by Tillie Cole
My chest ached on hearing the pain in Axel’s voice, in imaging Levi being lost all of those years. Placing the mug down, I linked my hands together. Axel leaned forward, running his hands through his long dark hair.
“That kid brother of mine has the fucking purest heart I’ve ever known. But he don’t speak much, he don’t do much of anything but keep to himself and his studies and football.”
I kept my eyes down, until he added, “But he’s fucking changed all that since he met you,” and my gaze crashed with his. “Don’t know you, Elsie, I hope that changes. I get that you ain’t had it good too, and fuck, I’m real sorry if your life has been anything like Lev’s. But I’m begging you one fucking thing.”
I waited, on tenterhooks, for what he would say, when he whispered, “Please don’t break his fucking heart. Seeing that kid so closed in, pained me every damn day. I won’t see him destroyed by the first person he’s ever let in.”
I thought I would cry at the plea in this intimidating man’s deep voice, but I pushed it aside to lean in and reply, “I could never hurt him. I…” I shook my head and lowered my eyes, “he means too much to me.”
“Good,” Axel rasped, then sat back in his seat.
Seeing everyone was still talking amongst themselves, I forced myself to say, “Your sculptures are beautiful. The angel,” I inhaled, thinking of how to put its beauty into words, when Axel’s attention darted to me.
He coughed, then asked, “Lev showed you it?”
I nodded my head, hoping I hadn’t said something I shouldn’t have. I knew I hadn’t when Axel’s eyes glossed over—it meant the world to him.
“He goes there a lot,” I explained, “to your warehouse. He’s… he’s afraid he’ll forget her if he doesn’t.”
“Fuck,” Axel swore. “I swear that kid’s gonna kill me.” I smiled, when suddenly, I heard Levi’s name being called from the back of the room.
Turning, I saw Levi walking in the door, Austin was the first to meet his little brother. “Lev, fucking game, fratello,” he said and wrapped Levi in his arms. Levi smiled, ducking his head, and I watched as, one by one, his family congratulated him on his win. Axel’s embrace held just a second longer than all the rest. I saw a flicker of confusion mar Levi’s face, questioning why, but it passed the moment he saw me at the back of the room.
Dropping his bag to the floor, Levi quickly made his way to me, a soft smile pulling on his lips the closer he got. My legs felt like Jell-O as he approached, but I stood my ground, the beautiful expression on his face making it impossible for me to do anything else.
Levi stopped before me, looking more than handsome in his team suit and tie. His fair hair was damp from his shower, and he had two scratches on his face from where he must have been hit during the game.
I rubbed my lips together, waiting for what he would do, when his warm palm cupped my cheek and he said softly, “Happy birthday, Elsie.”
I turned my cheek into his warm palm, and replied, “Thank you.”
“It’s her birthday?” I heard, whispered from behind.
“Lev said she didn’t want anyone to know,” someone whispered back, but I didn’t pay it any mind, I was transfixed on Levi whose lips were closing in on mine. As always, my heart beat like a drum, until his soft mouth was on mine and I thought it might explode.
I closed my eyes, breathless at his kiss, when he pulled back and smiled. “You ready to go out?” he asked, and I frowned in confusion. “For your birthday,” he added. I immediately felt dread at what we would be doing, with who and where. I didn’t think anything was planned.
Levi inched closer and assured, “Just you and me. Nowhere you’ll hate. Nowhere to make you nervous.” He shyly looked around the room, then back to me. “Trust me. I’ve got you.”
Relief extinguished my nerves, and I looked up at Levi’s worried face through my lashes. “You want to take me out, for my birthday?” I asked, making sure I had this right. He slowly nodded his head and I rocked on my feet. “No one has ever taken me out for my birthday.”
Levi swallowed. I could see sympathy in his face, but more than that, I could see that he wanted this. That he desperately wanted to do this for me.
“Yeah.”
“Okay,” I whispered, excitement building in my stomach.
“Yeah?” Levi questioned.
“Yeah.” I smiled.
Reaching down, Levi took my hand in his and we turned to his family. Levi’s hand tightened in mine when they were all watching us.
As if seeing our discomfort, Austin said, “Right, guys, think that’s our call to leave.”
We all piled out of the box, Levi keeping hold of my hand, only releasing me once to quickly speak to Austin. Each of Levi’s family hugged us goodbye and we headed for the Jeep.
We had just reached the door, when a voice shouted from behind. “Alabama! Wait up!”
“Shit,” Levi swore under his breath. I frowned, confused at what had him so annoyed. I followed Levi’s eyes to two boys around his age who were jogging toward us, a blond girl and a red-haired girl closely in tow.
Levi came close to me, throwing his arm around my shoulders pulling me close. I saw the surprise on the boys’ faces as he did.
“Alabama,” the blond one in the front said, then looked to me. “You’ve been keeping this quiet. What the hell? You got a girl and you didn’t say?”
Levi shrugged, then said, “Elsie, this is Jake. Ashton is the dark haired one behind.” Jake and Ashton threw their hands up in a wave. I gave them a small smile.
The two girls arrived to stand beside the boys, and as the red-haired girl’s eyes fell upon me, I felt Levi pull me in just that little bit tighter. In an instant I understood why, because once her eyes had inspected me, they landed on Levi, and not once did they leave him after that. Jake, the blonde, tipped his head in the light haired girl’s direction and said, “This is my girlfriend, Stacey.” He turned to his girlfriend. “Stace, this is Elsie, Alabama’s chick.”
“I didn’t know you had a girlfriend, Levi,” Stacey said.
Levi’s hold froze, but then relaxed when he said, “Yeah. I do.”
A lightness filled my heart as he told them, proudly, that I belonged to him. His girlfriend.
His.
“I’m Harper,” the redhead said, and held out her hand for me to shake. I glanced to Levi, but then offered my hand when he nodded that she was okay. With her hand still in mine, she asked, “What was your name again?”
She waited for my response, but my throat had lost all its use; no words came out. I pulled back my hand, panic and anxiety like poison in my veins. She was too like those girls, looked too much like Annabelle.
“Elsie,” Levi said, rescuing me from drowning. “Her name is Elsie.”
I turned to Levi. Seeing a crooked calming smile on his lips. I melted into his chest, inhaling deep, filling my nose with his spiced scent. Levi pressed a kiss to the top of my head, and I knew what that simple kiss meant: he had me.
“So you coming to the dinner in two weeks, Elsie?” Ashton asked.
Keeping my cheek pressed against Levi’s chest, I shrugged. Ashton nodded, but I could see questions written all over his face.
Jake laughed. “Seems like you’ve found a chick that likes to talk about as much as you, eighty-four. She’s perfect for you.”
My heart plummeted, feeling like I was embarrassing Levi, when he said, “She talks plenty, man, she’s just shy meeting new people, that’s all.” I heard Levi’s heartbeat increase, my right ear at his pec, then he added, “But yeah, she’s pretty perfect for me, you got that part right.”
Levi nodded, then exhaled a deep breath. “We gotta go, guys. I’m taking my girl out.”
Jake stepped back, but asked, “It’s probably a no, but we’re having a party tonight and…” Jake trailed off. Levi laughed.
“Nah, man. But thanks. Catch you next week.”
Levi immediately opened the Jeep’s passenger side doo
r and I stepped inside. Before he moved to the driver’s side, he leaned in to press a gentle kiss to my lips. As he pulled back, I gave him a questioning look. That familiar redness coated his cheeks, and he said, “Just like calling you my girl, that’s all. It sounded real good on my lips.”
Levi was in the driver’s seat before I even realized he’d moved. Truth was, I liked him calling me my girl too. I liked that I was his.
Levi’s girl.
* * * * *
Levi took us to a restaurant on the waterfront. It was a small Italian, very secluded and private. He held my hand as the server led us to an outside table overlooking the Puget Sound. There were heaters at the top of the table making it comfortable to sit out in the dry night air.
We had barely sat down when a man came out smiling, aiming directly for Levi. “Ciao, come stai, Levi?” the man said, obviously speaking Italian.
My heart stopped. No, almost burst when Levi stood looking handsome in his team suit and shook his hand.
“Bene, Carlo, et tu?”
My mouth fell open as I listened to Levi talk in fluent Italian with the manager, his soft shy voice bold and colorful as his tongue wrapped around the consonants and vowels.
The man must have asked something about me, as Levi smiled down at me, nodding his head. “Si,” he replied, his head lowering in timidity. “Lei é la mia ragazza.”
The man tapped Levi on his arm, and replied, “Ah, é bella.”
This time, when Levi looked up at me through his fallen strands of hair, something inside of me set on fire. I stared, waiting desperately for him to respond, just to hear that beautiful language, when he rasped, “Si, Carlo. Bella mia.”
Levi sucked his bottom lip into his mouth, and I couldn’t help but blush. Carlo moved toward me, taking my hand. He pressed a kiss to the back of my hand and said, “Buon appetito.”
I nodded my head in thanks, as Carlo walked off and left us alone. Levi sat down, but he didn’t lift his head. I reached across the table to take his hand resting on the top. Levi inhaled deeply and met my eyes.
I shook my head. “You speak Italian?”
A shadow seemed to pass across Levi’s eyes and he nodded his head. “Yeah,” was all he said. I squeezed his hand letting him know I wanted more, when he ran his free hand down his face. “My mamma was Italian, from Florence. She moved here to be with my pop.” He glanced up then back down and added, “She only really spoke to us in Italian. Austin brings us here a lot. That’s how we know the manager.”
I didn’t realize how hard I was gripping Levi’s hand until my fingers began to ache. Pulling myself closer to the table, I brought our joined hands to my face and ran his hand down my cheek, only to land on my lips so I could press a kiss to his warm skin. Levi watched my every movement. He swallowed as I stayed quiet. But I said everything I needed to say with that kiss—I understood.
“So,” Levi rasped, emotion thick in his voice, “What did y’all think of the game?”
I shook my head looking out onto the full moon reflecting off the water. “It was surreal,” I replied, the water rippling in the gentle wind. I looked back to Levi and continued. “It was so full of people, people chanting your name, and watching you like you were a God.”
Levi’s expression was guarded as I spoke. He looked out over the water too, but he ran his thumb over the back of my hand and asked, “Is it… could it be something you could get used to?”
His thumb paused on my hand, awaiting my answer. I shrugged. “I’m,” I stopped and shook my head. “I’m not sure I could be around it all the time.” I lifted my hand to my right ear. “The sounds were deafening.” I huffed a laugh at the irony in that statement, but said, “There were so many people there. I’ve never seen so many people in one place before.” I inhaled. “It was overwhelming.”
Levi didn’t say much in response, but he appeared hurt and my heart cracked. I never wanted him to be hurt, but that situation, for me, seemed unbearable.
The server approached at that moment, and Levi ordered our food. We ate the meal mostly in silence, until an hour later, Levi paid the check and rose to his feet. Sighing, he held out his hand. I stared at his offered hand, worried he was still disappointed in me. Levi pushed it farther in my direction and I couldn’t help but slip my palm against his. He clasped it tightly as I got to my feet. His free hand immediately threaded into my hair and he pulled me closer. I looked up at his bright eyes, the gray seeming silver in the moonshine, then he pressed his lips to mine, taking possession of my mouth.
I moaned as his tongue pushed against mine. Releasing my hand, he now placed both hands in my hair, his hard chest brushing against my breasts. Shivers speared down my spine when Levi groaned low. He inched in as close as he could get, so close that I felt his hardness pushing against me. Heat swirled in my stomach and traveled lower to my core.
When Levi groaned again, I pulled back, gasping for breath. My palms were flat on Levi’s chest. I could feel his heart racing, and when I looked into his eyes, they were leaden with lust and lit with fire.
Levi closed his eyes and dropped his forehead to mine. He inhaled and exhaled in deep and steady breaths, until he said, “We need to leave.”
My stomach flipped, wondering what he meant, when he explained, “I have one more thing I need you to see.”
Needing a minute too, I let my hands slip to his wrists and said, “Okay.”
Though we didn’t move. We stayed under the full moon, next to the water, completely silent, but holding tight. Like the bright moon above, I knew we had just transitioned into a new phase. I hadn’t ever been there with a boy before. I had never been touched before Levi. And if I was right, this shy boy with a heart of gold, hadn’t been with anyone either.
My blood rushed through my body when I realized that I wanted him. I wanted to give him, me. I wanted to give myself to him in every way I could. My cheeks blazed as I searched for words that could give my desire life, but there was none. I would never know how to say I wanted him, fully. I just didn’t have the words.
“Elsie,” Levi’s rough and strained voice called my name, and I looked up at him through my lashes. His hands on my cheeks tightened as I stared up at him, knowing there was hunger in my eyes, but he said, “We really need to get going. I want—” He stopped himself from finishing the sentence, and moved back, joining our hands and leading us from the dock, through the restaurant to the street.
I was desperate to know what he was going to say.
Releasing my hand to put his arm over my shoulders, he pulled me close and led me toward a cluster of bars up ahead. The further we got, the more people milled about; Saturday night was getting busier the darker it became.
We turned down a small alley, and arrived at a small coffee house. It wasn’t one of the big chains that littered the streets of Seattle, but a small independent house, filled with plush sofas and rich colors.
Levi guided us through it, most of the sofas occupied but for a two-seater red one beside the fire. We claimed the sofa and sat down, a server immediately coming over to take our order. When the server left us, I let my gaze rove over the room. There were people of all ages, dressed in all kinds of ways. People were sitting alone, in couples or in groups, all their chairs facing the stage. A single microphone stood on the stage, red velvet curtains dressing the backdrop.
Confused, I turned to Levi to see him watching me. His suit jacket was lying over the back of the sofa, his tie stuffed in the pocket. The top two buttons of his shirt were open as he sat back, his eyes on me.
I pointed around the room, and shrugged my shoulders in question. Levi moved to the front of the sofa, and said, “I found out about this woman and wanted you to hear her.”
His answer hadn’t made anything else clearer. The server dropped off our coffees and walked away. Levi pointed at the stage and said, “For the first hour it’s open mic. People can read their own things. Then Sarah Carol comes on, reading her works.”
My puls
e raced as I realized what this place was, what we were about to watch. Then a woman wandered forward to the mic, holding a booklet in her hand. She tapped the mic to make sure it was on. A high-pitched ringing screeched from the speakers causing me to wince. The minute it died down, I was captivated by the setting.
The woman opened her book, and began to read her words. “Love like a noose, a poisonous kiss…” I listened intently to every word, the woman baring her soul for the world to hear.
As she finished, the crowd clapped and a man took the stage. And so it went on; people, one after the other, taking to the stage, sharing their poems. Some were funny, some were serious, some were so heartbreaking that tears fell down my cheeks.
Levi sat silently beside me, his hand on my leg as I stayed completely glued to every sentence bravely spoken aloud. When the final person left the stage, the server refreshed our coffees, and I turned to Levi. He was watching me closely. “They can just get up and read their words?”
“Yeah,” he said and stroked back the hair from my eyes. “It’s a poetry club, they have readings most nights, but Saturdays are for bigger poets, people who have published books, that tour the country.”
My eyes widened and I said, “It’s Saturday. Are we going to see someone?”
Levi nodded. “Yeah, but I wanted you to see the open mic first. I wanted to show you that people share their poems. That there are places to do it, if you ever wanted to.” He smiled, and shook his head. “I’ve only heard some of your poems, Elsie, but you’re better than most of those we’ve just heard.”
A heady warmth and joy sprinkled over me at Levi’s praise, only to be replaced with complete and utter fear. I shook my head. Glimpsing the stage in my peripheral vision, I turned to stare at the lonely microphone that sat center stage, under the glare of a spotlight.
“I couldn’t,” I whispered, frozen with fear merely at the thought of opening my mouth for people to hear my voice.
Never mind my poems, which also caused me anxiety at sharing my words. But the thought of people hearing my voice, at opening myself up to that kind of ridicule, to hear their cutting words, their laughter and wickedness…