If You Were Mine: The Sullivans, Book 5

by Bella Andre

  She couldn’t let Lori tell her how great Zach was again.

  She couldn’t let Sophie look at her so sweetly and say they were all really hoping for a normal sister-in-law.

  She couldn’t let herself fall deeper into the quicksand that she should have been smart enough to keep out of in the first place.

  Zach had driven them here in one of the dozen cars he seemed to have in his underground garage, but a walk would do her good, would help her clear her head and figure out what the heck was wrong with her.

  Only, she already knew she could walk all day and all night for the next year and never be able to erase the picture of Zach with the baby in his arms.

  Heather loved kids enough that, despite not wanting to do it the traditional way, she had always planned to have children of her own. Not only because she wouldn’t dare risk trusting a man enough to pledge a lifetime to him, but also because she couldn’t possibly risk her children’s hearts either, the way her mother had risked hers.

  But as soon as she’d seen Zach and the baby, when she’d witnessed the complete adoration, the pure, unconditional love in his eyes...she’d stupidly wanted that dream family. With him.

  Because she’d fallen in l—

  No.

  God, no.

  Horrified by what she’d almost admitted to herself, she was startled by Zach’s strong hands on her waist, pulling her against him out on the sidewalk. Of course, her body had to betray her by instinctively curling into his heat.

  She felt his mouth in her hair, and then his kiss on the top of her head before he asked, “What’s wrong?”

  “I can’t do this.” Knowing she needed to be strong, that she should have faced him head-on rather than running, she forced herself to turn around and look him in the eye. “This thing we’re doing—” She sucked in a shaky breath to get it out. “—it’s a mistake.”

  How she wished she’d never laid eyes on the man who had turned her world completely upside down. But that was a lie, too, because she couldn’t imagine not having had these past two weeks with him.

  Still, that didn’t change the fact that she needed to get out while there was still a chance of retaining one small sliver of an unbroken heart.

  “I thought I could do this, but seeing you with the baby and the dogs and your family—it’s too much. I let myself get in too deep. I shouldn’t have been in there today with all of you.”

  “They all wanted you there, Heather. And I needed you with me.” He slid the pads of his thumbs across her cheeks to wipe her tears away. “Seeing you with the baby—” He paused, his gaze intense and filled with emotion. “You’re going to be such a beautiful mother, Heather. So damn beautiful.”

  The reverence in his words made her tears fall faster, made it even more imperative that she say, “I’m sorry. I can’t see you anymore.”

  “Why?” he demanded fiercely.

  Because I can’t keep pretending I’m not falling more in love with you with every breath you take, with every caress from your strong hands, with every sweet word from your lips.

  Instead of saying any of those things, she forced herself to shrug. “It was fun, but—”

  “Fun?” It was more growl than word. Any trace of the teasing man he often was completely disappeared as they faced each other down on an early-morning San Francisco sidewalk. “We both know it’s been a hell of a lot more than fun.”

  She couldn’t let him say anything more. Not when Zach Sullivan was hands-down the most charming, charismatic man on the planet, to the point where he actually made her father look like a rank beginner by comparison.

  And not after she’d just watched a fantasy flash before her eyes of him holding their baby one day.

  Desperate to try to save what was left of her heart, frantic to try to keep her soul from being utterly destroyed along with it, she said, “That’s why we should stop seeing each other—before either of us gets any deeper.”

  “Too late.” His eyes flashed with surprise and he stared at her in the same stunned disbelief that she’d just experienced moments before. “Holy hell, I think I’m already in love with you.”

  Her entire body tingled at his words, especially the several square inches just beneath her breastbone.

  She’d never seen Zach look less than steady on his feet. Or maybe he just looked that way because she was spinning so fast from having heard the one four-letter word she’d been certain Zach Sullivan would never, ever say.

  His emotional confession knocked the breath right out of her. Joy at his words of love warred with disgust at herself for wanting to hear him say them again, to insist that they would remain true no matter what she said or did to try and push him away.

  “We agreed,” she said just above a whisper, her throat raw, the words hoarse. “Just sex. No emotions. No falling in love.”

  Chapter Twenty-seven

  It was crazy, but the more horrified Heather was by his being in love with her, the more Zach realized his feelings weren’t going anywhere. She hadn’t tricked him into this. His falling for her had happened all on its own, despite the fact that love wasn’t supposed to be in his plans.

  His chest clenched tight at the thought of leaving both Heather and the kids he couldn’t imagine not having with her now, behind too soon. But even though he knew he should be letting her go find some guy who could really give her forever, it turned out he was just as much of a selfish bastard as he’d always been.

  Which was why even thoughts of how crushed his mother had been by his father’s sudden death couldn’t stop him from saying, “I changed my mind.”

  He slid his hand into her hair the same way he always did when they were making love. Because that’s what it had always been, right from the start.

  Not just sex, but love.

  “You changed my mind.”

  “No,” she protested in her beautiful, stubborn way. He wouldn’t want her any other way, even as she said, “You can’t change your mind about love when you don’t even believe in it, remember?”

  “I never said I didn’t believe in love,” he clarified. “I just said I wasn’t looking for it. But I didn’t know you were coming into my life. I couldn’t have known.” He looked into eyes that were so beautiful, whether lit with laughter or hazy with passion. “I meant it when I said you were mine. From the first moment I set eyes on you, I knew it. You knew it, too, Heather. That the first time we met, the first time we touched, the first time we kissed, I was yours.”

  She didn’t try to deny it this time, simply said, “I wasn’t looking for this. I don’t want this.”

  Didn’t she see how strong she was? Strong enough to make better decisions than her mother ever could have? For the millionth time he wanted to tear her father apart for the way he’d hurt his beautiful daughter. She’d been innocent, pure like Emma once...until her father had destroyed her faith.

  “I love you, Heather.”

  Love for her had been there, inside of him, all along. Seeing Heather surrounded by his family, and then with Emma, and knowing how perfectly she fit in with everyone else he loved, had just made his feelings for her all the more undeniable.

  Her beautiful face was full of so much emotion as she looked up at him, that his throat clogged just looking at her.

  “How do you always do this to me?” she whispered.

  Hope lit in him, warring with the dark knowledge that making her profess her love to him wasn’t fair. Not when he’d go and die on her too soon, just like his father had.

  Shoving the darkness away as he had a thousand times before, he whispered back, “What do I do, Heather?”

  Finally, she reached for him, putting her hand over his heart the same way she had their first night together. “You make me feel so much.”

  She wasn’t running anymore, and that should have been good enough. But it wasn’t. He wanted to hear her say she loved him, too.

  “How much?”

  “Everything.”

  Nothing could h
ave stopped him from kissing her then, and as his mouth covered hers he realized he didn’t need her to say the words after all.

  Because the love she felt for him was right there in her kiss.

  * * *

  The trip back to Zach’s house was a blur. Heather’s phone kept buzzing with reminders of meetings she needed to attend and voice mails from her assistant. Zach’s siblings texted and called to get the dirt on why the two of them had left his brother’s house so abruptly. Without even discussing it, it was clear that work, family—all of the usual things that made up their days—would have to wait.

  Only the dogs couldn’t possibly be ignored, not when they needed to be fed again and taken on a walk to the park to run off some energy. Throughout, while Heather told Kate to cancel everything for the rest of the day, and she threw Atlas’s rope and watched Cuddles tackle it with her entire body, the only thing Heather could focus on was the way Zach never let go of her hand for one second.

  And the fact that he loved her.

  Love was a word that hadn’t meant anything to her since she was seventeen. She’d been certain it could never impact her again, not after so many years of hearing her father throw it around like sparkly confetti.

  But when Zach said it, she’d felt the resonance of those four letters down so deep in her soul that her entire world shifted on its axis.

  She’d tried for so long to pretend love didn’t matter.

  It did.

  She’d tried for so long to keep that part of her cold. Untouchable.

  Zach had touched her, warmed her.

  She’d embraced being alone.

  Only to find a man without whose smiles, off-color jokes, and sensual whispers as she was coming apart in his arms, she’d be lost.

  By the time they got back to the house and Atlas plopped down on his doggy bed with Cuddles lying across him the way she loved best, Heather felt like her insides were a volcano on the verge of exploding.

  Her hand was still in his as they headed for the bedroom. Zach closed the door with a soft click that sounded like a bullet going off inside her head.

  Feeling shaky, she had to reach for him, had to wind her arms around his waist and back, knowing he’d be strong. Solid.

  She’d never let herself lean on anyone before.

  Zach caressed her cheeks, his thumbs brushing over her mouth before his fingers moved into her hair, to the spot that felt just right whenever he held her there.

  “I’ve never made love to anyone before,” she whispered, overwhelmed by what she was feeling, how strong, how unstoppable her emotions were.

  He leaned closer and his mouth hovered over hers. But instead of kissing her, he whispered across her lips, “Yes, you have. Every time we’ve touched, you’ve let me love you.” His voice was even deeper than normal, and raw with emotion. “And you’ve loved me right back.”

  His reply was utterly unexpected.

  And, amazingly, just as true.

  Just because she hadn’t wanted to let herself love him, didn’t mean she’d even come close to succeeding. From that first brush of their fingertips in the park, to the kiss she’d given him on his cheek, to passion exploding in the alley at the ballpark...no matter what she’d told herself, no matter how she’d tried to pretend none of it really mattered, every second with Zach had shifted the walls around her heart.

  Until they’d come crashing down.

  “Love me again, Zach.”

  His mouth covered hers a heartbeat later with a kiss that was so sure and warm and utterly sinful it made her toes curl in her tennis shoes. He loved her mouth the way he loved every inch of her skin—with complete possession, unbridled pleasure, and pure male satisfaction.

  His tongue slipped and slid against hers, before moving back out to run a sensual path across her lips, from one corner to the other. “So sweet.” He nibbled on the flesh of her lower lip. “So soft.” His tongue laved over the small bites, soothing her at the same time he built her arousal even higher.

  And then she was in his arms and he was carrying her over to the bed, pressing her back into the duvet as he covered her body with his. Both of them were still fully clothed, but that didn’t stop her from wrapping her legs around him and pulling him even closer.

  He deepened their kiss with a possessive growl that sent the dials on every last nerve in her body way past eleven. There was no space in their kiss for thinking, for worrying, only the sweet release of feeling herself open all the way up, inside and out.

  For Zach.

  He lifted his head to stare into her eyes. “Mine.” The word was rough, ragged from his lips. Fire burned in his gaze, hotter, more intense than her beautiful charmer had ever been before. “You’re mine.”

  Before she could tell him yes, she was his, and always had been, his mouth was stealing her breath away again and his hands were pulling at fabric, unzipping where he could, ripping when fabric didn’t come off easily enough.

  Heather loved every one of his rough demands, the same ones she was making of him as she kicked off her shoes, then yanked his shirt off and shoved his pants down with her feet.

  She’d never felt this wild, or this free, before.

  Only with Zach.

  She had to run her hands over his hard muscles, his chest and arms, his back and shoulders, to make sure it wasn’t a dream. His hands were just as greedy as they stroked over every inch of her skin, his mouth following his fingers from her ankles, then up her legs to that spot behind her kneecap that had her trembling and gasping at how sensitive it was before he moved even higher to the needy flesh between her thighs.

  Emotions crashed into her as his tongue slid over, then into her, until the combination of heart and body, mind and soul, had her release going on and on until she was begging Zach to stop with one breath, and for more the next.

  She was lost—and then, miraculously found—as he slid his mouth and hands from her to replace them with such hard heat it took what was left of her breath away.

  She was amazed by the beauty of their connection, the way her body had always recognized his as its mate every single time they’d come together, even when her head, and her heart, had wanted so desperately to remain unsure.

  His mouth covered hers again as they rocked together, their bodies slipping and sliding in a perfect rhythm of strength. And surrender.

  To love.

  * * *

  Heather’s hair spilled around them as she came over him. Even caught in his need to possess her, Zach could feel her need to possess him right back, to claim the heart he’d given her. As they shifted together so that he was lying beneath her and she was sitting up on her shins to take—and give—so sweetly, so beautifully, he could barely do anything but stare in wonder at the woman who had rocked his world so completely.

  Her hands were pressed flat on his chest, her head thrown back as she rode him, and he shifted his legs so that she could lean back against his thighs to go deeper, to fly higher. Her gasp of pleasure at the small change, and then at the feel of his hands on her breasts, her belly, between her thighs, was almost more than he could take as her body tightened around his.

  “Heather.”

  At the sound of her name, she opened her eyes to look down at him.

  “I need to hear you say it.”

  Her eyes darkened with passion. And with all the emotion she’d finally stopped holding back from him.

  “I love you.”

  They were the three most beautiful words he’d ever heard.

  “Again,” he demanded, even as he tightened his hold on her hips and slid in deeper.

  “I love you.”

  “Give me more.” He would never grow tired of hearing her say the words, of having her become one with him like this.

  “I love you.” She leaned down to kiss his mouth. “I love you,” preceded another kiss on his shoulder. “I love you,” landed on his chest along with her lips.

  Everywhere she could reach, she whispered her love for him
, then sealed it with a kiss. Throughout, their bodies were joined, moving together.

  “Don’t stop loving me,” he begged her, even though it wasn’t fair to ask her for this. “No matter what happens, promise me you won’t ever stop.”

  Her smiled wobbled at his request as she leaned down so that her breasts were pressing against his chest and her mouth was almost on his.

  “How could I stop loving you,” she said so softly he could barely hear her words over the blood rushing in his ears, “when I’ve never been able to do anything about the way you make me feel? I’ll love you forever, Zach.”

  He could hear the surrender, but also the joy, in her admission, as their passion hit its sensual crescendo. Knowing just how much the words cost her, he wanted to give her more than just another climax, more than just the pleasure he knew she’d found in his arms as she lay soft and supple over him while they both worked to catch their breath.

  He wanted to give her the same gift she’d just given him. He wanted to give her a promise of forever.

  But he couldn’t.

  All he could give her was what he felt today. Here. Now.

  “I love you,” he whispered into her ear.

  And this time, she whispered it right back.

  Chapter Twenty-eight

  Heather had never been able to sleep during the day, not even back in college after pulling all-nighters to finish a paper. But as she lay sprawled across Zach’s bare chest with early afternoon sunlight streaming over the bed, she was so physically spent that she knew she could have closed her eyes and kept them that way until the next morning.

  Of course, there was no way that was going to happen with the dogs pawing at the bedroom door.

  On a groan, Zach pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Go take a shower. I’ll go take care of the fur balls.”

  Now that she was awake and temporarily sexually sated, her worries about Zach’s reaction to the anniversary of his father’s death came right back.