The Day My Husband Left: An absolutely gripping and emotional page-turner

by Amy Miller

  His scraped at an invisible mark on the table with his fingernail.

  ‘I need… need… it for Freddy,’ he stammered. ‘It’s his birthday coming up and I promised his mum I’d get him a games console, and I promised I’d find the money for her to get her drains, I mean guttering sorted out… plus I owe her. I’ll pay you back, of course. Another five hundred should probably do it. Sort the drains – I mean guttering – and Fred’s present.’

  Heidi closed her eyes for a long second. She should have been prepared for this. It was a risk, but if she didn’t speak her mind now, she knew she’d regret it.

  ‘Well there’s one thing we have in common, William,’ she said. ‘We’re both terrible liars. Now why don’t you tell me what you really need it for?’

  And then William’s expression completely changed, and a darkness fell, as if clouds had covered the sun and all the lights in the café had been switched off.

  Fifteen

  She failed the interview. Spectacularly. She couldn’t have done a worse job if she’d tried. Furious with herself, Heidi followed William out into the street.

  ‘William, I’m sorry!’ she called after him. ‘Wait! Please. Have I upset you?’

  He stopped dead and spun around to face her, his eyes wild.

  ‘Have you upset me?’ he spat. ‘First you reject me, then you don’t even tell me Johnny is dead and now you call me a liar. Well fuck that. I don’t need anyone else in my life calling me a liar.’

  Heidi stood still, speechless, as he walked further down the street.

  ‘I’m sorry!’ she shouted after him, her voice breaking. ‘Send me your bank details and I’ll transfer that money, no problem. I want to help!’

  His pace slowed slightly, and she wondered if he might stop, but then he picked up speed, turned the corner and disappeared out of sight. She wondered if she should run after him but stopped herself. She needed to take a moment to digest what was happening – not chase after William and completely wreck their new, fragile, barely existent relationship.

  ‘What a disaster,’ she whispered.

  Tears in her eyes, she returned to the café to pick up her bag, where the entire café had obviously heard her yelling and were now staring at her.

  ‘What are you looking at?’ she yelled before leaving, feeling bemused, blindsided and sorry. If only Johnny had given her the heads-up about William and the money, and what he was like. If only he was here.

  ‘Thanks, Johnny,’ she hissed as she headed quickly back to the van. ‘Why the hell didn’t you tell me?’

  She was half shouting as she walked. Other people in the street looked at her with a mixture of fear and sympathy. Closing her eyes, she suppressed the urge to scream. It wasn’t fair to feel angry with Johnny when he wasn’t here to defend himself, but that’s exactly what she did feel. Anger. Fury. Rage.

  Groaning, she looked up at the sky, where a gaggle of noisy Canadian geese flew overhead in the shape of an arrow. You could hear the sound of their powerful wings flapping. She envied their freedom.

  Arriving at the Morris, she pushed the key in the lock.

  ‘I wish you’d told me, Johnny!’ she said again, the anger suddenly draining out of her. ‘Then we could have done this together. Why would you think it was a good idea to leave me out of all this?’

  ‘He wanted to suss him out first,’ said a male voice from behind her.

  She turned on her heels and saw Max standing in the car park, his hands pushed into his pockets, concern in his eyes.

  ‘He wanted to suss him out and get to know him, so that on your birthday, he could introduce you to William and give you the best surprise.’

  Heidi stared at Max, her vision blurring. She shook her head, trying to straighten her thoughts.

  ‘You knew?’ she asked, incredulous. ‘He told you?’

  Max approached Heidi slowly and carefully, with his palms raised, as if she was a wild animal, likely to bite off his hand.

  ‘He did,’ he said, offering her an apologetic smile. ‘He swore me to secrecy. He had it all planned – the birthday surprise. I was just a sounding board. I felt shitty about it straight away, and I argued with him about it. Then he had to go and die on us, and I didn’t think it was my place to say anything to you! But, thank God, you got there yourself. What do you do when your best friend asks you to keep a secret – a proper secret? I’m a loyal person. He would have done the same thing for me. He had your interests at heart. I tried to tell him otherwise, but he wasn’t having it.’

  ‘Bloody hell,’ she said. ‘Isn’t that taking loyalty a bit far?’

  ‘No,’ said Max. ‘Johnny was my friend. I wanted to do the right thing by him.’

  Heidi’s head pounded.

  ‘But what are you doing here?’ she asked, confused. ‘Don’t tell me you followed me here.’

  ‘Of course not!’ he said, with a small laugh. ‘I parked here and saw the van – you can hardly miss it – and I wondered if you were going to see William. I thought I’d wait for you in case you needed someone to talk to. When Johnny had his first heart attack, he said if anything ever happened to him, to look out for you. That’s all I’m doing. Shall we sit inside the van for a moment?’

  Heidi sighed, nodded and opened up the van. She sat in the driver’s seat and Max in the passenger seat. Max rested his hand on Heidi’s forearm and, after a few moments, she briefly rested her head on his shoulder, his warmth making her want to cry.

  ‘Did you meet William then?’ he said.

  She nodded and leaned her head back against the seat.

  ‘This has been so crazy,’ she said, wiping tears from her eyes. ‘I’ve waited years to meet William. I’ve thought about him every day. I’ve dreamed of meeting him, seen people in the street and thought could that be you? And now I’ve messed it all up.’

  ‘Why do you say that?’ said Max.

  Heidi sat upright and explained what had happened in the café.

  ‘You’re human, Heidi,’ Max said. ‘It’s an emotional experience and highly charged. It’s going to take time for you both to adjust. Have you arranged to meet again?’

  Heidi shook her head. ‘We didn’t leave on the best terms,’ she said. ‘I wish I could talk to Johnny. He’d know what to do.’

  ‘Tell him anyway,’ Max said. ‘I’ve heard you chatting to him in the workshop.’

  ‘Am I losing my mind?’ Heidi said.

  ‘No,’ he said. ‘I do the same. When Jane died, I planted a pear tree and sprinkled her ashes around it. She loved pears, so it seemed fitting. And now I talk to the tree a lot. She probably wishes I’d just stop burdening her with all my problems!’

  Heidi was relieved to laugh. She rubbed at a crick in her neck. ‘Ouch,’ she said, massaging her right shoulder. ‘I’m so stressed out. My shoulders are up to my ears and my neck is as stiff as a post. I need to get my head straight. I’m ricocheting from one problem to another.’

  ‘I’ve got an idea,’ Max said. ‘What are you doing after this?’

  Heidi checked her watch. It was almost lunchtime and she hadn’t even made a start on any work yet. Thinking of the backlog made her body flame with heat. If she didn’t get a grip on it all, she would go under.

  ‘Work,’ she said. ‘I’ve so many orders to fulfil.’

  ‘I can help. No problem,’ he said. ‘But before we do that, come for a swim first. Go home and grab your kit then meet me at Southbourne beach. We haven’t been for a swim together in ages.’

  ‘I can’t today,’ said Heidi. ‘I’ve too much to do.’

  ‘I won’t take no for an answer,’ Max said. ‘It’ll take an hour out of your day and make you feel so much better. You know that better than I do. The health benefits are proven. People right back to the eighteenth century thought that swimming in the sea had a curative and therapeutic effect. That’s why people started flocking here, to Bournemouth, to swim – to recover.’

  ‘I know, I know, but I’m just so busy,’ Heidi st
arted but Max lifted a finger to his lips.

  ‘Come on,’ he said. ‘Let’s go.’

  Max got out the van and Heidi sat in silence for a moment, thinking of her disastrous meeting with William. Blinking away tears, she started up the engine when her mobile rang. Glancing at it, she saw Scarlet’s number and immediately picked up. Through tears, Scarlet said she needed to get away from Charlie – he was behaving like a stalker. Heidi felt hugely protective of Scarlet and, also, guilty for being so consumed with William. Her family was falling apart. She wiped her nose with a tissue and pulled herself together.

  ‘Come home,’ Heidi told Scarlet. ‘Come home today and bring Frankie.’

  An hour later, Heidi stood knee-deep in the cold seawater, in her Speedo swimsuit, goggles and a bright-yellow swimming hat. The sea was invitingly flat and almost silver, with wispy pale-pink clouds hovering above. The beach was empty apart from a couple of dog walkers and a Lycra-clad cyclist, speeding along the promenade. A feeling of calm washed over her.

  ‘You’re hardcore not wearing a wetsuit,’ said Max, who was wearing his, plus wetsuit socks.

  She shook her head. ‘I just prefer it without,’ she said. ‘I feel more free, but I can’t stay in long – partly because it’s cold but also because Scarlet’s coming home. Relationship troubles.’

  Max was jumping up and down on the spot, warming up.

  ‘I remember those,’ Max said, giving Heidi a look. She gave him a shove and rolled her eyes.

  ‘Right,’ she said. ‘Are you ready?’

  Max grinned and nodded, then they headed into the water. Heidi pulled down her goggles and went deeper, bending her knees so more of her body was submerged, until eventually, her whole body was under. The icy water numbed her skin, and when she put her face in, her lips tingled with cold.

  ‘Okay?’ Max asked, giving her the thumbs up. ‘Shall we swim?’

  Heidi returned his thumbs up. Her skin buzzed as she moved through the water and focused on each stroke. For that moment, the sea was all that mattered. She felt aware only of the sound of the water, the cold against her skin and, when she lifted her head out of the water to take a breath, the vast blue sky above. For several hundred metres, she swam side by side with Max, until they came to a natural pause for breath, treading water in the gentle waves.

  ‘Thanks, Max,’ she said. ‘You were right. After this morning, I needed this.’

  Floating on her back in a star shape and staring up at the pale-blue sky, she heard William’s harsh words. First you reject me. She heard a familiar tune in her mind and flipped back over onto her stomach before they started to swim slowly back towards the shore.

  ‘I think my mother was right,’ she said to Max. ‘I should have listened to her.’

  ‘The first meeting was bound to be difficult,’ said Max. ‘Don’t give up. Your mum is just worrying about you. Fearful of the unknown.’

  Heidi thought of Tuesday – the letter that Rosalind had written to her saying she didn’t want to be in touch must have been so hard for Tuesday to swallow.

  ‘My mother told me a secret the other day,’ said Heidi. ‘She told me that, apparently, I have a half-sister, who was also adopted. She’s never met her, never spoken of her. It all came spilling out when I spoke to her about William. I think that’s why she’s always reacted so strongly about this whole situation.’

  ‘No!’ Max said, treading water. ‘Really? So that’s why she was so furious with you. Will you try to find her? What’s her name?’

  ‘Tuesday Snow,’ she said. ‘There can’t be many out there…’

  Max laughed. ‘No,’ he said. ‘I’ll look her up, unless you don’t want me to.’

  ‘I’m not sure I have the strength,’ said Heidi. ‘But I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to have a look.’

  ‘Your family is full of surprises,’ said Max. ‘Race you!’

  They swam back to the beach, and Heidi clambered out of the water, her skin bright pink with cold. Drying herself quickly, she pulled on her clothes, her freezing fingers fumbling with the zips. Max, still in his wetsuit, was scrolling on his mobile.

  ‘How old would Tuesday be?’ he asked.

  ‘About sixty-two or three, I guess,’ she said. ‘She also said that she lived in Brighton. But, Max, maybe we shouldn’t look her up. I should speak to my mother first. She wants to keep everything buried in the past – you know what she’s like. Perhaps it’s easier for her to cope with. She’s suffered a lot too.’

  Max pushed his phone into his bag.

  ‘But what about you?’ he asked. ‘What do you want?’

  Heidi blinked and smiled at him.

  ‘Thought so,’ he said. ‘I’m going in for a bit longer. I’ve got my wetsuit on, so I can stay in a while yet.’

  ‘You’ve already started looking, haven’t you?’ said Heidi, warmth gradually flooding through her. ‘Haven’t you?’

  But Max was already running towards the sea and splashing into the waves.

  Sixteen

  In the kitchen, Heidi scanned the collection of vintage teapots on the windowsill. She chose the green one, in the shape of an apple, probably from the 1950s. Filling it with water and a teabag, she placed it on the table with two gold teacups, in front of Scarlet and her girlfriend, Frankie. The backdrop of the bright-blue kitchen wall framed them beautifully.

  ‘I love all the colour in your house,’ Frankie said. ‘There’s so much grey everywhere usually.’

  ‘Thank you, Frankie,’ Heidi said. ‘I do love colour, despite not wearing any myself.’

  Heidi had instantly liked Frankie. Ever since she’d walked into the house, she was full of compliments and warmth. Now, she was scanning the framed photographs on the walls, the postcards and photos stuck with magnets to the fridge – and the shelves lined with recipe books Heidi rarely looked at these days. There were several plants on those shelves too – which she hoped Frankie didn’t look at – all in desperate need of watering.

  ‘Excuse my swimming hair,’ said Heidi, catching sight of her reflection and pointing at her curls, which stood from her head like a wire brush. On the radiator in the corner, Heidi’s swimming costume and cap were drying, and the faint smell of sea salt, not yet showered off, emanated from her skin.

  ‘You went swimming with Max then,’ Scarlet said. ‘That’s a bit cosy isn’t it?’

  ‘Don’t be daft!’ Heidi replied. ‘Max is a great friend. He’s been our friend for years – you know that.’

  ‘But why ask you to go swimming?’ said Scarlet sulkily. ‘What does he want from you?’

  ‘He doesn’t want anything!’ Heidi replied. ‘We used to go swimming a lot when we were younger. Calm down, Scarlet – you’re always so suspicious of people! Milk, Frankie?’

  ‘Please,’ Frankie said, adding a teaspoon of sugar to her cup.

  ‘Scarlet?’ Heidi asked, hovering over her cup with the milk. ‘Milk?’

  ‘No,’ said Scarlet. ‘I’m meat, dairy and sugar free, as from yesterday. We all should be. If you watch that documentary, Cowspiracy, you’d give up meat and dairy instantly. You know what I was saying about being more honest with myself – I realised I actually don’t want to eat animals. And perhaps if Dad hadn’t been such a carnivore, his heart wouldn’t have suffered.’

  Heidi glanced at Frankie, who opened her mouth to speak, but Heidi got there first.

  ‘I think that’s brilliant,’ said Heidi. ‘I admire you.’

  ‘Oh, you’re so lovely,’ said Frankie. ‘My parents would refuse to feed me if I went vegan. They’re full-on meat and two veg.’

  ‘Everyone’s different, I suppose,’ Heidi replied.

  ‘That’s exactly the thing though,’ said Frankie. ‘My parents can’t accept that people are different. They don’t like it. Anything that departs from the norm is seen as weird or unnatural. Even if it’s food-based. I’ve tried so many times to get them interested in the unconventional side of life, but they won’t have it. Not interested. It�
�s normal or nothing.’

  ‘I’m not really sure if there is a “normal”,’ said Heidi, not knowing how to respond to Frankie’s disloyalty towards her parents. She wondered if Scarlet gave her the same treatment in other people’s homes.

  ‘Exactly!’ said Frankie. ‘One of the reasons I love Scarlet so much is that she’s not afraid to be who she is, even though Charlie doesn’t like it.’

  Scarlet glanced at Heidi. Frankie was an attractive young woman. Her face was pink with a combination of vulnerability and fire, her blue eyes flickering about the kitchen as if searching for an escape route. Dressed in a black sweatshirt, tucked into black jeans, she was tall and athletic and wore her mobile on a thin multicoloured rope around her neck, like a long necklace. Heidi thought this a bit unnecessary, but perhaps it was preferable to clutching it, as all the young people did these days.

  ‘Are you going to tell me why you were so upset on the phone, Scarlet?’ Heidi asked. ‘What’s going on with Charlie?’

  ‘Charlie’s an absolute prick,’ said Scarlet. ‘I detest him. I wish I’d never set eyes on him or had ever been out with him. He’s arrogant, pig-headed, selfish – I can’t think of enough bad things to say about him.’

  ‘Don’t hold back,’ said Frankie, giving Scarlet a secret smile.

  Charlie, it materialised, had been making Scarlet and Frankie’s life hell – shouting abuse at them in the street, banging on the door of Scarlet’s flat late at night, begging to be let in and once – the final straw – letting himself into the flat through the bathroom window when both women were out and falling asleep on the couch, terrifying them on their return. After that Scarlet had refused any contact whatsoever and blocked his calls. He responded by turning up at college that morning and threatening her. It was then she’d warned she’d call the police and had complained to the university about him. The worse thing, she said, was that he’d been the one acting like a victim, so that other people felt sorry for him and blamed her.