Adler

by Jessica Gadziala

She was transitioning roles as a woman.

  And she hadn't been able to have coffee in months.

  She'd be back to somewhat normal eventually. Once she settled into the new place, made it her own, got to throw a ball to Linny in the yard without having to be on a leash. Once she got busy setting up a nursery. Once she had the babies, and realized being a mom was a job, a purpose too, but not one that would have to completely define her like she was worried.

  I settled her into my bed, smiling when she automatically - even in her sleep - reached for a pillow, stuffing it between her legs.

  "She's fine," Lenny told me as I turned to find her leaning in the doorway. "I know you're worried about her, but she's fine. She was even talking about names last time I was over. She was the one who brought it up."

  We hadn't even tried to discuss names. The task seemed daunting. Naming a human being. Giving it something it would be called for the rest of its life.

  "Like what?" I asked, too curious not to.

  "I'm not giving it away. But it was her sister's favorite flower."

  Well, then.

  One of the names was settled.

  There was no way I was going to veto her sister's favorite flower for a name.

  "Talk about it. I know you think she's overwhelmed. And she is in a way. But she wants to talk about it. Just not at baby boutiques where she feels inadequate and unprepared. She needs to talk about it around people who won't care that she says fuck a lot."

  "Well, I think I can do that," I agreed. "Thanks, Len."

  "Anytime," she told me, meaning it. The two were tight. Lou had gotten close with a lot of the girls, but with Lenny more so than anyone else. Maybe because they were both so guarded, cool even, because they had both lost sisters, because they just got each other.

  The next morning, we talked about it.

  With lots of fucks.

  Lou - 4 years

  I would swear they had been here for a year already. A year of sleepless nights. That was what it felt like anyway.

  It was hard to accept it was just three months.

  The other girls club moms swore that three months was some milestone, one where they would just start sleeping through the night.

  I had a feeling they were just all full of shit, just feeding me things to make me get through the week.

  Those evil bitches.

  Had they just told me that my babies were simply going to suck my life-force from me - both literally and figuratively - for the first year of their lives, I at least could have prepared myself.

  I mean, not that there was such a thing as being prepared for motherhood, no matter what the stupid books claimed.

  It was the most exhausting, frustrating, wonderful experience.

  I'd once walked in on Adler asleep on the bed with both babies on his bare chest, and about felt my ovaries combust.

  He'd been good.

  Better - as much as I hated to admit it - than me. Adler had a calmer side I simply didn't possess. And despite his worries that the crying might be triggering to him like it had been when he'd been young, he showed infinite stoicism in the face of their red-faced screaming they so often did no matter what we tried to do to calm them.

  But Adler needed to take a shift at the compound because a bunch of the guys were out on a run, and I was, well, losing it.

  They were crying.

  I was crying.

  It was just a big old crying session.

  And I had no one to suck my boogies out as they filled my nose.

  It was right about then that the doorbell rang.

  And, quite frankly, if it was those kindly Jehovah's or Mormons or the goddamn electric guy, I was going to hand them a baby and beg for help.

  There was no such thing as pride left for a mom who hadn't had a full night of sleep in months, hadn't had a proper shower in three days, and hadn't eaten anything other than healthy crap for the babies.

  "Uh-oh," Summer murmured as soon as I opened the door, using the top of my daughter's head to wipe some tears out of my eyes, not even caring how insane that made me look.

  "I think I'm losing my mind. I was gonna give them to the Jehovah's."

  "Wait... what?" she asked, brows drawn low as she reached for one, pulling her to her chest, doing a little rock thing that I tried a thousand times to no avail, but worked in three seconds when Summer did it.

  "I mean, they'd end up having to be those annoying people everyone has to ninja-hide from when they show up at the door, but at least they wouldn't have crazy women crying on their heads."

  "Okay," Summer said, voice of infinite patience. "Hand him over," she demanded, holding an arm out for my son, Valen.

  Violet, after my sister's favorite flower.

  Valen, because, well, we thought it was badass.

  "Now you need to go get in a shower. Then fall into your bed."

  I didn't even think.

  I didn't even fight it.

  I just turned, and walked toward the master bedroom.

  "Okay," I agreed, doing just that.

  I woke up in a panic, disoriented, sure my babies were crying somewhere, but I couldn't hear them.

  Which wasn't possible.

  They were damn near always crying.

  "Relax," Adler's voice called, his hand pressing my shoulder until my back hit the mattress again.

  "Where are the babies?"

  "On a walk."

  "By themselves?!"

  "Ooo-kay," Adler said, a mix of amused and concerned. "I think ya need to wake up a minute. Because, no, duchess, our three-month-old twins are not out taking a walk by themselves."

  "What time is it?" I asked, taking a steadying breath.

  "Four. In the afternoon. I came home after getting a text from Reign sayin' I was needed at home more than at the compound. So he took my place. Summer, Lo, and Chris are taking the babies - and Linny - for a long walk, so we can have some quiet.

  I lay there for a long moment, listening to the silence of my house.

  "I don't like quiet," I declared, missing the tiny demonic spirits inhabiting the flesh of my babies.

  "Well, no one said we had to be quiet," he said, voice dipping low in a way it always did just seconds before his hands touched me.

  Sex had been a back-burner thing after the babies since I was all kinds of gross down there, then we could barely get enough sleep to function, let alone fuck.

  But I had showered.

  I had slept for almost five whole hours put together.

  And my body was heating, my sex clenching.

  It was time to be more than Mom and Dad, more than just people who shared a life.

  It was time to be us again.

  And thanks to our friends, we had that chance.

  Adler - 14 years.

  "Yeah, right," Valen mumbled, rolling his eyes much the way his mother was known to do "I'm not a little kid anymore, Dad," he informed me, as he had done constantly since he turned ten.

  "Nah. Ya are a full-grown man now. So why the fuck are ya naggin' at me instead of out workin'?" I asked, smirking at the kid who looked like a perfect combination of myself and Lou with dark hair, dark eyes, but tanned skin like his mother.

  He rolled his eyes at that, lifting his chin at me. "Where is Mom really?" he demanded, voice with an undercurrent of steel.

  "I told ya."

  "No, you lied to me," he corrected, brow raising.

  "How'd ya know that?"

  "Because Mom would rather take a bath with piranhas than go for a spa weekend with Aunt Kennedy."

  "Well, ya got me there," I agreed. "Ya are getting big. I gotta step up my lyin' game, huh?"

  "Where is she?"

  I was seriously starting to wonder if maybe Lou and I should have taken some parenting classes or yoga or fucking meditation courses before having the kids.

  They clearly inherited all their stubbornness from us.

  Multiplied, if that was possible.

  "Fine," I said, leanin
g back in my chair. "It's time I filled ya in on the truth, son. Yer momma is a secret agent. She's off to catch a man plotting to kill the president."

  "Dad..." he sighed, shaking his head.

  "Ya are a stubborn git, Valen," I decided. "But okay. Mom isn't really a stay-at-home mom who takes frequent vacations away from us. She's a bounty hunter." His brows raised at that, eyes looking almost... frustrated "Ya can choose to believe it or not, but it's the truth."

  "I've known that since I was six," he informed me. "I meant Where is she? You know... in the world."

  These fucking kids.

  You could never anticipate the shite that came out of their mouths, I swear, or how much crap they picked up on without you noticing.

  "She's right here," Lou's voice declared, making us both turn to find her standing in the doorway, leaning against the jamb, smile warm, but with a small split in her lip.

  "Where were you?" Valen demanded, turning his focus on his mother, giving me a ridiculous sensation of relief. It was a fucked up thing to be afraid of your own damn child's line of questioning. But I'd swear Valen was gonna become an interrogator one day. His childhood suggested he'd be ace at it.

  "I had to chase down Uncle Graham in Florida," she declared, meaning Geoff's previously unappreciated son, moving forward to press a kiss to his head that he just barely tolerated. "Go tell your sister we are going to go out to dinner," she demanded before dropping down into my lap, resting her head on my shoulder with a sigh.

  "Ain't easy being the boss, huh?" I asked, running a hand down her arm.

  "When you suggested I start my own business, I only agreed because you somehow convinced me I could be here all the time."

  "Don't go blamin' me for ya hiring that loose cannon."

  "Fair enough," she agreed, taking a deep breath as she heard the kids coming back.

  "Mama," Violet called, beaming at her mother as she came in, her honey-colored eyes bright, her pretty pink sundress matching the pink barrette in her hair, the pink and purple in her shoes.

  She's all Sammy, Lou had told me once, a mix of pride and pain in her voice as she did so.

  "Hey, baby. You ready to go get something to eat?"

  "Can we go get milkshakes after?"

  Nearly thirty years after the night her whole life changed, the word still made her stiffen, still made her breath suck in. As far as I knew, she had still never touched one. I'd brought the kids to have them here and there when they demanded them, but let Lou hold onto that one last piece of her pain - that sliver of guilt that nothing could seem to take away.

  "Vi, maybe..." I started, giving Lou a reassuring squeeze.

  "Sure, baby," Lou cut me off, this time making me stiffen. "I think we could go get some milkshakes after. Go and get yourselves strapped in. We're coming."

  With an excited squeal, the twins took off, leaving us in the room alone.

  "Ya sure?" I asked, running my hand down her spine.

  Her head turned on my shoulder, eyes a mix of sad and happy - a combination I hadn't known could exist at the same time.

  "I'm sure," she agreed, nodding. "Now stop puppy-dog-eyeing me. I need something fried followed by something else fried followed by something deep fried."

  My lips curved up at that.

  "What?"

  "Nothin'," I said, shaking my head. "Just fuckin' love ya, Lou."

  Her eyes went all happy then, a little liquid, soft, a look she had grown not to try to hide over the years.

  "Well, Adler... I fucking love you right back."

  XX

  DON'T FORGET

  Dear Reader,

  Thank you for taking time out of your life to read this book. If you loved this book, I would really appreciate it if you could hop onto Goodreads or Amazon and tell me your favorite parts. You can also spread the word by recommending the book to friends or sending digital copies that can be received via kindle or kindle app on any device.

  ALSO BY JESSICA GADZIALA

  If you liked this book, check out these other series and titles in the NAVESINK BANK UNIVERSE:

  The Henchmen MC

  Reign

  Cash

  Wolf

  Repo

  Duke

  Renny

  Lazarus

  Pagan

  Cyrus

  Edison

  Reeve

  Sugar

  The Fall of V

  The Savages

  Monster

  Killer

  Savior

  Mallick Brothers

  For A Good Time, Call

  Shane

  Ryan

  Mark

  Eli

  Charlie & Helen: Back to the Beginning

  Investigators

  367 Days

  14 Weeks

  Dark

  Dark Mysteries

  Dark Secrets

  Dark Horse

  Professionals

  The Fixer

  The Ghost

  STANDALONES WITHIN NAVESINK BANK:

  Vigilante

  Grudge Match

  OTHER SERIES AND STANDALONES:

  Stars Landing

  What The Heart Needs

  What The Heart Wants

  What The Heart Finds

  What The Heart Knows

  The Stars Landing Deviant

  Surrogate

  The Sex Surrogate

  Dr. Chase Hudson

  DEBT

  Dissent

  Into The Green

  Stuffed: A Thanksgiving Romance

  Unwrapped

  Peace, Love, & Macarons

  A Navesink Bank Christmas

  Don't Come

  Fix It Up

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  Jessica Gadziala is a full-time writer, parrot enthusiast, and coffee drinker from New Jersey. She enjoys short rides to the book store, sad songs, and cold weather.

  She is very active on Goodreads, Facebook, as well as her personal groups on those sites. Join in. She's friendly.

  STALK HER!

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  <3/ Jessica