Damaged and the Outlaw

by Bijou Hunter

  As they disappeared into the woods, I carried Raven the rest of the way to the truck. Soon, I had her propped up against me while I drove away from the Johansson place and towards my cabin.

  The drive took nearly an hour because the path from the main highway to my home wasn’t paved. Rough and dangerous in the dark, it required finesse to keep from hitting passing animals or fallen trees. I hadn’t been to the cabin in weeks and anything might await me. Nonetheless, this was where my gut demanded I take Raven to make her listen.

  The bumpy ride nearly woke her a few times and she stirred again when I carried her inside the cabin. Resting Raven on the couch, I turned on a few lights and checked for damage from the weather or animals. I found everything in working order then returned to the main room.

  Along a wall was a small fridge, stove, and sink. A few cabinets on the wall and not much else, my kitchen was simple. The cabin was comfortable, yet sparse. I went out there to pretend the world wasn’t waiting outside the woods to eat me alive.

  With Raven, I wanted to pretend we were safe from our pasts and only a happy future together awaited us. I needed to lie and I needed Raven to lie too. As soon as she woke up, I’d know if she was willing to lie for me.

  Based on her reaction upon waking, the answer was no.

  “You crazy fuck!” she screamed, wobbling away from me and throwing a box of tissues in my direction.

  “You look nice for your date,” I said, staying very still so she wouldn’t panic and hurt herself. “I want you to only look nice for me. I don’t think that’s crazy.”

  “You’re deranged. You kidnapped me.”

  “Abducted sounds better. You’re not a kid.”

  “Fuck you!” she screamed, holding onto a table. Seeing the lamp, she yanked it free from the wall and held it like a weapon. “Take me home!”

  “We need to talk, Raven.”

  “About your crazy damn brain? No thanks.”

  “I’m not going to hurt you. Put the lamp down.”

  We both knew telling her to do something meant she was less likely to do it. In fact, she lifted the lamp higher and eyed me as if evalutating the best place to nail me with it.

  “I heard you crying in the shower,” I said, sitting down in a chair and watching her.

  “I was crying because I’m horny. Nothing more than that. If you had backed off, I could have gotten laid and no more tears.”

  “Who is he?” I growled, losing my temper despite my best effort to be calm.

  “Why? So you can hunt him down and kick his ass? I’m not going to be with a crazy fuck, so beating up a guy won’t make any difference.”

  “Just tell me who he is? An old boyfriend? Someone you met while we were together?”

  “Are you calling me a cheating whore because I’ll crush your skull just for that?”

  Leaning forward, I rested my elbows on my knees and sighed. “Raven, just tell me.”

  A few minutes passed as she fought to keep her footing, but I could see she was dizzy. Finally, she looked at the front door as if planning to make a run for it.

  “I was going out with Lark and Aaron. We were seeing a movie, you stupid fuck.”

  “Why didn’t you just say that on the phone?”

  Raven’s gaze met mine and I thought she might cry. Yet, her tears would be a result of rage, not sadness.

  “You drugged me, Vaughn.”

  “I know. I wanted you to talk to me and you wouldn’t.”

  “This isn’t how normal people behave, you freak.”

  “We’re not normal people,” I said, studying her. “It’s a heavy lamp. You might want to put it down before holding it wears you out.”

  “Stop telling me what to do.”

  “Raven, I love you.”

  “I don’t care.”

  Arms tired, she relented and set the lamp back down. Instead, she clenched her hands into fists.

  “I’m leaving.”

  “You can’t.”

  “I’ll take your keys and kick your ass and I’ll leave. Sounds easy.”

  Grinning, I leaned back in the chair. “I love when you get feisty. Even if you got my keys and kicked my ass…”

  “If?” she interrupted, lifting a brow.

  “The road is tricky at night. Even for me and I know the way. You’d likely crash out in the dark and be stuck until the morning.”

  Studying me, Raven realized I was telling the truth. “I hate you.”

  “You love me though. It evens out.”

  “What about Lark? Does she know what happened because she could be worried and she’s fragile right now?”

  “Call her.”

  “You grabbed me before I took my phone.”

  “Use mine,” I said, gesturing towards the front table. “Once you tell her that you’re okay, we’ll talk. Tomorrow, I’ll take you home.”

  “I’m not fucking you tonight,” she said, going for the phone. “I’m never fucking you again. Unless you just plan to force me.”

  Frowning, I hated the look on her face. She wasn’t playing around. Raven was genuinely scared of me. For the first time, I wondered if drugging and forcing her to the cabin was a bad idea. Was it too fucking crazy even for me?

  “How would you feel if I was fucking another chick? I asked, needing Raven to show she cared.

  “Not my problem who you fuck.”

  “Look me in the eyes and say you wouldn’t care.”

  Raven walked over to where I sat, leaned forward, and stared into my eyes. “I wouldn’t care if you fucked my roller derby team and posted the video on the Internet.”

  “You’re lying,” I said, wanting to kiss her snarling lips.

  Raven stepped back. “Yeah, but I look into your eyes and lied.”

  “I love you.”

  “You already said that. You can stop now.”

  “No,” I muttered, crossing my arms. “I wanted to say it before and held back. I’m not holding back anymore.”

  “You’ll say it too much and it’ll lose its power,” she said, texting Lark. “You’ll ruin the word.”

  I waited until she finished with my phone. Once her attention was fully on me, I held her gaze and Raven didn’t look away.

  “We can’t ruin that word. Maybe some fucks in your past ruined the word because it meant something else to them. For me, love means freedom and home. It seems I’m not lost anymore. I can say it a million times and it will always mean I’ve found somewhere I belong and that’s with you.”

  Raven reached for the couch and I sensed she woke too fast and frenzied.

  “Maybe you should sit down. I drugged you.”

  “I was there, Vaughn.”

  “I saw you leave your sister’s. When you said you were going on a date, I just panicked.”

  “You keep chloroform around for these occasions?” she asked, sitting on the couch away from me.

  “Actually, yes. Sometimes, I need to go into a situation soft and that’s my version of soft with assholes. With you, it was something else.”

  “I can’t believe you did that.”

  “I can’t have you fuck another guy. It would kill me and I’d have to kill him. Fact of life.”

  “It’s been a day, Vaughn. If you gave it more time, you might stop loving me. You’d get over it.”

  Frowning, I joined her on the couch. “You dated some lame fuckers if you think you can just get over love.”

  “I got over it. I loved those lame fuckers and now I don’t.”

  “Did you love them like you love me?”

  Raven refused to look at me and that was enough of an answer.

  “I’m special, cookie. Best for you to just accept that.”

  Smiling despite her best efforts, she shook her head. “You’re nuts.”

  “You like my crazy though.”

  Raven avoided my gaze, but I noticed the corner of her mouth lift.

  “We can’t work,” she said, her voice losing its heat. “I have bad luck with
men.”

  “I’m not men. I’m the stud you love.”

  Grinning, she covered her mouth and shook her head again. “Stop. It’s not funny. You grabbed me like a mad man.”

  “Yeah. We’ll want to leave that part out when we tell stories to our kids one day.”

  Raven glanced at me and the humor in her expression was gone. “You’re going to die. There’ll be no kids.”

  “We don’t know what’s going to happen.”

  “I can’t take the chance.”

  “You’re brave enough to give us a chance.”

  “You don’t understand,” she said, suddenly panicked.

  “Help me understand.”

  “It hurt,” she whimpered. “When Dex dumped me, it hurt. When Vic dumped me, it hurt. They were losers. I didn’t even like them at the end. They were nothing, but it still hurt. How will I survive losing you? How will I breathe?”

  “I’m never letting you go,” I said, kneeling on the floor in front of her. “That’s what the chloroform was about.”

  “They’re going to kill you,” she said in a child’s voice. “You’re going to die like Phoenix and I can’t survive that.”

  “My job is dangerous. Judd and Tawny make it work.”

  “No,” she whimpered, cupping my face. “That’s how you could die. That’s a maybe like how people can die in car accidents. People talk like you will die. There’s no if, only how soon. I can’t…”

  Breathing too fast, Raven tried to squirm away, but I kept her pinned. I saw now how she’d never faced her pain. The oldest child in a family with a shitty mother and revolving fathers, Raven hid from her loss and fear. She wanted to hide now, but it was too late.

  “I love you,” I whispered. “The moment I saw you, I wanted you. The moment you gave me shit, I wanted you more. Every time we fucked or laughed made me want you more. I lied to myself about us. I tried to be sane about what I could have with you. We’re not fuck buddies or friends with benefits or biding our time until someone else comes along. We’re real and I don’t just want you anymore. I need you in my life if I want to get up in the morning. No other man can have you. No one is taking you from me. You’re mine and I’m keeping you. I don’t care if that seems crazy or stupid. It’s too late to lie anymore.”

  “Maybe I could go to Tucson and…”

  “No…”

  “Wait, they wouldn’t expect me and I heard that the top guys in the Devils aren’t easy to replace. I could kill them and you’d be safe.”

  Her expression broke my heart. “And what if they hurt you?”

  “I can’t let you die.”

  “And if you died, I’d have no reason to live. You’d save me only so I could wish to die.”

  Raven stared exhausted at me. “I need to lie because the truth is too much. I can’t be strong thinking you’ll die. Please, let me try to kill them.”

  Despite how ridiculous the idea was, I never loved Raven more than when she begged me to let her kill my enemies. She just wanted to be my heroine even if it meant spilling blood including hers.

  “Sugar, you can’t kill them. Executing people isn’t something your heart would allow.”

  “You don’t know. To save someone I love, I could do anything.”

  “And you love me?”

  Raven looked away. “I feel like something bad is coming. Like a black cloud is hanging over us. We shouldn’t tempt fate.”

  “By saying we love each other?”

  Raven nodded. “I tempted fate the day Phoenix died. I thought about how good our life was and nothing could make me feel different. I liked our house and our stupid stepdad and I was happy. Nothing bad would happen to take it away then he died and it all went away. I jinxed my family and Phoenix died.”

  “You know that’s not your fault.”

  “Logically, it was my stupid stepdad’s fault, but you can jinx yourself. You can make bad things happen by wishing too much for good things.”

  Studying Raven, I realized she was really out of it. The chloroform had done a number on her. Fatigue and panic broke her down until she was a superstitious child afraid to look under the bed.

  “You don’t need to say it,” I told her, helping Raven to her feet. “We’ll rest and…”

  “I’m not fucking you,” she said, pushing me away. “What you did by bringing me here was crazy. I’m not rewarding that bullshit.”

  “Thanks for the life lesson, mom,” I teased, nudging her towards the bedroom. “We’ll sleep and talk in the morning”

  “Is it safe here in the woods?”

  “Yes.”

  “What if something attacks?”

  “Like what?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “I have more guns here than at my apartment. If something attacks, we’ll shoot it and go back to sleep.”

  Raven smiled slightly. “You’re strong, Vaughn. You can survive.”

  “I will survive. Nothing is taking me away from you.”

  “Shh…” she hissed. “You’ll jinx it.”

  “Okay, baby.”

  Raven stripped down to her panties and tee then crawled into bed. She glanced back at me and made clear no fucking was occurring. I just smiled as I removed every stitch of my clothes. I slept naked and her life lesson wasn’t changing this fact.

  Raven cuddled next to me. “I missed you.”

  “I missed you too. I spent all day thinking about you.”

  “Were you naked?”

  “Yeah, mostly.”

  Eyes closed, Raven grinned. “If you’re not tired, you don’t have to stay with me.”

  “I didn’t sleep well last night. I was too busy missing you.”

  Raven laughed then held onto me tightly. “I feel weird.”

  “I’m sorry I drugged you. I really thought you were going out with a guy.”

  “Yeah, then it would have totally been okay.”

  “Tell me you wouldn’t be jealous.”

  “Psycho jealous, but I’d stay away. I want to protect you.”

  “You’re not a jinx, tulip. Since I’ve met you, things have been better. Loving you is a gift, not a curse,” I said then added quietly, “I wish you’d say you loved me. I’m feeling insecure.”

  Raven brushed her lips against mine then glared down at me. “Asshole. No way are you insecure.”

  “True, but I want to hear it. I’ve tossed my balls into your damn purse. I just want to know you’ll take good care of them.”

  Giving me a little smile, Raven caressed my cheek. “Promise me nothing bad will happen if I say it.”

  “I promise, kiwi. If anything bad happens, it’ll be because of what I did years ago.”

  “You were a hero and don’t call me kiwi. Dex used to call me Kiki.”

  “Why?”

  “I have no clue. He smoked a lot of pot. Likely killed too many brain cells.”

  “No more kiwi then.”

  Raven studied me in the darkness and I loved those eyes. They were wise and innocent at the same time. They were the eyes of the woman I loved, but she was still afraid.

  “I love you,” she whispered then looked around like the house might fall on us.

  “Those words are like music.”

  “I’d rather die than have something bad happen to you. I mean that.”

  “I feel the same way about you, rosebud.”

  “No sex,” she muttered, removing my hands from her butt.

  “You want to punish me. Well, what’s more of a punishment than caressing your sweet ass and knowing I can’t spend any time inside you.”

  “Oh, in that case,” she said, returning my hands to her warm skin. “Suffer, bitch.”

  “I am sorry I drugged you.”

  “No, you’re not.”

  “Well, I am now that I know you weren’t going on a date. Had I known you were still wrapped around my finger, I totally would have handled things different.”

  “I’m going to sleep now.”

  �
��I’ll be here when you wake up.”

  “Promise,” she whispered and I heard real fear in her voice.

  “I promise, Raven. Nothing is taking me away from you.”

  Her breathing shifted and slowed as sleep took her. While I was tired, rest didn’t come quickly. The last twenty four hours, I thought of nothing besides making Raven admit what I knew. We belonged together.

  Chapter Twenty One – Raven

  Waking up next to Vaughn felt like heaven, even if the reason I was at the cabin was insane. I couldn’t believe he had drugged me. Or maybe I could. Vaughn lived in his own world and apparently his behavior made sense to him.

  I put aside his crazy and focused on how he loved me. I loved him too. If only it were that simple, we could be happy. Even for average people, nothing was simple and Vaughn wasn’t average. Despite my fears, in my heart, I knew he was mine.

  Getting up, I dressed in my running shorts and tee before walking to the kitchen. I dug around in the drawers until I found coffee grounds. Soon, the coffee was brewing and I was fixing the lamp I’d yanked from the wall the night before.

  Vaughn appeared as I poured us coffees. His expression was unreadable, but I knew he was waiting to see my reaction.

  “Don’t be afraid,” I said as he remained stuck at the doorway. “I can’t kill you since I don‘t know the way home.”

  Grinning, he walked over and took his cup of coffee. “I love you. Nothing changed from a good night’s sleep.”

  “I’m still afraid. So no, nothing’s changed.”

  Vaughn leaned back against the counter and studied me. “You hungry?”

  “No. Can we sit outside and drink our coffee?”

  He reached for my hand and I let him take it. Even if I wanted to be angry, he looked vulnerable. I didn’t have the heart to kick him when he needed me to hold him.

  The front of the cabin had a porch with five large steps leading to what I assumed was the yard. The cabin was stuck in the middle of the woods. Around us, large trees hovered and I liked how quiet it felt. Only the birds chirped and bugs sang.

  “Are you feeling okay?” he asked, pushing my hair behind my ear.

  “Yeah. No aftereffects from being abducted by a sexy nutjob.”

  “I don’t have a lot in my life that I can’t stand to lose. I thought I was losing you and freaked out. Some chicks might find that romantic.”