, raising the blinds to the top of the window.

  “Oh, there you are,” Jo said standing up and moving to stand at the front of the store. Gazing up, she said, “That's better.” They didn't speak, just looked at each other across the street. “It's kind of lonesome here. How do you keep yourself from going crazy over there, working by yourself every day? I don't think I could do it.”

  Stacy smiled as she formulated her response. “Well, the best solution I've come up with so far i
s to find this engaging lesbian to share my abode. I've been very happy with the arrangement and will be sad to see her go.”

  “I can virtually guarantee that she feels the same way. Don't you think you'll stay friends? I mean, doesn't she work close by?”

  “Yes. It won't be the same though, will it?”

  “No. I'm sure she'll miss those long talks.” Jo placed a hand on the glass a little bit above her head as she searched for Stacy’s face in the window of her office.

  Stacy could almost imagine the caress. “Not to mention the walks and the massages.”

  “And the back rubs and the scratches.”

  “Yes. Don’t you think they've been pretty one sided?” Stacy said mischievously.

  “Yeah. That's most likely because your lesbian friend is concerned that you might think she’s making inappropriate advances towards you if she offered to reciprocate.”

  “Really? Oh, I wouldn't be worried, because I know that my friend has these rules she lives by, you see. Rule number two dictates that she'd never get involved with a historically straight woman, so I'm quite sure I'd be perfectly safe.”

  “Well, rules are often broken, and...” Before she could finish, the phone rang. Jo looked at the caller ID. “It's Nic. I’m going to put you on hold. I'll be right back.”

  Stacy didn't want to wait. She hung up and quickly ran through the hall and hurried down the stairs, racing across the street against the light. Jo was just hanging up the phone when Stacy rushed through the door.

  Tears filled Jo's eyes as Stacy approached her. “It's just a cyst,” she whispered into Stacy's neck as Stacy pulled her into a warm embrace.

  “Then why are you crying?”

  Jo sniffed and pulled away. She plucked a tissue from the box on the desk to dry her eyes and blow her nose. “Relief, I guess.”

  “Come here.” Stacy opened her arms and Jo moved again into the comfort of Stacy's embrace. Jo settled, allowing herself the luxury of being held longer than was truly necessary. If only, she thought to herself. She pulled away, putting the desk between them. “Thanks. I'm glad you came over.”

  Stacy glanced over at the clock hanging on the wall behind Jo. “Two more hours and you can come home.”

  Some emotion flashed for an instant in Jo's eyes. It was gone too soon for Stacy to decipher its meaning. “Yes.” Jo replied adding a smile, not trusting herself to say more. She had nearly told Stacy in their phone conversation that rules were often broken and she wanted to break rule number two with her. Maybe things work out for the best, she thought.

  When Jo said no more, Stacy said, “I'll see you at home later?”

  Jo nodded giving her a smile. “Yes, I'll see you there.”

  ***

  Stacy crossed the street and slowly climbed the stairs to the apartment. Lately, she was finding it difficult to read Jo. This afternoon while on the phone, they had been teasing and playful. She suspected that Jo was feeling the same way she was. Then again, after the phone call, when she had held her, she seemed comfortable. When she pulled away, she had virtually run to the safety of her position behind the desk. What are you feeling, Jo? And me. What am I doing? She wished she had someone to talk to, a sounding board.

  Other than the women at Oui, Madame, the few women friends she’d made in the three years since she’d moved to the area, were casual. Very different from the deep friendships she’d made in high school and college. Although she’d remained close with her two best friends high school friends and her two closest college friends, she wasn't sure any of them would understand or be able to offer her any helpful advice about her feelings of being attracted to another woman. She wasn't even sure how any of them felt about homosexuality. After reviewing her options, she decided that Dana might be the best person to talk to, but she didn't want to bother her today. Anyway, she didn't have her number, only Nic's.

  Stacy certainly knew she responded to Jo on many levels, the first being friendship. She loved the time they spent together talking and sharing their thoughts and feelings. They’d spent nearly every waking hour together since Jo moved into her apartment, and Stacy had never tired of her company. More than enjoying Jo's company, she had to admit that Jo’s well-muscled and toned body attracted her. During the massages, she probably received as much enjoyment from giving the massage and being able to run her hands over the taut body as Jo did. There were times like last night, when Jo was nearly naked, that Stacy actually struggled with keeping her hands on the parts of Jo's body on which she was supposed to be focusing. In addition, there were the sex scenes in the books that excited her more than she dared to admit even to herself.

  There was no doubt in Stacy’s mind that she found Jo attractive. She could drown in the color of her eyes. There were times when she had to will herself to look away. Then there was that mouth. She could imagine herself kissing Jo, softly at first. The kiss would deepen, with their tongues darting and inciting, as hands roamed each other's bodies, exploring first to find the most sensitive parts then returning to caress them later. She let her mind wander, just imagining being with Jo. The feeling of warmth between her legs and desire to be touched left no doubt in her mind that she wanted a sexual relationship with Jo.

  Stacy mentally shook herself. That’s enough of that. Let's keep this a little more based in fact and a little less based on lust. Okay, what do I know? I know that I want her as I've never wanted anyone before. I miss her when we're not together, I thoroughly enjoy talking to her, and I melt inside when her eyes meet mine from across the room. Would I say I'm in love with her? It's too soon to be in love, isn't it?

  Before she could come to any conclusions, she heard Jo coming up the stairs and felt the excitement as her heart rate increased. Oh boy, she thought wryly, this is something new and exciting.

  “Hello,” Jo called from the top of the stairs.

  “Hello,” Stacy said, hurrying down the hallway to greet Jo. She approached her and much to Jo's shock, pulled her in for a quick hug. “I missed you today. Do you realize that is the longest time we've been apart in about a month?”

  Jo returned the hug, then stepped away to hang up her coat. “I know. I was glad when we talked today. I was bored.” They settled at the counter in the kitchen. “At least I was productive before that. I have my class all planned out, and I finished up my lesson plan for that kid I'm tutoring. He's a good student.”

  “Are you enjoying teaching?”

  “Yes, very much.” Jo surprised herself with her knee jerk reply. As she thought about it more she realized that she did, indeed, enjoy teaching.

  “When do you take the certification test?”

  Jo shrugged. “Amanda has handled the application, so I’m not exactly sure. It’s sometime early next month that I go for the test. I still have to do some studying on history and culture. I think they expect you to know that stuff. Nic should be able to give me some guidance on the types of questions they'll ask me. She's coming in tomorrow, so I'm not working.” Jo smiled at Stacy. “You know, we haven't taken any time this week to do anything fun. Maybe we could have lunch and go to the Museum? Anything you'd like.”

  Stacy’s eyes held Jo’s. “You do mean anything I'd like and not 'anything my heart desires,' right? I mean, you granted me one wish as I recall—anything my heart desires. I'm just checking that I'm not giving that up for picking a restaurant or museum.”

  “You are the crafty sort, aren't you? I was definitely not trying to wiggle out of my promise. I gave you my word, and I'll keep it willingly.”

  “Just checking,” Stacy said with a giggle. “Gotta keep you honest, you know.”

  “I’m never anything but.”

  “Hmm, what about you, Jo? Anywhere in particular you'd like to go?”

  “I asked you first.”

  “All right, I need to get a haircut before we do anything else. I'm getting shaggy. I'll call and see if I can get an early appointment. Then we can walk a little and maybe do lunch. I haven't been to the
Metropolitan Museum of Art for a long time. Want to do that?”

  Jo was worried about all the walking. “I'd love to do all of that, but maybe it'd be too much walking for me.”

  “Will you allow us to use the companion chair? I love what we have planned. We could use the break? We've been cooped up here for the better part of a month. It'll be fun just to get away together and have a fun day.”

  “Let's do it. You don't mind having to push my sorry butt around the city?”

  “Jo, there's nothing sorry about your butt, and I'd be happy to push it around the city.”

  “Can you do me one favor?” Without waiting for Stacy's response, Jo quickly asked. “When you get your hair appointment, can you see if you could get one for me, too?”

  “Sure. You getting it cut short like in the photo on your mantle? You look so cute with that hairstyle.”

  “I haven't worn it that way since I joined the force. That stupid hat they made you wear always gave me a cowlick right in the front.” Jo used her three fingers, placing them at the peak of her forehead extending upwards. “When I took my hat off, it seriously undermined my authority.” Jo grinned. “So I started wearing my hair just pulled back. The hat fit better, and I didn't have hat hair anymore.”

  “Well, there's no hat now.”

  “Why are you so interested in me having short hair?”

  “Because I think you look hot with short hair. Not that this style is unbecoming,” Stacy raised her eyebrows, arching one slightly, “but shorter is hotter.”

  “Are you trying to butch me up?”

  “No, actually, I thought you looked more feminine with the shorter hairdo.”

  “Really?” Jo thought for a moment, recalling the shorter hairstyle. She had liked having short hair. When her hair was shorter, it had a lot of body and a slight wave to it. “Okay, short it is. Let's see if we can get an appointment.”