The Day My Husband Left: An absolutely gripping and emotional page-turner

by Amy Miller

  Heidi hugged Zoe and kissed the top of her head.

  ‘Darling, I’m not,’ she said. ‘Let’s say this evening we’ll talk about everything. Are you seeing Leo today?’

  Zoe stared down at her hands and shook her head. Heidi gently lifted Zoe’s chin.

  ‘Has something happened?’ said Heidi.

  Zoe shrugged and sighed. ‘I’ll explain later,’ she said moodily, mocking Heidi’s words.

  Heidi frowned. She knew Zoe needed her, but she also felt a burning compulsion to take the shopping and camera to William – it was as if their future relationship depended on her doing this. She was desperate to prove to him she was a woman of her word. That he could rely on her.

  ‘Okay,’ she said, squeezing Zoe’s shoulder. ‘Sorry to be in a rush; I’ll see you at dinnertime. Scarlet’s coming home for the weekend so we’ll all be together.’

  Zoe didn’t reply; she just went back to the house. Heidi followed and grabbed William’s bag of shopping and stuffed it with the pair of Vans and extra things from the kitchen cupboards. Pasta. Baked beans. Tin of custard. Bag of apples. A round of Dairylea triangles. Two packets of biscuits. A pack of bacon. Six carrots. Two pints of milk. A packet of peanuts and a box of chocolates Frankie had given her for letting her stay over. There was hardly anything left in the house.

  ‘I’ll pick more up later,’ she said, aware that she had a lot to do ‘later’.

  Stealing out of the front door, she placed the bag of food on the passenger seat of the Morris van and sped towards William’s flat. But when she parked up outside, she felt suddenly apprehensive. What if he wasn’t there, or had a guest?

  It doesn’t matter, she thought, making her way towards the flat entrance, where the bicycle without tyres was still locked up. She took the lift to the eighth floor and knocked on the front door of the flat, but nobody answered. She rapped again, harder this time.

  ‘William!’ she called, feeling desperate. ‘William!’

  There was movement from inside the flat and the noise of something crashing to the floor. She pressed her ear up against the door.

  ‘William!’ she called urgently. She thought of Zoe at home, resigned to being shoved to the bottom of Heidi’s to-do list – and felt suddenly desolate and tearful, confused by her own behaviour. Why was she putting William first, when she barely knew him?

  What am I doing? she thought, giving the door one final furious thwack with the side of her fist and a kick with her boot. A small part of her wanted to kick the door down. There was the sound of footsteps and of a man clearing his throat.

  ‘Heidi?’ came a quiet voice from behind the door. ‘Is that you?’

  It was William. By the sound of his sleepy voice, she’d obviously woken him up.

  ‘Yes,’ said Heidi. ‘I have some breakfast for you. And the camera battery charger, in case you needed it. I was passing by. Can you let me in?’

  Heidi’s words were met with silence. Her heartbeat whooshed in her ears. After what felt like an eternity, he unlocked the door. Rather than open the door wide and let her in, he simply poked his nose through the gap.

  ‘Passing by at this hour?’ he said. ‘I don’t need the camera today. It’s yours anyway. It’s Johnny’s. It’s not mine.’

  The smell of alcohol on his breath hit her like a thump on the nose.

  ‘I’m sure he’d want you to have it. Are you going to let me in?’ she said. ‘I’ve got some other things to give you. Some shoes. And you left your shopping in the car.’

  ‘No,’ he said. ‘I—’

  Heidi pushed her boot into the gap in the door. Surprised, he raised his eyes to meet hers.

  ‘What the hell?’ he said.

  ‘Let me in,’ she insisted. ‘Please.’

  Her desperation was palpable. He lifted his index finger to his lips. ‘Ian’s here,’ he said. ‘It’s not the best time to visit.’

  William sent her a wary smile. But Heidi would not be deterred. She bit her lip and followed William through the flat past closed bedroom doors – where she could hear the sound of someone snoring – and through to the living room. On the floor next to the sofa where William had been sleeping was an empty bottle of vodka. Heidi’s heart sank into her boots, and he registered her disappointment.

  ‘I told you not to come in,’ he said. ‘It’s a bad time. My life hasn’t always been like this. I haven’t anywhere else to go at the moment but it’s temporary.’

  Heidi desperately wanted to ask about his adopted family. Wasn’t there anyone else he could rely on?

  ‘What about your parents?’ she asked bravely. ‘Could you stay with them?’

  He shook his head. ‘Both my parents are dead,’ he said.

  Heidi swallowed. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said.

  ‘My dad, Fred, died in an accident when I was a toddler, then my mum got together with someone else. Then my mum died. I do have some distant relations, but we’re not close.’

  ‘I’m so desperately sorry,’ Heidi said, her heart pounding. ‘When did your mum die?’

  Heidi dug her fingers into the sofa fabric, hoping that it wasn’t when he was still a child.

  ‘My mum—’ started William. ‘My mum passed away when I was eighteen. It was just me and her for a while, but she didn’t have an easy time with her new partner. I tried to look after her, but… she was a good person. She loved me and I loved her. We were a team.’

  There was so much he wasn’t saying. William choked a little on his words and Heidi physically ached with his pain. She sat down next to him.

  ‘Look,’ he said. ‘I’m not sure what you’re doing here. My life’s a bit complicated at the moment. Sleeping here like this, I—’

  He stopped speaking and Heidi gently rested her hand on his knee.

  ‘Drink some water,’ she said. ‘I’ll find somewhere for you to stay. I’ll just need a bit of time to explain to my girls.’

  He stared at her, incredulous. ‘You don’t even know me,’ he started. ‘If I were you, I’d turn around and never come back.’

  ‘No, you wouldn’t,’ she said. ‘If your son was in trouble, you’d help him. I want to help you. Why wouldn’t I want to help?’

  ‘But it’s different,’ he said. ‘Completely different. I’m not your son. What I mean is, I might be biologically, but…’

  His words stung, but Heidi understood.

  ‘I know what you mean,’ she replied. ‘It would be different if your parents were still around to help you, but they’re not. Johnny started this whole thing, by finding you, and there’s no way I can walk away from you. My girls will be fine. They’ll love you.’

  William’s face turned pink and he briefly reached out to Heidi, to touch her arm. She picked up the bag of shopping.

  ‘Here’s your shopping,’ she said. ‘I thought you might need a few extras. These shoes were in Johnny’s cupboard. I think he bought them for you.’

  They both looked at the bag.

  ‘Thank you,’ he said. ‘But look, if you’re on some kind of guilt trip…’

  ‘No, it’s not that,’ she said. ‘I’m just being myself. I know what it’s like to be at rock bottom. I almost forgot to say that those photos you took of Johnny are beautiful. You’re good. I don’t think you should give up on your dream. When you’re back on your feet, perhaps you can take it up again.’

  A stripe of sunshine fell into the room at the edges of the grey curtains, and for a brief moment, Heidi felt hopeful. She stood up and opened them, letting the light flood the room.

  ‘It’ll work out,’ she said, looking down at the street outside. ‘That’s what Johnny used to say to me. Nothing can be that bad.’

  She turned back to face William, who was sitting, arms folded, staring into space.

  ‘There’s something you should know,’ he said in a half whisper. ‘And you’re not going to like it.’

  Twenty-One

  The time had come. Heidi couldn’t let another day pass without speaking fran
kly to Scarlet and Zoe. No excuse.

  ‘There’s something you should know,’ she said, echoing William. Scarlet and Zoe were watching the TV together – a cookery show – and she couldn’t compete with the narrator’s incessant chatter. Heidi picked up the remote control and switched it off. Earlier, she had practised her speech in front of the mirror but now, her mind was blank. Could she really tell Scarlet and Zoe not only about Tuesday but about William? She had to. Could she really expect them to accept that she had a son? Let alone a son with various problems. Sweat burst onto her forehead. The music to Dallas played out in her head. She cleared her throat. Her nerves were frayed. This was terrifying.

  ‘What are you doing, Mum?’ shouted Scarlet. ‘We were watching that! Now I don’t know if Michael’s soufflé collapsed!’

  ‘Sshhh,’ said Zoe, sitting up straight, knowing that this was the moment Heidi would tell them about Tuesday. ‘Mum’s going to tell us something.’

  ‘I need to tell you something,’ Heidi said, her voice shaking.

  ‘You were right,’ said Scarlet sarcastically. ‘She’s going to tell us something. Get on with it then – I don’t want to miss the end of the show!’

  Zoe threw a cushion at Scarlet, who jokingly screamed before Zoe hushed her once again. Heidi stood in front of the TV, then moved towards the couch, where she perched on the edge. Her hands shook. Her eyes travelled around the room, which suddenly seemed neglected. The mossy green walls needed redecorating, the family photographs positioned in clusters on the shelves and windowsill needed dusting and the wilting plants were thirsty. The piano, once played every day by Johnny and Zoe, hadn’t been touched for weeks.

  ‘Is this about that lady last night?’ said Zoe, pulling her hair into a ponytail on the top of her head. ‘Tuesday?’

  Zoe’s cheeks were fever pink and her blue eyes shone like polished stones. She had on Johnny’s enormous cream fisherman’s sweater, which she’d barely removed since claiming it. By her side was a big bag of Monster Munch crisps. Scarlet, who had pulled off one glittery sock to inspect a toenail, painted blue, looked up.

  ‘What lady?’ said Scarlet. ‘Tuesday. I recognise that name. Was that the woman’s name on Facebook?’

  Heidi held her hands up in the air to silence the girls.

  ‘Yes, it’s about Tuesday,’ she said. ‘This is very delicate, girls. I need you to be patient while I tell you the whole story.’

  The girls glanced at one another, Scarlet widening her eyes in suspense.

  ‘Your grandma, well, you know how proper she is and how reputation was very important to her family,’ said Heidi. ‘Well in 1957, she fell pregnant. Not by Grandad – she didn’t know him until a few years later – but by another chap. She had the baby, but because she was unmarried, she had to put her up for adoption. It happened a lot in those times. Your grandma never told me about it, nor did she tell Grandad. She only told me recently because… well, because, well… because…’

  This was her moment to make her announcement about William. But the words stuck in her throat like chunks of bread. She coughed, holding her throat.

  ‘Because Dad died?’ finished Scarlet. ‘Poor Grandma! And so you contacted this woman, Tuesday, and she was here, last night? Why the bloody hell didn’t you say anything? For God’s sake, Mum, this is major news! You should have shared this with us!’

  Heidi blanched at Scarlet’s language. She was always full of opinions, reflective later.

  ‘I’ve had a lot on my mind,’ said Heidi. ‘An awful lot has happened recently, I… your dad – he – before he died he took it upon himself to…’

  Heidi fell silent. Words completely failed her. She had her daughters’ undivided attention, but she simply couldn’t bring herself to tell them about William. Especially after his confession that morning, which lurked in her thoughts like a storm cloud, threatening to break. He had explained that he was in serious debt to the tune of several thousand pounds. He had inherited some money when his mother died and, when he got together with Martha, he used some of it to set up a photography business and put a deposit down on a house. Then his photography business started to struggle and he couldn’t pay some of the bills. He became desperate and, on a whim, went to a casino one night with a friend. He got lucky a couple of times and started to visit the bookies and tried online gambling. Soon the luck and money ran out, but by then, he was hooked. It was the reason he and Martha had split up.

  Now, with maintenance to pay to Martha, and a very low income, bailiffs were chasing him for unpaid debts. He had shown her a clutch of letters from debt agencies, the content in bright red typeface, threatening him with legal action. He owed money to friends too. The shame and fear in his voice and written on his face was enough to break Heidi’s heart. He had described how he’d tried to give up gambling, but because he could play on his mobile, it was too difficult to resist.

  ‘I just want to be a good dad to Freddy,’ he’d said. ‘Each time I place a bet I think of how the winnings will help me provide for Freddy, but of course it doesn’t work like that. I’m making an absolute mess of the whole thing. I’m a failure.’

  Heidi had known that instant that she was going to help him. Others might walk away. But she would do anything to help. Contact the debt-collection agencies, pay off the debt with savings she had, get him professional help if necessary. Give him a room to call home, so that he could make a fresh start. She was going to be the person to offer William hope. It’s what Johnny would have done, was doing. Their son was broken and she was going to fix him.

  ‘Did you like Tuesday?’ said Zoe now. ‘So, she’s your half-sister and our half-aunt?’

  Heidi thought about her meeting with Tuesday and felt a rush of excitement. She had enjoyed being with her, though her memories of what they’d discussed were a little hazy.

  ‘Yes, I did like her,’ she said. ‘I would have told you straight away, but I didn’t know how you would take that news.’

  ‘Don’t look so terrified; it’s not like you have a secret love child, Mum!’ Scarlet said, laughing.

  Stars fizzed above Heidi as if she’d been knocked out.

  ‘Can’t believe Grandma had that secret for so long. I feel sorry for her. Has she met Tuesday?’

  Heidi shook her head. ‘Not yet.’

  Zoe fell silent and looked close to tears. Heidi shook her head, moved to sit next to Zoe and held her hand.

  ‘Don’t be upset, Zoe,’ Heidi said. ‘Grandma will be fine with this news. Tuesday wants to come here at the weekend and meet you, but there’s no pressure if it’s too soon.’

  ‘I don’t mind,’ said Zoe, with a small supportive smile. ‘Do you think Grandma would mind if I spoke to her about it? I’d just like to know how she feels about it all. We don’t really know much about her life at all, do we? This must have been painful for her.’

  ‘Not yet,’ said Heidi quickly. ‘Just give me some time to talk to her.’

  ‘What’s she like?’ said Scarlet. ‘Tuesday. Is she like you?’

  ‘She seems fun,’ said Heidi, ‘bright, passionate, full of life, generous, likes a drink and loves to cook. We drank too much the other night, probably nerves. She’s a colourful person. I think you’ll like her. She’s got bright pink hair and runs a catering business from a converted horsebox. I wonder if maybe she’s a little bit lonely.’

  ‘Call her,’ said Scarlet, the cookery show completely forgotten, ‘and invite her round next weekend. I like the sound of anyone who’s in her sixties with pink hair and a vintage horsebox.’

  Twenty-Two

  The dining-room table was set as if it was Christmas. Red napkins, round rattan placemats. The mostly matching vintage Wedgwood crockery reserved for special occasions and long cream candles in vintage pale-green glass holders – all arranged on an antique gold lace tablecloth. The sight of it made Heidi feel sad. They hadn’t used the dining table in months. The last time would have been actual Christmas, when Johnny was alive, and as a tre
at, he’d allowed himself a slightly bigger dinner than usual. She had cleared the table of the last few months of post, paperwork and detritus, including a bicycle helmet and a vase of dried chrysanthemums that had gathered a layer of dust on each dead petal.

  Chair cushions had been plumped up, disturbing a cloud of dust. A duster swept over the piano keys and the floorboards hoovered. The air was heavy with the scent of roast chicken, a nut roast for Scarlet and roast potatoes.

  ‘You could go on one of those interior design shows,’ said Zoe. ‘This all looks so lovely.’

  Heidi laughed. ‘Hardly. But thank you. I don’t want her to think we live in a slum.’

  When she said the words, her thoughts went to William and his sofa-surfing lifestyle. Glancing at Zoe, she wondered what her daughter would say if she told her, now, about his existence.

  ‘Today must really mean something,’ Zoe said. ‘I’m glad for you to have someone new in your family. It’s nice.’

  Heidi reached for Zoe’s hand and squeezed, always grateful for her younger daughter’s kindness. Today did matter to Heidi, an awful lot, but it was so much more than simply making a good impression on Tuesday. It was bigger than that. She wanted to prove to the girls that having a new person in the family could be a good thing. A good thing that wasn’t to be feared, that would enrich all of their lives.

  ‘Am I underdressed?’ said Heidi, gesturing to her jeans and striped top, continuing to talk before she got an answer. ‘Anything that’s not my dungarees feels like a suit! Can you pick up those socks over there? How did they get there?’

  ‘What’s going on?’ said Scarlet, yawning as she entered the room, still wearing her dressing gown, with her hair tied up in a floppy bun and yesterday’s eyeliner smudged around her eyes. ‘You look posh, Mum, in your smart jeans.’

  ‘Scarlet!’ said Heidi. ‘Tuesday is coming in half an hour. Please can you get ready? This is important.’

  Scarlet flopped onto a chair, pulled her phone from her dressing-gown pocket and started scrolling, but Heidi snatched it from her hands and pointed towards the stairs.