The Day My Husband Left: An absolutely gripping and emotional page-turner

by Amy Miller

  Zoe pushed her toe around an invisible spot on the carpet. Heidi knew that she was struggling not to cry. She reached over to Zoe and pulled her in for a hug.

  ‘Try not to be too upset,’ Heidi said. ‘This changes nothing about my love for you and your sister. You come first. I love you both so much. I want to support you and help you through the loss of your dad, not make it all worse by dragging up the past, but obviously it’s a difficult situation for me. You’re only eighteen, Zoe, and you’ve been through so much recently. I just want you to be okay. I’ll do anything to make sure you’re okay.’

  ‘I’d like to meet him,’ said Zoe. ‘If he looks like Dad, I’d like to meet him. I’ve always wanted an older brother.’

  A tear escaped Heidi’s eye. Zoe had a big, generous, unquestioningly good heart.

  ‘Thank you, for being so kind,’ said Heidi. ‘We’ll talk about it all again. Will you be okay if I go out? I need to find Scarlet, and I don’t think she’s going to have the same take as you on all this. Tuesday is downstairs. She’s just cleaning up, then I expect she’ll go. Poor Tuesday probably wishes she’d never met me! What an introduction!’

  Zoe managed a small laugh, wiping away her tears with her sleeve. Heidi moved towards the door, picking up Johnny’s dressing gown on the way and holding it to her nose. It still held the scent of him. She hung it on a peg on the back of Zoe’s door.

  ‘We should sort your room out,’ Heidi said. ‘But those drawings are lovely. When did you do them?’

  ‘When I was up in Scotland,’ said Zoe. ‘Mum?’

  ‘Yes?’ said Heidi, about to leave the room. ‘What is it?’

  Zoe was trembling. Kneeling down to retrieve whatever it was from under the bed, she pulled a pregnancy testing stick out and handed it to Heidi, who stared at it for a long moment. The result was positive.

  ‘Is this…’ asked Heidi in a faint voice. ‘Is it yours?’

  Zoe nodded. Heidi sat down on the bed.

  ‘If we’re getting everything out in the open, I might as well show it to you,’ Zoe whispered, trying not to cry. ‘It happened before Dad died. I didn’t realise for ages. You know how my periods are never regular, and I thought they’d stopped because I was upset about Dad. Then, when I found out, Leo talked me into making us official so that we could try to make a go of being together properly. He said it didn’t matter that we were young, that it shouldn’t change our lives and that he loved me and wanted to spend his life with me. When we went away for those few days, we went to Gretna Green… Leo used his savings and we paid for this one-night package in this hotel to… to… get married. I wasn’t going to tell you, but, if we’re telling each other our secrets, this is mine. I’m pregnant and I’m married.’

  Slowly, Zoe pulled a necklace out from inside her jumper. On it hung a very slim gold wedding band. Heidi’s jaw dropped.

  Twenty-Four

  ‘M-Married?’ Heidi stuttered. ‘Actually, legally married? And actually, definitely pregnant?’

  Zoe nodded and lifted up the fisherman’s jumper, where there was a clearly defined bump.

  ‘Six months,’ she said. ‘Nearly seven.’

  ‘Nearly seven months!’ said Heidi, utterly stunned. How could she not have known?

  ‘My bump is pretty small,’ Zoe said. ‘I’ve hidden it well under Dad’s jumpers.’

  Heidi felt overwhelming guilt and a sense of loss. If she had been more focused on her daughters, rather than distracted by William, she would have realised something major was going on. The arguments she’d had with Leo, Zoe’s increased appetite, her refusal to take off that huge jumper and always wearing baggy clothing, but this was enormous. Life-changing. All those hopes she’d had for Zoe’s future. Her nursing degree, the travel she’d talked of, the imagined opportunities. They were now on hold. How could she have missed this? She was also acutely aware that how she reacted would be imprinted on Zoe’s heart for the rest of her life.

  ‘This is my fault,’ Heidi said, the colour draining from her face and pooling into her boots. Zoe burst out laughing.

  ‘It is absolutely not your fault,’ she said. ‘I know all about the birds and the bees. I’m doing an A level in Human Biology! This was an accident. I know that this changes everything – but I can deal with it; I know I can. And I love Leo – he’s a good person. We want to make a life together. Commit.’

  Heidi’s thoughts went to Leo. Heidi didn’t know him well enough to know whether he was a good person. How long had they been together – eighteen months?

  ‘Have you thought about what you’ll do?’ Heidi asked tentatively.

  ‘I’ve given it a lot of thought,’ Zoe said, swallowing. ‘I mean, we’ll have to live separately for a while but… eventually we can get somewhere together. A flat, you know, where I can grow plants and have a piano. Maybe closer to the sea. I know Leo loves me and supports me. He’s nineteen soon, and he’s looking for a job. I still want to be a nurse. We’re going to work it out so we can both still do what we want. I don’t see why we can’t make it happen.’

  Heidi could almost see the images inside Zoe’s head: the movie-inspired apartment lit with strings of fairy lights and with huge floor cushions thrown casually on the floorboards. A life that wasn’t reality, but on the other hand, she admired Zoe’s resolve.

  Zoe gazed hopefully at Heidi. In her childhood bedroom, painted dark blue when she was fourteen, decorated with vinyl stickers of seagulls, old photographs and certificates from school and with a collection of three old teddy bears perched on a shelf, she seemed out of place. As if she was wearing shoes that were much too small. Heidi was hurled through history back to the point in time she had discovered her own pregnancy. She had been desperate for Rosalind to comfort her and support her, only to be met with the opposite response. She hugged Zoe tight, kissing the top of her head.

  ‘We can get through all of this together, and I will support you,’ Heidi said firmly. ‘Does Leo’s family know?’

  Zoe shook her head, crossing the room to open the window. Leo’s family were unknown to Heidi, but Zoe rarely spent time at his. Almost their whole relationship had been conducted in this house, on camping trips, at the cinema, eating pizza.

  ‘He thinks they’ll be okay about it,’ she said. ‘He was hoping to go to York university, but he’s looked locally and seen a course he likes and he’s keen to take a year out to earn more money so that we can eventually be independent. For the time being, I think I need your help for a while longer, if you’ll have me at home. I’d like to be at home. I’ve been feeling quite alone.’

  Heidi swallowed, desperate not to say the wrong thing. She couldn’t stand the thought of Zoe feeling alone.

  ‘Oh, Zoe,’ said Heidi. ‘Of course I’ll help you and Leo. Your sister will help. We’ll find a way for you both to be able to study. Having a child doesn’t mean your dreams end – maybe they change or maybe they just happen a little slower. You’re at the heart of my life, you and Scarlet, just as your child will be at the heart of yours. Anything you need from me comes first, always. Look, we’re getting ahead of ourselves. Have you seen a doctor?’

  ‘No,’ Zoe said. ‘But I will. I can’t believe that this happened to Grandma, then you and now me. It’s completely mad.’

  From downstairs came the sound of the front door opening and closing. For a second she imagined it was Johnny, and that any moment he would call out ‘hello’. But Scarlet was home. There was a muffled ‘goodbye’ and then the front door opened and closed again. Poor Tuesday would never come back. Heidi felt unfathomably disappointed.

  ‘It’s not the same,’ said Heidi, determined to shine a positive light on Zoe’s situation. ‘Life has changed. It’s about how you handle these things. Just don’t worry. It’ll all be okay. Besides, Leo will share the responsibility with you. As you said, he’s a good person.’

  Heidi concealed any doubts she had, and Zoe fell silent as they listened to Scarlet climbing the stairs. She put her head around
the door and cleared her throat.

  ‘Are you talking about William?’ Scarlet said, emphasising his name with distaste. ‘Do you think you might like to tell me too, since I am your daughter? One of your many children! Look, Tuesday gave me this note downstairs. She’s cleared up down there! Sorry about the glass.’

  She handed Heidi the note: I’m going to collect a few things. I’ll be back later. Tuesday x

  Heidi stuffed the note in her pocket and briefly wondered what on earth Tuesday was going to collect and why she was coming back after the day they’d had. But she registered that she felt pleased too.

  ‘So,’ said Scarlet, taking a seat on the bed and tucking her feet under a corner of the duvet. ‘Are you going to tell us the truth – finally?’

  It was clear that Scarlet was going to punish Heidi as much as possible, but Heidi would have to grit her teeth and get through it with as much patience as possible.

  ‘Of course, Scarlet, I’ll tell you everything about William, but we were just talking about something else,’ said Heidi, glancing at Zoe, who dropped her gaze.

  ‘What?’ said Scarlet. ‘What now?’

  ‘I’m… I’m… I’m… I’m… pregnant,’ Zoe muttered. ‘And… married.’

  Scarlet’s jaw dropped. ‘Whoa,’ she said. ‘I was not expecting that! I thought I was supposed to be the crazy one.’

  Registering the fear on her sister’s face, Scarlet put her arms around Zoe and held her in a protective grip.

  ‘So that’s why your skin has been amazing,’ she went on. ‘It never used to glow like that. You’ve been looking like a peach for weeks. I thought you must have bought some of that miracle cream. Married though? What the…? When did you do that? Why did you do that? Now you’re stuck with Leo playing his ukulele forever more!’

  Zoe smiled and shrugged. ‘I don’t know,’ she said. ‘I got a bit swept up in trying to do the right thing. We thought, if we made some big decisions on our own, our families wouldn’t try to meddle too much and get us to change our minds about going ahead with it all. To be perfectly honest, I’m scared. Terrified.’

  ‘Don’t worry, Zoe,’ said Scarlet softly. ‘We’ll help – won’t we, Mum?’

  The plea in Scarlet’s voice didn’t escape Heidi. She nodded with as much confidence as she could muster. She must not let either daughter see the fear coursing through her.

  ‘Of course we will,’ said Heidi. ‘Absolutely yes.’

  Two hours later, Tuesday arrived with a shopping bag brimming with ‘emergency provisions’. There were crisps, three bottles of wine, tins of coconut milk, vegetables, spices and maple syrup. She bustled back into the house, dropped the shopping bags on the kitchen floor and offered to make everyone a hot chocolate with a twist. Heidi noticed that she’d also brought with her a bag of clothes and that her toothbrush was poking out the top.

  ‘Coconut cream, cacao, syrup and a dash of rum,’ Tuesday continued. ‘Honestly, it’s just what you need in a time of crisis. It’s got me through many lows!’

  Unpacking the shopping bags, she paused and turned, blushing when she saw that Heidi had clocked the toothbrush. Quickly, she shoved it deeper into her bag and pushed it to the side of the room.

  ‘Please tell me if you’d like me to go away,’ she said, her voice dropping to a whisper. ‘But I feel as though you could do with a helping hand. A bit of support. We’ve only just met, but I’ve nowhere to be and you seem as if you could use a friend. I can make myself useful. I have a hotel booked tonight, but it’s not as nice as here.’

  Tuesday gave a small, crushed laugh. Heidi’s heart contracted. She seemed to hold her breath as she waited for Heidi’s reply. Heidi worried about the fact she needed to talk more to Zoe and Scarlet, in private. But Tuesday’s expression persuaded her otherwise.

  ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘You’re welcome to stay tonight.’

  Tuesday’s shoulders visibly dropped. ‘Thank you,’ she said. ‘I didn’t want to lose you all as soon as I found you.’

  ‘Is there anyone you need to let know?’ Heidi asked.

  Tuesday’s face fell. ‘Nobody,’ she said. ‘Nobody at all. I’m all alone in the world.’

  ‘Not anymore,’ said Heidi.

  Tuesday beamed. ‘Thank you. I’m so glad I’ve met you. Do you think you can persuade Rosalind to meet me?’

  Heidi frowned. Trying to get Rosalind to do anything she didn’t really want to do was hard. She opened her mouth to say as much but was met with Tuesday’s pleading eyes.

  ‘Yes,’ she found herself saying. ‘I’m sure of it.’

  All at once she was enveloped in patchouli, pink curls and warmth.

  ‘Thank you,’ said Tuesday. ‘Thank you, thank you, thank you. Now let me make this hot chocolate. You are going to love it. It’s vegan. By the way, I’m vegan – so I was quite relieved when the chicken didn’t materialise.’

  ‘You and Scarlet both,’ said Heidi. ‘She’s vegan too. And don’t worry, there was nut roast!’

  ‘Oh that’s great!’ said Tuesday. ‘We’re all going to have fun together, aren’t we?’

  Heidi smiled, bemused, wondering if anything that had happened today could be described as ‘fun’.

  Twenty-Five

  In her swimsuit and with her hair tied in a bun, Heidi walked determinedly into the sea and dropped her shoulders under the surface. The cold water was electrifying and made her gasp. But the cold cut through the confusion she felt about Zoe’s revelation. However supportive Leo was, it was inevitable that Zoe’s life would change more than his. He might choose to walk away from having a child – but would she ever be able to? Perhaps that was a non-feminist thought. Perhaps she was being unfair to Leo. She hoped so.

  Swimming energetically, she turned her thoughts to her productive morning in the workshop. With every tack or piece of cloth that she had methodically removed from the armchair she was working on, she had felt more certain about what she had to do to help her family move forward. She had to take control. Make a plan.

  Flipping onto her back and floating in a star shape, she stared at the vast pale-blue sky and seagulls, turning over thoughts in her head. When she grew cold, she swam back to shore, wrapped herself in a thick towel and dressed quickly, thinking about Tuesday and how much she longed to meet Rosalind. Heidi knew what she had to do.

  Glancing up towards her mother’s flat, she swallowed. Rosalind could be unpredictable and maybe, after all these years, it would be too much to ask. She may well refuse. But Heidi would try.

  Half running up the beach, teeth chattering with cold, she crossed the road and buzzed the bell to Rosalind’s flat. Her mother’s voice burst through the intercom.

  ‘Have you been swimming again?’ she asked, when Heidi arrived at the door. ‘Your hair is wet. You’ll catch your death! I do worry about you. You’ve always had a reckless streak. I don’t know where you got it from. Must have been your father. Can you remember when the silly man once ran ahead when we were on a family walk and climbed a tree to surprise us by jumping out at us, only to break his ankle!’

  Heidi remembered. She had loved that about her dad – that and his devotion to making old furniture beautiful again. He had taught her everything she knew.

  ‘I remember,’ she said, following Rosalind into the flat. ‘We thought he was joking, didn’t we, when he couldn’t walk? Poor Dad. I miss him.’

  They smiled at one another.

  ‘So many people to miss,’ said Rosalind. ‘I dream about them all, the dead people. Do you?’

  Heidi nodded, taking in the folded checked blanket on the sofa, a copy of Gardener’s World magazine and a small tube of rose hand cream – a brand she had used for decades. Rosalind was dressed in a long purple dress, with stockinged feet. She had on foundation, but no other make-up.

  ‘Did you forget the rest of your make-up?’ said Heidi.

  ‘What do you mean?’ said Rosalind, looking at herself in the mirror. ‘Oh yes, I see what you’re getting at. Must h
ave got distracted. I look like I’m wearing a mask. That’s what you used to say to me when you were a child and I was putting on my make-up: “Are you putting your mask on, Mummy?” I suppose I was really.’

  ‘How’s your knee?’ Heidi asked. ‘Is it feeling better?’

  ‘Much better, thank you,’ said Rosalind. ‘Walter’s been very attentive. He’s a sweet man – poor dear has had a difficult time lately. We’ve become good pals.’

  Heidi smiled. ‘I’d like to talk to you for a minute. If you’ve got time?’

  ‘I’m planning to sort out my baking cupboard this afternoon, but I can squeeze you in,’ Rosalind joked.

  ‘Why don’t you sit down?’ Heidi replied. ‘I’ll make us some tea.’

  Out in the kitchen, as the kettle boiled, Heidi planned out what she would say. With two cups of tea placed on coasters on the table in front of them, she dropped onto the sofa next to Rosalind and gradually told her the whole story about Tuesday’s appearance and her wish to meet Rosalind. Heidi’s speech was met with stony silence. Rosalind stared directly ahead of her. The tea remained untouched, now cold and still as a quarry pond.

  ‘Mum?’ said Heidi.

  Still Rosalind said nothing.

  ‘Nod once if you’ll at least consider meeting her,’ Heidi said.

  Rosalind did not move her head. She sat rigid as a post, her arms folded on her lap, her gaze fixed on a point in the far distance out of the window. Heidi chewed the inside of her cheek but wasn’t prepared to be ignored.

  ‘Would it be so bad to meet her for half an hour?’ Heidi said. ‘Just thirty minutes of your great big long life?’

  ‘What can be achieved in half an hour?’ Rosalind said quietly. ‘You can’t bake a cake in half an hour, let alone make up for a lifetime.’

  ‘You haven’t got to make up for a lifetime,’ Heidi said gently. ‘She simply wants to meet you, to see you in person, to say hello, for you to acknowledge her.’