Anything Your Heart Desires

by AJ Adaire

***

  Her watch dial indicated Thursday, 2:37 PM. Mallory had finished cleaning the house and had prepared a snack for Amanda’s brother and his family. After pacing back and forth in front of the window for over a half hour, she couldn’t stand it any longer. If I don’t do something, I’ll be a total nervous wreck by the time they get here. She searched her mind for something to do. Pool. Oh, good idea!

  Mallory selected her favorite stick from the array on the wall and racked the balls. When she struck the cue-ball, her hand slipped, causing the white ball to go flying across the room and lodge under the sofa. Crap! She tried to reach under to retrieve the ball but couldn’t find it. I’m going to look like an unmade bed after crawling around on the floor. Heaving a sigh, she lay down on the floor to peer under the sofa. Using the stick, she retrieved the ball.

  Just then, the doorbell rang. Leaping to her feet, she placed the ball onto the table, dusted off her clothes, and took the stairs two at a time. She didn’t know what to expect when she opened the door. Forcing a big smile, she faced her fate.

  Amanda and Spencer could never deny they were related. They looked enough alike to be twins. “Well, there’s no doubt in my mind that you’re Amanda’s brother. I could have picked you out of a thousand people,” Mallory said as she transferred the pool stick to her left hand to extend her right hand to Spencer in greeting. “Welcome.”

  “So, are you the infamous Dr. Dy…” Spencer stopped himself just in time. “Uh, Dr. Barnes?” Glancing at the pool cue in her left hand, he firmly gripped her extended hand. “I do come in peace. No need for the weapon.” His grin indicated he was teasing.

  Mallory was pleased with Spencer’s conciliatory tone. She knew he loved to tease, though, so she thought she’d have a little fun. “Well, Spencer, someone has to keep you in line this weekend, and I drew the short straw. My stun gun is downstairs.” Raising the pool cue in front of her, she said, “I must have grabbed this by mistake.” Although she tried, she failed to keep a straight face and was pleased when Spencer gave a hearty laugh.

  “Okay, Doc. Do you know how to use that thing for the purpose for which it’s designed?”

  “I seem to be having a bit of an off day. Under usual circumstances, yes, I can play.” Realizing that Spencer was alone, Mallory glanced toward his car parked in the driveway. “What did you do with the others?”

  He laughed. “Well, they’d been away from any source of shopping for the duration of our drive up, so they called Amanda and asked her where they could do some shopping. I dropped them off. She’s going to pick them up when she finishes work and bring them home. So, you’re stuck with just me.”

  “Then, how about we shoot a game? Can I interest you in a beer or some food?”

  He gratefully accepted her offer. Following a quick snack, they headed for the basement to play. She let him break, and after a couple of shots when it was her turn, he leaned on the arm of the sofa. She was surprised when he openly stated, “You know, Doc, I’m nervous about seeing Amanda. It’s been so long. I’m not sure what to say to her.”

  Mallory had learned long ago that sometimes silence was the best answer. She waited patiently for him to continue.

  “Just to be clear, I still don’t approve or accept—you know, you and her, women and women, men with men. I don’t think my mind will ever change about that. I do regret that I cut her off, because I do still love her.”

  “Maybe the latter part of that statement is a good starting place. There’s a whole weekend ahead, plenty of time to tell her the negative stuff if you feel you must. But, if you feel you have to say it, maybe leave that for the end, huh?”

  “You once told me that Democrats and Republicans could be friends if they didn’t talk about politics. Is that what you mean? Just don’t talk ‘politics’ this weekend?”

  “No, not exactly. I’m just saying a lot of time has passed since you’ve seen her. Why not get caught up first, give yourself time to re-establish your connection with her. I’m sure there will be ample time to talk ‘politics’ before you leave for home.” Mallory took two shots and it was then Spencer’s turn.

  “Okay, I’ll take your advice. I know you’ll find this hard to believe. I actually like you.”

  “Thank you, Spencer. It’s not hard to understand. I like you, too. We just don’t agree on one specific issue. It’s very likely there are a number of issues we don’t agree on and many others that we will feel similarly about. Because you’re hung up about my being gay, we don’t get to explore the other things.”

  Spencer missed his next shot. “There’s one thing I just don’t understand.”

  “Really? I find it hard to believe there’s only one thing. Tell me what that is.”

  “Okay. I just don’t understand why my sister is interested in women instead of men. How can she want to, well, you know…”

  “Spencer, I have two answers for you. One is serious and one I hope you’ll find amusing.” Mallory laid the cue on the table and leaned forward on her outstretched arms spread on the edge of the table. She looked Spencer squarely in the eyes. “The serious answer first. I can’t answer for your sister. I can only explain how it is for me, and you probably won’t like the answer. That’s just the way it is. Plain and simple. It’s not that I don’t like men. I do. I enjoy their company and have some great men friends. I just don’t want to have sex with them. I could kiss a man for days and feel no more excited by it than if I kissed a teddy bear. That just doesn’t do anything for me. I know it is hard for you to assimilate this. The touch, the taste, the feel of a woman makes me feel normal.” Mallory smiled when Spencer flinched. “Sexually, in essence, women make me feel the same way I imagine they make you feel. For me, there’s more to it than just sex. To me, being in the company of women is like coming home. It’s where I feel most comfortable. I don’t know if that makes any sense to you. Unfortunately, it’s as clear as I think I can make it.”

  Spencer was silent when Mallory finished speaking. He didn’t say anything, just nodded.

  Mallory picked up her cue and prepared to take her next shot.

  “You said you had two answers for me. What’s the other one?”

  Mallory chuckled. “Actually, it’s a joke. What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?”

  Spencer immediately covered his ears and started to say, “La, la, la, la.”

  Spencer’s behavior garnered a deep laugh from Mallory.

  “Eew, Doc. The ‘C’ word.”

  “Oh, Spencer, put on your grownup hat now. Come on, what do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?”

  After exhaling a deep sigh, Spencer, replied, “Okay, I’ll bite, what?”

  “Men always miss them!”

  Amanda opened the front door for her sister-in-law and niece. The sound of hearty laughter from the direction of the basement greeted them. She tiptoed down the stairs and peeked around the doorframe. “Hey, you two, what’s so funny?”

  “Nothing,” they replied in unison. Spencer’s face was still red, the result of a combination of the topic and his laughter.

  Spencer hurried across the room to take his sister into a big hug. “I’m sorry it’s been so long, Amanda.”

  “Me too, Spencer. Me too. It sounds like you and Mallory are having fun.”

  “No, I’m not having fun.” With a smile cast in Mallory’s direction, he said, “She’s picking on me and all mankind.”

  “I learned a secret about your brother today, Amanda. I can easily keep him in line. All I have to do is say the word…”

  “La, la, la, la,” Spencer sang, again placing his hands over his ears.

  “See,” Mallory said, grinning ear to ear.

  “Is it safe to come out now?” Spencer asked, uncovering his ears.

  Mallory slapped him on the back. “If you want to come out, Spencer, feel free. It’ll certainly make the weekend more interesting.”

  Rolling his eyes, Spencer asked Mallory, “Who’s t
he smartass now?”

  “No doubt about it Spencer, that would be me. Your behavior has been exemplary. For that I’m about to reward you by cooking you a nice dinner. If we play pool much longer, I’ll embarrass you by beating the pants off you, so I’m going to cut you a break. Come on, I can’t wait to meet your wife and daughter.”

  ***

  Dana and Nic picked up Nic's mother at the train station after the work meeting. They were on their way up to the cabins to get the houses ready for the arrival of their guests. Everyone else was due to arrive by late Friday afternoon. They had dinner reservations for the whole group at a local pub. Nic and Dana had volunteered to help Judy, the caterer, get all the food, and prepare the cabin for their guests. They’d hired the caterer's sister, Brenda, to help them make the beds. While they began that task, Judy worked on the shopping list. When they finished the seventh bedroom, Dana sighed. “Thank God the cleaning crew came through earlier in the week. I don't think I'm cut out for manual labor.”

  Nic laughed. “I know one thing we forgot. Who's going to do all this laundry?”

  “You youngsters don't know what it means to work like we had to when I was young,” Nic's mother replied as she tossed the pillow she had just put the cover on onto the bed.

  “Come on, Mom. We can finish up and you can take a break.”

  “Don't treat me like an old lady, Nicolina. I can cover the pillows if you can make the beds.”

  “Okay, Mom, that's a deal.” Knowing it had been a long day for her mother, Nic said, “I think I need a snack first. Let's see what there is to eat.”

  Nic took her mom downstairs where they cut up some fruit for everyone while Dana and Brenda finished up the last of the beds. Finally finished, the little group gathered for their snack. Dana turned to Nic. “Wonder how Amanda is doing with her brother?”

  “What's wrong with him?” Nic's mother wondered aloud.

  “Egli è un bigotto,” Nic told her mother. “He disapproves of Amanda and Mallory, and the rest of us too, I suppose. I hope he doesn't ruin the weekend for Amanda.”

  Nic's mother nodded knowingly. “He will be fine. This I know. You are all good people. He will see this.” She patted Nic's hand. “Do not worry, Cara.”

  ***

  Thursday evening, Mallory, Amanda, Spencer, and his family met for dinner with Jo, Stacy, and their other guests. Spencer seemed relaxed and easily fell into conversation with Stacy's father. Amanda enjoyed catching up with her sister-in-law and niece. Conversation was lighthearted, and everyone left the restaurant looking forward to the weekend.

  By three-thirty the next afternoon, the entire group except for Jean had arrived, consumed a snack, settled their luggage in their respective bedrooms, and met everyone else in attendance. Drinks in hand, dividing naturally into continually rotating pairings and groupings, people socialized easily. Laughter spontaneously sprung from different locations in the room. Stacy's father proved to be popular as he related any number of jokes and stories to the appreciative audience. Jo's father was pleased to find he enjoyed fishing, and quickly organized a fishing expedition for the next morning including his daughter, her partner, Stacy's dad, and Spencer. Amanda agreed to take the rest of the group to look around the town and browse through the local shops. “We plan to leave around ten, so everybody needs to be ready by then. I think everyone will have had an opportunity to have eaten breakfast.”

  Ren wanted an opportunity to make some sketches of the cabin and the lake. Lindy, Justine, Maria, and Nic's mom opted to get some sun.

  “It's usually too cold for me to swim this time of year in Maine,” Lindy explained. “Maybe I’ll give it a try here and test the waters.”

  “You might enjoy taking the sailboat or the canoe out, Ren,” Jo suggested.

  By the time they were ready to leave for dinner, everyone had plans for what they wanted to do the next day with some already talking about Sunday's activities. Jean arrived well before dinner with a report that being open that morning had been a waste of time. Amanda promised to make note of that for next year's schedule. Jean and Maria went outside to sit on the porch together. Justine and Brenda reported that everything was set for breakfast and joined them.

  Although serving dinner to such a large group was difficult, the meal at the pub proved to be tasty and fun. It was interesting to Amanda, who had a tendency to want to orchestrate everything, that there was little difficulty with everyone getting ready in the morning. The men gravitated to the outside showers, while some in the group had eased the burden in the bathrooms by showering at night before bed.

  Time passed quickly with loose groups banding together for different activities at different times of the day. The food was excellent and the company congenial. Dana excelled at the trivia games played in the evenings, while Nic's mother consistently beat the socks off of Amanda's brother at cards. Nic, noticing the often-serious conversations they were having during their card games, suspected her mother had made Spencer her mission for the weekend. Spencer had been on his best behavior and actually seemed to be enjoying himself.

  Amanda couldn't wait to get Mallory alone in their bedroom that evening, but not for her usual reasons. She wanted to relate to her partner the worrisome conversation she’d had with her niece after dinner. Amanda was already in bed when Mallory crawled in beside her and exhaled a long breath. “This is fun, despite the fact that it's a lot of work.”

  When Mallory started to tell her about the fishing trip that day, Amanda interrupted. “I'm sorry to cut you off. I need to tell you this because I need your advice.”

  “What's wrong, Honey? Did Spencer say something?”

  “No, not yet. However, I think he's going to want to kill me. Mal, Justine is gay.”

  “No!” Mallory’s eyebrows shot up. “Tell me you're kidding me. How do you know?”

  “Well, a little while ago, I noticed she wasn't around, so I went to find her. I saw Brenda leaving Justine's room. Brenda blew her a kiss as she went down the hall. If Spencer finds out, he’ll have a fit.”

  “Did you talk to your niece?”

  “Yes. She's afraid to tell Spencer. She begged me not to say anything to him.”

  “What did you tell her?”

  “I told her it wasn’t my place to say anything to him, that it was between the two of them. I also told her he would probably blame me. We both laughed when I said it, but it's probably true.”

  “Oh, man. Just when I thought we were making progress with him, too.”

  ***

  The last night of the holiday, there were fireworks over the lake planned by the town. Everyone began to migrate outside as dusk faded into darkness. Spencer asked if he could speak privately with Amanda, and they went to the kitchen to chat.

  “What's the matter, Spencer? Is something wrong?”

  “I don't even know how to say this, Mandy.”

  He hadn't called her that since they were kids, and the endearment shook her. “Just say it. Has someone or something...”

  “No, Amanda, definitely not. Remember I told you I wanted to ask you something? Um, how do you know someone is like you? I mean, uh, gay.”

  Of course, Amanda had a strong suspicion she knew who he was referring to. “Who are you talking about, Spencer?”

  “It's Justine. I think she might be, you know, uh, a lesbian.” Spencer had a hard time even saying the word, let alone associating it with his daughter.

  “Have you talked with her or anyone else about your suspicions?”

  “Not to her. No. I talked to Mrs. Bianchi, Anna. She's a wonderful woman and I think a good mom. She has a close relationship with her daughter like I used to have with Justine. She's got a great outlook on life in general and has given me a lot to think about in regard to homosexuality.” He hadn't shaved that morning, and she could hear the scratch of the stubble on his cheek as he ran his hand over it. “When I first got here, Doc and I had a good talk, too. You know, I have to admit that I really like her. She's gre
at, as are all of your friends.” He looked down, not yet able to meet her eyes. “You know,” he raised one eyebrow and gave a little shrug, “there have actually been times this weekend when I've been having such a good time that I've almost forgotten you and your friends are all lesbians. You all seem like, well, just regular people. So maybe there's still hope for me?”

  Amanda reached for Spencer's hand. “Oh, Spencer, I'm sorry this has been so hard for you. Change is hard work, isn't it?”

  Spencer laughed. “You have no idea. Yesterday, while we were playing cards, Anna had me figure out how many hours a person lives. She said I could approximate, so I came up with a round number of eight thousand seven hundred and sixty hours per year. Then she had me multiply that by eighty five.”

  Frowning, Amanda asked him to explain why.

  “She said that would be a good long life for an average person. Then she asked me how many hours a week I thought the average person had sex and for how long. We compromised on an hour and a half per week as an average. You know, assuming our averages are anywhere near accurate we only have sex less than eighty hours a year. Next, she said she wanted to calculate how much time that would be between the ages of age eighteen and eighty. When I argued that people often had sex before eighteen and after eighty, she made me laugh when she asked me if I really wanted to think about that considering Justine's age.”

  “Smart woman.”

  “You bet!” Spencer scratched at the stubble on his face. “Anyway, we rounded off things and used sixty years and eighty hours which, when calculated, came out to forty eight hundred hours.”

  “So what was your bottom line?”

  “It came out to be point zero zero six, or way less than one percent. She suggested that, to allow for individual differences, for the sake of our discussion, we would use the figure of between one-half and one percent of our lives spent in sexual activity, after which she hammered home her point. I'm summarizing here. In essence, her point was that it equated to a lot of hatred and hoopla over a relatively minute portion of our lives.”