Avaline Saddlebags

by Netta Newbound

  “Wouldn’t miss it, darling.”

  We made our way inside. The bar area was packed to the rafters, and loud music pumped out of the speakers. One of the doormen directed to the function room. The place was deserted save for two effeminate guys and a very butch woman who were sitting behind a makeshift judges desk.

  I whispered to Roy. “What now?”

  “Get yourself over and tell them who you are.”

  “Okay.” I walked slowly, but confidently, over to them.

  “We haven’t seen you before,” one of the male judges said. “What’s your name?”

  “Avaline Saddlebags,” I replied. “And I’m here to audition.”

  “What song are you doing, luvvie?”

  “No More I Love You’s by Annie Lennox.”

  “Interesting,” the woman replied. “I’d have pegged you as a Kylie fan.”

  “Love her,” I lied, “But nobody should mess with perfection.”

  “Quite right.” the middle guy nodded. “I’m Blanche, and this is Daphne.” He turned to his left. “The bit of fish to my right is Norma.”

  “Nice to meet you all.”

  “Likewise,” Blanche said peering behind me. “Ooh, as I live and breathe, is that Betty Swallocks over there?”

  “Yes, that’s right.” I turned and smiled at Roy.

  “Bloody hell, I almost didn’t recognise him without his face on. Now give me a few minutes to sort the music and then we can get cracking. If you want to grab you and Betty a drink, I’ll give you a wave when we’re ready for you to start.”

  “Thank you.” I made my way to the bar. Roy followed and sat on the stool. “What you having?”

  “My nerves are shot to pieces, darling, so I think I’ll have a...”

  “What can I get you,” the cute barman asked.

  “Gin Sling for me, and my mother here, will have soda water and a straw since she’s driving.”

  Mother, I thought. I’ll bloody have him when we get out of here.

  “No problem,” he replied. “I’ll be right back.”

  I only had the chance to take a sip of my water before Blanche called me over.

  “Break a leg.”

  Break a leg was supposed to be good luck, and I’d need all I could get. “I will in these fucking heels,” I replied, feeling sick.

  I walked toward the judges. “Stand on the X, dear.” Blanche pointed to the middle of the dancefloor. He turned to the barman. “Hit it.”

  A spotlight came on, almost blinding me. I didn’t move. My legs felt like lead weights.

  The familiar bars of the song’s opening kicked in. Do be do be do do do oh oh.

  My mouth began to move, and I was off, feeling the music flow through me as though I was singing the words myself. Annie’s vocals pulled me deeper into the song, pushing me to perform like my life depended on it.

  Conscious of the heels, I took graceful steps, and clutched my chest to convey the emotion I felt inside. A few waves of my hand at appropriate moments enhanced my performance and for that moment in time, I felt like a star.

  Making eye contact with the judges, I held them in the palm of my hand as I moved around in the spotlight. The final bars of the music rang out and it was over. I took a bow, like the Prima Ballerina delivering her final performance of Swan Lake.

  I looked to the judges, awaiting their critique.

  Blanche stood up, and I could see pools of tears in his eyes.

  “Brava Diva,” he cried, clapping like a demented sea lion.

  The other two judges and the barman joined him in his rapturous applause.

  But Roy was noticeably silent, too busy crying into his handkerchief.

  I was in!

  I dropped Roy off at home and changed back into my own clothes, leaving the frock and heels there. Thankfully Roy had some makeup remover that cut through the cake in seconds, removing any trace of Avaline.

  Once back in the car, I called Bella as promised.

  “I’m in,” I said as soon as she picked up the phone. “They loved me.”

  She squealed with delight. “Oh, my God, Dylan, I wish I could’ve been there to see you in action.”

  “Well, you couldn’t,” I replied. “You’d only put me off, plus you have a newborn baby to look after, don’t forget.”

  “What did you sing at your audition?”

  I laughed. “I didn’t sing anything, Bells.”

  “You know what I mean?”

  “I lip synced to No More I Love You’s by Annie Lennox.”

  “Ugh,” she groaned. “That’s a bit bloody miserable, isn’t it?”

  “I haven’t mastered high heels yet so going with a ballad was the safest option.”

  “Yeah, I suppose, but still…”

  “It was all about getting myself in, so that’s what matters.”

  “I get it, so when is your debut performance?”

  “Tomorrow—and I’m shaking just thinking about it.”

  “I bet Roy was a godsend.”

  “Yeah, he was, and thanks for sending him that pic of me, by the way.”

  She snorted laughing. “Sorry, but I couldn’t help it. It’s my new screensaver.”

  “Get stuffed, Bells.”

  “Just kidding.”

  “Yeah, right. That’s just the sort of thing you would do for a laugh.”

  She chuckled again.

  “All joking aside, I couldn’t have managed without Roy and he’s even agreed to help me prepare for tomorrow night.”

  “He’s a sweetheart,” she cooed. “What are you going to perform?”

  “I was thinking of doing Man! I Feel Like a Woman, but I’m not so sure now.”

  “Oh, go on, do that one–the gays will love it.”

  “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

  “What?”

  “I’m not doing this because I hanker for a career as a drag artist.”

  “I know, I know, but you could meet some hottie who fancies a cock in a frock.”

  I wanted to laugh but decided against encouraging her any further. “I’ve got enough going on. This on-off thing with Steve is doing my head in.”

  “You gotta keep your options open, Dylan.”

  My complicated love life was the last thing I wanted to discuss. “I’m going. I need to be in the office for a briefing first thing in the morning.”

  “Okay, but pop by after work if you want, I’m making a huge pan of Thai Green Curry and I’ll only eat it myself and end up like a big fat pig if you don’t come and share it with me.”

  “Won’t Penny eat any of it?”

  “Ha,” she scoffed. “Lady Penelope won’t eat anything I make, remember?”

  “Oh, yeah. I’ll swing by if I get the chance.”

  My phone buzzed as I hung up. It was a text message from Steve.

  How’s things?

  Not heard from

  you in a few days

  Been busy.

  Just on my way

  home. Fancy

  sharing a kebab?

  Sounds good-see you soon

  Seventeen

  When the alarm sounded, I groaned and pulled the pillow over my head. It had been another sleepless night. I’d tossed and turned until the early hours worrying about tomorrow’s performance, or should I say today’s performance seeing as today was already here.

  “What time is it?” Steve said, startling me. I’d forgotten he’d come over last night.

  “Time to get up,” I moaned.

  “Ten more minutes, plee-ease?” He snaked his arm around my waist and pulled me close to him.

  I considered it. Steve wasn’t usually affectionate in the cold light of day and I kinda liked it.

  “Do you want to grab a pizza tonight?” he asked.

  “Can’t, sorry. I’m busy. Maybe tomorrow night?”

  Thinking about tonight again made my nerves jangle. I’d agreed for Roy to attend the show, since he’d already seen my audition, I had nothing
to hide from him anymore, in fact he’d been a huge help. He was due to meet me here at 7pm. He also said he’d organize the outfit and wig. I had nothing to worry about, apparently. Yeah right!

  But, before that, I needed to put in a full day at the station.

  I pulled the pillow from my head before dragging myself out of bed.

  I pushed the doors open, ready for the onslaught from my team but, to my surprise, not a word was said.

  “Morning, boss,” Will said. “How was it?”

  “Terrifying, but I’m in.”

  A grin spread across his face. “Oh, I can’t wait to see that.” He clapped his hands, bringing the room to order. They all turned to look at him. “Listen up everyone…”

  “Will…”

  “Our new boss is now the star of his very own drag show at Dorothy’s.”

  Everyone burst out laughing.

  “Fuck off, the lot of you,” I shouted.

  “What’s all the racket?” Janine said as she stepped through the door.

  A hush fell over the room.

  “Just this lot taking the piss, sorry,” I said.

  “Anything I should be made aware of?”

  “Not really.”

  “Go on,” Will urged. “Tell her.”

  “Tell me what?” She eyed me with curiosity.

  I figured I might as well get the ribbing out of the way now. “I got through my audition.”

  A wide smile lit up her face. “Really? That’s fabulous!”

  “Yeah, and no wise cracks either.”

  “Well done, Dylan. That’s what I call going above and beyond.”

  “It was strictly a one-off performance.”

  “Hmmm,” she replied. “Then let’s hope you find what you’re looking for, or you might find yourself signing up for a residency.”

  The team were all ears, but I had a stern warning for them. “I don’t want any of you lot there.”

  Layla suddenly appeared with a bottle of water in her hand. “That’s a bit daft, Dylan.”

  “You think?”

  “We need to be there to interview everyone who knew George—”

  Rudely, I cut across her. “Don’t you mean Gina?”

  “Yeah sorry, but you know what I mean–I need to be there, and I think a few others do too.”

  “Agreed,” Janine said. “I wish I didn’t have a prior engagement, or I’d be there myself.” She tried to keep a straight face. “So, what name did you decide on?”

  I was dreading that question. “I haven’t, yet.”

  “Come on, don’t tell lies,” she urged. “We’ll find out, eventually.”

  I should just get it out of the way. Tomorrow, a number of them would see me all dragged up. They’ll be taking pictures and will have all the ammunition they needed to make my life hell. “I decided on Avaline.”

  “Just Avaline?” Janine enquired. “Just the one name like Madonna or Kylie?” She tittered.

  “Not quite.”

  “Come on, Dylan,” Layla said. “Just tell us and get it over with.”

  “Alright,” I snapped. “I’m gonna call myself Avaline Saddlebags.” I could feel my face burning up with embarrassment. “Are you all happy now?”

  I was greeted by a moment’s silence before the place erupted in hysterics. Even Layla laughed, which was good to see, despite the fact she and the rest of the room were laughing at me.

  “Aye aye, Avaline,” Joanna teased.

  I stuck two fingers up as my phone began to vibrate in my pocket. Retrieving it, I waved at the room to silence them. “DI Monroe speaking.”

  “Dylan, it’s Lauren.”

  “Oh, hi, what can I do for you?”

  “It’s just a courtesy call really to let you know the coroner has finally released Jade Kelly’s body back to her family.”

  “About time,” I replied, feeling for her parents and siblings. “Do you know when the funeral will be?”

  “I don’t know any more than that but wanted to give you the heads up.”

  “Thanks. I’ll drive round and see her parents this afternoon.”

  “Let’s hope no more dead bodies turn up in the meantime.”

  “With a bit of luck–thanks, Lauren, I’ll catch up with you soon.”

  “Gotcha.” She ended the call.

  I brought the room to order. “Listen up everyone, Jade Kelly’s body has been released to her family and I don’t need to tell you how they’ll be feeling right now, so let’s get moving and find this sick bastard before he strikes again.”

  Janine spoke first. “I’ll leave you to it, Avaline–I mean, Dylan, but keep me in the loop.” She walked out of the office chuckling to herself.

  “Layla, you and I can head round to see Jade’s parents.”

  “What are we going there for?”

  “I think it’s a good idea if we attend the funeral—”

  Layla interrupted. “Oh, I’m not sure about that, Dylan.”

  “Well, I am.” It was happening whether she liked it or not. “I have a hunch the killer will be lurking somewhere.”

  “Give them at least that day for Christ’s sake,” she snapped. “They’re burying their child. I wouldn’t want a load of cops traipsing through if I was burying one of my kids.”

  “And they’ll want us to do all we can to catch the animal that robbed them of their daughter.”

  Layla’s face twisted in disgust. “I’d rather not if that’s okay with you. It’s disrespectful and I don’t want any part of it.”

  “Suit yourself,” I replied. “I’ll ask Joanna to come with me–you stay here and get your priorities right because, in this job, there are plenty of things I don’t like to do but have little choice about.”

  “Hang on a minute,” Layla stood with her hands on her hips. “I’m damn good at my job, Dylan, and go above and beyond what is expected of me, so I don’t find your comments fair.”

  If she wanted a row, she was about to get one, but not in an open forum where her colleagues could hear. “Interview Room 1,” I ordered. An uneasy silence fell on the room. “Now.” I stormed along the corridor and into the interview room, waiting for her to arrive.

  Layla was thirty seconds behind me. “Reporting as ordered, sir,” she sniped.

  This behaviour was so unlike her. “Come in, close the door and take a seat.”

  She sat down, and for a moment I thought I saw a flash of hatred in her eyes. “Is this really necessary?”

  “What do you think?” I asked, a contrary tone to my voice.

  “No, I don’t.”

  “Then we’re at odds straight away,” I said, trying to remain calm. “We may have been thrown together as partners, but I’m still your superior, and I will not tolerate any of my officers refusing to carry out a reasonable request, especially in front of the rest of the team, do you understand?”

  “I do understand, but believe you’re in the wrong on this occasion, sir.”

  Sir, I shook my head, disappointed she would refer to me that way just to prove a point. “I happen to think otherwise, but feel free to raise a grievance and air your concerns if you think I’m not doing my job properly.”

  Her face flushed at the suggestion. “I’m not a snitch.”

  “That doesn’t matter to me. If you think I’ve overstepped my boundaries, you’re well within your rights to flag it with my superiors, but right now, my concern is your attitude—”

  “I don’t have an attitude.”

  “You’re usually very easy to work with, and without going into specifics, I am aware things are happening in your personal life, but it can’t be allowed to impact your role here.”

  “I wasn’t aware my personal life was impacting my job.”

  “You refused to accompany me to the Kelly’s without justifiable cause. Apart from your personal opinion, that it is disrespectful—” Layla made to interrupt, but I held up a finger to silence her. “You’ll get your turn to speak, but so we’re clear, the fact Jade Ke
lly is lying in a funeral home after being mutilated is far more important to me right now, and I would have hoped you’d see it my way, but obviously not.”

  “Are you making this reprimand official?”

  “I’m hoping once I step out of this office, the matter is forgotten, and you come to your senses and do what is necessary to catch this killer. Unless, you’re going to tell me you can no longer do your job effectively, then I’ll have no other choice but to make it official.”

  “I can do my fucking job, Dylan.”

  I wasn’t used to this level of animosity, but I didn’t want to wade in guns blazing because I did care about her, which was another reason for me conducting this meeting in private. “Then do it and leave your conscience at the door because our killer certainly doesn’t have one.”

  “I’m trying…” Tears filled her eyes. “But it’s hard…” She lowered her head, obviously not wanting me to see her cry.

  I felt like an absolute twat. “Layla, it wasn’t my intention to upset you, or to make you cry.” Shit, I thought, pulling out a pack of tissues from my pocket and offering one to her. “Come on, this isn’t like you.”

  She took the tissue and dabbed at her eyes. “I’m sorry, Dylan.”

  “Hey, you don’t need to apologise to me, Layla, I just need to know you’re with me on this and I can rely on you.”

  “I am, I promise.” She sniffed up. “I just need to get my shit together. And you can rely on me.”

  “Is Max still giving you hassle?”

  “He wants the kids to start staying weekends with him…”

  “And the new girlfriend will be there too, I assume?” If that was the case, I could see why she was so upset.

  “It’s not happening, Dylan, over my dead body.” She stifled a sob. “We didn’t ask for this, but everything is about him, how he feels, how his life has been turned upside down.” Her voice rose a few octaves. “But what about me, and our kids, eh? Aren’t we important?”

  “Yes, you all are.” I knew it was a rhetorical question but felt the need to say something anyway.

  “He didn’t care about us when he made this decision. We just have to live with the aftermath.”

  I reached over for her hand, but she pulled away. “I’m so sorry, Layla. It must be awful for you all.”