The Next To Last Mistake

by Jahn, Amalie

  Two faculty chaperones are pushing their way across the dancefloor. If one of us is going to make a move, now is the time.

  Leonetta’s hand slips into mine as she says, “You spend all your time tryin’ to break our spirits and our bodies hopin’ to make yourself feel important, but it’ll never be enough. Because you’re really just a coward, hiding behind your family’s wealth and prestige, thinkin’ you have some sorta magical power over the rest of us. But it just ain’t the truth and tonight we’re taking our power back.”

  I take a deep breath, supported by Leontta’s faithful presence. “You don’t scare us with your threats anymore, Monika,” I say, turning heads with my boldness. “Because we don’t need your validation. Not as long we have each other.”

  Leonetta squeezes my hand, both of us blinking back tears. Tears of anger. Tears of fear. Tears of pride. Never in my life have I had a group of people so willing to stand up for one another. Back in Iowa, my so-called friends turned their backs on Zander, forgetting who he was and accusing him of horrible things. I was the only one who stood by his side while everyone else turned against him. How different things might have been for us if his friends had defended him instead of allowing Lacey’s narrative to spread.

  “Yeah. Leave ‘em alone, Monika,” says a voice from the crowd behind me, startling me from my thoughts. A glance into the group reveals Lashanda Jones from literature circle stepping forward. Beside her is Rashida Burns. “You got a lot of nerve,” she says to Monika.

  “Yeah. Get outta here,” someone else calls.

  “You’re canceled,” shouts another.

  The crowd is growing on every side and people are nervously shifting around me. With Leonetta still holding tight on my right, I’m startled by the warmth of someone else’s hand on my left. I turn to see Brad Wilson, the white kid from the step team smiling down at me.

  “If you come for them, you gotta come through me,” he says.

  Beside him, a second member of the step team comes forward. “And me,” he says.

  “Me too,” adds another.

  Behind Alice, Roy and two other members of lit circle step out of the shadows. “Us too.”

  Others continue chiming in, adding their voices of solidarity to the growing consensus as the chaperones finally make their way through the throng of onlookers to the center of the circle where Alice is still nose to nose with Monika.

  “What’s going on here?” asks Mrs. Hawthorne, a reserved member of the science department sporting a waist-length jacket and beige capris pants.

  “Nothing much,” Alice tells her, smiling broadly at Monika, the lilt of her voice like bubbles in champagne. “We were just admiring each other’s dresses, that’s all.”

  Monika opens her mouth to speak but nothing comes out. Alice has her in check.

  “Move along then,” Mrs. Hawthorne instructs. “Don’t make me get administration involved in your apparel dispute.”

  After a flash of hesitation, the crowd disperses back into the rhythm of the music, to their tables, and to the buffet line, which has recently opened for dinner. Monika glares at Alice with a look capable of melting steel. In response, Alice gives her a little wave, turns on her heel and says, over her shoulder, “Have a great night!”

  Checkmate, Alice. Checkmate.

  We follow our friend back to our corner table. If I am walking, I don’t notice. It feels more like I’m floating on air.

  “What kind of badass group of people have I hooked up with?” Marcus says proudly as he collapses into his seat between Alice and Summer. “Y’all showed that girl what’s what.”

  I have no idea what will come of our altercation with Monika. Perhaps she’ll gather a band of supporters to come after us in the school parking lot Monday morning. Perhaps she’ll steal my backpack. Pour urine on my lunch tray. Spread horrible rumors about me contracting an STD. In the end, though, she won’t do any of those things. She’ll keep her distance, at least for now.

  But if for some reason she does come after us, we’ll be okay. Because we’re not alone. We have each other. These classmates. These friends.

  And we’ll always have each other’s backs.

  chapter 28

  Promises, Promises

  Sunday, May 12

  It’s just after midnight as we make our way across the parking lot to where my car is parked under a scraggly looking maple outside the Officer’s Club. The cool, damp night air is a welcome relief to the stuffy confines of the ballroom and I gulp it down, happy to be done with the stress of the dance. Alice and Marcus head off in the opposite direction to his truck, but we’ve agreed to meet around the corner at Wilson Park to hang out a bit longer before officially ending the night.

  “That was fun,” Summer says as we cross the pavement, her strappy sandals in one hand and clutch in the other. “You have a good time, Cameron?”

  He smiles and nods, and although he doesn’t say anything I can tell by his musing expression it was one of the best nights of his life. So much for not being the type of kid who gets to go to prom.

  “I did,” Leonetta says. “I haven’t danced that much since… Well, since ever. I didn’t even dance that much at Mom’s wedding.”

  Given the condition of my aching feet, I could have done with a little less dancing. But then again, the dancing wasn’t what made the night particularly special for me anyway. It was what happened in the quiet murmurs and stolen glances around the periphery of the event. In the classmates who whispered their thanks to us for standing up to Monika. Who gave hugs for pointing out it’s not okay for her to treat other people with such disrespect. I was unaware she’d held such a large percentage of the student body in her crosshairs, but given the sheer number who waylaid us during multiple trips to the buffet, it seemed the confrontation was long overdue.

  I’m still mentally congratulating our little group for a job well done when a voice calls out from beside a nearby dumpster. Whoever it is sounds anxious and not especially sober.

  “Summer?”

  Our heads whip around in unison to discover an inebriated Travis stumbling out of the darkness into the glow of an overhead street light. Summer’s eyes narrow. Her grasp tightens around her purse. “What do you want?” she asks.

  His face is puffy. Eyes bloodshot, as if he’s been crying. He takes a cautious step forward, almost losing his balance, and I can’t tell if his nerves or the alcohol are to blame.

  “I’m leaving,” he says at last, raising himself to full height as if the declaration should warrant our veneration.

  Summer shrugs, nonplussed, telling him to have a nice trip before continuing her trek to the car.

  “For Syria,” he adds poignantly, his words halting her mid-stride.

  Knowing Summer was going to be at the Officer’s Club tonight for prom, he’s been holed up behind the dumpster, waiting to say goodbye. Although most of me hates him for the way he’s treated her in the past, a part of me can’t help but feel sorry for him, disheveled and abject in the darkness.

  Summer doesn’t turn around, keeping her back to him as she says in a tone heavy with both regret and sadness, “Be safe over there, okay?”

  I expect him to say goodbye then. To blow her a kiss. To amble away. What I don’t expect is for him to pull a ring from the cargo pocket of his shorts.

  “Summer,” he says. “I can’t go if I don’t have anyone to come back home to.”

  She’s still facing away from him, staring blankly into the night, so of course she doesn’t see the ring. She doesn’t speak for a moment, but once she finally does her voice is firmer than I expect it to be. “Stop. I’m not doing this. We broke up, remember?”

  As the seconds pass, I’m silently willing her to turn around, to witness what’s truly happening. To see the terrified look in his eyes.

  “Summer. Please. I love you.”

  Maybe it’s the tenderness of his words, the anguish of his voice, or merely her own curiosity that compels her to face him,
and I hold my breath in anticipation of her reaction to finding him on bended knee.

  “Oh, Travis,” she sighs, her eyes glistening in the lamplight. “You’re not ready for marriage and neither am I. You’re scared. Scared of the war. Scared of leaving. Scared of being alone. And even if I take that ring tonight and promise to wait for you ‘til you get back, you’re still gonna be scared. That’s not gonna change. And we’re still never gonna end up together. You have to know that.”

  A long awkward moment passes as Travis struggles to his feet, brushing loose gravel from his palms as he rights himself. “Please,” he implores her again, holding the ring out for her to see. “Give me a second chance.”

  Even as a reluctant bystander, my heart is breaking for them both because, despite her callous exterior, I can tell by the way Summer bites at her bottom lip that she still has feelings for the guy. And although she may never love him again the way she once did, there’s no mistaking her tenderness toward him.

  She shakes her head, solemnly. “I can’t, Travis. I’m sorry.”

  “Please?” he cries like a feral animal, staggering toward her, arms outstretched.

  If I was surprised by Travis’s unexpected proposal, I’m even more astounded by Cameron’s reaction to the soldier’s persistence. With a voice I’ve never heard him use and a bravado I was certain he didn’t possess, he steps between them and says, “She said no. No means no. Now leave her alone.”

  Travis blinks as if coming out of a daze. As if he’s wholly unaware there’s been an audience standing courtside, privy to the drama playing out between them. He turns to Cameron, offended. “Who the hell do you think you are? This is none of your damn business.”

  I expect Cameron to retreat into the shadows where he’s always been content to hide away from the prying, judgmental eyes of the world, but instead, he takes a courageous step forward, placing himself between the former lovers.

  “It’s my business because Summer is my date. And you’ve upset her. And I don’t like seeing her upset.”

  “It’s okay, Cam,” she says, placing a gentle hand on his arm. “Thanks for standing up for me, but this isn’t your problem.”

  As the words escape her lips I realize how terribly wrong she is. Like Cameron, I should be defending Summer against Travis the same way we all stood up to defend Alice against Monika at the dance. This is what real friends do. They support one another in the face of… complexity.

  “Go home, Travis,” I say in a voice more assertive than I intend. “Then go to Syria and when you come back, find a nice new girl to love. Only this time, instead of being a lying, cheating dog, treat her with the respect you forgot to show Summer. And maybe then you’ll be worthy of that girl’s heart and she’ll be willing to wear your ring. As I see it now, though, you haven’t earned that right here tonight.”

  He’s conflicted, uncertain about whether to feel wounded or outraged. “Summer?” he pleads.

  Now it’s Leonetta’s turn to step forward, joining the human barricade. “You heard the girl already,” she says. “You blew it. Better luck next time.”

  Summer nods and with one last gaze into his eyes, climbs into the back seat of my car.

  *

  By the time we pull into the parking lot at Wilson Park, Alice and Marcus are swinging side-by-side on the swings—his legs pumping, her skirt billowing. A pang of jealousy washes over me as I call to mind an image of Zander and me on our tree’s old tire swing. We spent hours together, pushing each other as high as the rope would allow in our never-ending quest to swing all the way around the branch.

  How carefree those days had been.

  They come to a stop as we approach, dragging their heels in the sand, then follow us to the dock along the lake shore. We carefully lower ourselves onto the weathered planks, and even though I worry momentarily about snapping turtles as I dip my toes in the water, I decide it must be safe once the others follow suit. There’s a moment of contemplative silence until Alice finally inquires about our recent whereabouts, and after explaining how we were detained by a marriage proposal from Travis, the conversation turns to me.

  “So, it’s happening then,” Alice says. “The 82nd is finally deploying to Syria.”

  “If Travis can be trusted,” Summer says.

  They are and he can. Because, of course, my dad’s already shared the truth.

  “They’re leaving next month,” I tell them. “Travis and my dad.”

  A beat passes as my revelation sets in. While the others consider my situation, I pick at the splintered decking, a sharp corner drawing blood as it pierces my skin. It’s a tangible reminder of the emotional pain I’ll endure after my dad’s departure. I’ve never been without him a day in my life. Now I’ll have to survive without him for months, if not years.

  I stick my finger in my mouth, not wanting to bleed on my dress, as Summer says thoughtfully, “It’s hard at first, not having your dad around. But it’ll get easier as the weeks and months go by. You get into a routine, and eventually it’ll become normal, being without him.”

  The blood tastes like an old penny, metallic and corrosive in my mouth. It reminds me of the time I fell, landing face first in our driveway when I was first learning to ride my bike. Dad had convinced me I was ready to go it alone. Assured me I could balance on my own, without his hand to steady the seat. But I had disappointed myself, careening headlong across the gravel, splitting my lip and scraping the side of my face. He’d apologized to me for letting me go before I was ready, but I knew it wasn’t his fault.

  Just as leaving now isn’t his fault.

  This time, however, I don’t have to balance on my own.

  “I’ll be okay,” I say at last. “I’ll still have you guys.”

  “Exactly,” Summer says, scootching over to drape her arm around my shoulders. “Alice and Netta aren’t going anywhere, and even after I move we can still keep in touch.”

  I try to ignore the pang of sorrow accompanying thoughts of Summer’s departure. Although I haven’t known her long, I feel closer to her than most of the girls I grew up with. The same goes for Alice, and especially Leonetta. I can’t believe these extraordinary girls are a part of my life and it’s because, unlike in Iowa, I allowed them in. I consider how my life might have been different if I’d been open to the possibility of having more than one best friend instead of relying solely on Zander for so long.

  For the duration of our conversation, Leonetta’s been staring into the fog gathering atop the surface of the lake, being intentionally evasive. Something’s clearly bothering her, and I put her on the spot. There’s got to be a reason she’s gone quiet.

  She sighs heavily, picking at the polish on her nails. “I’m leaving too, right after school ends. But only for the summer. I’ll be back by Labor Day.”

  “You’re what?” Alice cries before I even have a chance to process. “I know I didn’t hear you’re leaving for the summer.”

  “I am. My mom invited me to stay with her in Jamaica for three months. Spend some time with my siblings. Get to know her new husband.” She lifts her chin, catches my gaze from beneath her lashes. “I couldn’t say no, even though I’d way rather spend my summer here with y’all.”

  Alice sits between Marcus’s legs, leaning back on her elbows with her head against his chest. The anticipation of standing up to Monika long forgotten, she appears deflated like a helium balloon with a slow leak. I imagine we’re a matched set, tethered to one another, unable to float away.

  “Let me get this straight,” she says softly. “Tess’s dad is shipping off to Syria, Summer is moving to Arizona with her family, and Netta’s spending the summer in Jamaica.” She turns toward me, a dejected smile playing at the corners of her lips. “Guess it’s gonna be you and me, girl.”

  “Guess so,” I say.

  She smiles in earnest then, rolling her eyes. “It’s probably not such a bad thing considering you have to take remedial geometry this summer, and you’re gonna need as mu
ch tutoring as I can give you.”

  Although the thought of spending my vacation solving geometric equations doesn’t thrill me, spending my days with Alice is more than a fair trade-off. I only worry her company alone might not be enough anymore. That I’ve grown too accustomed to having all these people in my life. Me, Tess Goodwin, a girl who was perfectly satisfied to spend every waking hour with only the companionship of the boy next door can’t stomach the thought of being without a full ensemble cast.

  These friends.

  This circle.

  This community.

  “Promise you’ll call and text,” Summer says, taking Alice’s hand. “Promise.”

  “I promise,” Alice tells her, grabbing Leonetta’s hand.

  “I promise,” Leonetta says, reaching out to me.

  “I promise,” I say. And I mean it.

  Chapter 29

  Love Makes the

  World Go ‘Round

  Thursday, June 27

  While I scrub the last of the spaghetti sauce from the bottom of the pan in the kitchen, Dad sits in the center of the family room, furniture shoved against the wall, gear splayed around him like a child on Christmas morning. I’ve never seen so much equipment, and as I observe him through the kitchen pass thru, I can’t help but wonder how he’s going to make it all fit inside his rucksack and duffle.

  Two bags are all he gets to take with him tomorrow. Two bags to fit everything he needs to sustain him for the next nine months in Syria.

  As I watch him now, rolling a pair of pants into a tight ball, I want to ask if he’s scared, the way Travis was on prom night. I want to ask if he has the conviction to shoot another person if he must. I want to ask if he’s going to miss me as much as I’m going to miss him.

  What I say instead is, “How long’s the flight over there?”

  He jumps at the sound of my voice, disturbed from somewhere deep in thought. “Oh, Tess. I didn’t know you were still there,” he replies, looking up from his bag. “What’s that again?”