by Mia Ford
“Oh, there’s Dan.” Nick finally pulls me towards someone, his excitement levels almost bubbling over. “This is my friend! Let’s go and chat to him before it’s time to eat. You’ll like Dan, he’s a really good guy.”
“Oh, I might just pop to the bathroom if you don’t mind. I’m desperate for a wee.”
He laughs at me and releases my arm. “Of course! You do whatever you need to.”
“I’ll come and find you afterwards.” I give him a bit of a loving look. “Have a nice time with Dan.”
I don’t go immediately, I stand there and watch him walk away from me. I feel like I’m slipping back into my old ways of having a raging, hormonal teenage crush on him. It’s wild. I feel youthful and carefree, like my head is spinning with dizziness. I almost want to laugh aloud with the insanity of it all. I shake my head, hoping this feeling subsides tomorrow morning when the champagne is gone because I don’t want to wreck our friendship.
Almost as if he senses my eyes upon him, Nick spins back and he smiles at me, then he strides back towards me closing the gap between us. He wraps his hands around my cheeks making my breath get stuck in my throat. Where has this come from? It seems to be from nowhere, but it feels so freaking good. He cocks his head slightly to one side and I feel a deep, warm chemical reaction within me. My body almost rolls into him, I nearly press against him as an excited thrill courses through my veins. We haven’t ever been in such a romantic position before and I have to say it feels even better than I expected it to. Teenage me catches up with adult me and glee consumes me. Even if I have had dates and flings since Nick, but none of them have ever compared to the way I feel about him. They never will. Thoughts about that dart through my brain as he slowly draws nearer…
Then, his mouth crashes into mine and the thoughts die away. His soft lips send me wild with passion. I can’t think of anything, I can only feel and the sensations are incredible. I light up like a Christmas tree, I feel like I’ve been pulled awake and I’m finally seeing clearly. Nothing will ever be like this, no one will ever have so much desire racing through my body, my childhood crush was right, it will always be about him. Maybe we’re different now, but the physical, chemical desire is so powerful and intense that I almost fall to my damn knees.
Eventually, Nick pulls back just a little bit and the rest of the room comes back into my awareness, although I don’t take my eyes off of Nick the entire time. As sounds come back, my mind switches back on and I start to wonder why that just happened then. Was he consumed with passion and he couldn’t help himself? Does he feel like me? In which case, what the hell is going to happen next? Is the game going to become something real?
“Right.” Nick steps back from me. “I’m going to see Dan. I’ll be back in a moment.”
As he walks away from me, I don’t know if I feel like I’m flying high or if I’m deflated like a balloon. It’s an odd feeling, almost as if I’ve been knocked to the ground and my limbs are too heavy for me to get back up again.
Go to the bathroom, I remind myself. Get there before you wet yourself. Sort yourself out there.
Thankfully those words are enough to inspire me to get a move on, and I stagger across the room to finally break into the bathroom. I’m so lucky to find myself alone in here because I need to damn well breathe.
I race into a stall and catch my breath for a few moments. My fingers reach up to touch my lips where Nick was only a few moments before. That was our first kiss ever, we didn’t even have a drunken kiss when we were teenagers, it just never happened. So that was our first time and it felt better than I ever dared dream. I just want to know what it means, I need to know where we go from here. It can’t be nothing.
“Are you in here?” a shrill voice calls out, making my heart stop dead in my chest. “Nick’s girl.”
Shit, that means me. Without really thinking about what I’m doing because I’m still semi in shock, I burst out of the bathroom door to see who’s there on the other side. Only once I get outside I feel stunned, and I immediately regret not asking who it was first. Because here she is, the tall leggy monster who ruined Nick’s life.
“I… I…” I feel like I need to say something but I don’t know what. “I…”
“You, you, what?” She flings her hands onto her skinny hips and glares at me. She’s the most stunning, put together person in the world. It pisses me off, why can’t she be a mess just once? Just today? “You’re a fucking bitch who’s all over my husband? And don’t think I don’t know who you are. You’re that arty bitch who was always waited in the wings for me and Nick to break up. I bet you were fucking delighted, weren’t you? You probably jumped his bones right away. How long did you even wait?”
Even though everything that she’s suggesting is utter bullshit, I feel really chastened by it. that is until I remember that she broke Nick, she cheated on him, she ruined his life.
“Longer than you,” I reply quietly. “You fucked his friend while you were still together.”
Liz steps closer to me, threatening with her high stature. “What I did is none of your business.”
“And what I do is none of yours.” I try to hold it together, but I feel like a panting mess.
“It is if it involves Nick.” Her eyes are flashing with sheer anger. “He’s my business. Always.”
“Why?” I demand. “What does it matter? You are divorced now.”
She parts her lips and for a moment I expect her to bring up Toby. Maybe if she confesses to me here in the sacred room of the girl’s bathroom that she misses Toby and she wants him back then I’ll have more respect for her. Right now, I have zero so there’s room to go upwards, but she soon snaps her mouth closed again.
“That’s what I thought,” I say sadly. “You don’t care really. You just want to be nasty.”
“I took half his money!” she finally blurts out. “So, there isn’t anything else left for you. I mean, you have to be after him for that, right? There isn’t anything about Nick that would actually attract you to him.”
I suck in, digesting that. The thing is there has been an attraction there forever, there are so many reasons why I like him but I feel like if I start sharing those with Liz she’ll pick me apart and make me feel about two feet tall. So, I stupidly say nothing which gives her a sick twisted satisfaction. She looks so pleased with herself.
“I thought so.” She nods in a smug way. “You’re just like me. I can tell by your expensive ring.” I look at the ring hopelessly. I knew it was a bad idea. “Did he propose? You should have said no.”
“I…” Nope, unfortunately I still don’t have anything to say. I can’t even defend myself. I’m absolutely hopeless. Against someone so powerful, I really retreat in on myself. It’s terrible!
“Yeah, okay. Well it seems like we are done here since you have nothing to say. I hope I’ve given you something to think about when it comes to chasing other people’s husbands, you fucking piece of trash.”
Then she stalks out of the bathroom with her heels clicking loudly while she goes. I watch her back hopelessly, willing my brain to scream out that I’m nothing like her, but I don’t. I suppose I know that, I don’t need to justify myself to her, and I’m also a little afraid that if I speak I’ll cry and that’s the last thing I need right now.
“Argh!” I let out a little scream and instantly slide back into the cubicle to hide away once more. I’m shell shocked, I feel quite sick. What a fucking bitch, honestly. How could Nick even like her?
The only problem is her presence gives me another dilemma to ponder over. If she saw the kiss, what if that was the reason behind it? Nick did invite me here to make Liz jealous. Maybe he saw her and that’s why he kissed me. There’s a chance that it meant absolutely nothing to him which only makes me feel stupid and small. I’m falling for someone who doesn’t care about me, I’m just a pawn in his game. The main issue with that is I put myself there willingly. I volunteered stupidly and now I’m stuck here like an idiot.
/> What do I do now? I ask myself hopelessly, eyeing up the window. Can I escape? Should I run away?
Chapter Five – Nick
The food is all across the table and I’m still alone. I feel quite anxious and I keep darting my eyes towards the bathroom door. Granted, I was caught up by Dan for a while so I wasn’t actually looking. I might have missed her, but she should be here by now, shouldn’t she? I’m really confused as to what’s going on. Especially as we just had the most amazing kiss in the world. One that I didn’t even plan. I just saw her and went for it. The moment felt right, but I haven’t seen her since then and now I’m a little freaked out. Where the hell is she?
I get a glimpse over to another table where Liz is sitting with Pete’s arm wrapped around her, almost as if he can’t bear to stop touching her, even while they eat. It’s sickening, but also, I don’t feel enough. This might be the first time that I’ve been in the same room as them for ages so I should still be… I don’t know, raw, I suppose. I mean, they did turn my whole life upside, but I don’t feel anything. I’m too worried about Melissa.
The moment Liz sends me a smug smile I begin to panic. Is that a knowing look? Has she done something? I push my chair back, ready to race towards the bathroom, but before I get anywhere near, Melisa finally bursts through those doors. Eventually, she’s leaving the bathroom, thank goodness! I glance over to Liz again but she isn’t looking now. Maybe I imagined that anyway, my own paranoia got in the way. I need to forget about her.
As Melissa comes to sit next to me, I’m struck by how different she looks. And just because I’ve kissed her, I’m starting to see her in a very new light, because her face is sunken and sad.
“Are you okay?” I whisper to her, leaning in so only she can hear me. “You look upset.”
She glances up at me through her eyelashes and I can really see the true depth of her emotion there. There’s one hundred percent something going on behind her eyes and it freaks me out. What if she hates me now?
“I’m okay,” she replies stiffly, shutting me out completely. “The food looks really nice.”
She digs into her meal and I sit back for a moment just watching her. Her shoulders have rolled up around her ears, I haven’t ever seen her looking so stressed. Usually, she’s the calmest person I know.
“Melissa.” I touch her on the arm, causing her to snap away from me. “What’s going on?”
“I… don’t know,” she eventually admits. “I feel all weird about this now.”
I let out a big breath that I didn’t even realize I was holding. “I see. Because of the kiss?”
Melissa looks shocked that I’ve gone in so directly, but I have no intension of beating around the bush when it comes to her. “Erm, not really. I mean, yes, but not totally. I…” She looks around, almost as if she’s checking that no one else can hear her. “I ran into Liz in the bathroom and she wasn’t very pleasant with me.”
My hackles rise, I immediately get close to losing my shit. Fucking Liz. I half expected her to come after me but I never thought she would sink low enough to chase Melissa. I don’t know why I keep expecting her to be a much better person than she is. “She did what?” I practically spit out. “What happened?”
“It doesn’t matter.” Melissa looks ashamed, as if this is her fault not Liz’s. “Can we just eat?”
For a moment I let her have her own way. I grab my fork, stab it into a piece of carrot on my plate, and I chew on it thoughtfully. I allow the idea of Liz cornering Melissa in the bathroom and being her usual bitch self and it makes my blood boil. I can feel it fizzing angrily inside myself, stewing and growing in intensity. How can I just sit here and eat like everything is normal, letting Liz get away with being nasty as hell.
No. I shake my head to myself. No, she can hurt me but fuck her for hurting Melissa.
The pain is written all over Melissa’s face. She’s in absolute agony. Whatever she said, it must have been bad and I need to know what it is. I slam my fork down hard, forcing Melissa to look at me.
“What happened? I need to know. This is really doing my head in now.”
“Shh,” Melissa begs. “It’s fine honestly. She just basically said that I shouldn’t be after you for your money and that you are still her business… all sorts of crazy things. I can hardly even remember, it doesn’t matter anyway. She just wanted me to feel small and stupid because she saw us kissing.”
My expression darkens. I feel like utter shit. “Mother fucker, she was not supposed to see that.”
“She wasn’t?” Melissa cocks her head curiously at me. “I thought that was the whole point.”
My blood runs icy cold, mostly because I suppose she’s right. That was the original idea but when I kissed her I wasn’t thinking about anyone else. The rest of the room vanished into nothing. I didn’t even care about anyone, I was so sucked in to the magnetism of her that honestly, she was everything to me. I only cared about her and what she thought about. It wasn’t anything to do with Liz, but how can I explain that now?
“No, no, it really wasn’t.” I try to reach for her hand but she takes it away, still mad at me. “I promise.”
“But it isn’t anything, is it?” She throws her hands in the air in frustration. “This is all so messed up.”
I can’t stand this, it really shouldn’t be this way right now. This should be a nice time, a moment while we try to figure out what we mean to one another. I shouldn’t be thinking about the past. The fact that Liz is even in this moment kills me, I can feel it destroying me from the inside out. I lay down before and took it. Yes, there was a massive argument but I was much too hurt to get my point across properly. Finding her with Pete knocked the foundation of my life out from under me so I was too shocked, but now, for Melissa, I want to stand up for myself.
“Wait right here,” I insisted while scraping my chair back. “I’ll be back.”
“Nick, no…” Melissa calls out after me but I ignore her. This is burning now, coursing through me, sizzling inside of me and I need to get it all off of my chest. There’s nothing that will stop me.
I can feel eyes pricking up towards me as I stomp across the room. I guess this isn’t the way people usually behave at this type of posh event, especially when I’m about to get an award for something or another. But none of that matters. I feel like I’m finally about to get somewhere huge. I’m going to get my closure.
“Ah, hello there.” Liz looks pleased when she sees me. She swings one leg over the other and leans back in her chair. “I have been wondering when you might come over here to see me. Haven’t we, Pete?”
She’s trying to make me look stupid now in front of all these people. She wants to control the conversation, knocking me off my feet by reminding me that she’s still with Pete. Perhaps before I came here tonight without Melissa it might have worked, but not now. Now I have something very serious to fight for.
“I have come here to remind you that we are divorced,” I say determinedly, jutting out my chin as I do. “And the reason that we’re divorced is because you and Pete were fucking behind my back.” She darts a smug look at Pete, trying to rile me up even further. It doesn’t work. “Which of course means that you’ll never be able to trust one another. But since the two of you are together I want you to keep out of my business…”
“Your business?” Liz sneers. She can see everyone discretely looking at us just as much as I can. The only difference is she’s playing up for them whereas I’m ignoring them. “What that scruffy little tart?”
“Do not say anything bad about Melissa. She has nothing to do with you.”
“Ppft, you’re my husband. Your business is my business.”
“Ex!” I yell back. “Ex husband. I am nothing to do with you anymore. And before you say anything about Melissa I would like to remind you that she’s the one who’s been there in my life and Toby’s, since you left. Or have you forgotten about the son who you abandoned?” Someone gasps, giving up the pretense that the
y aren’t listening anymore. Well good. Everyone should know what sort of woman sits among them. “So, while you’re out there screwing around with anyone who will have you, I’m taking care of our child with Melissa’s help.”
“I… I…” Liz has gone red, the public nature of this clearly embarrasses her. “I try to see him…”
“No, you do not, you signed away your parental rights at the divorce proceedings. For money. All you cared about was getting your hands on half of my money. And you have that, so I hope you and Pete are very happy now. Just leave me alone and leave Melissa alone. She has nothing to do with you.”
Liz parts her lips, almost as if she’s going to say something but, in the end, she leaves her jaw hanging. I’m sure, hers isn’t the only open mouth, I’m sure it’s shocking news. I haven’t been around these people since it happened so they’ll have only heard one side of the story, if any. Now I have my point across. Now people can see that I’m not the bad guy and I got to show my disdain for Liz as well. It feels like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I have actually gotten a little bit of closure and it feels really good.